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Legal matters

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Original poster

ExH wants DD phone back with all the information including messages, emails and WhatsApp access. Can he ask for this?

224 replies

hereagain99 · 11/01/2022 22:19

I need help with the legal side of who owns the information that a mobile phone contains. ExH refused to pick DD up from her holiday with us. He has email me saying that DD lives with me from now on. This is a different subject but I think it is important for a bit of background.

DD has a phone contract that her dad pays, tonight he has called and said that as DD isn't using her phone anymore, contract is on his name and he pays for it, he expects the phone to go back to him with all the data, as he has called it, intact so he can have access to her email, messages, contact numbers and WhatsApp messages. He also expects access to any social media that she has.

My understanding is that all the information he is requesting is personal and that he should not have access to it. His argument is that as he pays for the phone contract and it is on his name, becayse DD is a minor, everything belongs to him and he expects me to send him the phone with access to everything.

Is this correct? Any advice much appreciated. Thank you.

OP posts:
TokyoDreaming · 12/01/2022 10:28

I'm horrified by the number of people advising OP to wipe the phone with no understanding of the legal ramifications.

Haveyoubrushedyourteethtoday · 12/01/2022 10:30

What a terrible shame you dropped it into that bucket of water. :-(

Wreath21 · 12/01/2022 10:30

The main thing, OP, is that this man can fuck off and you do not have to obey him. That's what's important - he can tantrum all he wants but you and DD don't have to take any notice.
Though I agree with PP that it is worth letting the authorities already involved in the matter know about the phone and his request, and see what they advise.

Nowayoutonlydown · 12/01/2022 10:31

"Dear ex husband,
I appreciate that you want this phone back, as much as it seems like a clear punishment to DD for you having parented inadequately to the point of SS involvement.
Considering the above and the firm request that you see all data from her phone, email and Social media accounts, I have weighed up that you have decided to withdraw your responsibilities as a parent, rather than work on your inadequacies, I deem that your only requirement for access to this data is to quench your requirement for control in this situation.
I will not be enabling this. You can have the phone back, but you will receive it back after I have reset it to the factory settings.
DDs new phone provided by me has adequate safety locks, and will be monitored to keep her safe."

He sounds like a controlling tosser.

MumW · 12/01/2022 10:32

Hope you manage to break free of this arsehole very soon.
Good luck. Flowers

FortunesFave · 12/01/2022 10:37

@TokyoDreaming

I'm horrified by the number of people advising OP to wipe the phone with no understanding of the legal ramifications.
What legal ramifications? Do expand?
Lennybenny · 12/01/2022 10:38

Back it up. Reset passwords to random ones he couldn't guess. Then reset and give back. Just make sure anything stored on a Cloud has a different password now and if the old and new phone is linked to Google/Samsung/Apple etc, make sure those accounts have also had the passwords changed.

NoCureForLove · 12/01/2022 10:40

The OP did not make clear at the start any safeguarding etc issues. Of course any potentially important dara should not be destroyed. That's not the same as providing it all to the father.

Nowayoutonlydown · 12/01/2022 10:41

If SS have been involved, you may get their or the polices advice to wipe the phone any way.
Obviously we don't know, but you do- the nature of the safeguarding concerns.
If he has access to her social media, emails etc is there information that he could gather which would cause harm?

Armed with the schools concerns, social services concerns, what you know of him, can you potentially argue that he will cause harm by having access to this information?

Fucking strange that he wants it all to be honest. I check DD 14s phone every so often so I know she's keeping herself safe online, but to want to continuously access her data would be a bit too much of an imposition on her privacy.

If she isn't living with him, there's no reason he would need access to all her data because he's not using it to keep her safe...why would he want us, if not for control?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 12/01/2022 10:41

Don't wipe the phone. He wants to delete something on there so he's either getting you to do it or he'll do it himself.

If you have a lawyer, speak to your lawyer. Speak to SS, everyone involved in this case.

notacooldad · 12/01/2022 10:41

I'm horrified by the number of people advising OP to wipe the phone with no understanding of the legal ramifications
Why? The daughter is allowed privacy. The husband would have given her the phone clear, with no messages on, he gets it back the same way.

I'm not understanding the legal implications.

Could you explain please.
Not being snarky I didnt
there were know any.

TokyoDreaming · 12/01/2022 10:44

@notacooldad

I'm horrified by the number of people advising OP to wipe the phone with no understanding of the legal ramifications Why? The daughter is allowed privacy. The husband would have given her the phone clear, with no messages on, he gets it back the same way.

I'm not understanding the legal implications.

Could you explain please.
Not being snarky I didnt
there were know any.

Read the full thread, there are potential safeguarding incidents that the OP has glossed over and which the husband may want to hide.
Bollindger · 12/01/2022 10:44

Why are you giving this man what he wants?
Repeat, turn off internet, turn off mobile data. Take the SIM out. Let the phone die.
Leave it in your room. Forget about it. Tell him you can't find the phone.
He can do nothing. He is responsible for this phone.
Then if ever needed you still have the phone.
"Sorry, ex can't find the phone,"
Do not use the word lost.

BigotSpigot · 12/01/2022 10:44

Do not wipe the phone, theirs obviously something in there that is a concern for him, messages between him and dd that may effect a court case?? Talk to dd and look at any conversation on the phone between them, if you find anything tell him he can’t have the phone back as it’s being used as evidence against him. Only wipe the phone if you are sure there’s nothing on there that may help your case this is very good advice from Lovemusic33.

Be very careful that you don't delete anything that you might need at any point in the future for any court case... or give him anything that he might try and use against you or your daughter.

I would absolutely make sure that the backup had worked and all the data was on the new phone before I reset the original one (and possibly washed it in the washing machine...). I would also make sure I saved that back up securely somewhere else and took screen grabs of anything that might be important.

IncompleteSenten · 12/01/2022 10:45

@notacooldad

I'm horrified by the number of people advising OP to wipe the phone with no understanding of the legal ramifications Why? The daughter is allowed privacy. The husband would have given her the phone clear, with no messages on, he gets it back the same way.

I'm not understanding the legal implications.

Could you explain please.
Not being snarky I didnt
there were know any.

There is a safeguarding issue being investigated. There may be evidence contained on or recoverable from this phone that is relevent
Staryflight445 · 12/01/2022 10:58

He has every right to ask for the phone and sim back but he doesn’t have any right to any data on the device.

Definitely speak to SS about checking through said phone though incase there’s anything incriminating on it before you attempt to wipe the data.

Rockbottom2910 · 12/01/2022 11:00

Technically if he pays the contract he could ask
For the actual phone back BUT morally it's totally wrong and childish of him. Also, checking what is on her phone is wrong too, all the data on it is hers.

If he wants it back, just clear the phone. Test it to factory settings, then drop it onto a hard surface. Put it through the wash or accidentally drop it into the toilet...

Then get another for her if you can.

He'll be paying a contract for an unused phone.

Bollindger · 12/01/2022 11:06

How old is this contract. Most are 24 months.
So he gave DD the phone. As a gift.
If the contract is finished . She owns the phone. Remember he gave it to her, not to you. He would have to sue her . Won't happen.
Tell him , he can cancel the contract.
Tell him, you can't find the phone.
It is a control issue, plus he wants to snoop. Do not allow this, do not give back the phone, just in case there is anything he can use on the phone.
Your in a court case against him. Do not delete something you might need as evidence . Did he make some remark to your DD via the phone, that he knows about. POWER down the phone and store it just in case.

Catswhisky · 12/01/2022 11:06

OP although you posted in legal this has been on trending all night so most people answering have no legal knowledge.

I would speak to social services or whoever is involved in your case.

Sounds like you’re going through a horrible time, take care of yourself.

MeredithMae · 12/01/2022 11:09

@Brenna24

Whoops. It is a shame that you reset it back to factory settings when you bought her a new phone. Had you known earlier then you could have discussed it. Wink
Grin perfect
Bollindger · 12/01/2022 11:11

Just reread your posts.
THE SCHOOL REPORTED HIM.
Evidence is on the phone, he intends to use to get contact back with your DD.
YOU need that phone.
Do not wipe the phone. URGENT. keep it safe.

BringBackCoffeeCreams · 12/01/2022 11:17

He really wants that phone. And he really wants you to wipe it before you give it to him. Tell him you've looked for it but can't find it and hold onto it until you know why it's so important to him.

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 12/01/2022 11:18

Take a copy of all the data, help DD to change all passwords. Talk to DD about what might be on the phone that he wants and follow up with social services. Check carefully with her if there is anything she needs to hide (you are being cagey, but if she was involved in a crime herself), rather than anything she just wants to hide (messages with friends), or if it is evidence about him. The phone has evidence of locations and timings linked to photos, messages etc, until you know what exactly is on there you need to be careful to protect your DD and not him. You should not wipe it until the end of any potential criminal investigation.

SocialConnection · 12/01/2022 11:27

1/ What's he trying to hide?

Don't wipe it or give it back - there may be evidence on it.

You need expert advice.

See a solicitor and social services.

2/ What's he trying to get?

She's a young girl with young girl friends.

There may be pictures, phone numbers, social media links, addresses etc that he would like to have.

GDPR and their safeguarding may be an issue.

3/ What's he trying to control?

He's washed his hands of all responsibility - AND also trying to take the one means of controlling a teen.

Don't give it back.

Don't delete anything.

Seek expert help.

Calennig · 12/01/2022 11:30

You need to speak with your caseworker at social services or even your lawyer if you have one regarding this matter for advice

This.

Normally wiping phone and returning would be path of least resistance but here there are more concerns - so take proper advice and in the meantime ignore messages from him and don't respond or do anything till SS or solicitor have spoken with you.

Though DD having a different phone and changing passwords on everything is fine.