Social services involvement ?

[Cari4]

Hi I'm stuck as where to go for help. I have a partner who is in prison for a domestic violence offence and he's been there for the last 4 years. I know he will have social services involved due to his offence but will social services need to tell her father of my children and school? He is going to be attending relationship groups and is attending rehab for his past alcohol issues. Please can someone help me with some advice.

it's horrifying to him what he did and he is open about how much it tortures him daily.

Words are cheap. Find out what he really did. Check out newspaper reports, google him, go to the police and ask for a Clare's Law enquire.

it has been me that has been pursuing this relationship
Why? Why are you drawn to him? What makes you think he will be a good partner? What do you like about him?

Op, I suggest you do the Freedom Programme so you can raise your boundaries for future relationships.

This guy has been violent before, and he must have done something awful to his ex to get this sentence. Why would you believe him? It's nice that you want to think well of him, but your first loyalty is to your dc.

I'm so glad to read your update OP.

It can be tough when your upbringing and history have distorted your idea of normal and acceptable.

Please look at getting some counselling or therapy to address the reason you wanted to pursue a relationship with an abusive man whom has struggled with addiction issues and is currently serving a significant prison sentence.

A PP mentioned the freedom programme, please look into this as well as therapy/counselling.

You've had a lot of judgement on this thread and the fact that you've come back shows how strong you can be.

I hope you have to strength to continue to make the best choices for you and your children.

He might just be wanting a relationship so he has nice accomodation. Pls be careful op. I work with dv offenders, your relationship may be under scrutiny by the Probation officer too. Be prepared for home visits by the services

If he comes out on licence his accommodation will need to be pre-approved by his Probation Officer. There is no way this gent will be moving in with the OP.

He's going to rehab done courses on counselling had private counselling and is 4 years sober
But he's been in prison for all those four years OP. How do you know that when released, having to cope with all that's entailed in living an independent life, eg getting and holding onto a job, getting and keeping a home, generally dealing with dealing with being out in an open society, that he won't backslide and be a threat again?

I just want to believe people can change :
Are you really willing to take that risk for children though?Fair enough on your own behalf (though I still wouldn't because I'd always be wondering if I'd do anything to trigger a bad reaction from him, be fearful if he raised his voice if it would escalate to more violent behaviour).

You are obviously concerned that your children's father and SS will get to know and intervene on your children's behalf. What does that tell you about the actions you need to take next?

I really hope that he is making positive changes to his life but there will always be that huge blot of violence in his life. It will always be there in your mind. Can you (or he himself) be sure he will NEVER drink again and, possibly, lose control over his actions to the detriment, not only of himself but, more importantly, if anyone close to him?

I'm going to let him know the possibility of a relationship outside has gone.
I'm sorry @Cari4 But this really is the right decision. Now please, stay strong, and keep those boundaries high. Stay safe. 🌹

Dont get involved they never change. Yoir being drawn in for a bad time to be blunt. Ss will get involved with your children guaranteed if you carry on with this violent man