Social services involvement ?

[Cari4]

Hi I'm stuck as where to go for help. I have a partner who is in prison for a domestic violence offence and he's been there for the last 4 years. I know he will have social services involved due to his offence but will social services need to tell her father of my children and school? He is going to be attending relationship groups and is attending rehab for his past alcohol issues. Please can someone help me with some advice.

If you continue this "relationship" , after his release you will eventually end up losing your children and probably get a taste of exactly why he went to prison in the first place.
You need to take of the rose tinted glasses here and see sense. You cannot save this guy and you cannot change him. Best case scenario is that he is just using you while he is bored in prison and that when he gets out he will have no more use of you.

If he's served four years then his sentence must have been at least 8 years as they're usually allowed out half way through. You'd have to have nearly killed someone to get that long.

How often have you seen him over the past year, op? An hour a week? An hour a month? You don't have a relationship in any real sense of the word, how could you?

Not a thing that has been said here is going to make the slightest bit of difference to you. You sound like the the type of idiot that needs a man no matter what. Do you DC a favour & let them live with their father or someone who actually puts them first.

Oh & that's my first ever after years on MN.

I have had a bad family upbringing and unstable relationships. But my children are safe and happy and I've never had any previous involvement with social services. I just want to believe people can change :( I haven't had the answer I was hoping for and I am going to think about my situation and speak to him about it. He's very open about the fact he doesn't know why I am with him

Please get counselling for your own upbringing. This is a huge red flag. You are much more vulnerable to people like this man.
You absolutely should not be in any relationship while you are making poor decisions like this.

Bullet point it:

• Your relationship began with him in prison. You keep him going and give him the view that he will have a ready made home to come out to.

-He will always be a recovering alcoholic. -He will always be in recovery for his violent tendencies.

• He Is in prison for domestic violence. Don't you realise how massive this is?

Social services will become involved and from how naive you sound, they will be extremely concerned.

I sound so harsh but OP my friend did something similar. The ending was not happy.

On a very basic level social services work in a multi agency way.
So if there are serious concerns then yes healthcare workers and schools would be involved as well as both parents.

You said he was 4 years sober
The 4 years he's been in prison with no access to alcohol is that?
When he inevitably starts to drink again the risk will escalate

Maybe he does deserve a chance
When he's done a year sober out of prison with no offending and can tell you what he did (full disclosure of the court papers no minimising) why he did it and why he'll never do it again that's the day you might be OK to go on a date with him.

But even then why take a chance with your own and your DC safety?
Why are you the one that has to give him this chance?

I can't put this thread out of my mind. Op please absorb this x

I haven't RTFT & no way do I understand how you can be dating him if he's been in prison for 4 years and only just split up with the partner whom he assaulted (and is in prison because of his actions) 1 year ago but I will say this, forget the penis, forget everything he may have said on your visits, put those children first, every single time.
They do not need a violent man in their lives.

If you carry on with this violent man then be prepared to pose your children.
You will deserve it
They deserve to be a country mile ahead of this no hoper.

To lose

I am in court at the moment fighting my damn hardest to make sure mine and my son's abuser never, ever gets access to him again. I am terrified he will be given access to our son and destroy him like he did me. I don't know how anyone can rest easy having their kids anywhere near a violent domestic abuser.

Advice about moving forward? It’s simple really, if you don’t give a shit about the safety and emotional well-being of your children then crack on with your ‘relationship’ but don’t be surprised when children’s services advise that they be removed from your care because you are incapable of prioritising their needs above your own and those of your new ‘partner’

I’m a social worker and yes from what you have described would lead to longer term social work involvement. The childrens father will be informed as he has PR just like you (presumably) and as other have said school GP health visitors etc are also informed.

As others have said if he has served four years already thats half his sentence, so the terms of his license will more than likely involve probation needing to be informed of any new or emerging relationships. Is this his idea to take it slow? As this happens often whereby perpetrators convince women its not quite a relationships so they aren’t breaching so keeps it hidden from probation.

Please do a Claires Law request and read up about Clare Wood to understand the reason for it, as what new partners tell you is likely to be a grain of the actual truth and offending history. He of course wont tell you everything as you’d run a mile. The ‘one off’ offence anyway will have been very serious. Id be interested to know what he has said to you about the events of the crime. It already sounds like he is not taking accountability and blaming substance issues. There are plenty of people with substance issues who dont turn violent, likewise this is not a one off out of character behaviour he has demonstrated violence in a number of situations.

I hope SS DO become involved- someone needs to keep your children safe since you clearly don't want to. I really hope you change your mind about this.

Honestly this is all so fucking stupid. It's like something out of a movie where the woman is charmed and love bombed in to a relationship with her abusive prison pen pal and they all end up abused or dead at the end.

@QWeRTY12340 yes exactly x

Seriously, he’s been sober because he’s in jail. He’s clearly a violent fuckwit and did something terrible to his ex. Why are you going there?

Why are you even considering it?

Honestly op try to meet a man another way. Or stay single.

I hope ocular services are involved. You would be very stupid to continue a relationship with this man. You need educating and your children need protecting.

*social services

Do you have any idea when he is likely to be released from prison?

Are there any newspaper reports which talk about exactly what he did? The chances are he has not told you the full truth about what he did.

@Bluntness100 I work in prisons and would bet money on him not being sober.

Also if he has attempted to start a relationship with you he is flatly ignoring the advice he is being given whilst he's completing building better relationships

Please just don’t. Be single but don’t put any of you and your kids through this.