how many is too many?

[oneinamillieon]

i have seven which i think is just the right amount but i have heard people say it's too many. thoughts?

Far too many.

I have 2 and am so done - I love motherhood, it's the best but also absolutely exhausting. Could never have a third so personally struggle to comprehend 7. It must be impossible to nurture their education.

Dh was 1 of 4 and while he loves his siblings don't get me wrong, he did struggle with the craziness/ noise etc as a child. He was the eldest and had to grow up fast.

4 is about ok if you can afford them, that’s my opinion, but no more

There is a mum at my son's primary school with 6 and she's a lovely lady but they are late literally every single morning without fail and it's such a shame for the children.

I was 1 of 6 and feel that was too many. My mum was run ragged and money was always tight. I barely knew my older siblings as they were 10 + years older. And tbh I'm not sure how well my mum knew us. I feel sorry for my mum looking back, I don't think the domestic drudgery suited her.
I have 2. Couldn't imagine any more.

I think kids from larger families do often resent it. They always have people around and little space or time for themselves at formative years from what I've gathered. There's usually expectation for them to help out a lot at a young age and be very responsible if they are on the older side of the group. On the flip side I doubt they ever get bored!

3 is too many.

Two people should be seeking only to replace themselves to stabilize the worlds population

More than 2 is a selfish drain on the worlds resources.

The uni bit would worry me. I hoped mine wouldn't all go to uni but looks like they will. The loan amount doesn't take siblings into account. And now it looks like we will have to help them out into their twenties. Also environmentally more than replacing yourselves is pretty shit.

We have 6. MIL had 2. GrannyIL had 14. BIL has 1. SIL has 5.

Everyone's 'too many' is different.

Of my elder 3 at uni one wants 5/6 kids, one doesn't want any and one wants 3. So again, all different.

Depends on what kind of day I’m having with the kids I’ve already got!

I agree with this.

I don’t know how you can give quality time to 7 children, and I certainly don’t think older children should be roped into helping out with them.

We only had one, who is now at university. I think of the amount of time we were able to devote to him, which certainly wouldn’t have been possible with 7. Bedtime was when we could spend time reading and chatting about our days and when he might need to talk about anything he was worried about etc. I’m assuming bedtime with 7 in the house would be more a matter of military organisation rather than a time you could have a relaxed chat.

DS did clubs which we were also able to help out with but we all also had time to do our own things. Again not sure how that works with 7

I certainly don’t think older children should be roped into helping out with them.

It never takes long after any mention of a big family for this lazy assumption to crop up.

I have 2. DD12 is both gifted and autistic which takes up a lot of time and money. DS3 we waited a long time to have him so he could have the attention he needs, now DD requires less of our time.

I would have said 5 is too many before having children but having had children I would say it totally depends on the children you have.

I couldn't have anymore I don't have the time or money so for me personally 3 would be too many.

The difficulty of course is that what you think is too many and what each of those children think is too many might be wildly different.

And whilst it’s one thing to ignore the opinion of randomers on the internet. That does not cut it for those directly involved.

As one at the tail end of seven, what I’d like to ask my mother would start with “what the fuck were you thinking?” and proceed down hill from there. She certainly would be disabused of attaching any self worth to her fecundity. At some level, being so oblivious that you would ask the question demonstrates who is paying for you to be feeling in a position to ask.

@YetMoreNewBeginnings

I certainly don’t think older children should be roped into helping out with them.

It never takes long after any mention of a big family for this lazy assumption to crop up.

Because it happens in a lot of families? My eldest sister was expected to help out a lot (6 children) and as a result she is a bossy boots who annoys the crap out of me thinking she can tell me what to do and I should be jumping up and doing it.

But I'm the youngest by a fair margin - the rest of my siblings remember her looking after them so do as she says out of habit, whereas I don't remember it and am far more likely to tell her to sod off rather than do what she instructs me to.

My DM was actually gushing over how wonderful a particular large family was with the eldest helping out so much with the younger children and was shocked to the core that I found it horrific rather than wonderful.

Now that I am a single parent, 2 is a struggle, particularly getting them to sporting activities. I think if your DC do extracurricular activities having more than 2 is a struggle.

Getting them to away games on weekends etc.

Well there's not much you can do about that now?!

Well, 7 would be too many for me, because it wouldn't be possible to have the kind of relationship that I want to have with my dc if there were 7 of them. There wouldn't be enough hours in the day, and I wouldn't have the energy. Also wouldn't have the financial resources that would enable me to provide the kind of opportunities that I want for my dc.

However, it might not be too many for you because you might be content with a different type of relationship with your dc because you choose to prioritise other aspects of family life that are important to you.

As for whether it is "too many" from the perspective of your kids, I couldn't possibly say. Maybe they're happy with it, maybe they're not. There are so many other variables which feed into that question, and every family will be different.

My close friend is 5th of 6 siblings. Money was tight but they weren’t in poverty. While the older 4 were nice to her, they had left home by the time she started school. She remembers the house being busy when she was little, and her older sibs having to do a lot around the house. She’s very happy with 1 child!

I have 5 so for me 6 would be to many.

Yes, that's too many. See if you can get a refund.

Because life is a hell of a lot easier with that paper!

In a modern times, yes! that’s a lot of children! Please tell me you are homesteaders at least??? How do you live? Do your children have enough to eat? Do your children have their own space? I follow a woman on insta that has 11 children 13-10mons and it looks like abuse to me. Fuxking wild. All the children work on the farm, and they wee and poo in an outhouse, which they have to trek through snow in the winter to get to… looks like utter shit. I follow her because I find it stunning and a bit repulsive tbh. .. so many children as they build they home stick by stick. ..

Whatever your time and money affords you. We have 5 bedrooms so I know we won’t have anymore than 4 children( we currently have 3). I want each child to have their own personal space. I am currently saving to have a fourth. It might not happen but if it does I want to be able to afford a career break following maternity leave. I think it’s important to plan individually for each child. That gives you a better sense of what you can afford.