how many is too many?

[oneinamillieon]

i have seven which i think is just the right amount but i have heard people say it's too many. thoughts?

3

I have 3 and that's enough for me. I was one of two and my sibling has MH issues that mean that everything dealing with them, and my parents in their old age, falls to me. I specifically wanted three children for that reason - so they could share and help each other with things like this.

I have 8 cousins who were all one of four siblings. Interestingly, not one of them has had more than two children. They also still complain of having to grow up and parent the younger siblings too quickly. So yes, I think 4 or more children is too many.

@Miri42 I get what you're saying, but isn't it sort of ridiculous that someone should have to be 3 years behind their peers because of their parents choice to have so many children?

I was faced with having to retake a year and the thought alone was gut wrenching for me.

And the thing is, i actually think big families can be lovely. Having three siblings (4 children) is perfect if you can afford it.

But once you get to 5, 6, 7+ you're basically in a diseconomy. The advantages of having a big family are outweighed by the disadvantages imo.

Like children having to miss out on what they want to do amongst other things.

It’s a brutally simplistic system.

We’re a good example of how the system is very black and white. We have three at Uni at the same time atm. The system barely even makes any allowance for the fact that two are twins - not something that anyone can plan!

However, on the other side circumstances mean we are actually considerably better off than many people of our age and household income. DH was widowed very young, when DS1 was very small, so had his mortgage paid off. I was brought up by grandparents and therefore inherited from them much earlier than anyone my age who got an inheritance normally would. So having had no housing costs for nearly 20 years now we’re obviously in a better position monthly than many. Anyone else in our income bracket with multiples at Uni would be much much worse off

The system is very black and white and that doesn’t help the kids at all.

Not to mention the assumption that parents will help. My parents would have laughed at the prospect of helping me through Uni. My grandparents simply wouldn’t have been able to afford it.

I think you have to consider the needs and comfort of the children, rather than the wants of the parents. We've got a comfortable life and considered what we could afford to do for our future children before having them. I worked in housing for many years. I can recall the families who were in a 3 or 4 bedrooms house, but continued to have children every couple of years. The quality of childhood for those kids wasn't great.

I do think a lot of it comes down to that, have you ever noticed how unusually proficient even a 3 year old is at getting dressed and putting their shoes on if one parent is off out somewhere they desperately want to tag along too. I’ve not found lack of funds has ever stopped my adult DC achieving what they wanted to, I was very much the same. I’ve known people resentful that they didn’t get as easier ride as others at the start of adulthood and others who never felt entitled to that in the first place.

i agree to a certain extent as children are completely dependant on their parents. However when it comes to when your children are adult DC and have the ability to start their own lives that’s a different matter and wouldn’t come into my decision as to how many children to have

It very much is, also just don’t know what’s going to happen within a family and wealth etc that far ahead

I don’t think it can be assumed that kids in big family’s always miss out on things which are important for their health and happiness. Obviously you do have to consider your capacity to care for your children, so for example we had a large family but with big age gaps as we wanted to have what we considered sufficient time, energy and resources for them. Everyone’s definitions of that are different. For us it was not having so many little ones at a time that we felt overwhelmed sleep deprivation etc, having a happy marriage so our children will hopefully grow up in a happy calm home, ideally having enough that they can do swimming lessons etc. Uni fees didn’t even come into it but would do for some people

They don’t necessarily have to be, they can go to a university in their home town and live at home. Yes I don’t think it’s a fair system in lots of ways. I don’t think it’s our responsibility as parents to only have children if they have every opportunity available in life, where would that stop? You shouldn’t have had me as you couldn’t afford to buy an Olympic sized swimming pool in the garden for me to practice.
Lives lived without achievement as defined by our society’s ideology of rampant consumerism are not worthless and can not been said to have been better off not coming into being.

4 is too many to me. Well 3 is too, really, but I recognise that that's pretty common and I can imagine coping. I find it hard to relate to wanting to have seven, but to each their own as long as they're well cared for.

Definitely in the West plummeting birth rates are more of a problem than over-population.

Low birth rates causes problems for elder care

Overpopulation causes problems for housing prices, inflation of everything, in medicines transport and social infrastructure, ruins the environment etc etc lower standard of living for everyone

It's up to everyone how many children to have but to encourage people to have more kids 'cos like birth rate, something something, we need more babies' is silly

I was one of two children growing up and did not get any financial support at uni from my parents. I had to get on with funding it myself.

The couple with ten children that I know are always around for their children, very involved with the school runs. I think there is one baby at home, one in preschool, three in primary, four in high school and one now recently left school having finished her education.

I have two in high school, and two in primary school. When the younger two are in high school the eldest two will be in higher education or working/apprenticeship. Whatever they choose to do. I had effectively two lots of two. Spaced out, not one after the other.

That might be true if "the West" wasn't on the same planet as everywhere else.

@CharingX976 Definitely in the West plummeting birth rates are more of a problem than over-population.

Only because our systems (taxes, infrastructure" have been set up on the model of the younger generation funding the older generation.

EG the NI contributions for pensions haven't been put aside to pay the pensions later on, they've been used to run the government at the time of the payments - so having a short fall of people paying into the system really screws up their numbers and suddenly the government can't afford to pay out.

Housing values (and investments in this area) are determined based on a certain demand which again changes if there is less demand.

Environmentally and infrastructure wise, it probably is better to have a lower growth rate.

What ever makes you happy.

I was one of 3 but me and my sibling had a small age gap. I never felt left out or "had no quality time" that is all bull craps sorry. I am super close to my parents and my sibling (15 month age gap) we are like best friends. And because of the close age gap we had a lot of common interests so easier for parents to do things with us. Of course sibling rivalry and jealousy but that is normal. It was a very good life lessons. The world do want revolve around you! I think more people need that.

Lol at the uni comment. Hahahahaa. I paid my way through uni. Took 2 year gap leave and worked full time. No farting about not holidays or trwvel to find myself. I knuckled down and worker and saved. Paid my way through Uni no debt and hwd money at the end to pay for rent and a deposit and live comfortably for a graduate. I will be the same with my children. You want a higher education then the lessons start before you go. Finance education, organisation, reliability, maturity etc etc. Fund yourself if it ia what you really want.
I worked from the day I turned 16 and never stopped until 3 years ago when I got married. I worked over 17years.
My oldest brother worked feom 13 - paper round and the same paid for uni and all the things wanted.

@MixedCouple did you pay tuition fees?

Ask your kids once they are adults. I think you will find the parents and their children's view differ quite a bit.

I was one of three, and there didn't seem to be enough money / time / care for all of us.

Yes I paid all put of pocket. I got a small Nursery in my final year as one parent became disabled it was £1.5k.

I never spent any money I earned from 16. And I went to uni at age 20 and I used to work overtime and late nights. Suoer markets / Factories etc etc.
It os poasible if you are organised and financially sensible. But kids blowntheir money on all sorts of material crap theae days.
My Cousin just graduated with 60k debt and never worked a day in her life super lazy and wasndragged through education. It says a lot about a person.

@MixedCouple how much did you have to pay?