how many is too many?

[oneinamillieon]

i have seven which i think is just the right amount but i have heard people say it's too many. thoughts?

3 is too many I think. This came up in active

I am a (grown up) child of a very large family (slightly larger than yours).
I did not have a 'proper' childhood. I was given far too many childcare tasks, household chores and responsibilities.
I felt hard done by when friends had more freedom than me.

Yes this too many is when you don’t have the physical, mental, time and emotional capacity for that number. For me too many is 4 so I’ve only had 3 but I would love to have 4 children. I think for most people the limit relates to emotional capacity. You can become very efficient at practical things and organising but emotional capacity takes it out of you.

I guess people who have seven ( never met one in real life) balance for the man who are currently having one or none. One or two is my number.

For those wondering how you nurture seven children, look at the Kanneh-Masons. All seven children are stunningly talented classical musicians, partly due to natural talent but also from a huge amount of support and encouragement from the parents.

Kadiatu Kanneh-Mason's book House of Music is a fascinating read.

Two was enough for me although I had a colleague who was one of 12 and loved it.

MIL is the 5th of 15. So I'd say 3 is too many.

I don't know. I'm one-and-done, so what do I know? Do you live at the foot of the Appalachian mountains? Are you Gordon Ramsey?

Probably 2-3 is the max for me.
I only have 1 and don’t have any free time, so 7 seems bonkers.
Ds has eye appointment next week (so that’s one morning gone), 3 day hospital stay coming up, nursery event 4-7pm next week. Times that by 7 and there wouldn’t be enough hours in my day.
Friends with three were stretched at nursery event as the school also had event at same time so parents were splitting up. And that’s just a small minor thing, not hospital etc.

I wouldn’t have the energy to have to sort 7 breakfasts or school stuff every morning. But I also work, so if household and general day to day stuff took so much longer it wouldn’t allow work time

I think more than 4 is too many. My kids were friends with a sibling set of 4 and they were way behind in terms of swimming as their parents couldn't take them all when they were little. So even 4 is pushing it.
Both DP and I have large extended families (7+ sibling sets) and we both agreed that some of those family members seemed to do worse for growing up in large families.
Obviously you have your 7 now and are happy with them, which is great. Instead of asking the question you did, maybe ask: if you grew up in a big family what would have made life better for you? That way you can hopefully limit any negative impact being in a large family might have on your kids.

Thinking back to someone I knew who was one of 10 who always blamed the mother for the "ridiculous amount of his surnames" - I seem to remember his mum had a breakdown and the family split. Why none of the children ever seemed to think the father may have been involved or partially responsible in creating them with a woman who was not mentally happy has always bothered me.

I wouldn’t have the energy to have to sort 7 breakfasts or school stuff every morning. But I also work, so if household and general day to day stuff took so much longer it wouldn’t allow work time
But you wouldn't have to do that for seven children because even if you had one a year the oldest ones would be old enough to sort out their own breakfast. Surely even only children at the age of seven can make their own breakfast, make beds, hoover etc?

2 maximum. DH and I don't have such wonderful genes that we need to give the world any more than that. The women I've known with very big families have loved the excitement of little babies, but been disinterested in their teenagers.

As a child, I LOVED being 1 of two (me and sibling are still best friends). I tolerated being 1 of 3. I felt sad and stressed being 1 of 5.

How is it a lazy assumption? It happens lots of times, I was made to do it.

@Nicesalad if a family only have a couple of DC would they expect a 7yo to do the hoovering?

7 loads of washing up
7 beds to be made
7 bags to pack
And so on

Most 7 year olds are not able to hoover properly, so add that to the list. You're going to have to hoover it again.

I would. I think it's important to teach children how to look after themselves and their home. Seven year olds are perfectly capable of pushing a hoover round.

Yes, 7 loads of washing up. But why would you make the beds and pack bags for older children? I am not denying that more children= more work, but older children ( regardless of number of siblings) should be learning how to do things for themselves.

I would expect a 7yo to tidy up after themselves but not sure I would be expecting them to hoover the house on a regular basis.

I only have three children and the older two help put the youngest to bed. Giving children responsibilities makes them feel a part of the family. It's also given them a confidence boost - and it helps with their reading skills.

I have two and any more than that would be too many. Seven is an insane number of children to have in this day and age and with contraception being freely available I can't fathom why anyone would make such a life choice. Each to their own, I suppose, but the shopping, cooking, cleaning and washing alone would be alone to make me want to run away! Seven pregnancies, seven lots of nappies and sleepless nights and childhood illnesses and potty training and learning to read and school runs that go on for eons and the expense! The birthday presents and parties and the names of the DC and parents in each class! Just thinking about it makes my head want to explode.

From a planetary point of view, any number above zero. From a societal point of view, who knows - too many variables to factor in (though in the UK we have an aging population, so more young 'uns is probably useful). From a personal point of view, it's as many as you can cope with, without risk of physical emotional or financial neglect.

@LydiaTomos how old are the oldest two. Are you being honest about it giving them more confidence or is it that you are fed up with doing bedtimes

Exactly. It does happen and it can be really damaging. I was a parentified child and was put in a "mum" role to my younger siblings.

I'm the oldest of 5. We had enough materially but nowhere near enough emotionally.

Me and my siblings have gone on to have 2 children or none.

I think 4 is the upper limit. Seeing the families I know with four struggling financially and with devoting time to each child, I think that's the upper limit, even if you were wealthy. I think five or over is crazy. There's no way you could be giving them enough individual attention.