how many is too many?

[oneinamillieon]

i have seven which i think is just the right amount but i have heard people say it's too many. thoughts?

I hoped mine wouldn't all go to uni but looks like they will.

What a selfish thing to say.

In the UK an undergraduate degree is considered a minimum qualification nowadays.

You want them to not have a passion for anything academic that they wanted to turn into a career?

You never wanted them to be in any of the professions?

Wow.

Given pressure on public services, how over subscribed schools are and NHS pressure I do always wonder whether those with larger families consider this?!

Given pressure on public services, how over subscribed schools are and NHS pressure I do always wonder whether those with larger families consider this?!

We've been below replacement level fertility rate in UK since 1973 - and it keeps dropping - and there will be a 12 % decline in school pupil numbers in next decade.

The increase in population is from people living longer and immigration.

https://fullfact.org/immigration/population-growth-migration/
Between mid-1991 and mid-2016, net migration accounted for 55% of total population growth in the UK—an additional 4.5 million people. In the year to mid-2017, it accounted for almost 60%, based on ONS data.

We will need future tax payers and workers for an increasing aging population - though I seriously doubt that what motivates people to have larger families - I do think blaming them for decade and half or underfunding of services and cuts and affects of aging population and immigration (which has pluses and minuses) is more than a little off.

Three.

I have 5. And work full time in a demanding job. They all have their own bedroom which i think is important and we are lucky to have a big house. Money is tighter than it would be if we had less and holidays are hard as it is so expensive for 7 of us. The youngwr ones mainly wear hand me downs. Our car is old (but big!). But, we have chosen to privately educate so we could have a different lifestyle if we hadn't made that decision.

My children all get plenty of one and one time - I would say more than many in fact, particularly compared to those that have two working parents in hours intensive jobs. I just do less exercise than my friends that have 1 or 2 as I don't have time for that! I don't drink at all anymore either as no time for a hangover.

My husband shares the load too. In fact I am the larger earner. It would be drudgery if we had a 1980's style split!

Positive effects of having lots of children - they are all very organised and know what they need and when. They all bring their washing down to the laundry otherwise it doesn't get done. I lkke to think i am a preparing them for adulthood.

I wouldn't have any more but that is financial rather than anything else.

Our house is often heaving, the children like bringing friends home / sleepovers and we often have more than 10 staying the night (including mine!). The only thing that drives me to distraction is shoes - everywhere - in spite of having a cloakroom.

For many of us that's what happened.
I'm the eldest of 6, and the only girl. I was used as a second parent all the time and it was shit.

@Nicesalad - yes I would expect older children to help or start breakfast, but notI wouldn’t expect a 7 year old to get up alone, make own breakfast and pack stuff and leave house after a spot of hoovering they did without prompting.

I think it’s just nice to have a parent being there, what ever age whilst your getting up or in evening.
I remember for example at secondary school I would get up at 6.30am for leaving 7.15am for long bus to school. My mum always made sure she was up not long after me and would make me a tea to gulp down and throw some toast at me to eat walking to bus stop. If she hadn’t I just wouldn’t have bothered as a 14 year old. It’s just kindness isn’t it?

Even if I had 7 children ages all 14-20 years old, I would want to get up and make sure they had something to eat or even if they made own food just sit with them for company. Or to let them tell me any worries, problems, etc

My 3 year old likes to hoover. He does. But it doesn’t mean I don’t have to Hoover again afterwards.

My children all get plenty of one and one time - I would say more than many in fact, particularly compared to those that have two working parents in hours intensive jobs.

They’ll decide for themselves what they think about that, and what they think at 35 might be different to what they say at 14. I hope you won’t take that imperious and quite smarmy tone should they dare to disagree with you as to whether they got enough one to one time.

i'm definitely interested in my teenagers but okay.

Seven?! how on earth will you support them then through uni?
So MN 🤣 not everyone sees uni as the be all and end all for our kids.

i can assure that we can definitely afford seven children. we live in a 7 bedroom house, i have my room, my 16 year old has hers, my 14 year old twins have one each, my 12 year old has hers, my 8 year old boy has his, 8 year old girl and 5 year old girl share and one of them will get my oldest's room when she goes to uni. we also have a box-room that we're going to convert into a small bedroom in case 16DD wants to stay back home during uni break. all my kids are in school, we can afford their books and uniforms, my 16 year old has a part time job doing nails but the money she makes from that is HER money and she keeps it. none of my children do my job as a parent.

Not everyone goes to uni!

No one needs more than 2. There's far too many people on the planet already. And I can't see how you can give proper parental attention to more than 2.

Regarding people being worried about having any more children because they can't afford to send them to uni. I'm going to have to say I don't know anyone who's parents paid for them to go to uni. Everyone either took out a loan or didn't go (uni isn't mandatory last I checked)
I'm prepared to be called unreasonable and that it's neglect to not pay your child's uni fees 😂

It's nice to have the option at least? That's part of being able to afford having children. They shouldn't have to miss out on university (if they want to go) because they have 4+ siblings.

@Leah5678

Most people take out tuition fees, but if your income is above a threshold you're only getting the minimum maintenance loan to live on.

Exceptions if you're disabled, a carer or have children, then you get a good amount.

Even the maximum loan (£14k inc. grants for special circumstances) is not enough by itself to live on with rent.

I don't really get why a parents desire for more children is more important giving the existing ones the best chance. Even if university isn't seen as a necessity, I'd be pretty pissed if I couldn't go because of my parents choices.

Is it a blanket judgement of neglect for those who don't stump up for the parental contribution or just for those people with larger families?

Is this an addictive personality thing? Like the people who can’t stop getting tattoos and end up with them on their eyelids? As I simply refuse to believe that anyone in their right mind thinks seven kids is ‘the right amount’ in the 21st century.

Why do you think 7 is just right @oneinamillieon. If you only had 6 would you think you were an incomplete family? Do you think all your children like being one of so many, do you have one who likes their own space more?

Bearing in mind many young adults are still living at home in their late 20s/early 30s are you prepared that some of your DC may end up doing that?

It’s always a blanket judgement of larger families on here. Never any nuance at all.

Three of my six are currently at Uni. Last time this came up on here I was told they were all likely to fail because they were “inevitably” getting not a penny from us and having to work “endless hours on a zero hours contract”. (Completely wrong on both counts as it happens)

Which was on a thread about someone asking if they were unreasonable not to contribute to their sole child because they weren’t doing a good enough course. That is perfectly acceptable apparently.

5 is nice and I have grandchildren now too. Everyone is different as to how many they want.
I am on a family records link and they found a 1600s or 1700s family where the 20th son had been born (no daughters) and another where there were something like 23 born in the parish records but even in those days that would have been unusual to fit in so many even if you started at age 14 or 15.

Well, one thing we know for sure now, is that ever dwindling family size, an increase in personal space and an abundance of intensive "quality time", plus a plethora of degrees certainly wasn't a golden bullet for well-being and resilience across the developed world. Never have young adults been so lonely.

Learn to accept criticism for your actions. Don't worry about what other people do with their lives. It's not ok to deprive your kid of opportunities because you made a repeated choice to keep having more.

If this doesn't apply to you, then no bother

In the UK an undergraduate degree is considered a minimum qualification nowadays
It really isn't.

For me four would be too many. I have two and three would probably be borderline too many for me but I'd just about manage. Four - no way!!