how many is too many?

[oneinamillieon]

i have seven which i think is just the right amount but i have heard people say it's too many. thoughts?

🤣 Such a funny caveat after your bold statement: Here's a load of shit, disregard if it doesn't apply.

As it happens, it doesn't fit. I just don't elevate my own life choices to the only acceptable choice.

Never have young adults been so lonely.

Are you sure about that? Or have we only recently started giving a shit about their mental health? To the best of my knowledge, nobody was tracking their loneliness and emotional resilience a hundred years ago. Or even 50.

Something like 80% go to university now and yes, there’s an implied parental contribution as I’ve already said on this very thread. Budgeting around £500 / month / child, which seems to be ball park according to the research I’ve done.

This has been in the press for years, do people still not factor it in? We can afford it for two, presuming one / two years of cross over, but no more.

The days of student grants or even the low fees of the late 90s / early 00s are long, long gone. Accommodation costs have skyrocketed. And yes, I DO want my children to have the life experience of university as I believe it to be hugely valuable as well as a stepping stone to interesting careers.

Seven would be way too many for me, but I would have liked 3 or 4 - I only have 2 and don’t think I’ll have more now as I’ll be too old.

Lots of my aunts and uncles had larger families with 5-8 DC, even as a kid I noticed the mums always had the youngest with them and never did anything non-child related, they didn’t have hobbies or do sports or anything you couldn’t do with a child tagging along.

That said the children are all adults now and they seem to have lovely Christmases and holidays and birthdays and things, all together.

I think is utterly ridiculous and utterly selfish. You asked!

No one has any 'need' to have 7 kids. The only reason large families were around in the 1920's etc was due to lack of birth control.

I know a lady with 6 and it's quite obvious she just loves the attention of being pregnant and having babies and even into cute toddlers but she couldn't really care less once they're boring primary schools kids. None have any real hobbies as she clearly can't get to to multiple clubs on a night. No one gets any quality time. It's all about how it looks on instagram (which knowing the kids as I do, they tell me it's all faked)

So I would have to presume if you have 7 you have some sort of neediness/look at me type personality. My own MIL popped one out every 7 years for 4 kids - permanent excuse not to go back to work.

The best thing you could do is ask your own kids in 10 years time. Guarantee they won't think 7 is just the right amount!

I've known several people from larger families of 5+. There are lots of advantages to being in a larger family, but interestingly, None of them have had more than 2 themselves. I was talking to a colleague who is one of 7. She & several of her siblings have had none. I can't 100% speak for all of them, but the ones I've talked to who had children said that they wanted to spend more time with their kids than was spent with them & the older ones found looking after the young ones a big responsibility at a young age.

On an environmental level I think 3 is the absolute max. More than that is too big a burden on the planet.

KevinDeBrioche
Something like 80% go to university now
As far as I can see it's about 37%.

https://www.ucas.com/corporate/news-and-key-documents/news/record-levels-young-people-accepted-university

We planned on one but had twins. More than enough for us!

"Too many is when you start making your children get their siblings ready for school/bed/clubs etc, or hand other parental responsibilities onto them."

This leapt out at me. What's so wrong with tying your younger siblings laces and helping them with homework?

They clearly mean routinely having to do it, not as a one off. Nobody even said laces.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0140197121000853

Seems to be you can see an increase in rates of loneliness across the last twenty plus years.

50-100yrs is trickier, obviously.

'Too many' depends on many factors.

You may be able to cope perfectly well financially with 7. That's fine. But if you asked me to babysit you'd get a solid fuck no because it's vastly too many for me! Also if I had a sibling with one child and a sibling with 8 - I'm sorry but financially gifts, invitations round and out etc would have to be reduced to the one with 8. I can arrange a lunch for 4/5 in most cafés no problem. If you're a family of 8/9 already that becomes a much bigger deal involving pre-booking, deposits etc.

Just because 7 is ok for you doesn't mean it won't cause issues for others. As long as you can adequately care for all your kids needs and are prepared to accept without complaining that no one will babysit for you, invite you all places etc then you do you 🤷‍♀️.

I think everyone wants what they didn't have. My mum is an only child, her mum was 1 of 11. Her mum hated sharing attention as a child and wanted to give all the attention she never got to her daughter. In turn, my mum hated being an only child and having no one to play with so had 3 of us 😂.

So, by ‘never’, you actually meant ‘not in extremely recent history (according to one study)’? That’s not what ‘never’ means. So, like I said, until recently no one gave a toss.

Also, from the source you just linked: and total fertility rate (family size) were not significantly related to school loneliness

What makes you say it's a lazy assumption?

I come from a big Irish family where 8, 9, 10+ children have been common over the years.

All of the older children in those families were responsible for getting the younger ones ready for school/clubs etc, and would have to do a certain amount of babysitting duties too.

The PP wasn't assuming all big families are like this, but far too many are.

Three or more is too many

For me three or more would be too many. I’m pregnant with our second and with two we have enough money to support them both and treat them. If they both have hobbies at the same time DH can go to one and I can go to the other. We just have more time than we would with more.

I only had two children, but the older one often helped the younger one. I don't understand why this upsets Mumsnetters so much. Why is "Can you take the breakfast dishes into the kitchen" OK and "Can you help sibling with their coat and shoes" so awful?

3

Help Bobby with his homework.

Watch the five younger children while I hang up the washing.

Give Gracie her bath.

Every day.

What's wrong with commenting on the actual post rather than minimizing it?

Or do kids go to school naked, unwashed, teeth and hair unbrushed but with well tied shoe laces?

I have 5 but large age gaps and only work part time, the older DC are adults so do feel able to give the younger ones plenty of attention and they have their own rooms, go to multiple clubs etc plus have the benefit of lots of siblings. I get chance to spend time with adult DC and offer moral support, always there as a listening ear etc which is lovely but don’t have as much spare money and time as some parents have to support their adult DC financially and practically (obviously would make time if they desperately needed) However I’ve always seen that as a bonus rather than an entitlement. Have always made sure as ‘children’ they don’t miss out

I'm one of six, very happy about it too. Nearly 60 and close to all my siblings. It's a privilege in my eye.

If you can't understand what people are getting at, you probably don't know enough on the topic to even comment.

It's not ok for older children to be adopting caring responsibilities for their younger siblings, because their parent had too many babies and can't manage. It means children/teenagers don't get to go out and have a social life, miss out on life events, they don't get rewarded for their work.

@SheIIy "It's not ok for older children to be adopting caring responsibilities for their younger siblings, because their parent had too many babies and can't manage. It means children/teenagers don't get to go out and have a social life, miss out on life events, they don't get rewarded for their work."

Well obviously not if their lives are taken over by caring responsibilities. But if the family works as a community where everyone helps out that is a good thing.