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Original poster

how many is too many?

203 replies

oneinamillieon · 13/11/2023 13:01

i have seven which i think is just the right amount but i have heard people say it's too many. thoughts?

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SheIIy · 17/11/2023 18:30

Yes but we're not taking about tying shoe laces when we talk about this.

We're not talking about friends and family chipping in to do childcare every now and then

It's about getting the older ones to fill in as a second or third parent.

They can't even say no, because their parent controls their life, as they're the adult. It's very unfair.

TheresaCrowd · 17/11/2023 18:33

SheIIy · 17/11/2023 18:30

Yes but we're not taking about tying shoe laces when we talk about this.

We're not talking about friends and family chipping in to do childcare every now and then

It's about getting the older ones to fill in as a second or third parent.

They can't even say no, because their parent controls their life, as they're the adult. It's very unfair.

You've explained it well @SheIIy

Although to be honest, I'm surprised it needed explaining at all.

SheIIy · 17/11/2023 18:44

I guess some people don't know if they don't have direct experience. Parents of large families won't admit to it. Those who were the younger children can't see the issue, it was all fine for them

Those of us who were the older children or look at it as adults from the outside can see the difference

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 17/11/2023 18:46

SheIIy · 17/11/2023 18:44

I guess some people don't know if they don't have direct experience. Parents of large families won't admit to it. Those who were the younger children can't see the issue, it was all fine for them

Those of us who were the older children or look at it as adults from the outside can see the difference

its always

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 17/11/2023 18:48

its always

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 17/11/2023 18:48

its always

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 17/11/2023 18:48

its always

lavendermouse · 17/11/2023 18:59

I have 5. All reasonably close in age. There is no parental role my older children fill to the younger children. So far none of them have expressed career ideas where they will need to go to university. There are tradespeople and such things as apprenticeships, not everyone is interested in university.

Also we have never been late for school. 🤣

I've had people with one or two children comment on how they struggle and how it looks like I'm breezing through. I think how many is too many is based on your personal circumstances and how you would cope.

Original poster
oneinamillieon · 17/11/2023 21:33

crumblingschools · 17/11/2023 14:41

Why do you think 7 is just right @oneinamillieon. If you only had 6 would you think you were an incomplete family? Do you think all your children like being one of so many, do you have one who likes their own space more?

Bearing in mind many young adults are still living at home in their late 20s/early 30s are you prepared that some of your DC may end up doing that?

i didnt originally set out to have seven, but i have absolutely no regrets. i always wanted at least four.

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Original poster
oneinamillieon · 17/11/2023 21:36

suitsmetoo · 17/11/2023 15:00

I think is utterly ridiculous and utterly selfish. You asked!

No one has any 'need' to have 7 kids. The only reason large families were around in the 1920's etc was due to lack of birth control.

I know a lady with 6 and it's quite obvious she just loves the attention of being pregnant and having babies and even into cute toddlers but she couldn't really care less once they're boring primary schools kids. None have any real hobbies as she clearly can't get to to multiple clubs on a night. No one gets any quality time. It's all about how it looks on instagram (which knowing the kids as I do, they tell me it's all faked)

So I would have to presume if you have 7 you have some sort of neediness/look at me type personality. My own MIL popped one out every 7 years for 4 kids - permanent excuse not to go back to work.

The best thing you could do is ask your own kids in 10 years time. Guarantee they won't think 7 is just the right amount!

why exactly are you assuming that i became pregnant for "attention"?? pretty scummy thing to do, imo

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Original poster
oneinamillieon · 17/11/2023 21:39

SheIIy · 17/11/2023 18:30

Yes but we're not taking about tying shoe laces when we talk about this.

We're not talking about friends and family chipping in to do childcare every now and then

It's about getting the older ones to fill in as a second or third parent.

They can't even say no, because their parent controls their life, as they're the adult. It's very unfair.

agreed, i was one of those "third parent" children myself, and i was only one of three! that's why i swore i would never do that to any of mine. and i don't to this day.

OP posts:
Sofaz34 · 17/11/2023 21:42

Too many is three in my unpopular opinion. With the state of this planet we shouldn't be adding any more kids than those who have created them otherwise population just increases exponetially. You and your partner had 7, each of those 7 may have multiple children, how can the planet support them?

Princessfluffy · 18/11/2023 07:56

When the older children have to parent the younger children I think that is unreasonable.

wensleywhale · 18/11/2023 12:06

Sofaz34 · 17/11/2023 21:42

Too many is three in my unpopular opinion. With the state of this planet we shouldn't be adding any more kids than those who have created them otherwise population just increases exponetially. You and your partner had 7, each of those 7 may have multiple children, how can the planet support them?

The planet will support them. Don't be dramatic. Many nations have an issue with failing birth rate

winowin · 18/11/2023 14:05

@oneinamillieon
How do have time for yourself?
What about time as a couple?
I have 4 all adults and it was exhausting when they were younger and me and my husband split after 20 years as we just drifted apart.

WhatAreYouAllAbout · 18/11/2023 18:30

CurlewKate · 17/11/2023 17:48

I only had two children, but the older one often helped the younger one. I don't understand why this upsets Mumsnetters so much. Why is "Can you take the breakfast dishes into the kitchen" OK and "Can you help sibling with their coat and shoes" so awful?

Have you read the posts in this thread where the oldest children from large families have said how damaging it's been for them to be put in a parental role?

If it was just taking a few plates into the kitchen or tying shoelaces do you really think people would be damaged by it?

The lack of empathy is astounding.

Original poster
oneinamillieon · 18/11/2023 19:29

@winowin
i'm divorced, so the "time as a couple" thing isn't really relevant.

OP posts:
CharingX976 · 18/11/2023 19:36

Sofaz34 · 17/11/2023 21:42

Too many is three in my unpopular opinion. With the state of this planet we shouldn't be adding any more kids than those who have created them otherwise population just increases exponetially. You and your partner had 7, each of those 7 may have multiple children, how can the planet support them?

Actually, the opposite is true. Plummeting birth rates are much more of a problem.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 18/11/2023 20:02

CharingX976 · 18/11/2023 19:36

Actually, the opposite is true. Plummeting birth rates are much more of a problem.

Show quote history

In some localised areas. Not for the planet or humanity as a whole.

webster1987 · 18/11/2023 20:22

KevinDeBrioche · 13/11/2023 13:08

Seven?! how on earth will you support them then through uni?

Because that is the benchmark for good parenting....

winowin · 18/11/2023 20:33

@oneinamillieon
Do you get downtime for yourself?
Does their dad have them and do you want a relationship in the future?
Being a single mum to 7 must be tough.
Although tbh I found it easier on my own as I didn't have another adult to worry about on top.

Miri42 · 18/11/2023 21:17

webster1987 · 18/11/2023 20:22

Because that is the benchmark for good parenting....

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Yes I did wonder at this comment, surely that’s what student loans are for, if they decide they want to take that path?? Personally think it’s a bit of a cheek having our doctors, nurses, paramedics etc paying for their own training

SheIIy · 18/11/2023 22:13

If 'that's what student loans are for' is a much thought that was put into it... then yikes. That's not reality.

Short answer, no, student loans do not cover students to get through university. That's not how it works. You will get full tuition fees to attend but you will need to contribute to living costs.

Miri42 · 19/11/2023 00:01

SheIIy · 18/11/2023 22:13

If 'that's what student loans are for' is a much thought that was put into it... then yikes. That's not reality.

Short answer, no, student loans do not cover students to get through university. That's not how it works. You will get full tuition fees to attend but you will need to contribute to living costs.

My current DC at uni are supporting themselves through a combination of student loans and working part time

bakewellbride · 19/11/2023 08:26

@SheIIy lots of people go to uni without money help from family, it's really common. Sure it's nice to be able to contribute but there is absolutely no need.