Really hurt by comments about our family size

[NotaFreeloader]

On announcing my pregnancy I have comments from 4 different people 2 question have I decided to have another just so I ‘don’t have to work’
Another saying we just want a bigger house
Then someone else saying I must not have been careful with contraception- this was a planned baby

For a start yes I do intend to work once the youngest is at school. Whenever that may be and I have a Dh who works and supports us
I don’t want to move we have plenty of room
If I worked now it’d cost the government a LOT for helping with childcare so it’s not that I’m costing ‘the taxpayer’ money

Why can’t people just say congratulations and mind their own business

The state receives tax...

Social housing is subsidized tho, that’s the point of it. Also you have to be a higher rate taxpayer generally to pay for the services you use throughout your life (otherwise you basically are a cost to other taxpayers, you are taking out more than you are putting in).

But those are just the hard facts. Some people cost the taxpayer a fortune and never have any children. Others have big families and do contribute financially. That’s life.

Why the fuck does someone think people with children don’t pay council tax

Hahaha very funny, good try.

And congrats op, I get how social housing works, I hope you and your family are very happy in your house.

No problem with social housing but it’s not true to say it doesn’t receive government grants because it does. We really need more social housing but at least be honest about where the money should come from because if it’s loans and debt taken on by the housing associations then cheaper rents won’t be available to those that need them.

@JKScot4 - social housing is subsidized. That’s a fact. The government pays billions each year as grants to build and maintain social housing. So housing can be provided to those in need at a reasonable cost.

Nothing wrong at all with living in social housing but it is subsidized.

I think generally in the current climate people are thinking carefully about how many children they have. There are far too many people on the planet, we are facing an environmental crisis and resources are stretched. So there is judgment of people with large families, especially if there is a need for state support which comes from the tax payer. Of course it’s your choice what you do and your life. No one else’s business.

Congratulations OP. You will get comments because feel they subsidize large families through tax. Which they do.
I grew up in a large family in a council house, it was cramped and poor and not for me as an adult.

Best to ignore comments or have an answer ready rather than let it take away from your good news.

I really think its not personal, people like justice or rather the assumption if it and assume large families in social housing are freeliading.
Good luck with your pregnancy.

Also to all the pps who have various weird explanations as to why social housing isn’t subsidized- it is. It’s subsidized because the central government pay billions each year in subsidies (and have previously) to build and maintain social housing. So it’s being provided at below market rate because the taxpayer is shouldering part of the cost.

As a fifth child myself I am always pleased to see another one appearing (though two was enough for me)

Social housing is supposed to be a temporary solution when in desperate need

No, it isn't. It's so sad that people think like this now.

Social housing is supposed to be a temporary solution when in desperate need
Wrong, it’s not.
So ppl think if you lose your job, you get a council house and when you get a job you move out?
How do ppl think this? So they not know anyone who lives in a council house or has done for years?
Do you think someone in minimum wage can afford overpriced £1000pm rent?

Social housing ,yeah my friend pays £120 a week for her housing association house ,she has quite a few kids
My morgage is £1200 a month ,if I only had to pay £120 a week in rent I’d of had another child as well..we couldn’t afford another child ,but we could of done had we of been paying monthly what people in housing association pay

Kickanxietyinthebeanbag - you do know the mass difference between rent and a mortgage is that you'll own a house at the end of your mortgage. Your 'friend' will have fuck all property to her name after years of renting.

I imagine that a lot of people would like bigger families but can't afford it, maybe they are a bit envious. You are lucky to have a decent sized property with a comparatively low rent and can live on one salary. In crazy areas of minimal social housing, high private rents and crippling mortgages this is a pipe dream of many so I'd just feel a bit of sympathy if I were you if anyone mentions it again.

Someone mentioned single people 'subsidising' families via council tax - I thought you got a discount?

Op, congratulations! I'm in social housing and planning another child because I want to, I can and life's too fucking short. I hate people's misunderstandings of social housing.
I hated uncalled to comments when I was pregnant. Things like "you had a fun Xmas" (baby was due end of September) and "tell your husband well done" wtf?!!
Congrats and tell people where to fuck off to!

How do you support 2 adults and 5 children on one income? Is your DH a pilot?

I don’t believe for one minute you don’t get any befits at all.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I lived in social housing when I was a single mum and DD was a baby. I worked hard to move out and buy my own place so that someone in need like I once was could benefit.

I would have felt like a complete cpscrounger if I stayed there and carried on sprogging.

Somebody has got to have the larger familles now, in order to pay for MY pension

I didn’t say I didn’t get any benefits as we get ctc for 3 and chb we just don’t get any housing or c tax benefit

It’s actually now hard on one wage, we eat cheaply and mostly vegetarian meals which isn’t too expensive at all.
I keep the clothes and pass them down we have a lot of space for storage so have bags labelled up for diff ages and seasons
Have used the same baby equipment for them etc
What is harder then the financial issues with a big family is finding the time for everyone and everything so that almost needs more planning than financial aspects of it all

So there is judgment of people with large families, especially if there is a need for state support which comes from the tax payer. Of course it’s your choice what you do and your life. No one else’s business.

I agree it’s no one’s business, but I think it’s easy to understand why it might get other people’s back up and OP needs to accept and be realistic about that. There are plenty of people out there who may really want a large family, but decide against it for various reasons - financial, it’s better for the planet etc. Basically trying to do the right thing or being unable to afford it - and then I’m sure it can be frustrating when others just go ahead and do it anyway. Yes it’s no one’s business- but it does seem slightly unfair. The main reason some families can afford to have so many kids is because most people decide not to, even though that’s not always what they want. Everyone having two or three kids is pretty sustainable. Most people having two or three kids and some having five or six is also fairly sustainable - a lot of people only want two or three, but it obviously also relies on some families holding back and not having as many children as they might have wanted because unlike OP they don’t have things have social housing and are perhaps more planet conscious. Everyone having five or six would not be sustainable at all. Being able to do the non-sustainable thing relies on others being more restrained and selfless than you.

My goodness you know some very ill mannered people.

The only appropriate response to this news is congratulations.

The next time someone says something so rude call them on it. Miss manners always has great answers ‘my goodness did you intend to be so rude.’ Then walk away.

Oh and congratulations

As long as you're paying for them yourselves and not expecting other people ie the taxpayer to bring them up financially then it's none of anyone else's business.

They sound rude. Your children will be future tax payers when they are claiming pension and they may have jobs where they are caring for them or providing food etc in their old age!

@Snowdown24
You can support a larger family, I’ve been a single parent to 4 for many years, initially worked 2 jobs, now self employed.
You budget and plan, kids don’t need 10 hobbies each, teach kids the value of things and to appreciate what they have, mine have never went.
I never understand the moaning about kids are so expensive, not if you live within your means and don’t get into debt.

@Pinkblueberry I agree

The fact you mention you would get help with childcare costs if you worked indicates you do get benefits (tax credits or uc) therefore friends and family may rightly think that bringing another child into the world when you cannot afford the ones you have without assistance is wrong - 5 is a lot of kids. I would never be critical of a second child but 5??? Those of us that don't rely on state housing (even paying rent) cannot afford a large enough house for 7 people, strictly speaking I could have fitted 5 kids in but I felt quality of their lives mattered more than quantity. I would love a child with my now dp but know it's irresponsible, the planet is overcrowded