Really hurt by comments about our family size

[NotaFreeloader]

On announcing my pregnancy I have comments from 4 different people 2 question have I decided to have another just so I ‘don’t have to work’
Another saying we just want a bigger house
Then someone else saying I must not have been careful with contraception- this was a planned baby

For a start yes I do intend to work once the youngest is at school. Whenever that may be and I have a Dh who works and supports us
I don’t want to move we have plenty of room
If I worked now it’d cost the government a LOT for helping with childcare so it’s not that I’m costing ‘the taxpayer’ money

Why can’t people just say congratulations and mind their own business

People who mind don’t matter.
People who matter don’t mind.

Congratulations.

Congratulations!

I have 3 children. I cost the tax payer nothing. People still like to comment. In my experience just say yep, you must be right! Or just ignore. Do not let anybody dampen your excitement

Thankyou. That’s very true. It’s just really really made me feel annoyed and totally misjudged

How big is your family? It would be very weird for someone to say that about 3 children.

I honestly felt like doing a hypothetical assessment on something like entiltledto or a benefits calculator to show how much MORE we would cost if I claimed childcare to work just to prove my point but then I decided it’s not worth engaging with it but it really upset me
Plus I love my house and it’s big enough and we are happy here with an amazing school close by. If I wanted to move I’d move I don’t and I certainly wouldn’t make myself overcrowded to do so

Did you make the announcement on social media? Or do you mean in person? If the former then those people aren't your friends and they shouldn't be privy to what you post. If the latter... the exact same applies.

No not on social media I don’t really use it it was just text or phone call to family

Would have done it in person but obviously can’t see anyone atm

They aren’t your friends. It isn’t their business

So your family members said these things? I'm so sorry. I'm optimistically assuming they were jokey comments then in that case?

Not that that makes it ok of course...

How many children do you have? Are you Sue Radford?

I think it depends on how many kids you have and whether you live in social housing to understand why they thought they could comment.
Either way, them commenting like that is rude

Don't worry about it. I had someone ask if my second child was planned

No I’m not sue Radford !!!! I am expecting a fifth not a twenty fifth (is that how many they have ?)!

Yes social housing but we pay full rent and council tax but I think a lot of people wrongly assume it’s ‘free’ when it’s not !

Some people are shitty - i had people asking me (like, LOTS of people) if my first pregnancy was planned. I was 26, married and we owned our own home! I'd just give them a cheery "oh do fuck off dear" with the stated assumption that they must be joking.

@NotaFreeloader well yes it isn’t free, but it is subsidised- otherwise what’s the point in it.

Unless these people are birthing in private hospitals and sending their kids to private schools they’ll also be costing the tax payer money. I’d be pointing this out to anyone who presumed to judge you.

It’s not assisting in any way we’ve lived here for over 15 years now it’s not like we started in a studio flat and just had a baby each time we wanted a bigger property that’s not how it works we’ve always lived in the same house

Social Housing isn't subsidised. It's just not more expensive than it needs to be. You aren't paying the interest on someone else's mortgage and a further slice to cover anticipated expenses or profit etc.

Some committee somewhere has decided that everyone should have 2 children. If you have none, one or more than 2 that seems to be against the rules for some people . Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Yes it may be cheaper than private rent but it’s still half of my husbands wages each week to cover rent and council tax we dont get any and never have got any HB or CTB

Social housing ,yeah my friend pays £120 a week for her housing association house ,she has quite a few kids
My morgage is £1200 a month ,if I only had to pay £120 a week in rent I’d of had another child as well..we couldn’t afford another child ,but we could of done had we of been paying monthly what people in housing association pay

Not really full rent though is it ..not when you compare the cost of social housing to renting privately or having a morgage in the same area.
If you can afford another child ,perhaps get a morgage with that spare money ,so someone in actual need can have a home