Really hurt by comments about our family size

[NotaFreeloader]

On announcing my pregnancy I have comments from 4 different people 2 question have I decided to have another just so I ‘don’t have to work’
Another saying we just want a bigger house
Then someone else saying I must not have been careful with contraception- this was a planned baby

For a start yes I do intend to work once the youngest is at school. Whenever that may be and I have a Dh who works and supports us
I don’t want to move we have plenty of room
If I worked now it’d cost the government a LOT for helping with childcare so it’s not that I’m costing ‘the taxpayer’ money

Why can’t people just say congratulations and mind their own business

No ones going to be particularly congratulatory about a fifth pregnancy. Do you think there will be social housing for all 5 of those kids? There won't. So how exactly will their lives turn out? Have a enough time help them when things get tough for them? Well then the rest of us will bail them out. Think the planet was hoping for more humans? Not so much. It's your choice but I would expect balloons.

Eggybread thats a very meanspirited post.

Do you think there will be social housing for all 5 of those kids? There won't.

Why do you assume they will need it @Eggybreadleg ?

Eggy bread is just saying what most people think. In a modern progressive society there is no need to have five children. The only one benefiting is the mother, who wanted a baby. Her children will be educated and looked after on the tax of others. No right or wrong but that's the fact.

@Eggybreadleg
How fuckin nasty, that you assuming OPs kids will need social housing, need her help?
Easy to see who voted Tory on here.

@Shalom23
Should only 2 children families be allowed an education? Would you like a one child rule?
I’m disgusted with the vile snotty replies on here.

A friend wouldn't say why on earth even though they might think it.

Bluntness has it. If my housing costs were so low, we'd have been able to consider more children too.

One wage for 7? Another one who thinks it's ok to raise several kids on bare minimum and 'happiness'

This is incredibly frustrating to read.

Eggys post may not have been nice to read but there are some valid points on the environmental and social impacts of continuing to reproduce.

Of course I dont agree with two child rule or any child being denied health or education but why the fuck should people keep having children while others work to pay for them? I do judge large families reliant on welfare from choice. Why not spend decades considering the moral implications, dont dare question my morals on this, I've spent my life work on looking after people but when someone decides to have another child because "I like babies ", I am the one wholl pick up the shit either through my work or taxes.

People give me grief for only wanting 1 child so it seems the only way you can win is to have 2 children. Might as well have a 2 child policy. congrats and enjoy your new child.

Bluntness has it. If my housing costs were so low, we'd have been able to consider more children too.

So you’re saying you’d like five children? That everyone would if they had low housing costs? That you’d give up your valuable asset - your house - and a mortgage free retirement for a council tenancy? Are you serious?

Only on Mumsnet do homeowners envy council housing. The security of owning is irreplaceable, IMO.

Have as many children as you want. But this childish idea that the state should fund your desire for children is fucking ridiculous. I'd love to have a mansion in France, why o why cant the state fund me? No difference only I sont drag humans into my desire. Have all the babies you want but expect comment and deal with it. FFS thinking your desire to have children trumps everything, no it doesn't. It's just more pressure on health, education etc.

@Shalom23 I don't think the OP relies on state help, just a housing association property which she pays full rent for.

In terms of schooling, medieval care etc- the government relies on most people growing up and paying taxes themselves.

Possible jealousy??? I've (ashamedly) felt like this though I have never voiced it openly because I don't want to upset my friend. She had her 4th and is in council housing, she's always going on about having no money and how benefits have been reduced owing to overpayments and then suddenly has a cash in hand job and can spend £700 on a dog but is in arrears on various bills. My DH and I pay.more than double in rent and can afford 2 children, I'd love more but there is seriously no way to we can afford it. My friend had her fourth knowing she was in a difficult position, I love her but it made me so sad and occasionally wondering why we bothered. It took a while but I got to grips with myself, but I can see why some get upset bit often misread a situation.

Having children means living within your means times are hard and I can understand how the Gov as capped benefits. Other people shouldn’t be expected to pick up the slack! Let’s be fair a few of us would of liked another child but because of money and work commitments it’s not always the most suitable option.

A line has to be drawn some where.

There is absolutely no need to have five children, none beyond the parents need. Every child costs the state a lot. Why out up a post about it. Pure stupid "I want another baby". No one cares. Get a fucking grip unless you are both working in the public service with five giving potential tax payers. Feck of.

I'd never say it out loud but I do think large families in this day and age are usually due to selfishness/ignorance on behalf of the parents.

Yes, it would be lovely to say those dc will all get every chance any other will to better their life, but in the real world that is just extremely unlikely. They need every scrap of help they can get.

I do feel that a parents responsibility is to help dc with their learning, to provide the help and support they will need for uni/apprenticeship/driving/getting a roof over their heads they can call their own.

I meant to add I often hear the excuse that 'so and so is from a large family and now they own a company and a house, they did it all by themselves'.

Things were very different in the 'boomer' years and that was very possible. That just isn't the case now.

If the dc don't go to university (with enough guidance on which courses are actually worth it) /get a decent apprentice position they are fucked.

If they cannot travel to where the competitive jobs are because they can't drive/afford the extortionate public transport fares = fucked.

Same with housing, they will need a bunk up to get on the housing ladder. No one wants to be paying sky high rent if they can help it.

Only on Mumsnet do homeowners envy council housing. The security of owning is irreplaceable, IMO.

Ha! You mean that security half the nation are facing now with everyone facing job losses? Meanwhile those lucky enough to have lifetime tenancies in social housing with low rent that would be covered by benefits if they lost their job?
Yes. So much security.

And nope, I wouldn't want 5 children because I have many siblings and its a fucking miserable life being raised on hand me downs, strict food budgets and no funds for hobbies or opportunities.

I'd have considered having a third perhaps, but we didn't because it would have meant less for the ones we have significantly. We decided better to give the two we have a good quality of life than over stretch ourselves because we felt a bit broody. like most sensible people who have to fund their lives themselves with no subsidies.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

You say you've lived in the same property for 15 years. May I ask how many bedrooms you have, as it would be extremely unusual for you to have been allocated a property with more bedrooms than you need, even 15 years ago (and enforced strictly nowadays in most SH).

lucky enough to swap up to a 5 bed a good few years ago. Its massive, I have a roof garden off my 6mx4m bedroom, a large back garden, front garden and drive way and a garage. Excellent schools within 5 minute walk and my rent is £98 a week.

Bullshit. Our two bed flat costs more than that , in one of the most poverty-stricken areas of the country.

What is their to congratulate exactly OP?

More stress? Less time for your other DC? Because let's face it that's the truth. You wouldn't have done it if in private housing so why not just put those extra funds towards your existing children?

*there

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP, lots of people have more than two DC.
Lots of people will also be genuinely congratulatory.
MN is a strange little london centric-bubble, give the naysayers a tinkly little laugh

Congratulations op

We have 5 dc and once you get past three the congratulations do get less frequent

As another poster said you need a thick skin for a large family