How does a 3rd baby/child change things?

[Molotov]

It's me again (usually here as MolotovCocktail), still deliberating as to whether to try for baby #3 (have been umming and ahhing since January).

Dh is really keen. I'm dithering for lots of reasons, and the main onea are:

• How will I physically keep up with my very active 5yo and 2yo dds whilst pg?
• A 3rd baby means a 2nd ELCS for me (dd1 born vaginally in 2009; dd2 ELCS 2012). CS was fine but knocked me about for a few weeks. Also worried about developing an overhang after 3 babies and 2 csecs.
• I worry a lot and know risks go up after each csec, so I worry about placenta praevia and accreta (I am a born worrier. It is not fun and completely exhausting)

We have 2 beautiful dds - themselves not easy to conceive. Dd2 took 2y and 6 cycles of clomid.

If I did get pg, how would another child impact upon their relationship? They love each other, but bicker terribly at times. How would I split my time between them?

Some days are challenging. I'm sure it's their ages and things should get easier once dd2 turns the next corner in her development (speech/empathy/understanding). If we were to ttc again, it would probably be in the summer so if by some miracle I became pg immediately, dd2 would be at nursery every morning (or close to it) with a newborn at home. That worked well last time.

Sorry, I'm waffling. Did I mention we would have to move house?

I just cant seem to make my mind up one way or the other and it's driving me a bit mad. Not in a bad way - we have 2 children and I'm so thankful for them. No, just mad in the sense that I'd like to either get on with it, or push the idea out of my mind and be done with having babies, iyswim. To stop wistfully looking at my belly and wondering.

I kind of like the fact that my girls are growing together and that dd2 is becoming a child and interacting more with her big sis. Yet, I feel a pang of sadness that it's soon to be time again to put the nappies, pushchairs and daytime naps to bed.

Oh, please help! (Last time I ever start a thread about this, honest )

shiney, I can be a tired shouty Mummy with my two sometimes. I am concerned about this, too.

That is all.

shiney ... what is it?!?!???

oops.

Photo of two of the 3 positive pg tests I did yesterday!

So I guess I can stop pondering for now.

Congrats shiny! :o

I'm still in a pit of indecision myself. Slightly different as we would have to wait a bit longer before starting anyway.

I want to use it as an incentive to get my life sorted out! Move house, lose weight etc

Congratulations, shiney Lovely news.

For me, I saw lots of babies out and about today and kept getting a pang; we ate out yesterday and were flanked by baby boys of

I just didn't expect it so fast!

It took about a year of serious effort last time, this time two months of not really trying much at all.

I keep seeing lots of little babies everywhere too.

Still in slight disbelief at the moment.

Christ, I hope that it works that way for us, too shiny That would be amazing.

Ttc for 2y last time almost broke me; I don't fancy it taking almost a year as it did with dd1.

Time will tell of course. Many congratulations to you - a June baby?

Yes, June. Eek!

I'd actually just decided to start charting last week. I'd dug out my thermometer and was puzzled why the temp wasn't doing a dip at the end of my cycle!

I knew we kind of hit the right time due to being a charting bore after last time. But only once, such a fluke!

I'm a lot more worried about this pg for some reason, in terms of whether it'll stick around and even more about potential baby's health. I guess I feel we've been so lucky so far. Kind of irrational I know.

May I join this thread? Firstly congratulations to shineynewname!

DH and I are/were/still going through the quandary of a third DC.

Both mine are older and lovely, the eldest is nearly in high school!! And it's made me yearn for a small one to do it all over again.

We were looking over the gorgeous pictures of DC1&2 last night, everything since DC2 was born - how, just how, can DC2 be in junior school now?? It makes my heart ache.

However, I got pregnant quite quickly when DH and I got together and we've never had any 'us' time. As the kids have always kind of been around. Now at the ages we have - we are sneaking off for weekends away and having regular dates.

I've also got my career back on track over the last year and an really proud that I've managed to raise two kids and still achieve something work wise. I am well aware I'd risk all that.

But... Then lots of our friends/relatives are having babies 1, 2, 3 and 4!! And are still going.. Plus we've picked prams and names...

But I'm not sure if I want to start again and sacrifice everything I've now got. When DH and I talk about it we both agree that our hearts say yes but our heads say no.

For me I'm afraid It'd be the straw that breaks the camels back so to speak. And that really scares me. But so does seeing my now not so little ones grow up.

I wish I'd have more of a conviction either way. Or if DH made the decision. A year ago we were talking about the snip. The year before we were planning on ttc. We've both been having this internal battle for three years!!!

If I'm truly honest (and this may make me cry a little). I don't think I'm strong enough to do it all again. But it's the never having another baby thought that I'm not quite ready to accept yet.

Sigh.

Welcome fire, I can relate to lots of things you've mentioned - especially the thought of not having it in you to go through pg/babies/toddlers etc again vs never being pg having a baby/toddler again. It's crazy, isn't it?

And yes to fuzz, where being pg with a third baby would force us out of our comfortable, but honestly too small house (ie. it would force us to move).

I panic at the thought of all the practicalities, yet I'm noticing bumps and babies and I keep thinking of a baby boy.

Tbh, that is a concern ... of course a gang of 3 girls would be amazing but I seem to have a preference for a boy Maybe that's because we don't have one and I know of we did have dc3, that child would be our last?

My DM repeated today that I "have my hands full", but that I "do it beautifully". I wasn't able to raise the subject with her today, unfortunately. This was in reaponse to me handling my dds being somewhat demanding at times today.

Checking in.

Congratulations to the bumps and commiserations and wine to the undecided.

My baby girl is now walking, choosing clothes, rough housing with her sister, eating at the table with us. The only traces of baby are her adorable baby toddle and the ever present bib for catching dribble.

And at daycare they hold hands and walk in together, I can see that as of next summer it will get easier as they entertain each other.

And I'm still broody but so uncertain about whether physically I could cope.

Bless you soot, that was such a sweet message Lets both have some

It's just going around and around in my head atm: for any one thought I have, there is always another that contradicts/or for the other side.

How will you manage them all? What happens when you take them to the park and you're trying to round them all up?

But they will be their own little gang. They don't have cousins.

I can picture buckling 3 children into the car ... don't fancy wrestling the youngest 2 but I should be able to manage!

We don't have a history of immediate pregnancies. I've been thinking that perhaps the best thing to do is just not use any contraception from this cycle until dd2's birthday (April). So, we'll have October-April to see what happens: 7 months. If it happens in that time, it was meant to be. And if not, I'll move on.

This would also mean between a 3.3y-3.9y age gap between dd2 and a dc3 (not far from the 3.2y between dds 1&2). There would be between 6.5y-6.11y between dd1 and a dc3.

I feel a bit apprehensive, but I think a little excited, too ...

Molotov. This thread occasionally pops up on active convos and I have a sneaky peek. We were like you, could really not decide one way or the other about a third.

Two years ago I got to about month before my 40th and we agreed to try but not try desperately IYSWIM. We decided that we would give it till New Year (3 months) and then draw a line. A month after my birthday, a BFP. Hope it's the same for you!

I keep checking in on this thread to see how you are doing Molvo. I know we were both thinking about number 3 at the start of the year and like I said earlier in this thread we had a one off whoops in March (6 days before ovulation as well!) and I'm now currently 32 weeks pregnant! I was still having all the thoughts you had been having when we found out and still have days when I hope it's the right thing (like yesterday when my 3 year old ds2 was having a massive meltdown on the way to school and I was thinking how will I cope with one more!), but generally now the decision has been taken out of my hands I found it easier and am feeling positive about it all. Plus I know it's what I really wanted as even after over a year of debating whether to go for it or not we still couldn't say no and kept the cot, and baby clothes 'just incase'. Plus I just felt like I wasn't done. I also think that how it happened makes me think that this baby is meant to be part of our family. I think it sound like a good plan to just go with it as much as you can and maybe having a timeframe might help. Good luck, I hope to see some baby news soon. Xxx

Yes, MrsApps, I remember you! How strange: I was thinking earlier this week that it won't be long for you to have your December baby!

I think I'm seeing signs everywhere - flanked by two babies on Saturday; the name I have in mind for a baby boy appeared on a tv show last night and then a FB friend reported they have a parents evening at the school with the same name as my imaginary boy.

I'm seeing signs, aren't I? I'm perhaps broody? Obsessing? Trying to let myself say 'yes'?

Yes?

Maybe

Really hope if you decide yes that it's an easier time than you've had before.

I think I had my obsessing phase a few months ago. I couldn't stop reading stuff on the internet, couldn't stop r thinking about another baby. Then I decided I should just stop thinking about it and forget it. Then we moved to maybe just see what happens.

Although I'm pretty sure it's called actively trying when you know it's the right mucus (ew sorry)

The kids have been mostly OK this week so I'm not panicking too much . . . yet.

We're on holiday ... a little boy about 6m younger than dd2 has been following my daughters around the beach to play with them ... it's tugging at my heart and imagination.

Then I get all practical. We're staying in a place larger than our house: of course 3 would easily fit in here. The two girls are sharing a room: but where would another dc sleep? She or he would be on her/his own ...

I'm on CD#10 (not so 'safe' now; near to my fertile window) ... we should just go for it and try, right?

It didn't look outlandish to have my 2 girls and that little boy. It did when his big brother came to join the fun, but I could have easily had that extra child as mine (not literally! Just picturing stuff!)

Goodness me ...

I know that dh would like another child. Thw subject came up in yesterday but only briefly (interrupted by both dds). Whenever I want to seriously talk about it: my real concerns/fears, it's like I'm thinking too much. Bringing a downer. That kind of thing.

I keep searching MN for 'third child' '3rd baby' threads.

I am doing my head in.

Our house is too small. I'm scared of another pg/birth. But I still keep thinking of another child.

(7 cycles to see what happens).

Ohhh Molotov it doesn't get any easier does it!

I keep flipping between two extremes too.

I tried to talk with dh about this last night. It wasn't the most productive conversation - I know that ttc our two dds utterly wore us down, so now when there's ever any unease or negativity coming from me wrt ttc, he kind of shuts off.

I repeated some if the things I'm worried about: dds relationship and adding another sibling; money; moving house; childbirth/repeat CS. He just said if we have another baby that would be wonderful and if we kept at our 2 dds, that would be wonderful too. He said that if I keep having those worries, maybe we should stay at 2.

But I think that was said to end the conversation. There wasn't any sense of outcome. Just a frustrating talk for both of us.

Having a bit of a week of it

Non replies (other than fuzz ) on this thread and a difficult conversation with DH the other night show me that yep, this is turning into some kind of bipolar issue.

Yesterday I was thinking that we should stay at 2. I can manage them on my own. I'm fit and healthy. We have a happy routine and lifestyle. If we stay at 2, there isn't a desperate ruah to move; the girls are good sisters. I don't need to get all fat again; have a CS again. Recover again. Lose weight again. Get trim again (my clothes were much too tight again and I felt like a sausage in them. I'm digressing but I had a day of dressing how I did several years ago ... might be good for me to go baggy again?) Weaning; difficult 18-24m stage that I find tricky ...

Then this lady with an utterly perfect 8wo came and sat by us today and I couldn't take my eyes off her tiny, perfect bundle, all wrapped in a knitted blanket.

I'm like 'why am I so against having just one more of this? '

I tried to talk to dh about it, but talking to me must feel like being on a merry-go-round to him.

Gah. And I think I have already ovulated this month. Which I avoided unprotected sex ... no wonder I am doing his head in and mine

I have no rational idea why I squeezed myself into very tight jeans today, other than I'm trying to convince myself that being thia shape will disappear if I get pg again, and may not return after a 3rd pg/2nd CS.

Except I don't look that great. I have a rounded tummy from two pregnancies that turns into a muffin-top when I wear tight jeans. I felt uncomfortable in my mid-20s style clothes today - I mean, they were too tight and there's no rational reason why I dressed like it other than to prove that I still could.

I think I do want to get pg again but I am just scared, for some reason.