How does a 3rd baby/child change things?

[Molotov]

It's me again (usually here as MolotovCocktail), still deliberating as to whether to try for baby #3 (have been umming and ahhing since January).

Dh is really keen. I'm dithering for lots of reasons, and the main onea are:

• How will I physically keep up with my very active 5yo and 2yo dds whilst pg?
• A 3rd baby means a 2nd ELCS for me (dd1 born vaginally in 2009; dd2 ELCS 2012). CS was fine but knocked me about for a few weeks. Also worried about developing an overhang after 3 babies and 2 csecs.
• I worry a lot and know risks go up after each csec, so I worry about placenta praevia and accreta (I am a born worrier. It is not fun and completely exhausting)

We have 2 beautiful dds - themselves not easy to conceive. Dd2 took 2y and 6 cycles of clomid.

If I did get pg, how would another child impact upon their relationship? They love each other, but bicker terribly at times. How would I split my time between them?

Some days are challenging. I'm sure it's their ages and things should get easier once dd2 turns the next corner in her development (speech/empathy/understanding). If we were to ttc again, it would probably be in the summer so if by some miracle I became pg immediately, dd2 would be at nursery every morning (or close to it) with a newborn at home. That worked well last time.

Sorry, I'm waffling. Did I mention we would have to move house?

I just cant seem to make my mind up one way or the other and it's driving me a bit mad. Not in a bad way - we have 2 children and I'm so thankful for them. No, just mad in the sense that I'd like to either get on with it, or push the idea out of my mind and be done with having babies, iyswim. To stop wistfully looking at my belly and wondering.

I kind of like the fact that my girls are growing together and that dd2 is becoming a child and interacting more with her big sis. Yet, I feel a pang of sadness that it's soon to be time again to put the nappies, pushchairs and daytime naps to bed.

Oh, please help! (Last time I ever start a thread about this, honest )

It was my second c section- I had a natural birth with my first then emergency section with my second. I make big babies so decided an elective with my third was wise and I'm glad I did as she was over a week early and over ten pounds. C section recovery was fine both times and I only needed help with the school run as I couldn't drive or walk that far. She has slotted into our family so well and I love hearing them giggle together.

I used to wake up in the middle of the night thinking there was no way three would ever work for us but I'm so glad we decided to do it

And fwiw I now know that there is no way I want another child. After dc2 we kind of decided not to but it was always at the back of my mind. Dh has even had a vasectomy so I know it was the right decision!

We are thinking about number 3, I'm 36 next week so I feel like if we are going to ttc we should get on it really, but ds2 is only 15 months and a bad sleeper, not sure if I could cope with the exhaustion!

Also, I worry about being able to give them all good attention and about one being left out, which is probably a bit silly.

I worried about that too but it really hasn't happened. The dc all give each other attention and we do different things with different dc so it's fine!
I was 33 when we ttc and I felt time was ticking but needn't have worried my youngest is fifteen months and there is no way I would be brave enough to try again now as I am pretty much exhausted!

DH wants 3. Im happy with 2 but could be tempted by 3...except Id want another child like DS2 and not DS1

I love DS1 to bits but he still doesnt sleep through the night (wakes 4-7 times a night) and it really is killing me. He is also difficult to get to sleep for naps/at bedtime. I couldnt face another one like that, not with 2 other DC!

BUT we havent yet got rid of clothes/equipment that DS2 has outgrown (despite havig limited space) so the possibility is still in my mind. DS2 is 4 months. Im going to ignore the question until next summer

except Im not cos I always click on threads about having 3 DC

Embolio my dd2 is 15mo and a terrible sleeper, my dd1 has just turned 4 but is disabled and in many ways the same age as her little sister.

DH and I have agreed not to discuss the subject until next summer. And not ttc until Christmas 2014. Apparently.

It's on my mind so much right now; occupying so much of my thoughts. I don't know whether to just have unprotected sex (when I know I'm ovulating!) over the next 6m and see what happens.

We have unprotected sex but I chicken out when I know I'm probably ovulating

Let's face it, with our history, if I got pg within 6m, then it probably is meant to be!

Had a massive argument with DH today - he has been an utter c*nt to me and it's made me think very hard about having another child with him.

I love the two I have, I would love another child (not just a baby) but I don't know if he could be a dad to three.

Sorry soot, hate big arguments. :(

Molotov I'm not actually charting but know the signs enough to think we may have hit the fertile window this month.

Considering my libido (or complete lack of) is a bit of a hindrance this is a bit of a fluke.

Ah, the joys of searching the net at 1am for 'pros and cons of having a third child'. Can I join in with the constant internal debate? Please if anyone has ANY opinions, I can't canvass them in RL so PLEASE let me have them!!

Firstly, Molotov, I have read the whole thread and actually think you could be me from the internal battle. Part of me thinks definitely and part of me thinks definitely not. How can I be so sure BOTH BLOODY WAYS?!?!

Background: dd1 is almost 4, dd2 is 4 months, I am 26. Have been on maternity shit pay for the past 6 months because of complications with dd2 but don't really have any desire to return to work . Dh is in and out of work and struggling to find permenant work. We have no car (due to personal choice rather than finance) we rent a 2 bed house for an extortionate amount of money for a lovely area.

So it's silly, isn't it to want a third (and then probably a fourth...) tell me things. I can only have a HUGE ugly car, holidays will be less, presents will be less, meals out less frequent. But then I just think..... If there's lots of us sharing a big blanket at Christmas, diving into chocolates and watching a film... Will it matter dh and I aren't at the pub? Or in the Caribbean, or driving in a fancy sportscar? Will laughter and noise and fun in A tent in Somerset make up for a relaxing break with 4 of us abroad?

My other fear is that I know DH (and myself a little) would love a boy, and this would be the first baby that I have a preference... What if it isn't!
And a final thing to consider is what if the baby is disabled? Dd has a genetic condition that could affect neurons but in her it only made her blind in one eye- nothing else... What if next time we weren't lucky? Saying that dd2 doesn't have it at all!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKK
but I do already have a name

Having spent far too much time trawling through the rest of the large family threads, I am buoyant with enthusiasm. I CAN DO IT.

You can do it Molotov, and soot and misfit et al- if they can do 7 then we can do 3!!

Oh. My goodness I should've got to bed hours ago. Baby will be up soon and dh is in magaluf it's a late 30th get together so I'm not very bitter

Welcome to the daily internal struggle, Girl

Hang on a sec ... your dc2 is 4mo? 4mo! What a delightful age That's when they start smiling and babbling

Is it obvious that today has been a 'yeah, I can do it' day?

I hope that I can be brave next month (as I'm on CD#19 and have missed the ovulation boat this month) and start just trying, but not trying

Hehe yeah 4mo.... After dd1 I was convinced that I was never ever going to have any more..... Ever! And now after dd2 the angel child I could have twenty it helped that she's slept through for the past 2 months, no reflux, no colic, barely cries... Just in case I sound smug, I can also tell you that dd1 at 4yo has only just started eating when asked/ started not to cry every day/ only wakes up once per night!

She is delicious Molotov :)

Out of interest is your dh on board for more dc? More keen? Dp has just said that we will see how it goes rather than the last go of ttc when I was trying to jump his bones every night

Girl can I ask about complications you had? I had complications after both my deliveries (first one was left brain damaged because of hospital incompetence and the second I was effectively bedridden after a untreated UTI) and thats something which worries me about a third delivery. Particularly as I have been told I am a high risk case.

But like you DD1 (disabled) was hard bloody work, dd2 is a delight in every way even if she doesn't sleep either and I can't quite let myself give up the idea of a third child to add balance to this family where people don;t pigeonhole my DC isn;t the roles they think they belong to.

Of course, ask away! Sorry to hear about you having a tough time delivery wise. To be honest the delivery with my second could not have gone better, it was just the fact that they were both whisked away to neonatal before a cuddle :( The condition with dd1 is a genetic one called 'incontinentia pigmenti', a really rare female-linked one caused by a wonky X chromosome.

Unfortunately if a boy was to have my 'faulty' X and dp's Y chromosome then it would just miscarry due to lack of X chromosome. So my odds of having children are 25% healthy girl, 25% healthy boy, 25% girl with ip (I have it and am not affected at all however some suffer severe neurological problems, obviously blindness in one eye is quite common and severe skin pigmentation and blisters) and 25% miscarriage. Which is always a bit scary, and I'm not sure whether to have another would be pushing my luck iykwim?

Added to this dd2 was born with a club foot, which although is being sorted now, was a bit of a pain and she will need special boots (albeit overnight) until she is 5!

Pregnancy wise I suffered pre eclampsia with the first and gestational diabetes with the second. Both leading to early inductions, but I fought for an early epidural th second time which really helped.

Is there anyone that could/would support you through the delivery and keep battling for your side? My dp is very vocal and when I had no energy to keep demanding, he was brilliant at asking the midwives to explain things etc

There have been a lot of comments such as 'third time lucky' though which is very hurtful as I have two gorgeous daughters :( and my fil was very vocal about thinking I should have an abortion with dd2 due to 'the risk of having a disabled child' oh and being born outside of wedlock. (I have been with my partner for 8 years, lived together for 7, and he is the father to both my childen)

He is a twunt of the highest order (fil not dp )

I think, for me, I would like to have a son. I feel like I have a little boy who just hasn't come to me yet. I think that's a 'heart' rather than 'head' feeling: we have 2 wonderful dds who mean the world to me. Both were not easy to come by. And if I didn't get pg again, we already have our girls.

If I did get pg with another girl, of course I would still be delighted A gang of 3, beautiful, giggling girls. I certainly wouldn't 'try' for that little boy I can see in my mind's eye.

Another friend announced she is pg! (2nd dc). There is something going on around here! Hopefully, if I am brave enough to go for it over the next few months, some of whatever magic it is will get to us

I'm thinking that we should try now. I'm not getting any younger; age gaps will be bigger; I'll always wonder about that dc3 otherwise.

And yes, today is one of those 'I can definitely do it' days moment in the day, anyway

Girl, my dh is mad keen for another little girl But would stick at 2 if I decided

Today I picked my dd2 up from nursery and for the first time she walked to me, I have a toddler not a baby then she said mama, wrapped her arms around my neck hugged me and kissed me then wriggled back down to the floor and toddled off.

It's the first time she has done that. My baby is very definitely growing up. I also had a 'throw caution to the wind and just go for it' moment today.

Been keen for 3 kids all my life really and now it's decision time and I'm terrified!! Will it ruin things for two I've got, will I cope, will dh resent it if its all too exhausting, is my career over?- argh- I wondered if it was normal to have this many worries about it but reading through this it seems I am not the only one! Does anyone just know they want three and go for it without all this angst?!

Yes, Lady, I wonder about those ladies/families who just knew that they were meant to have 3dcs.

I'm doubting that I have it in me

When we last dtd I was all for not using contraception, amd then I get this flurry of thoughts within about 3 seconds (not romantic AT ALL, sorry dh )

How will I manage our girls and another baby? We have a nice life: what sort of financial impact will another dc have? x3 sets of clothes, x3 lots of school shoes, toys ... We will have to move house but we can't really - I like it here. But we can't fit another child in. Agh! Another CS! Everything is back to normal; I'll upset it all again. Agh! Those awful, itchy TED stokings ...

I've really wound myself up thinking about it so much. Ended up crying on dh! I so wish it had happened by accident! And that is a silly thing to think - really it means we should just do it...

I dare not cry on dh over this, especially after the trouble we has ttc dd2. I've tried to talk about my concerns but he's very 'bottom line' about it. I don't think he can go through the many grey areas I see. It's black or white. We either do or don't.

An accident would be a good thing ... but this kind of accident would be akin to lying down on a motorway, waiting to be run over!