Multiple failures, a place to chat

[Zippybear]

Anyone else out there with multiple failures wondering what to do next? We've just had our fourth embryo transfer fail. Issues on both sides. In the last year I've had two surgeries, dh has had one and we are still no further forward. We haven't had a holiday that wasn't time off for ivf since 2015. We feel battered and bruised and stuck on a hellish infertility rollercoaster that we can't get off unless we want to accept childlessness we have another nhs cycle but I'm not sure I can cope with it (or if there is any point). I don't know whether to give up, think of donor, adoption or just accept our lot. Anyone else wondering the same?

Sgt banana brilliant. Totally with you on the rules. Can I add one more rule for the uber barrens club?

1. No sodding baby dust. If huge amounts drugs (of the fertility variety not the recreational variety) and science haven't got us out of the uber barren club, "baby dust" (whatever the fuck that is), is going to do bugger all.

Welcome user

Angelica - hoping EC went well and fx for great news from the love lab tomorrow

I have let myself give up acupuncture, and it's a blessed relief. I went religiously throughout all my cycles, including all the ones cancelled due to thin lining, and the ones where we were desperately trying to get me to have a bleed (and couldn't)

After pissing hundreds thousands up the wall on ridiculous magic needles I finally let myself stop going. I didn't find it in the slightest bit relaxing, I just lay there fidgeting. I stopped going, and we finally, finally got my lining in check. Not because acupuncture - or the lack thereof - had anything to do with it. But because we finally got the right combination of meds and interventions right.

I've been spending the money I'd been pissing up the wall on magic needles on something I actually enjoy - like getting massages and my nails done. If we have a baby it'll be science and luck, not fertility woo, that gets us there.

My superstition is now possibly going in reverse, in that I did acupuncture for all my cycles and both transfers ended in BFP but no baby. So will no acupuncture mean BFN, or will my luck change and it'll be a BFP that sticks?! Those on failure stories may remember my existential crisis about lucky / not lucky socks....

Hi barren battalion

EC was hideous. Unlike the prevous two times, I was aware of what was going on throughout and fuck did it hurt. Don't know if they've fiddled with the amount of sedation they administer but it wasn't enough. I bled like a motherfucker afterwards (still am) and they casually mentioned theyd had to go through my bladder to get some of the eggs as one of my ovaries is tucked away awkwardly .

Just been for a drive through McDonald's on they way home though, so at least the day's not a complete write off 😣

Hope everyone else is ok - I may have to stay in the sick bay for a few days....

Oh poor you Angelica. I am sorry to hear that. Hope the sick bay is stocked with plenty of

Oh, and welcome to the battilion, user. Sorry you find yourself here.

What a nightmare angelica, how are you feeling today?

Hi all, thanks for your kind thoughts - I'm signing myself out of the sick bay with a g&t in hand . Stiff upper lip and all that.

Feeling much better today, although we discovered that Girl on a Train is REALLY not a good film to watch when you're in the middle of ivf 😱. That film should come with a trigger warning!

We've decided we're going away for Christmas this year if this cycle doesn't work . Can't deal withy sister's imminent new baby on my side and two perfect nephews one husband's.

Anyone use travel as a coping mechanism?

Sorry to hear about your EC Angelica. The last 2 I have had have resulted in fresh red blood in my urine for 24 hours after - I wonder if they have to do that regularly? Hope you are feeling much better now.

Have to get my AMH checked next week. I am dreading it. We all know that is goes down but it is such a crap reminder of my fertility draining away.

What really annoys me is that everyone else's amh will also be slowly reducing but they can get pregnant, so they never need to know about it.....

I have a large extended family Christmas this year with many children present and more due before then. Really, really not looking forward to it.

Hope you are all having a good weekend xx

Angelica your EC sounds horrendous I hope you feel better soon.

Bigger and Angelica - haven't dared go see girl on the train although I found the book just about copeable with. Infertility has also ruined my telly and cinema viewing - I quite enjoyed Catastrophe until all of this, now I even find the title of the show offensive!

I'm in self imposed exile on this beautiful day to avoid all the bloomin families out and about. Luckily the irritatingly noisy family next door have gone out (no I am not thrilled by your whooping from morning until night).

We are considering getting a dog - I'd like to put a question to the troops, has anyone got one and has it helped you? It feels like an admission it will never happen in a way but I think it could be lovely to have the companionship and good fun doing training etc as well as making us have to get outside and have some structure in our lives. Thinking about a greyhound....

Sorry also forgot to say - Bananafish - agree about acupuncture - expensive, uncomfortable and I found it stressful! Really hard to give up when other people go on about its magical properties. Gah.

I'm sorry to just drop in but after 4 years ttc, 3 failed IVFs, 2 of which ended miscarriage, including a mmc at 11 weeks in November, I know how horrific it is to be further back than square one time and time again and wonder if it will ever happen. Waves to banana, zippy and pink especially who have all helped keep me sane in dark times.

Anyway, I just wanted to say hello, and specifically to answer users question about getting a dog, especially as greyhounds were mentioned! We adopted a retired greyhound after 6 months ttc and I was already getting anxious about it not happening (yeah, I know). It was the best thing we ever did! We are a family of three, and having her made us feel more complete and our house less empty, as well as all the other benefits and joys that having a dog brings. That probably sounds so naff but it really worked for us, so I'd say go for it!

Right, back to lurking again.

Ps even trainspotting 2 mentions infertility FFS

Thanks Tiger (and thanks for delurking) and Bigger too that is really helpful, I'm glad your dogs bring you happiness they sound lovely! I think my husband is reluctant because of people thinking it is a baby replacement but hey really who cares if it is something that could bring us some much needed joy. We will investigate and go and see some dogs. I am keen on the greyhounds, actually feel a bit excited for the first time in ages :)

Another film that made me and my husband both cry was lala land, it was a bit strange as it was nothing out of the ordinary (I'm trying not to give any spoilers) but we were both upset by the end and trying not to show the other. Another one to beware!

I'd add Arrival to that list. I was in bits.

I quite liked Trainspotting 2 in that (spoiler alert) the infertility bit wasn't the usual happy ending

Hi Bigger, hope you're doing ok - thank you for asking (I'm not deliberately not giving updates, I just done want to bang on about my cycle in case it bores people)

Its not great really, compared to our previous rounds. Out of 13 eggs only 9 were ICSI'd and 5 fertilised. 4 were still going on Monday and were getting a call from the clinic tomorrow to confirm how many (if any) blasties we have viable for PGS and freezing.

Our numbers have gone down with each cycle but fingers crossed its quality not quantity.

We're trying to decide what the minimum number of embryos we need to justify PGS. It seems a bit pointless shelling out almost £3k biopsying 2 or 3 embryos when you're allowed maximum of 8 for the same price.

I'm terrified of the call from the clinic tomorrow

How is everyone else doing? I was thinking earlier - can anyone else think of a single film/TV show with an actual realistic depiction of infertility, childlessness or adoption? I mean, where there isn't a miracle pregnancy that fixes everything or the childless woman isn't protrayed as some mental head case (or alcoholic as per Girl on the Train).

I'm still in a huff that theyve given Shelagh a miracle post-adoption, against-all-odds pregnancy in Call the Midwife

Sorry to hear your numbers are disappointing Angelica. I have my fingers crossed for you today.

I am struggling to think of a sensitively handled ivf story in either TV or film. I am sick of fictional barrens being chacterised as either uptight, tragic or batshit. And don't get me started on the Miracle Pregnancy Phenomenon. It's because they 'stop trying and just relax', presumably. 😡

I binge watched sex and the city for the first time ever during my last cycle (I could concentrate on nothing else!) there's quite a bit about infertility in there - Charlotte has to go through realising she is infertile at the same time as Miranda gets accidentally pregnant (and then has to listen to her whine about it throughout the pregnancy). Charlotte is obviously struggling but ends up organising the baby shower probably to prove she's not a bad person. There's a weird seen in later series presumably during ivf (although it's not really mentioned) where she is cooking her husband breakfast and gets a call from the clinic and says 'what none of them? Again? Ok!' And goes back to cooking breakfast (I presume zero fertilisation?!!!!) Her husband slowly pushes her towards adoption and signs them up for Chinese adoption and then, of course, it all works out in the end ... There's a whole bit about her befriending a lady with a dog in the park and getting a puppy too. Hardly an accurate representation but it did make me feel a little less alone during down regulation