Multiple failures, a place to chat

[Zippybear]

Anyone else out there with multiple failures wondering what to do next? We've just had our fourth embryo transfer fail. Issues on both sides. In the last year I've had two surgeries, dh has had one and we are still no further forward. We haven't had a holiday that wasn't time off for ivf since 2015. We feel battered and bruised and stuck on a hellish infertility rollercoaster that we can't get off unless we want to accept childlessness we have another nhs cycle but I'm not sure I can cope with it (or if there is any point). I don't know whether to give up, think of donor, adoption or just accept our lot. Anyone else wondering the same?

lesslea just seen your post from a month ago about DCN workshop. DH and I attended one 18 months when thinking about using donor sperm. Found it massively helpful. Not so much the practicalities of It, Google will tell you that. Nor the ethics of It and whether the child will be messed up, only time will tell. But mostly for being in a room with 7 other couples in the same boat and feeling normal, having a good cry and generally a good therapy session. We went ahead with sperm donation anyway. Good luck x

Hi banana and everyone else. Re-lurking.

There's another aibu thread at the min about surrogacy and the ethics of donor. Depressing reading.

Delurking again to say purple I LOVE your comment on the depressing ‘can someone be too fertile?’ thread in AIBU.

Not re-lurking just yet as off to see what the donor thread says and what bananafish has posted on the latest surrogacy thread. May need to come back and vent after seeing those threads.

Hey bigger sorry to hear about your failed cycle. Fuck this shit. I totally agree, the infertility boards make me grit my teeth too.. Sorry state of affairs to be too infertile for infertility. Off to check out Reddit now

Also want to 🙌🏻 Purple for that amazing comment on the’too fertile?’ thread, god how I laughed!

Thank you Banana, you remain my inspiration. Truly fantastic, well balanced, intelligent and calm arguments on the surrogacy thread which I’ve just read. As usual, complete morons commenting about situations they just don’t empathise with.Your first post was so moving, giving very personal details about your situation, but in usual MN style this get completely ignored straight away by idiots. You are so right to fight the corner, well done the having the strength to do it.
I’m going to give my cervix one more shot and then I’ll be onto surrogacy too albeit with a donor egg so god forbid what the uneducated masses would make of that. DE & surrogacy, & no family friend to do it for us - horror!!!!

Bigger, am really sorry to hear of your failed cycle too. Hope you are ok xx

I've reported @AmbK for being an insensitive spammer

Fuck off

bigger I'm so sorry for your failed cycle, really hope you and mr bigger can be kind to yourselves. It's just so shit

mrsfw we can be selfish arseholes together - obvs loving parents to a deeply wanted and loved child are clearly scum who shouldn't be allowed to exist. The thread drove me potty particularly because the actual surros on the thread were being told their own opinions didn't count and they were involved in their own subjugation. Clearly someone else who has no explanation of surrogacy knows far more about what is good for a surro then a surro does. FFS. I'm out on that thread - they just want to wang on about how selfish and exploitative and damaging it is, fine. Is it any wonder that surrogacy and donor conception are kept under wraps when the debate turns into personal attacks

This dropped off my active threads, thanks for all the compliments! That thread made me want to hit my head against a wall. Lots of things seem to make me feel like that at the moment.

I’m trying to take a break from thinking about the whole conception thing at the moment. I just don’t feel like I’ve got the mental energy left right now.

Sending good vibes to all on the worst thread to be on (selfishly, I’m glad there are people that are here with me). 🏎

No idea where that racking car came from.

So sorry to hear of your failed cycle Bigger. Thinking of you. Thanks for the reddit link, will definitely check it out.

Sorry that everyone is having such a shit time with unthinking morons on AIBU (and here, lol). I had a sneak peak at the 'having children isn't the end of the world' thread but obviously it gave me the rage (what is it with people telling us how we should be feeling/telling us what we are feeling is helpful despite not now or ever being in our situation?) I'm sure the surrogacy threads were much of the same. Some people will never get it but I do think that every post that challenges the idiots telling us what we can or cannot feel about our situation (or our motives for doing or not doing something to have children, something they will never understand) does have some impact and will have some impact on some people (maybe not the people you are arguing with directly but others for sure).

In me, me, me news I've actually unexpectedly had a really good week (in a small way - some good and unexpected career and financial news - don't want to say anything too identifying but I'm sort of in the middle of a career change, brought on by my first miscarriage 4 years ago, and things are looking really great that it's going to work and be a huge positive thing for me). I think part of it is probably that the days are getting lighter, and sometimes sunny. I threw away my Vit D and folic acid pills after the miscarriage in September in a fit of pique and I think the darkness of the winter really got to me, but I feel like this last week I've been happier than I've been for a long time. Sometimes it's just a little thing or two that can make you feel good. I hope some of you can find the same thing. Well, I hope all of you can find it, but I know that's not always possible. Anyway, we are all due some good karma, that's for sure.

Glad to hear you have had some good news tammy 🍾 I also find the lighter days help
massively mentally. And always good when your life is able to move on a little
In other ways. We've been watching friends reruns and dh was humming the theme song and then asked me 'do you ever feel like you are stuck in second gear?!' Errrmmmmm YES! we've been stuck in second gear for years! 🐌🐌🐌 (In between periods of racing around the infertility rollercoaster purple 🏎🏎🏎)

Second gear and sometimes reverse, Zippy. Sad but true.

sprays spam-be-gone over thread

I've read the rules of posting on that reddit thread and I love them. Obviously written by people who get it. We're going to need a new thread here soon.

Ahhh my old favourite STAY POSITIVE! wow thank you for that StephieB that's so fucking helpful
Glad you have some spam-be-gone left tammy I'm all out

Their rules rock! We are not alone

Do you think we should migrate en masse over to reddit? Or invite them here. Who has the least spammers I wonder.

Ah yes, positivity... if only my consultant knew to tell me that too my last 8 cycles would’ve WORKED!!! Silly me!!!!!

Stay positive, ,my personal fucking favourite. Followed only closely by my mil, I don't know why your upset at us baby bombing you in public with SIL news, it should give you hope.

Glad something positive going on for you Tammy.

I'm just a misery here. One of the girls at work is pregnant after one early miscarriage. She's a lovely girl, but as one of the managers, and the only female she confides in me a lot. I find that hard. I also worry endlessly for her. Like I don't want her to go through anymore hurt. I can't explain it really, it's like anyone being pregnant terrifies me.

I don't mind where we go but I do know I need you all and the next thread, wherever that may be.

I'm still hoping for our dog friendly, booze allowed catch up one day.

Have been trying to avoid all those threads but have seen some just because I start and can't stop. Glad for all your ability to fire them down, I would just type fuck off. And then get banned or something.

Good luck on the next round bigger. I hope the next round works well for you. Our last round was the most expensive too and it really hit the wallet. We are in the same situation with the next one, if it even happens, it will be our last.

I can't read other threads for very long, if at all. Its too frustrating. Some comments can be very hurtful even if well intentioned. This whole experience has made me more understanding of people and now I watch what I post and say out of respect for the person and their situation.

I dunno how things might change with Brexit bigger but I guess cost of travel is likely to rise, and I wonder would uk pharmacies still accept a European prescription? Might be worrying over nothing but it would make getting meds a real pain if that happened.

Barren moment #203 - on the way to clinic I was talking to dh about being infertile and he says 'come on, we aren't infertile, we are subfertile!' It's a delusion of his that's probably easier for him than accepting the harsh truth that neither of us has a hope in hell of reproducing. Anyway, we get to the clinic and have to sign some forms, in block writing in multiple places it says - PLACE FOR INFERTILE COUPLE TO SIGN....
Dh turns to me l, raises his eyebrows and says 'I guess that clears that up'