The mind numbing boredom of infertility III

[icy121]

Are you Barren & Bored? You've come to the right place!

We do: swearing, empathy, bitterness, tears, sardonic laughter, glittery shit and mocking idiots who know nothing jon snow.

We don't do: baby dust, relentless positivity, "u ok hun", "I had a friend who..", pithy advice or sentimentality generally.

Previous threads 1 and 2.

Now that you've got all that down, welcome to the barren ghetto.

Awww wizzi me to. What's the etiquette with proseccoI know I sound like a arse but at no point in this entire one million appointment at hospital nightmare has anyone mentioned alcohol. I am not a big drinker anyway but I do like prosecco. Am I correct in assuming I should not drink whilst stabbing or is it normal recommended amounts or what is the story?

Afternoon fiends, I've been lurking and licking my wounds since last week's BFN. Just had a lovely night out with cocktails which has cheered me up a fair bit, though. I'm on my phone so it's hard to scroll and do a full post but I am thinking of all of you with your stabbing and waiting. It's such a tough ride but everyone's strength and humour is very inspiring. Glittery shit to all.

Hello all,

Have been following the thread and lurking for a fair while but would like to dive back in if that's ok? Seems I can't keep my head in the sand forever. I'm two IVF cycles down, one short lived bfp followed by a bfn, and not really very hopeful at the moment. 36 in a few weeks, which is also a depressing thought....another milestone and I'm still not pg.

Sorry you had a bfn pepper but glad the cocktails helped a bit. I have been enjoying a drink or two since my last bfn cycle, sort of went a bit crazy after three months of being teetotal!

fourpaws I read an article the other day that suggested that drinking should be avoided during IVF. For my cycles I have given up alcohol completely for a couple of months fuck all good it's done but the odd glass surely can't hurt. The bleeding sounds like a headfuck, so frustrating when bodies decide to go renegade! Aww to you packing up your horse, hope you don't miss him too much.

wizzi good luck with your cycle, EC isn't too bad, I prefer being knocked out and unaware to being wide awake, whilst the world and his wife are foraging down the business end!

bip that's really interesting about the hidden C test. I have been toying with it as something else to 'tick off' as it were, in the quest to explain our unexplained infertility. Will the result change your plans on what to do next?

banana have been following your story and wishing you well.

icy that gut wrenching sadness sounds all too familiar. It is beyond shit. I think I recall you had got engaged? I got married in April and can thoroughly recommend it as both a distraction from the barren misery, and a lovely reaffirming experience. DH and I have been together almost 11 years and it was great to do something to celebrate our relationship, especially after the last three years, which have been quite tough and sad.

Potatoes hope your head wasn't too sore.
Hope you're ok. The pain is just too raw sometimes. Vodka and snot fest is probably what's needed to let it all out every now and again.

Waves to everyone else and loads of luck to those starting out on treatment. Will catch up with the rest of the thread. Can't quite believe there are so many people going through this shite.

fourpaws My FS recommended I stop drinking during IVF. I had considered stopping drinking when I started TTC and thank fuck I didn't, because I didn't need to be teetotal for more than 2 years. Thank god for alcohol. I'm hoping at least to lose a tiny bit of weight through not drinking, but not counting on it (given that I seem to be replacing booze with scones).

Second jab just now. I made my husband come and watch me do it, and then he gave me a lovely cuddle and it has all made up for the unpleasantness of last time. It hurt more though!

tigerdog welcome to the shithole!

zenzie I wrap an ice cube in kitchen towel and hold it to the area for about a minute. Find it helps a lot with pain.

Oh icy I am stealing that tip. Mine was also much stingier and sore today. My hospital appointment is not till 30th june. This is gonna be a very very long month.

Just reading the Oliver's army thread in disbelief. I was taken in. Usually am. Just don't understand why people would do such a thing. Can't get my head around it at all.

Oops, posted to soon. Thanks for clarifying re prosecco. I thought that was the case but had never thought to actually ask anyone. Ach well, end goal and all that.

tigerdog welcome. Some journey eh? 35 ain't old, I'm 39 so hang in there

fourpaws a long month indeed ...likewise off the sauce for the month but only because I would beat myself up even more if this shit fails and I'd been necking the vino.

Zenzie hope today's shooting up went ok

Pepper cocktails sound friggin awesome at the moment - hope the hangover wasn't too bad

Started on the cetrotide shot today, that is one big assed shot...completely misfired and drew blood. Not a good start to the week. May steal your tip too icy thanks. On positive side had first scan and have 12 follies which he said was good...I have no idea ?? Just keeping expecting bad shit to happen.

Gosh so many hugs to dole out, newbies to welcome, stabbers to big up and general glitter shit to lob around liberally

On phone so apols for lack of personals. Thinking you all fiends. Saw there's a BESH thread in 'infertility' where they said they're like us but haven't given up yet. No glitter shit for them!!! Or maybe I'm just hormonal (AF looming, I hope) and therefore not in am especially forgiving mood

BTW stabbers, as well as ice, if you get some EMLA cream (local anaesthetic cream aka the magic cream you had if you ever had a blood test as a kid) that also works a treat

Got a helluva surprise when the embryology lab called, shat myself there'd been some terrible lab error and all our embryos had been dropped or something. Wasn't expecting to get our PGS testing results back till next week, as they said 2 week turnaround and the biopsies only went off on Weds

Amazingly, they were calling with the results and thank fuck it was good news. Out of the 12 tested, 6 came back as genetically normal. DH and I wept and wept and wept with joy. Knees buckled and sobbed happy tears.

We have a long long way to go, because I've already miscarried one genetically normal embryo, so now is where it gets really fucking scary.

But fuck me when 11 months ago we were told I was peri menopausal, and my ovarian reserves had declined 93% in 5 years, to be here now. Couldn't have possibly imagined.

In the last 10 months we've done three fresh IVF cycles, one cancelled IVF cycle, one pregnancy, one ERPC, one hysteroscopy, and about to do one FET

Fuck me. Sorry for me me me. Just a bit of a headfuck day (in a good way, I think)

Dancing for you banana! Epic news!

Hurrah BESH in the barren ghetto! All their previous threads in conception, I've been lurking in and out for 2 years. They're militant barrens too, but with fish vs dog shit (glitter optional), hags instead of fiends, gin and howling. Also some seriously well informed ladies there who've been there done it and know more than the consultants [puts down pompoms]

Banana so pleased to hear you've got 6 good ones! I guess the next step is doing absolutely everything you can to get your body into its fucking a game. When do you think you'll start next cycle? Christ your list of treatment sounds mental. Have some dog shit for your troubles, and also a super soaker (dog piss?) to squirt at overly fertile fuckers.

I'm on cd 9, feel periody and crampy; spotting today (never spot, rarely leak any fluids there really - don't have to use liners). We had an epic shag on Saturday and then again on Sunday AM (pow!) but on the sat shag I felt my ovaries being prodded so perhaps some residual ohss? maybe the spotting is sex blood.

I also did exercise in Saturday first time since I started stabbing plus 3 okay 4 weeks prior to that

STEP AWAY FROM GOOGLE FUCKSSAKE; I've just pumped my body with fucking hormones for 5 weeks and had a needle rammed through my vaginal wall to prod ovaries! It would be mad if everything WASNT fucked up what's really fucked up is my first reaction was still "Oooh I wonder if this means I'm...". TWAT

Oh banana that is totally epic! What an amazing number to have, and getting any sort of guarantees in this game is priceless. Onwards to the FET!

Feel for all you stabbers. It's hard graft. Couldn't be arsed to go as far as the freezer tonight so just nonchalantly rammed the needle in all casual-like and Christ alive, worst one yet! I remember the Cetrotide being evil too, oh yes.

Hope you fiends all have a better week. It's awful hearing of people in such emotional pain, especially when it resonates so closely with you too but God knows there is strength in numbers!

Hi all,

Thank you so much for the welcome. I feel like I have found my people! It's so great to not feel like the weird one

I can't work out how to scroll back on my phone to see everyone's posts, but hoping that this week is positive for everyone. Banana I have all my fingers firmly crossed for you.

Start buserelin jabs on Weds. Seems like there are a few of us on similar dates? This is our first cycle and the tips about ice are very helpful, thank you. Though now having a quiet freak out as the practice ones we did at the clinic didn't hurt at all!

We had a barrentastic weekend and our last drink until we're through this cycle. Trying very hard to take it one day at a time at the mo as just find it all overwhelming to think of the what the whole thing involves.

Can I ask, if people don't mind sharing, whether you've told friends at all? DH and I have got different views on this and both keep changing our minds as to what might be best!

Hey panther - I'll tell anyone who'll listen! Within reason of course, but pretty much all our close friends know we're starting. I'm not bothered by people knowing.

I'm the same as zenzie, within reason (not work). But every time I get asked about whether I think I'll have my own kids I open up. Personal choice though & I like making fuckers feel uncomfortable.

Hi panther, I've told a fair few people now, but only really after my failed first cycle. It is a huge part of our lives - all the uncertainty, the treatment, not being able to plan etc. and it got too much to keep it under wraps. 4 years we've been TTC or planning for a baby, that's a long time to keep something quiet.

Some people have been amazing, but what I would say is be prepared for some pretty crap responses that dismiss or minimise the whole thing. Not sure if it is a lack of understanding or just awkwardness, but I've had moments where I feel like I'm confiding something huge and it's been ignored almost, or the responses made me wonder if they'd understood what I was saying!! Plus all the usual - relax, there's always adoption, make the most of the lie ins etc etc. or thinking that IVF is a guaranteed quick fix.

Great news banana. 6 frosties is fantastic, when will you do your FET?

banana that is great news, I'm so pleased for you.

I'm with icy and tiger on sharing: four years is a long time to hide something so big and it becomes hard to answer a simple question like "what have you been up to?" honestly if you don't tell. So with some people I share, and others i avoid so as not to share/lie. I also find that people say such fucking ridiculous shit that I enjoy making them feel stupid helping them understand what it's all about.

I agree with the others. Initially, we told nobody, but that just gave us so much stress because we were essentially lying to people. Now our close friends and family know, plus a few trusted people at work. I have been both amazed and touched but also disappointed with the responses. Some people don't get it, most have been great though.

Oh and well done banana, so delighted for you x

Long time lurker ... Just wanted to say a quick sorry to Banana as a BESH.
Really sorry, I can see how that may have come across wrong and if wasn't meant to mean this thread has people who have "given up" as that's not at all what we believe so I wanted to apologise.

we've been low on recruits and spent ages debating whether to start our new thread here or in conception purely because the mindnumbing thread seems to be exactly what we are too and we didn't want to replicate an already brilliant thread.

We weren't sure where we belong because we all started as BESH early in the conception journey (so believing we were just 'slow starters') and then almost all of us turned out to be barrens over the course of the years we've posted together. So the current BESH are definitely barrens and accepting of it, but we were worried new recruits (as I was once) wouldn't join (what is an amazingly supportive place) if we claimed the title of 'infertility' (I didnt think I was infertile when I joined BESH over 2 years ago ) - so essentially what the comment meant was for people who aren't ready to acknowledge a barrenness (if that makes sense)

Again, I'm really sorry it came out wrong. The BESH love the mindnumbers and I personally have been lady crushing on you all for sometime now (and you banana helped me loads when I was IVF-ing)

I won't steal your glittery dog shit but will send a Hagfish of humbleness instead

Sorry to leap in on the thread

Hello blue. Thank you for explaining that so well. I have lurked on BESH for a while and was most confused like banana by the not given up comment. I have been muttering away to myself all morning, "I haven't given up, I am stabbing away here like mad". That makes much more sense. I suppose i flit between not accepting this has happened, and the reality of this happening, which at the moment has a cold, sharp sting. Anyway, welcome to you all and I will pop over and say hi and shit.

banana that is great news. Any news on the FET?

Thanks paws, glad my rambling made sense

banana that is fab news. To all the stabbers - hang on in there. To my fellow 2ww endurers, we can make it. Glittery dog shit to us all including all the lurkers and those waiting. I'm off with DH for a few days to pretend we aren't thinking about it all, eat my body weight in ice cream and try not to drool over the thought of a cold glass of Prosecco whilst people watching as I can't have one... See you in a few days.

I'm just proud to be part of a thread that other people are talking about! Has never happened to me before! Don't worry blue

Enjoy Peaop, eat it all!

I'm back to a being a sugar fiend and it is making me giddy. I think I'd feel better if I stuck to the doc approved diet and wasn't doing a stim cycle.

So phantom period pains continue; spotting, pains in tits and urgh cramping feelings. Hate it. God almighty I can't wait to get on with the next cycle and just fucking get on with it.