The mind numbing boredom of infertility III

[icy121]

Are you Barren & Bored? You've come to the right place!

We do: swearing, empathy, bitterness, tears, sardonic laughter, glittery shit and mocking idiots who know nothing jon snow.

We don't do: baby dust, relentless positivity, "u ok hun", "I had a friend who..", pithy advice or sentimentality generally.

Previous threads 1 and 2.

Now that you've got all that down, welcome to the barren ghetto.

Oh and here's my contribution - it's no whippet, but it feels somewhat appropriate

Thank you for the welcome and good luck to everyone having treatment. I'm 42 sammylou. We're hoping to have another go, but having a break now over the summer.

Haha thanks for the pic banana - and great job on the numbers!! That's so exciting.

Welcome wildflowers- that sounds really tough, you've certainly been through a lot.

I feel quite low this week, I'm struggling. I'm not sure if the crappy weather is partly to blame. I feel like I'm doing worse not better. I want to be happy and don't want to waste any more time to being unhappy but nothing makes me feel happier- I just want to still be pregnant.

How's everyone else doing? Any updates vixx, pebbles, icy?

Kiwi I felt exactly the same after mc, just desolate. The best advice I had was to just be, and let myself grieve for something/one desperately wanted. It takes time. I hope that once the hormones start to settle too you'll feel a bit better. to you, it fucking sucks.

Hey folks. Have been lurking after last weeks bfn. We've decided to wait until at least August before trying again. Hoping for an irondiff before then but we all know that's unlikely!

Just sat down to have a read and catch up, then I realised the bloody time! Off for a shower before I jab (like a pro). Will br back soon!!!

All done!
Wow banana that's a great result! You have a great plan in place to get that soil ready for the seed. It will bloody work!!
I have 1st scan in a few days...not feeling any effects yet.

grumpel how are you?
icy I am glad you cannot keep away, stick around and be bitter with us.

peop stay away from the eggs! You'll have to find a new distraction during your 2ww.
angelica wow, what a way to find out about another impending birth! Glad you can keep your distance from them. Try hold out till the sprog is walking and no longer cute.
Welcome agpant shit that you're here with us. Stick around and we'll prop you up along the way. Hope you get off to a good start with ICSI.
kiwi cannot imagine how shit it must feel and I am sorry that nothing said will make you feel better. Hope the weather perks up for you, cocktails in the sun could help?
zenzie any closer to starting?
vix hope all is ok, thinking of you.

So I am visiting my mum this weekend, she doesn't know anything about us doing IVF.
I am trying to plan how I'll do my evening jab. Thinking of popping to the shop and jabbing in the back of my car, properly a safer option than sneaking of to the loo. I'll be a nervous wreck doing that!

Hello all. I was on last thread but am so sorry I have not had a chance to catch up yet.

Can anyone help me? I survived dummy trial on Monday and start injections on Tuesday 7th which is day 21 of cycle. I AM BLEEDING? WTAF? What do I do. I'm so fucking stressed.

Ok, breathe and calm, I had weird bleeds in December. After hsg failure. Could they have just dislodged something on Monday? Should I call them? I'm scared and if they say I have to take this as another period that pushes everything back another 21 days. Has anyone got any advice at all?

I'm so sorry that I have not caught up yet I am asking for advice but this is my lifeline. Anyone? and you can cuddle my dogs.

fourpaws I have no advice sorry! Is it a lot of blood? Could just be from the mock transfer.
I am sure it will be fine and won't delay you.

Is anyone watching how to get a council house, I was flicking through the channels and it caught my attention with this statement " Karen is unemployed, she never wanted kids and is now pregnant with her 7th child" what the fuck is wrong with these people. I am so fucking angry. Us hard working people go out to work to pay for these people to sit on their stinking arses popping kids out. How can the government refuse IVF funding to good, hard working people and people who are desperate for a family, whilst taxing us to pay for other people's mistakes or accidental children!
The stupid bitch then stated "I cannot get a job as my 6 kids don't like to be looked after by anybody else".
I am raging here. Fucking Gobshites

Sorry, the programmes called life on the dole!

Fourpaws is it a heavy bleed or spotting? Sorry you're stressed over it, it's v understandable. Have no real advice other than definitely call your clinic. Maybe you can have a dildocam to find out what's going on in there?

What sort of dogs do you have? I'll take a cuddle!

Argh pebbles sounds like the sort of programme to avoid! I've been watching endless Big Bang Theory, though- of course!- there's an instadiffa plot line at the mo.

Banana congrats on your haul! Twelve is amazing and I'm sure you'll get some decent normal blasts back from PGS. Hope that will be a weight off for you- the reassurance of PGS testing is really appealing to be fair. Am shit-scared I'm pinning hopes on my one lonely 4BB currently incubating and if that fails it's back to the drawing board.

You are being fantastically proactive and doing everything you can to ensure a happy resting spot for a blast so please try not to blame yourself for anything that happened before. Sometimes shit just happens. As per all excellent mothers you're doing your best.

GS TO ALL!

Off to Clexane-stab.

Argh pebbles sounds like the sort of programme to avoid! I've been watching endless Big Bang Theory, though- of course!- there's an instadiffa plot line at the mo.

Banana congrats on your haul! Twelve is amazing and I'm sure you'll get some decent normal blasts back from PGS. Hope that will be a weight off for you- the reassurance of PGS testing is really appealing to be fair. Am shit-scared I'm pinning hopes on my one lonely 4BB currently incubating and if that fails it's back to the drawing board.

You are being fantastically proactive and doing everything you can to ensure a happy resting spot for a blast so please try not to blame yourself for anything that happened before. Sometimes shit just happens. As per all excellent mothers you're doing your best.

GS TO ALL!

Off to Clexane-stab.

Hmm so MN lied about the first post not working...

AAAHHH

Yes, saw programme, turned off in similar rage.

Dogs very very cuddly parson terriers. Attached to my legs. Welcome to steal cuddles but they will look longingly at me as DH has sadly discovered.

Bleeding heavy. Feels like a period. But DH says I am overreacting as it only started this afternoon and he's had loads of periods

fourpaws oh your DH sounds brilliant! I love that he's trying to calm you down anyway! Have you called the clinic yet? Sorry I don't know what to advise as not really sure what the "dummy trial" you had is. Are you doing now a fresh or frozen cycle? Sorry can't remember & on phone! Let us know how you're getting on & what your clinic say. Add to our collective expertise etc.

I think it's just me, but those Japanese parents who abandoned the little shit for throwing stones at people/cars sound about right! I'm joking sort of clearly being abandoned in the woods isn't right. But bet he learns his fucking lesson. Little shit.

I remember being a kid in 1993 and throwing a pebble from a drive at a car. The driver (a middle aged man) stopped the car, get out and fucking bollocked me and my little brother. We were just on the street (crescent, with a cul-de-sac) with no parental oversight. These days a middle aged man wouldn't DARE bollock a 3 and 6 year old pair of little shits. Shame really.

I think I might be a total 1970s parent (if I ever bloody get there). My step kids are thoroughly modern; 8 & 10, do fuck all for themselves, need constant entertainment and have never walked to the shops by themselves let alone to school! Zzzzz.

Thanks icy. Left message and waiting on them to call me back.

Still bleeding. First time IVF, four years and three mc. Start burselin injections next week. Dummy run was similar to the transfer but without putting anything back just to check all tubes etc were clear. I'm just so scared.

I read your post there and thought, hey that was me and my brother that threw the stone we also got a massive swearing from the guy. Yes, there are lots of news stories making me super angry this week. Thank you for listening and I will update.

Thanks icy. Left message and waiting on them to call me back.

Still bleeding. First time IVF, four years and three mc. Start burselin injections next week. Dummy run was similar to the transfer but without putting anything back just to check all tubes etc were clear. I'm just so scared.

I read your post there and thought, hey that was me and my brother that threw the stone we also got a massive swearing from the guy. Yes, there are lots of news stories making me super angry this week. Thank you for listening and I will update.

Helloooo....can I join in on this ghetto "fun". I need a place to chat and feel bitter so I don't take it out on the people around me saying stupid shit (MIL that is you).

I'm a 37yo Australian (with autoimmune issues) who married a Brit (with mfi). We did our first round in Aus. 1 fresh and 2 fet. 2 bfn and a chemical @ 7weeks. That was 2 years ago. We have now received nhs funding for 2 rounds...it's been 18 months of cock ups, but we are hopefully getting our appointment letter in a couple of weeks. So not starting for about 2 months I suppose, but now it's back on my mind and would love to chat with others who get it.... Pleeeeease....

Hello all - sorry to butt back in but I'm just popping my head in from perma-barren land to report some news. Whilst having a wobble a while back about whether to try one last time, I did the hidden infection test at the Serum clinic in Athens and I've just learned I have chlamydia and ureaplasma. Despite having tested negative on every std test I've ever had on the NHS. Ureaplasma could possibly be behind my DH's poor morphology & low fert rate (interferes with sperm's ability to bind with egg). Not sure what this means in terms of trying again for us but we are both now contributing to the global antibiotic failure crisis taking massive doses of erythromycin & doxycycline & something else to try to zap it.

So if you've got a special issue, or any tube blockage / scarring, it may be worth taking this test & seeing if antibiotics help at all.

You have to send them your menstrual blood through the post, so it feels a bit witchcrafty- but it's relatively cheap (compared to IVF) at €370 and it picks up infections higher up the reproductive tract than your standard NHS swab test will get. Which is why you can still have chlamydia despite testing negative for it at your GP surgery.

Chlamydia!! I have had unprotected sex with a grand total of three people in my entire life. None of them what you would call slappers. Ugh. We are all such dirty infected beings.

*sperm issue, not special issue

Hey bip been thinking about you often

Re the Hidden-c test, some clinicians on FF tried it with non menstrual blood from men and they came back saying it was Hidden-c, I'm always somewhat dubious how
A) it seems pretty much everyone who does the test seems to test positive, according to FF posters
B) if it was such a revolutionary test, why have no other clinics adopted it?

That said about ureaplasma that can definitely be a thing. I got tested for ureaplasma and mycoplasma after the miscarriage and tested positive for ureaplasma. Went to my Dr with the results and he said it's only really a concern for late pregnancy and wouldn't have impacted on my miscarriage (but could be the root cause of the bastard recurrent UTIs I get all the frigging time). Anyway he's given DH and I a course of doxycycline to knock it on the head

Didn't realise ureaplasma could have quite such an impact on swimmers - I know Penny at Serum is very hot on mega long courses of antibiotics for sperm improvement treatment protocols so guess there must be something in it!

BTW I met the founder of Gateway Women at a session on involuntary childlessness at an arts event my friend was taking part in called (vom title) Fertility Fest. Lots of women for whom they hadn't had the happy ending and who had moved on to a life without children, was refreshing to hear different POV than the 'we had a gazillion cycles of IVF and were about to throw in the towel when the eighteenth cycle worked'. Not that we don't all hope that will be us. But that it was refreshing to meet and hear a range of stories.

Ah, that is interesting re: chlamydia. Seems the main fertility problem that causes for women is scarring & I don't seem to have that. Ureaplasma makes total sense in light of DH though as he's had blood in his urine for years. Urologist said it's no big deal to be pissing blood & sent him on his way (God bless the NHS). He also had antisperm antibodies too which I gather are correlated with presence of ureaplasma.

I am angry they don't do this test routinely. When my dd died he hospital assured me they were testing me for everything that could have caused the stillbirth (which ureaplasma can). But they never tested me for it, and told me I had no infections. I am confident it wasn't that that caused our dd's death but would be nice to think they might bother investigating properly, particularly if it could have had an effect on other pregnancies. Too much to ask of an underfunded London NHS hospital I guess.

Anyway. Glad to hear about the involuntary childlessness thing - and to hear some happy endings that aren't 'everyone told us we couldn't have children, but we kept on trying...and the result is sleeping upstairs as I type!' (the fertility meme most likely to make me stab frantically at my screen with a kitchen knife).

Good luck to everyone IVFing!!

Standing in kitchen at work, male colleague 32 says something about getting married and pushing out a few children and quitting work. I said it's not that easy. He said "well no something obviously had to happen first fnar fnar" I said "yeah it's not that easy" and the conversation moved on. Then I was walking back to office with my (horrifically overpriced W1 food outlet) lunch and just felt like I'd been sucker punched by a wave of sadness. Just found myself gasping for breath in the middle of Savile Row. I feel SO SAD. I think that's why I'm shattered all the time now nothing to do with not exercising at all all my energy has been sucked up by sadness. There are good times in between but my inner default mode is blue.

Thank you for the well wishes. Had my scan and saw the little bean and a heartbeat. The nurse could see a pocket of blood but said very tiny. They measured me at 5.3 rather than 6.1 which is worrying and I'm not sure how common that is.