The mind numbing boredom of infertility III

[icy121]

Are you Barren & Bored? You've come to the right place!

We do: swearing, empathy, bitterness, tears, sardonic laughter, glittery shit and mocking idiots who know nothing jon snow.

We don't do: baby dust, relentless positivity, "u ok hun", "I had a friend who..", pithy advice or sentimentality generally.

Previous threads 1 and 2.

Now that you've got all that down, welcome to the barren ghetto.

Banana thanks so much. Very useful to know that you're cynical about hidden C, given you know more about barrenness than anyone I know! I don't suppose you remember which online STI clinic it was? I'm just waiting for a norethisterone-induced bleed, then I can get going on the next scanning-stabbing-shagging Menopur cycle.

Bananafish - just wondered how you got on today. Hope you are OK. Loving the phrase " magic surprise of 2 days of red flow" amazing what constitutes a magic surprise when going through this! I have scan to see if Dr has worked tomorrow; I have had period for 10 days now thought had finished went out today in thin, pale dress felt suddenly wet had to send dh to buy panty liners, wet wipes and knickers. Life is weird right now. I suppose there is no normal. I just feel deep down in my bones that this will never work. Must try to be more upbeat actually fuck it this is a shite experience and am dreading next stage. Rant over.

Fourpaws just read all your posts and can't believe the horror of what you have both been through over the last few months. As if this journey isn't shit enough you have had the 'system' to deal with. Thinking of you and hope you get some answers and a plan soon

Still treated for OHSS 8 weeks on, Bean so far so good managing to stick despite the daily injections and sheer terror I feel on a daily basis.

Glittery shit to everyone else on here, true fucking warriors and honestly I don't think I would have the strength to get out of bed in the morning if I'd been through half of shit you all have been through. GL all.

robber I got the swab kit from www.thesticlinic.com/. I’m sceptical about Hidden-C because if it was really so revolutionary, why aren’t other clinics getting their patients to do the test? And why do SO many people who do it seem to test positive, seems a little convenient. Anyway, I did the ureaplasma / mycoplasma test via the above - however you still need a Dr to prescribe ABs if you’re positive for anything. Serum I think will issue a script if you do it through them.

Sara thanks lovely. Lining was looking pretty decent, however ironically unless that turns into a proper period, it doesn’t make any immediate difference. We’re feeling really optimistic about getting a “surprise of 2 days of red flow” and have already booked the hysteroscopy for 31st Aug, in anticipation that nothing will happen. Will start HRT week on Monday. Obviously secretly hoping by some miracle my body decides to menstruate, in which case I’ll start stims instead of HRT, and we’ll cancel the hysto. Haha! Like THAT’S going to happen!

Wizzi glad to hear pregnancy is going well in spite of general body rebellion - OHSS sounds horrific, am glad you’re being well looked after but fucking hell

wizzi I totally get the fear and worry. It's awful. Getting terrified about something the rest of world thinks is exciting and normal. All the best to you

I just booked a disgustingly expensive holiday for the autumn. I know we're lucky that we can afford it, but the holiday is basically filling a baby shaped emotional hole. A friend with kids dared to say how lucky we were to go abroad as she's "stuck going on holiday in the UK" with her kids again this year. We had Words at that point.

icy how are you doing?

Hey fiends. Am back in the land of the barren after a non stop week, and too much drinking. DH is out watching football and having a few beers, so I'm finally catching up on the thread. Have baked a cake and I'm going to eat a massive piece and watch shit TV in my pyjamas as I'm bloody shattered!

How did scan go sara? Hope all is well. It's exhausting to feel like you must be relentlessly positive about treatment, not sure it makes any bloody difference though. Back to your point about side effects - I felt good throughout both my cycles until
EC, I don't think everyone suffers! No real side effects at all the first time, but more from stimming the second time as the doses were higher. Have you started stimming now?

Glad to hear the lining is looking good banana, fingers crossed for a proper period. It must be so frustrating. Another week or so to go? After my 36 day cycle, I'm already spotting on day 24 this time, so expecting my period to rock up in a couple of days, then I start down-regging in preparation for my FET two weeks after that.

wizzi glad you're hanging in there despite the terror.

So sorry to hear your sad news hedgehog. It is beyond shit.

Are you going for the serum test robber? I have been toying with it but not sure if it is just a waste of money - same things banana says really. I have to do a week of antibiotics on my cycles anyway.

meh, have been thinking of you.

Any update four?

potatoes not surprised you had words with your friend about that! Ffs. Holidays are about the only thing that keep us sane in this house too. Hope it's bloody amazing. We wanted to go away for DH's birthday but it's looking too complicated with treatment timings and it also looks like I'm going to have to miss a massive party with all my friends jetting off to somewhere exciting in Europe. Absolutely gutted about that one. Did consider delaying my FET but it's been 6 months already and I just need it over with. Might go anyway as it is pretty close to OTD - if negative I could jump on a last minute flight and drown my sorrows big time.

Not too much to report here, I've got another massive sack of drugs and a new sharps bin, and three weeks or so away from starting. Fucked off with my clinic who have been shit and cocked up my appointments earlier this week. Thankfully DH and I seemed to have snapped out of a snippy couple of weeks and are back to normal, so I'm definitely feeling much happier overall.

Bananafish I have everything crossed for you; how frustrating this whole experience is with no control and so many variables that keep stalling everything it's like some weird dance of forward back back back.
Tigerdog- thanks, scan went fine I started stims last night. Felt rough last couple of days better today. Cake and bad TV sounds perfect. It's baby world where I live right now; neighbours either side of me with new borns I sit out in the garden and hear them screaming.
Can't say it makes me feel anything though. The strange thing is I feel nothing when I see babies : no emotion at all which is making me think do I even really deserve to have a baby? But at the same time, there is this momentum to keep at it. Feel very confused lately almost a sense of dread at either outcome... Is this normal? Anyway glad you're getting on better with dh I have been similarly snippy!
Sending buckets of glittershit all round!

Greetings fiends. Entering back into the ghetto after the cycle of no fertilisation. Picked ourselves up and planning a shot at icsi. Having a scan on Monday (d3) to check no cysts (which if there are will be back on the pill) and if ok will be starting dr on d21. Have been taking shed loads of supplements and even convinced mr bean to do the same. Diet still shit. Haven't lost the weight I intended to.
Glitter shit to all

Hey ladies - it's so effin refreshing to

Hi ladies - it's so effin refreshing to find this tread. It's the first one I've come across that doesn't sugar cote just how depressing the whole ordeal can be. Ive done 3 failed ivfs so far. I'm currently 4dp5dt with round 4, which is going to be our last as we are self funding and the pot is now empty. So many needles so many pee sticks, I've dreams of them chasing me, lol. The process has me obsessed with the last two years. I don't think I'm ready to admit defeat yet but it's going to hit me like a tonne of bricks if I see one more bfp.
Wishing u all the best!

sara I just feel deep down in my bones that this will never work - this. I totally totally get that and feel the same.

potatoes your friend sounds a totally self centred bitch. I'd be absolutely bloody fuming.

four are you feeling better/stronger in your relationship with DH? I really hope you do, it was so heartbreaking to read you saying you'd "let him go" - I know I'm not alone in thinking that. Your relationship is the thing to hold onto trough all of this, otherwise what's the point.

I'm midway through FET cycle, but on a long, LONG protocol - started stabbing 2 weeks ago, got baseline scan on Friday then start oestrogen I think next week for 2 weeks and another scan on first Friday of sept, with transfer on the 9th. There is a massive work away day on the 9th, guests and all sorts. Going to try to get an early transfer slot and then whizz straight down to the event late. Not sure whether to tell the guy running it as I don't want all the partners knowing, but honestly I'm getting fucking sick of lying and excuses.

Weekend was basically booze. Been drinking pretty much solidly for a fortnight which is mad given doing FET but then my 7 embryos are done so why not. Helps with the sadness.

As above, have a deep feeling it won't work; the odds of the embryo taking are apparently 30% (albeit if it does take then hopefully the chance of successful pregnancy to full term are better) but ugh. I don't know. Going to ask them on Friday what the score is with back to back FET cycles as in determined to burn through all 7 in quick succession if that's what it takes. That'll take me to about next April/may and then I can quit work and die and take a year off to sit in a dark room and think about what the fucking hell in going to do now.

Wandering in.
I've a long boring and painful history which I can't be bothered to sum up, feel free to search me if you want.

I have a DD, 2, conceived with donor eggs, my miracle baby etc etc. We are trying for a second, I'm currently on oestrogen patches and tablets with my first scan tomorrow to see how my lining thickness is. I'm feeling a bit depressed about it all, DD took 8 years and 4 OE IFV cycles+2DE cycles, so the thought that it will work first time this time round seems very unlikely.

Good luck Astella when are you planning to test?

potatoes some people really don't get it do they?

Hi fiends
Just got baby bombed by my little sis. Drugs for IVF arrive tomorrow - timing is everything. Glittery shit to all.

Oh pea. That sounds super shit.

I had a scan yesterday to check no cysts and amazingly there weren't and start dr on 2nd sept. Going to be dr forever as won't start stims until 27th and provisionally ec 10th oct. having icsi this time. Paid for my drugs yesterday so kitchen cupboards resemble a pharmacy again.

pea sorry to hear about the shit baby bomb.. Hope you are ok?
bean good news re your start date. We maybe stimming together as I'm hopefully starting early October. Hysteroscopy on 27th September which is also my 3rd wedding anniversary. OH better have a nice meal for me when I get home as compensation!
Welcome newbies, nice to have you on board the glitter shit train.

Literally everyone around me at the moment is having baby's or fell preggars!!! Bloody bastards some don't even deserve them. 1 month post op from having my tubes reopend. Don't understand this ovulation tracking! Raaaaaaaaaaaa

Karla - my ec is husbands birthday!

Thanks karla. I'm ok, it really threw me as I wasn't aware they were even thinking about another. I've had lots of bombs recently but this is the first one that made me cry and hurt. I now feel crappy because my first thought wasn't congratulations but "it isn't fair" and it's my sister ffs. On the upside, my drugs arrived today (although the sheer amounts they have sent are slightly scary) and I start DR on Thursday. 1st scan in September to see if I can start stimming.

Sorry it's a bit me me me. Just need to get my head together before this starts and before a big family do where I may have to do some serious dodging of 'you next/don't leave it too long/clock ticking'...

Hugs and glittery shit to all those waiting, stabbing and lurking X

PeaOp, sorry about the baby bomb, it must be even worse when it's someone so close to you.

Can I ask anyone who's ever lurked without registering to post on this thread if you can: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2709873-Why-is-Mumsnet-insisting-that-I-log-in Mumsnet have started forcing everyone to log on or register after 10 page views (I presume you can get round this by clearing your cookies) which is a terrible idea imho as so many people use this site as a resource/comfort/etc and don't want to register. I just think it's a horrible for someone wanting to find some advice to have only 10 pages until they are effectively booted out unless they register. They say it's only for a short while (whilst they collect data ffs!) but even so. Thanks.

pea sorry about your sisters baby bomb. Must be that bit harder when it's so close... Easier to distance yourself from friends etc. Family less so.

Im so fucking bored of this FET. Been buserelinning for weeks now. Particularly 'jabby' jab tonight. Didn't angle it right or hit a good fat pocket. Too much skin.

Haha I was just skimming thru the BESH page and a lady was asking ages ago about "what do you do with needles if you stab on the go". Lots of good transporting advice (bottles, berocca tubes). Me, I just chuck them in the sanitary bin . Sorry if any of you work for PHS or bunzl or similar but I just think OH FUCK IT.

Good morning,

Thank you for your thoughts and kind words. I am okish. Had another baby bomb which just about tipped me but am tentatively clinging on. Have dropped work down to three days for next few weeks and am trying to have a little me time. I'm a bit if a workaholic but the cracks are appearing and after a good heart to heart with my business partner agreed on taking a little time out. I don't want to be at home full time because I will crack up but I can see the sense in long weekends.

Dh and I are ok. He still remains eternally optimistic. I love him so much, I just don't want to hurt him.

Can I ask a woo question to you all. Sorry if this sounds nuts. I started work about twelve years ago, been married nearly fourteen. At that time there was an older group of admin staff, had been there years. We were chatting one lunch time and got on to wedding cakes. One of them was horrified I had kept a layer of mine, and told me I had to get rid of it. She said it prevented pregnancy. I ignored her, and to my shame it has sat vac packed in a tin in a corner of a cupboard since then. Now I am never going to actually try and eat it but I just don't know what to do with it. I'm also slightly scared of it. It might be green or something, and I had forgot all about it.
Anyway, I bumped into her and her husband this week. She has dementia and is really unwell. She did not seem to recognise me at all and her husband was saying remember, you used to work together. She looked me straight in the eye and said you need to get rid of that cake, please get rid of it. . Now, the sensible part of me thinks, omg yes I do, God only knows what state that is in. But the other part of me thinks how on earth did she remember that after all these years and what on earth am I going to do with the cake???

See, that's where I am now. IVF fails, no other sensible options, bury the cake and all will be well.

In other news we have the appoint,net with the local doctor to appeal the policy decision on Monday. Won't work but will give me a chance to vent.

Away to catch up on you all now. Welcome to newbies and glitter shit to all.

Looking forward to cake disposal advice. Am I meant to bury it and have some kind of exorcism?

four don't bury it - too depressing and dank and cold. I'd go full Viking and build a wooden raft thing and set it alight and push it off along a river or something.