The mind numbing boredom of infertility III

[icy121]

Are you Barren & Bored? You've come to the right place!

We do: swearing, empathy, bitterness, tears, sardonic laughter, glittery shit and mocking idiots who know nothing jon snow.

We don't do: baby dust, relentless positivity, "u ok hun", "I had a friend who..", pithy advice or sentimentality generally.

Previous threads 1 and 2.

Now that you've got all that down, welcome to the barren ghetto.

I think shagging is allowed but not unprotected? God it's so long ago I can't remember! Or rememebr why!

So today I'm not pregnant. I mean, no fucking shit we all know that. But some stupid part of my brain seems to have had high hopes for my post miscarriage cycle thinking "well, post ivf and post miscarriage, your hormones ... your body ... some people say ... " Obviously that's a crock of shite and I'm as barren as ever and pissed off about it. I feel like a dog that can't learn a basic trick. You will not be pregnant this month. Accept it. Fucking idiot.

We're off for a bike ride and a big lunch. Here's hoping the rest of you fiends have lovely weekend plans. Is it right that a couple of OTDs are coming up early next week? Please remind me! I'm dreadful keeping track of dates. Thinking of all of you in the 2ww. banana have you got a date for you FET?

potatoes sorry to hear AF arrived. Month in month out and it never gets easier eh?? Enjoy the bike ride and lunch accompanied by sneaky vino 😉

zippy my drugs of choice are slabs of chocolate and Netflix at the mo, hang on in there!!

zenzie fourpaws hope all going to plan fellow stabbers

pebbles when you are in for EC? Good luck with it

Scanned yesterday and all going to plan so far..follies growing as they should...triggering Monday for EC on Wednesday unless shit hits the fan
in some form or other. Just fucking bored now.

Everyone else non-cycling and waiters ...enjoy your drink fuelled weekend. Glittery shit and jaegerbombs all 💩🍷

Hope everyone is doing ok. I'm just marking my place again as I last posted SO long ago that i fell off the thread!

I've got just under a week left on the pill and then I'll be joining you stabbed hopefully! This is the first month in 2.5 years that I have properly relaxed and not tried to get pregnant. It's impossible and it's quite free-img! Xx

Hey fiends, happy weekends

Apols for lack of personals, on phone - but good luck to the stabbers, congrats to the transferers, passes around to everyone else on the bench of boredom, and bathtubs of glitter shit all round

Apparently my amazing inability to menstruate is continuing with my post IVF period having gone completely AWOL. I haven't been on any progesterone so if anything it should be early not late. It's 16 days post EC and have deployed the white knickers, heat packs, orgasms, exercise (one of these two is more fun than the other).

I haven't had an actual bleed since the miscarriage and Dr says I have to have a clear out before we crack on. I just want to wipe the slate clean metaphorically and physically on the whole sorry miscarriage saga and get on with a FET

Period has to turn up eventually surely? 11mm of lining has to go somewhere??!!

Zippy just to chip in on the 2ww tips. Wanky as it sounds, I found those adult colouring books pretty helpful - suitably mindless (I know, I'm doing it wrong, it's supposed to be mindfulness etc). Trying to timebox googling (if you can do it) is also worthwhile - allow yourself 20 mins to go mental googling symptoms or whatever, and that's it

Loads of women on my low AMH group on FF have had success with natural cycle. And my consultant said he's had women with 18 eggs and no embryos, and women with one follicle, one egg, one embryo and one baby

To roll out the cliché - 'it only takes one!'

Fiends! Back in the country together with our much-detested friend, AF so IUI didn't work this time and it's off to the consultant on Monday for a chat. Only just made it to 10dp IUI. Very small silver lining is that it happened yesterday so I was able to console myself with a bloody huge steak and even larger glass of Prosecco. Also didn't have the horror of starting on the plane back....
Glittery shit to all whether stabbing or waiting and sorry about all those whose cycles haven't gone to plan this time x

banana fingers crossed for your much awaiting AF! I can imagine you just want to move on. On the other hand, peaOp* I'm sorry to hear you got your AF! Mother Nature is a bitch!
I was told to expect AF 7-10 days after I stopped the progesterone but it started the next day(lucky ole me!) I promised myself that I wasn't going to think about cycles or ovaries or follicles and let my body do its thing and get back to normal but of course I have slept since then and so took an ovulation test this morning- faint line showing so I am either about to ovulate or have just finished. It was quite a surprise as I wasn't expecting much activity in there after the bumper lot of meds I was injecting. So DH got the shock of his life when he was summoned to the boudoir during the football game 😅. This now of course means I will be spending this next month like all other 30 months, fingers crossed in anticipation I know, I know, self inflicted

Happy weekend barrens, hope it's full of all the things you fancy 🍫🍾🍺🍩🍸

I hear you Karla. I'm desperately clinging to hope of a miracle conception. Bloody stupid really. I couldn't even get any embryos under lab conditions with no fertilisation so I clearly don't have a rats chance but I'm now in the 2ww run up to period being due so can delude myself!

Banana - that's crap. Sorry to hear that.

Pea sorry it's not worked.

Waving to the rest - can't scroll back on phone.

and glittercrap all round

Still here fiends plodding along.

I've come to summon banana's period! Hurry the fuck up Mother Nature, don't be shy now when you've cursed her nearly every other month!!
karla how dare you demand a shag during football! Bet DH felt like a real mans man after that. Here's hoping it's done the trick.
peop really sorry it don't work. Hope the consultant has a good next step in place for you. Forgive me if you've already said, is IVF your next option?
sammy not long left till your a stabber! Bet it feels like you've been on the pill forever! I've really lost track, will this be your 2nd round?
potatoes I LOL'd when you said you was going for a bike ride. Only because I heard on the radio today that it was national naked bike ride day (whatever makes you happy ay) I am sure you was appropriately dressed. Not to be one of those fuckers with a miracle story..but here goes...My supervisor/good friend is now pregnant after 3 failed IVFs. She presumed her missing AF was down to her last cycle ending in a MC and put her other symptoms down to being so stressed out/fed up. Any who her GP suggested a test and confirmed what she thought was impossible. She's now 14wks pregnant and in total shock. She's yet to announce it in work as she's still petrified and even said she didn't want to upset me! Told her not to be silly, I am over the bloody moon for her.
I used to hate reading shit like that but thought I'd share, not to try give false hope or sprinkle baby dust around.
wizzi well done on getting this far! I am all set for a couple of days. Not nervous about it yet, still feels surreal.

Dog shite to all

Pebbles - it'll be my second fresh cycle, but third transfer if everything goes to plan. NHS this time hence not using another frostie. It does feel like forever that I've been on the pill to be honest! Can't wait to get started now! Xx

pebbles on waiting list for NHS IVF in August so we thought we'd have a go at some self funded IUI while we wait as having never had a sniff of a bfp any assistance seemed helpful. Going to chat to them re short post luteal phase but will probably try again this cycle as have the drugs sitting in the fridge still (bought two cycles worth at the beginning).

Morning all, still plodding along here. Have had a headache all week and could not decide if it is hay fever, a cold or the stabbing. I think it is the stabbing as I am so thirsty as well. It's like having a hangover without the wine. Which puts me off a glass of wine anyway.

What's everyone up to today? Pouring with rain here so my plans for a long walk with dogs are looking less appealing. Mainly because I can't face the bathing aftermath.

Hullo all plodders.

sammylou isn't it lovely not to TTC! When AF rolls around it is but a mere inconvenience, not the end of the fucking world (again, just like last month and the month before etc etc).

Lucky me with short cycles, I get to go through the AF hell almost every 3 weeks. peaop how short is your LP? Bugger that you're still here with us.

Wizzi exciting to get to trigger and collection stage. And fourpaws I have definitely had the excruciating headaches and thirst. Both improved after day 3 but they're never too far away. This morning I woke with bloating and some period pain but nothing too severe.

Had my first scan yesterday and calloo callay there are some follicles! I dreamt beforehand that they'd look sadly at me and tell me the drugs have done nothing, but no! I have no idea what is considered an OK crop but I had 4 on side and 7 on the other, and only on day 8. Got at least another 3 days of stims after that so hopefully we can make some more progress. Lining is all ready to go which is one thing to tick off.

Acupuncture again today. It was actually lovely and warming and relaxing - each other time I've found it a bit uncomfortable and I haven't been able to properly zone out. I felt loads of little muscle spasms around my body and have felt lots of ovulation pain in the left side since so fingers crossed it's doing something (along with all the hardcore drugs, of course). And if it hasn't, then I'll just add it to the long fucking list of shit I have needlessly spent money on while TTC.

Morning all

peaop glitter shit and massive quantities of

karla strong work there! (did you at least wait for half time break?!)

Bean - hugs. I do hope you get an ironidiff surprise. Do I remember rightly that your beautiful DD came along at the 'well these years of operations aren't working so it's on to IVF now' stage? Glitter shit and all over the shop

pebbles you are rocking this cycle like a boss - goes by soooo quickly. Short protocol really is very short? How are you feeling about it all?

wizzi home stretch now! Good luck with trigger. I am a massive child and take enormous pleasure from exclaiming 'release the hounds!!' as I push down the plunger at trigger time (god it's tragic where I get my kicks)

potatoes hugs. And glitter shit obvs. It's fucking tough. At the risk of getting all Oprah, I decided to bite the bullet and arrange one of the free counselling sessions that's included with the cycle. I'm not really dealing with the whole miscarriage (and neverending miscarriage limbo 'I can't even miscarry properly') and thought it might be worth a try. May be a load of guff but figured I'd give it a whirl

fraggle so very sorry about your miscarriages and wishing you all the luck in the world with ET. Are you having immunes tx? Everything tightly crossed for you

Oh yes banana I do recall your love/hate relationship with AF! Sounds like your having a great Sunday! Would be even better if you got totally hammered!
So I've released the hounds!!!! Here goes then......
zenzie don't think of your acupuncture as wasted cash. If it's made you happy/relaxed even just for 1 hour, it's money well spent.
fourpaws hope the symptoms subside.
I've had a sore throat this week, didn't make a connection with the drugs but maybe that's why?
peop if IUI was an option for me I totally would have done it whilst waiting to start IVF. At least you've been as proactive as possible during the dreaded wait!
sammy I hope your experience of NHS is a good one and you've something to occupy you until stabbing starts.

Lots of dog shit to all! Hope the week doesn't bring any unwanted babybombs, shitty comments and any of the other shit we have to deal with.

Yes pebbles, me to. Kept wondering if it was hay fever or a cold but I've decided I'm just going to blame the drugs for everything and be done with it. Sore throat, it's the drugs, thirsty, the drugs, washing and housework not done, stupid drugs.

So shagging is allowed in some clinics? We are planning to change clinics after this round, may base choice on what is allowed during tww.
Thanks bananafish for the tips, limiting googling time is something I have never managed before (dh says surely I have read everything on the internet by now?) but I have got it under control this cycle. And thanks for the bit of hope. Tbh I had completely emotionally checked out of this cycle and was starting to see ivf as something I have to get through 4-6 times before I can give up and become an alcoholic get on with the rest of my life. A little bit of hope is a better attitude I think (today anyway). Fingers crossed that a bit of raving has brought on your AF!
Potatoes sorry AF reared her ugly head. This shit is neverending
Good luck for this week wizzie and anyone else nearing ec/et

I was trying not to overshare but fuck it - I had the worst experience post ET. I was lying on a bed and the acupuncturist had just arrived and asked me to shuffle up a bit. I lifted the top half of my body up to do so and felt a whole lot of liquid squirting with force out of my nethers. Spent the rest of the acupuncture session sadly not wonderfully floaty/relaxed but almost in tears thinking I had just forcefully ejected the embryo from my uterus. Seriously could I be anymore infertile?! Anyway a bit of googling says this is impossible, and it was likely just the ultrasound gel they used (they had to scan me twice so there was quite a bit up there!) I left the clinic almost in tears but have got it together again since. This is one hell of a rollercoaster ride eh.
Dog shit to all the stabbers, waiters and hopers

Hi everyone- I've been AWOL this week as I had a big work event. It was exhausting but I almost felt like my old self and it was great to not be able to think for a while.

Potatoes sorry about AF. I also have mine today and have to admit I was also thinking (stupidly) that maybe I would be lucky post miscarriage. Hope you enjoyed bike ride, hang in there.

Banana how was yesterday? It sounded extreme!! That's very frustrating about the lack of AF. I am also having counselling and know what you mean about not feeling like I'm coping with the miscarriage- but have to say my counsellor is brilliant and I am doing better.

Peaop sorry to hear that. I'm also having IUI before IVF although ours is funded by NHS. Well done with steak and prosecco!

Zippy sorry to hear that, it all sounds really stressful. I've found Headspace app really good- was recommended by my counsellor and have since found a lot of people I know use it. He isn't woo at all and has a lovely calming voice. I'm usually very anti these things but I would recommend trying it!

Hope all the stabbers are going OK and anyone I've missed.

As I have my period I've called the hospital to have the scan to start IUI - haven't heard back yet, I'm so impatient! We also have our initial IVF consultation on Thursday. Just want to get it all going!

Glitter shit all round.

Hi fiends.
Just popping in. Good to see that the stabbers are stabbing away all professional-like and that those who are doing the interminable plodding and waiting are at least giving zero fucks and cashing in all the prosecco and meats.

Sorry to hear AF got you, peaop, kiwi, potatoes and that bastarding AF is still AWOL for you, banana. Seriously it's never the one you want, is it?
Also fingers crossed to you lot starting soon- Sammy, karla for round 2 if you're starting to think about it and icy's FET.
Sorry if I've missed anyone, thread is moving fast nowadays and I'm on phone.

Afm it looks like the FET worked. Shitting hell. Obviously I have no particular expectations it will all go well after last time, plan is to just keep my head down, stay busy and hopefully try not to think about it too much . Hmm.
I'm thinking of you all and will be lurkybarrening away in the background.

Cautious congratulations grumpel. Good to hear some good news!

Oh fab news grumple completely get it that you can't feel happy yet, but still. Step 1 eh! Big pint of glittery shit for you!

banana what are your periods like? Mine are long cycles, 2 days of "bleeding" (one day thick and muddy 2nd day thicker and muddier) and not a lot at all. I think it's lining related because I had a more "proper" period after stim cycle. So we'll see.

I'm still hot flashing and feeling crappy and depressed. However I've deflated fully and lost a bit of weight to boot so at least now I'm skinny. I think people fall into 2 camps re food/coping - comfort eating or sadness starving. I do the latter, unconsciously before recognising it and forcing a sandwich down. Suppose that's a positive of sorts? In this thin obsessed world.

Can't concentrate at work either so that's going down well 😐

Think I might be ovulating to boot. Hoo fucking rah.

Friday I had 3 sausages a bottle of wine, a Cadbury mini roll and 3 Leibniz biscuits for dinner. I'd like to get shitfaced again really. Drowning it all out - THATS HEALTHY!!!

Keep on stabbing the good stab.

Cautious congrats grumpel.

Keep plodding on to everyone else.

My scan this morning was not pleasant - another blasted cyst (a whole 2.5 this time so at least I am growing them bigger all the time?!). No IUI for me this cycle.

Got a bit more news on IVF timing for August, it will start on day 21 of my August cycle so here's hoping I start AF on 1 of August! Then will be 7-8 weeks to complete.

Glittery shit in spades

Congrats grumpel. Cautious and all that but you know

People that could be similar to me. Aiming for a cycle with a period starting w/c 3 Aug so stabbing by the end of august.

Icy we must be yin and yang. I definitely go for the massive slice of cake blow out, deffo no sadness starvation here! Then the constipation kicks in and it's a double whammy. Well done for stopping at just one vanity mini roll!

Lolled at the acupuncture story! Sounds messy. We are so far beyond TMI though, not seen anyone produce anything inappropriate yet!

grumpel congrats, good to hear some positive news. Everything crossed for you.
peaop great you got a start date. At least you can focus now on relaxing until it all starts
icy enjoy the skinniness, feeling like a fat fucker at the mo as I haven't had a run in two weeks and bloated to fuck
Hope all the AFers are doing ok and the bitch has appeared for anyone else playing the waiting game
Zenzie sounds like you are on the right track with those follies, good stuff
fourpaws hope the headaches are improving , I found loads of water helped as in gallons
AFM the hounds are being released tonight! Scheduled for EC Wed 😁

Grumpel! Eek!! I'll just whisper it for now congratulations! Xx