Should we cancel a family holiday after a row over a terrible argument?

[SillyPig]

There is a rather large argument between my daughter and my husband, and it is proving to be a persistent issue. We are going on holiday in a week's time, and my husband and my child are refusing to cooperate. My child refuses to be around her father because she believes he is anti-LGBT, and her coming out did not go down well with him. He believes they are talking stupidly.

Now, next week, we have a 17-hour flight to Australia, where the two of them will be forced to sit next to one another unless someone gives up their seat, which I think is unlikely. I fear the best option might be to cancel/not go on the holiday, but if I do that, I won't be able to get my deposit back. I don't know whether the holiday should be cancelled or whether we should just try to power through this rough patch in our family relationship.

I was thinking that since the holiday is booked through Tui, we could do some group or team-building activities together, like going to a museum or the zoo. But if I cancel the holiday, the tension in the house will continue, though I feel it could be resolved more quickly.

Impossible to answer without further information. Her age, what she's said, why does she think that ...

I think it’s bonkers, but it’s a fad just now and just merits being ignored, with no arguing needed

“yes, dear, lovely”

What makes you think he’s homophobic? The daughter is aroace. There is nothing to be homophobic about.
op, you both need to say ok that’s good as long as you’re happy and dh can say I’ve been thinking and this is good. I don’t have to worry about boyfriends, or those Aussie surfer boys. Let’s go have the best holiday ever.

you can privately think it’s a load of rubbish but it doesn’t really matter, aroace seems a very harmless one from parents perspectives! I can certainly see how a teen bombarded with sex and sexuality thinks HUGE ICK and comes to the conclusion they are aroace if everyone else seems to talk about nothing but sharing bodily fluids and more.

As a menopausal woman I think I’m aroace.

This, she sounds like she’s “come out” as -“me me me me me me, give me all the attention, I am so special, all must concede to me!! And you are an evil bigot if you don’t centre meeee!!!”

YOU should absolutely go on the holiday.

If your DH is unable to accept your DDs life choices and is causing arguments then I wouldn't want to be sitting next to him either.

I'd take my DD and leave DH at home. The BIG problem here is not going on the holiday it's that fact that your DH is a bigot and homophobic.

He’s not homophobic as the dd isn’t homosexual. He should have just said “ok dear” as thats as much attention as the “+” deserves.
Go on holiday and sit in the middle.

Honestly dont cancel the holiday. But they both need speaking to separately. Your dd is going to come up against comments like your dhs a lot, she needs to be prepared for it. Not saying thats right, but older generations dont really get aroace, she needs to understand someone elses lack of understandingdoesnt invalidate her identity. Your dh needs to sort himself out and accept his daughter's identity even if he doesnt agree with it. You dont have to agree with someone to support them.

He’s not homophobic as she’s not homosexual

Does your DH love amd respect his child? Does your child love and respect your DH?
If so, go on thw holiday and sit between them or change thebseat allocations.
If one of those answers is a "No" then maybe that peraon doesn't deserve to go on rhe family holiday and shpuld be given the option to shut up, put up, apologise and come - or to stay home.

Your DH likely needs to learn to accept your child as a separate person with their own mind - that mind isnn't fully mature and may have a lot of learning and growing still to do - but that doesn't happen through trying to force his own opinions and beliefs on them.
Excuse the typos - MN have broken the autocorrect and ability to view more than one line at a time on the Android App. Again.

aromantic asexual

Why the fuck would you cancel a holiday?

They can choose to go or not.

Id be going in my own if necessary.

Not bothered to read the thread @hourspassed ? Just jumping on the J’ACCUSE YOU BIGOT!!!! then basking in the smug glow of the virtue signaller? 🙄

Why would she have to "come out" as not interested?

Why would this cause so much tension you have to consider cancelling a holiday? What has she actually got to object about?

On the surface it seems like utter madness.

There's got to be more to it than just a young girl saying she's not interested i pursuing anything with anyone.
Why would that cause so much upset that they can't bear to be around each other???

What has she come out as?

How old is she?

Has he been abusive to her? Has she been abusive to him?

Who wants to go on the holiday more, him or her?

Has dd paid for her own ticket?

They are both allowed their opinions but should be respectful to each other for the sake of family harmony.

Whoever has paid should get to go, whoever didn't pay should stay home.

What awful attitude???

It depends where they live. School holidays start around the end of June in most areas of Scotland.

I agree it depends on how he's actually acted and how his behaviour and reaction has affected your dd. She may not feel safe to be with him for such an extended time at the moment and if he's not prepared to own his part in that then you can't say that it won't be harmful for her.

I'd be looking to see if you can get some family mediation booked ASAP and maybe at a minimum try to set some ground rules for the holiday and travel period so everyone can be there together safely and respectfully. Then it will be shared responsibility to uphold that.

He doesn't need to necessarily change his feelings but it might mean he needs to rethink how and when he shares those feelings. And perhaps dd can consider that while this is probably something she's always known about herself, it's coming new to him and while yes, everyone SHOULD be open and accepting to the point where 'coming out' doesn't need to even be a thing, sometimes it does take people longer to adjust, but that doesn't mean they aren't capable of adjusting.

It really comes down to how abusive/ harmful his behaviour towards her has been.

The OP said LGBT so unless this aroace thing is confirmed, the assumption is her daughter is either L, G, B or T.

Thanks. The dad should have just nodded and said 'ok' like the OP.

its just a row over her lack of interest in sex which a holiday should be a good distraction from.

Please remember that many people have only read OP's initial post and no other threads so won't know what she has come out as.

Perhaps she just hasn't met anyone yet that causes a buzz, I assume she's teenage, interesting 'my daughter' not 'our daughter' is he the stepdad. I'm a bit with the dad that she's too young to say she isn't (won't ever be) sexually or romantically attracted (assuming teenage). You have to meet the right person or people for that to happen, there may be a thunderbolt one day. I would let them sit next to each other for 17 hours that should give them time to discuss at length.

Why do you think the dd is “unsafe” from her dad not pandering to her because she isn’t sexually or romantically attracted to others?
this use of “unsafe” when not going along with ideology is ridiculous