Should we cancel a family holiday after a row over a terrible argument?

[SillyPig]

There is a rather large argument between my daughter and my husband, and it is proving to be a persistent issue. We are going on holiday in a week's time, and my husband and my child are refusing to cooperate. My child refuses to be around her father because she believes he is anti-LGBT, and her coming out did not go down well with him. He believes they are talking stupidly.

Now, next week, we have a 17-hour flight to Australia, where the two of them will be forced to sit next to one another unless someone gives up their seat, which I think is unlikely. I fear the best option might be to cancel/not go on the holiday, but if I do that, I won't be able to get my deposit back. I don't know whether the holiday should be cancelled or whether we should just try to power through this rough patch in our family relationship.

I was thinking that since the holiday is booked through Tui, we could do some group or team-building activities together, like going to a museum or the zoo. But if I cancel the holiday, the tension in the house will continue, though I feel it could be resolved more quickly.

You spoke dismissively of the "usual crowd" throwing stones if she was on of the "++++s".
So not sure why you're saying you assumed it wasn't one of the "pluses" that you think get attacked on here. Do you think there's a difference, was my question?

If she’s young how does she know she’s asexual. Why is this even a necessary label.i can see why your husband is annoyed. The constant introspection is so deeply narcissistic. I don’t fancy anyone right now is not a sexuality

I would have thought most dads would be pleased to learn that their teenage daughter does not plan to start having sex any time soon.

As above, it creates drama, turns them into a poor beleaguered victim and someone else into a bullying baddy and who is just so mean to her..:
wonder if the dd just doesn’t like him

Because my question was to the poster I quoted, not a general comment to the thread.

But the poster didn't know what the child has come out as.

No of course it's not fine. And I have said elsewhere he is the one at fault.
But not talking about it is never helpful. He needs to listen to her and if he wants to have a relationship with her he needs to accept her as she is. But I think she should also listen to him and ask him what his reasons are for behaving as he did.
Not talking or trying to understand someone else's point of view is never helpful

I was thinking that since the holiday is booked through Tui, we could do some group or team-building activities together, like going to a museum or the zoo.

I'm more intrigued by this bit. As if the idea of a standard tourist activity is a new concept that you wouldn't be doing anyway. Were you just planning on flying all the way to Australia and sitting in your hotel room?

He’s at fault for not buying into this nonsense?

Your daughter spends too much time on the Internet. Your DH sounds normal and supportive.
Tell her to "touch grass" and then let her decide if she's going to join you on the holiday or not with the clear expectation that if she goes with you and her dad, she'll not sulk and will endeavour to find more in her life than tiktok.

How old is your daughter?

Agree take dd and leave him at home

Had to google this new batshittery 🙄

Team husband definately, leave your child at home allowing daughter plenty of time to grow the hell up and realise that nobody gives much thought to their new badge of specialness

Sigh. The poster was out to have a go at people who would attack the T or ++++ folk.
In other words, isn't Mumsnet so transphobic etc etc.

Yes it's a very odd way of looking at a holiday

Thank you very much, everyone, for your insights. I value all your opinions equally. I did not expect this to blow up as much as it did, so I'm a little bit flustered. I was only expecting maybe a dozen comments. I am reading all your messages and taking them into account as I form my final conclusion.

Aren't you making assumptions?

@SillyPig it appears you failed to engage on your previous thread so not sure why we have a second.

Why can’t DH apologise, say he loves her no matter what her orientation and bloody get on with the holiday?

And why would there be no option but to have them sat next to each other?

If DH can’t put this right, I would ask him to stay home.

Your dd is unreasonable to come out as AroAse unless there’s some sort of undeclared context like she’s under pressure to marry or find a boyfriend because being single is not accepted. If she’s a teen then her algorithms will be making a bigger deal of this than they should be. Parents don’t need to know really.

Your h’s reaction is understandable but he should have politely said “ok sweetheart” the same way he might pretend to like her change in hair colour or whatever. He’s an adult so should have the skills to not upset his dd over something that she may change her mind over later.

You were OTT for saying that you support her whatever and contributing to making this declaration a bigger deal than necessary. If she was heterosexual it’s not like she’d have to come out with it and could privately pootle along the teen years like millions of others have.

Maybe it was a resort based holiday on the Gold Coast or similar.

So she didn’t come out as LGB or T then despite what OP said.

Regardless, it’s pretty stupid of her father to be so vocal about his belief she is being stupid, to the point that a family holiday is about to be ruined. All it takes is an ‘Oh are you, ok.’

If this is about her identifying as “aroace” (had to google that) and your husband not pandering to it (quite rightly), tell your daughter to get a grip and stop being so self absorbed. And maybe she should lay off TikTok.

It’s nonsense though. Team husband.

OP how can you cancel - you will lose all the money, no insurance will pay out for this. Imagine this becoming the "reason we didn't go to Australia". Far better to go and hope for the best. Anyway I assume it's also your dh's decision on what to do?

Confirmed by OP on her other thread