Son has caught herpes

[Ohgodcantbelieveit]

I can’t believe this. Our 19 year old son has caught herpes in Freshers week. I’m so mad and upset.

He’s a long way away too, 7 hours drive.

He has had all the chat about safe sex, gave him condoms to take away. Utter idiot but paying the price big time now. He sounds so sad on the phone. He’s got medication but is really sore and getting more sores popping up and is now worried about the future.

The girl knew she had it but hadn’t given it to her last three partners (!) so thought it was OK. Speechless at her idiocy. He really likes her too.

Just really sad today and mad and worried for him away on his own dealing with this.

Any advice? Please be nice as I know he’s been stupid and so does he.

How can you say such a thing? It is excellent that he confided in mum - who else, apart from mum, gives a fuck about him? Certainly not his super-spreader and certainly not his mates! Actually, who the fuck ever gives a fuck about us, apart from our mums? Even if we are old?

God Almighty,can you not possibly imagine the OP is worried?🙄

It's a big thing going off to uni and leaving home and herpes can be incredibly painful and the OP is a long drive away.

FWIW it shows what a close relationship you have that he chose to share this with you OP. Ds always told me everything personal and not his dad which was always a surprise but nothing wrong with that at all

OP I hope he's feeling better soon , as I I understand it the first outbreak is the worst.

Let's hope your kids have someone they can talk to in a crisis.

Heartbreaking OP but as others say he will learn to manage it and move on. Gosh there are some shitbags on this thread. I think it’s great he feels he can come to you for help without judgment. Even if he’s made a silly mistake (and so many do and without such lousy consequences) it shows you’re a great mum. I’d always want my kids to turn to me if they were this upset.

that‘s cold

@Ohgodcantbelieveit my niece caught it on her genitals from oral sex when she was late teens/early 20s and had a terrible time with her first bout. She is in a long term relationship with someone else now and I don't think shes had many flare ups since. She was devastated at the time though

I think its great that your ds is able to confide in you and shows you have a close bond.

My son would tell me. He’d be devestated and want to talk it through with me.

Yes @persephoneee you do sound like a cold uncaring mother and I feel sorry for your children if they couldn't count on your support in their time of need.

I really feel for your son, a friend of mine caught it at a similar age but she manages it with medication and has gone on to have normal relationships, she had a baby etc. it’s very common and you can catch it even with condoms so it’s really a bit of a lottery. I hope he feels better soon and has access to support if he needs it

I don't blame your kids, I'd rather run a mile than tell you anything if I was saddled with a judgy fuck like you as a parent too.

Condoms don't prevent herpes, and many people are carriers without knowing it.
Re not full sex - is it HSV-1 (oral) or HSV-2 (genital)? She should know which. Type 1 can still appear on genitals but may need different treatment.

I have Type 1, they haven't ruined my sex life, you just need to be a bit more careful.

He definitely doesn't need to tell his friends! Bet he's not the only one to get an STI this week.

Aw OP that’s hard, you must be gutted for him mf he’ll be frightened and panicking because reading here I see that the first breakout seems to be the worst. My son would tell me and I know I’d panic but think what I would do is just remember when he was little when he was 7 because he’s probably feeling like that right now and tell him it’ll be ok and that it’s treatable and that he’ll get through it … that’s really what he wants now is just him mum to say he’s going to be ok.. ffs I’m in my 50s and my mum died and I still wish she was here to say it would all be ok. And well done you for being a mum he can talk to about it all.

@dementedpixie how do you know such intimate information about your niece? That's shocking (to me)

Because I was around when she had her first outbreak before she knew what it was. She talked about it to me and her mum (my sister)
Be shocked all you want!

My partner of 20 years has had herpes since he was a young man. He had quite a few girlfriends before me and we have a beautiful teenage son together. I don’t think it’s affected his life at all - or our relationship. I also think it’s fantastic that your son has the kind of relationship with you where he can tell you stuff like this. Sending you a virtual squeeze OP ❤️ xxx

I find it really strange that you find it strange tbh. Something has happened to him! And he’s frightened and in pain. And he’s told his mum. Seriously… what is it you find strange about that? Would it be weird if he told her he had chicken pox or glandular fever etc? I’ve actually got no ability to grasp why you think this is strange.

I don't want to hear about my childrens' sex lives thank you, it's private. They know what to do and not to do, they got all that info early on. As young adults they can of course share their health fears, but I do NOT want to hear every detail of what goes on between their sheets.

Would you share everything about you and your partner's sex life with your sons (or daughters!)?

At a similar age I had a boyfriend who found out he had it. I did not have any signs until about 15 years later. It hasn’t ruined my life. Safe sex is the answer. If he likes this girl it shouldn’t be an issue. He also told his mum who was a health professional I think it showed he trusted her and needed advice! Also vitamin b12 is meant to help.

Oh no poor lad. 100% this is not going to ruin his future at all, please strongly tell him that (I'm sure you already have). At 23 I dated a lad for 4 years who got it from his gf at around 19. They always used protection but he got it anyway. I never got it from him-- its been 20 years so I'm pretty much in the clear. This lad went on to have a successful career, wife, child and generally happy life. The first breakout is the worst but the whole thing is manageable and common too. Tell him please don't worry too much.

So sorry to hear your son has caught this. You clearly have a close relationship with him and it’s great that he could open up to you - it will lessen his mental load and anxiety.

As PPs said it’s incredibly common and can be caught with condoms, too. I’d start ordering him Aciclovir 400mg and take preventatively once initial outbreak has settled. Lysine as well.

Tell him not to worry too much about what the future holds but implore him to use condoms and abstain from sex during a flare up. If he likes the girl (they’re both young) then tell him to go for it.

Ignore the judgy replies op. As a mother I would also be worried and looking for advice. Its fantastic that your son can tell you this . If he didn't have full sex could it be from oral herpes then as that needs different treatment i think as not type 2 . Its skin to skin contact so a condom wouldn't prevent it unfortunately. Half the population have genital herpes and 2 in 3 have oral type . Most dont even know they have it. So sad for your son but he will learn to live with it and there are some good medical trials coming out that could completely cure it if proven effective enough for widespread use over enough time .Hang in there op

Biggest over reaction I’ve ever seen, you can get it with condoms too! It happens. You’re acting like you’re a saint!

He’s not been stupid. She was irresponsible. And even if he had used a condom he could have picked it up. It can shed even when you don’t have an outbreak (it’s called asymptomatic shedding).

if she knows if she has HSV1 or 2 it is useful - or he can get the sexual health clinic to swab his sores. HSV2 does have a tendency to return more often but even if it does, you can take aciclovir or Valacyclovir as a suppression therapy (you just take pills every day) and it should stop it returning.

i have hsv2 on my shoulder but obviously it’s still hsv2. My periods trigger it, sun on my skin, stress, tiredness. He’ll need to watch how often he gets it and he should not feel ashamed to get treatment. I’ve had it for 8 years and never given it to my partner though I had to go on suppression medication as I was getting outbreaks every month.

He probably feels like shit now and it may well feel like the end of the world to him but please reassure him that he can always get medication if he needs it. He will need to tell future partners and that’s the bit that will likely upset him the most.

That’s a good point. If it was oral it may be a different strain. Aciclovir helps either way.