Son has caught herpes

[Ohgodcantbelieveit]

I can’t believe this. Our 19 year old son has caught herpes in Freshers week. I’m so mad and upset.

He’s a long way away too, 7 hours drive.

He has had all the chat about safe sex, gave him condoms to take away. Utter idiot but paying the price big time now. He sounds so sad on the phone. He’s got medication but is really sore and getting more sores popping up and is now worried about the future.

The girl knew she had it but hadn’t given it to her last three partners (!) so thought it was OK. Speechless at her idiocy. He really likes her too.

Just really sad today and mad and worried for him away on his own dealing with this.

Any advice? Please be nice as I know he’s been stupid and so does he.

Is it treatable? I'd just recommend he go see the GP if so.

Having unprotected sex is fucking stuipid. It could be Aids/HIV, never mind Herpes.

Firstly I am amazed that a 19yr old son would share this medical information with his mum!

There is surely a STD clinic near the university. If he is clever enough to go to uni, he will surely know what to do now.

I'd back off, unless there's some back story here.

You can get herpes even having protected sex. So let this be a lesson to him to have protected sex in future.
Take the medication within 24 hours of any future sores popping up. A numbing cream for the pain. Salt bath.
It is unlikely to be this bad again.

FFS did you read my post? He’s been to the clinic and has medication. Scroll on by if you haven’t anything nice to say.

Did you read my pos? He’s been to the clinic and had medication. Feel free not to comment if you haven’t anything nice to say- We know all of this. FFS

Thank you. I have read the first time is the worst. He’s been a complete idiot but it’s hard hearing him upset so far away. He may be 19 but it’s not really grown up on many ways (as evidenced!😬)

Half of all adults have it and carry the virus. The first outbreak is always the worst

as long as when he is symptomatic he doesn’t have sex then he’s much less likely to pass it on.

Thanks for your kind response. I appreciate it. I had read so many carry it. He’s worried he won’t ever find a girlfriend now/have kids. Really blue about his future. There’s such stigma too so he doesn’t really want to tell his friends. Just so hard when I can’t give him a hug.

If you 'know all of this' what exactly is the point of the thread?

I’m looking for support from people who have been through similar. Constructive advice. Not bitchy comments. It’s how forums work.

So weird. YOU need support that your son has herpes?

@ClarasSisters
My point is I (and he) know he’s been stupid. No need to labour it. I’m looking for support/personal experience and helpful advice. He’s been to the clinic, has had tests and now has medication.

yes just how to help him deal with it. Support him. And as a mum has anyone else been through similar. What’s weird about that? He’s only a teenager.

This is a parenting forum, it’s not even remotely weird. Bizarre that people are being shitty with OP on here, she has not done anything wrong.

Well the good news is he really likes this girl, and she might yet be pregnant so it could solve all his problems.

I’d suggest he goes back and speaks to the STI clinic about what it means for unprotected sex in the long term (my understanding is that it was largely alright and wouldn’t spread if there was no break out, and that it’s more prevalent than you might think - which would allay his concerns about how it might impact his future if correct).

Honestly OP it’s good he’s felt comfortable sharing this with you, the majority wouldn’t. So I wouldn’t give him a hard time about it other than pointing out how daft he’s been, and then unless he needs something just let it go. He’s old enough to decide and this is just a hard lesson to learn. Hopefully she’s not pregnant

Thank you, he said he didn’t have full sex so hopefully not but yes I have gone mad about that too. He really has been incredibly stupid. He knows it and is so down.

He will get over it though, he’s not the first and he won’t be the last. Remind him he now has to tell future partners too. Other than that he’s done what he needs to do, and the crap feeling will pass

He may still be a teenager in age but let this experience make a man of him.

Condoms don't protect from herpes. Herpes is also very common. I think you're overreacting. He's got some sores that will clear up with antibiotics, it's really not a big deal.

I know a girl at 19 who caught it too. She was devastated and so embarrassed. But it's true the first outbreak is the worst and it can even be spread using condoms and even if someone doesn't have a flare up. But when he takes medication it should settle it down. It's good he felt he could confide in you. Look how many people get cold sores. I'm not saying it's great but you would be surprised about people carrying it.

There's someone on Instagram called Hannah Trenches she sometimes talks about how she got herpes the very first time she had sex, she thought her life was over, she felt ashamed, that nobody would ever want to date her etc. I'd imagine it's a tough thing to try and get your head around. I can see why you are worried about him. I just thought I'd mention that Instagram page in case it's any use to you.

I find it very very strange a 19yo boy(man!) tells his mum this…..

Why does it matter how far away he is? Are you planning on going??! So strange. He needs to see his GP. And he’s learnt a big lesson hopefully! I think you’d be wise to be more worried he’s had unprotected sex and therefore might have a baby on the way 😂

Posts here are strange. I would be proud if my son had the courage to tell me this. We are parents, there to support them through things like this. Especially something causing pain and anxiety.

You can get herpes even using condoms so even with safe sex, it doesn't mean he would have been.in the clear.

I am a midwife and although no herpes myself, you would be surprised with the amount of women that have it. It doesn't cause problems in pregnancy generally as long as no active lesions at birth and it isn't the primary outbreak. We give women acyclovir from 32 weeks to prevent outbreaks near birth.

As long as he is open with future partners, he will be surprised as the woman may already have it!

Hope he is feeling better soon!

Why’s it funny she could be pregnant? Also why does he need to see the GP? There’s some strange people on here today