Son has caught herpes

[Ohgodcantbelieveit]

I can’t believe this. Our 19 year old son has caught herpes in Freshers week. I’m so mad and upset.

He’s a long way away too, 7 hours drive.

He has had all the chat about safe sex, gave him condoms to take away. Utter idiot but paying the price big time now. He sounds so sad on the phone. He’s got medication but is really sore and getting more sores popping up and is now worried about the future.

The girl knew she had it but hadn’t given it to her last three partners (!) so thought it was OK. Speechless at her idiocy. He really likes her too.

Just really sad today and mad and worried for him away on his own dealing with this.

Any advice? Please be nice as I know he’s been stupid and so does he.

You're 'coming across' as one of those pain in the arse posters who don't read all the OP's posts then derail threads, don't understand something if it's not exactly the way they/their children do things, then you do the dramatic/exaggerated drama thing "maybe I'm just a bad mother...".

Two bits of advice

• don’t be mad and upset
• stop calling him incredibly stupid

As a midwife has said even safe sex doesn’t protect against catching herpes.

You need to support him and you are piling anger and shame on him that is doing more damage than having herpes.

This. Very peculiar for a grown man to be reliant on his mum for support when he’s been caught out for having unprotected sex!

He has had a very big bollocking and knows he’s fucked up big time.
Apologise for this.

He’s worried he won’t ever find a girlfriend now/have kids. Really blue about his future. There’s such stigma too so he doesn’t really want to tell his friends.

Reassure him don’t keep perpetuating the stigma.

Half of adults do not have genital herpes. It's 20%.

My cousin's son caught it from his wife who lied about having it. They have kids but all were born via caesarian.

She has been shitty with people who weren’t shitty with her. Usually when that happens this forum starts giving back what is being given by the OP. That’s why

You can catch oral herpes just kissing someone.

He's not been stupid, he's been a typical student.

Well your son clearly didn’t know. Don’t get snappy at other people m, you CHOSE to post on here.

https://herpes.org.uk/our-facebook-page/

I think, maybe you could think of it alternatively, it’s not the end of the world, it’s not great, but it’s not the worst thing he could have caught or could have happened to him. He’s 19 and made a mistake, he will have learnt from this but ultimately he’s ok. It is what it is now, try not to overthink and over worry! It’s shit yes, but the worst thing that could have happened to him? Absolutely not. He will have medication and it will improve and he just needs to be careful in future xx try and reassure him a bit and just think it isn’t the worst news you could have recieved! Xx

You clearly have a wonderful relationship for him to tell you something so personal.

it’s a horrible condition but has no lasting medical side effects. My friend caught it also during freshers week (times don’t change!) and she didn’t get treatment for so long that she could barely sit down poor love. Your son was so sensible seeking swift treatment. I sense it’s less invasive for men due to anatomy- she had to wee in a bath the first few times because on women the urine would touch the sores and sting. Men don’t have that complication.

she hasn’t had any lasting issues. The only slightly embarrassing angle is having to tell everyone you sleep with. She’s my age so many partners since then and only a handful objected and decided it wasn’t for them. I have always told her it has been a natural filter for her which has meant she has got rid of the odd judgey arsehole quickly! When she was younger she took preventatives (not sure what?) at beginning of relationships to reassure partners. She still gets the odd outbreak in her 40s when she gets stressed and again it’s a good barometer that she needs to wind things down a bit. She has a gorgeous partner, three wonderful children and has never passed it on to anyone else.

it’s really not the end of the world, please reassure him of that.

No she has not been shitty. She asked the first couple of posters who actually were being shitty if they'd even read her full OP...of course they hadn't. No need to make things up.

This.
I do think if a 19 year old is sharing this kind of information with his mother, then he’s a way to go before being anything approaching all grown up.
I did find all the FFS highly unnecessary.

My friends kids were all born via normal vaginal delivery? Doesn’t necessarily follow that a woman with herpes can’t give birth naturally.

Genital herpes? I'm surprised if that's true.

OP I feel your pain. It's awful. My eldest had a near miss, he told me later. The girl told him fortunately, and he broke up with her, which was quite a difficult situation.

So many people who have it don't share with partners.

True for HSV 1 (cold sores), but NOT HSV 2.
In the UK HSV2 is about 10% of the general population.

Yeah ok 👍

These things happen, once the medication starts to kick in he will soon feel better, he has just been unlucky, it’s quite common but people obviously don’t talk about it because of the stigma. My friend had a very similar experience many years ago and is now married with children so please tell him not to worry too much about the future, it will all work out okay.
I think it’s a testament to your relationship that he can tell you about this and nobody would think it weird if it was a daughter. My child is 25 and still needs support from their Mum sometimes, and I’m always here if they need me no matter what age they are. It’s so hard when they are so far away from home and everything feels overwhelming in the first few weeks of uni. Sounds like you are doing a fab job supporting him, you can’t fix it, but he knows that you’re there for him no matter what and that’s the most important thing.

HSV1 can also cause genital herpes.

The mere fact he felt he could talk to you, shows what a good relationship you have.
He is only nineteen, I know most people on here had been living and working independently for years by this age, paying bills and mortgages, (sarcasm) but he is still young. Not worth going mad at him, it’s done now, I don’t think you deserve the hard time you are getting OP.

While it will be a shock to the lad OP he's definitely not alone. Around half the women he goes on to have sex with will have it, as will half his male friends, and half of us sitting online being shitty about it. Unless they have had the vaccine.

First sensible reply.

There is no vaccine for herpes.

Heartbreaking and life changing? Why are people being so dramatic about an immensely common , mild virus. Just shows how much irrational stigma there is about STIs.

No it isn’t.

herpes is a virus. Antibiotics will do fuck all.

He can live with it and manage it yes, but with the correct medication (antiviral)