Son has caught herpes

[Ohgodcantbelieveit]

I can’t believe this. Our 19 year old son has caught herpes in Freshers week. I’m so mad and upset.

He’s a long way away too, 7 hours drive.

He has had all the chat about safe sex, gave him condoms to take away. Utter idiot but paying the price big time now. He sounds so sad on the phone. He’s got medication but is really sore and getting more sores popping up and is now worried about the future.

The girl knew she had it but hadn’t given it to her last three partners (!) so thought it was OK. Speechless at her idiocy. He really likes her too.

Just really sad today and mad and worried for him away on his own dealing with this.

Any advice? Please be nice as I know he’s been stupid and so does he.

OP, I think sending him some comfort food is a really nice idea. If it were me, I would send him a Tesco order full of some nice treats. People need a bit of nurturing when they contract this virus. I did! He should also rest up and get lots of sleep. It will make him feel more positive.

During times when you have a problem that you can't solve with action, I have also found distraction to be invaluable. Good films and TV series are a must. Disney/National Geographic has this new four-part wildlife documentary that's meant to be incredible. It's called Lion, and it follows a cub as he grows up. The camera work is meant to be phenomenal. Here's the trailer. The baby lions are so cute they don't look real. At the very end, the mummy lion smacks the cub's bum and he lets out a wail - it's SO sweet! He should watch something like this to take him out of himself.

Sorry but 🤣 at "herpes is of course worse"

Yes to add to this, I think it’s such a testament to your parenting that he can share this. I might have shared this with my mum…I certainly made me sister come with me to the GUM clinic after a bad decision! I can only hope that my child would come to either me or dad with stuff like this.

Having read some of the unhelpful and unkind comments on here, I just wanted to send out a big hand hold to you. Of course, you are concerned about your son who has just gone off to uni for the first time and is 7 hours away, never mind that he is feeling ill and upset.

Keep that bond going with him. Keep bring someone he can confide in. He is still a barely child really and needs your support. And you need our support too as a mum. You have mine. This too shall pass. But for now, hugs. 🥰

Poor lad. I wouldn't be too harsh on him. It's bad luck, as others have said it's not even 100% preventable with condoms. It's great though that he feels comfortable to share this with you. There's no point laying on the guilt, he'll sure be more careful from now on.

Herpes is a viral infection not bacterial so antibiotics will do nothing. Also it can come back many many times through life, its quite a big deal to the person who has it.

"Incurable" and "life long", except 70%+ of the population have one strand or other, and flare ups are typically very occasional and mild, if they ever happen again at all, and easily treatable. Basically barely affects one's life whatsoever. All this hyperbole and stigma just because it's an STI.

It's really not a big deal though. Or if it is, it's only because of stigma.

Thanks for all the lovely and helpful posts. Some of you are so kind, I really do appreciate it. Thanks too for the kind words about him being able to share this stuff with us. I’m feeling much better now, more positive and more able to get him through this “bump on the road.” It’s hard enough to feel the wrench of them leaving without stuff like this to deal with. If he was at home at least I could truly see how he is and give him a hug. Onwards and upwards.

If he didn't have "full" (I assume you mean vaginal or anal) sex, what protection would he use? Many people don't wear gloves to touch a woman's vulva, nor use a condom or dam to perform oral sex, reasoning that the risks are very low for those activities.

HSV1 and HSV2 can be transmitted despite these barriers. HSV1 can be transmitted by kissing.

I am not sure what I find weirder on this thread: people suggesting it is strange that a 19 year old boy tells his mother about a health issue, or to tell her that he should deal with it on his own or that dealing with an STD will make him "a man".

When your 19 olds asks for help, do you refuse? Would you rather they did not ask? Are you the same women who complain about men not opening up?

I think it is fantastic that he told you, and it says a lot about your parenting. Well done!

Given that about 85% of women carry an STD at some point in their lives I find the responses here incredibly arrogant - or blissfully ignorant.

I don’t think anything you have said makes anything in my comment untrue? My comment was in response to another poster saying it would clear up with antibiotics. I was making the point that it’s not true as herpes can’t be cured.

I didn’t pass any comment on how common it is or how it affects people. I was purely commenting from a biological point of view. However, for what it’s worth, the vast majority of that 70% have cold sores. A much smaller percentage of the population have genital herpes.

even if you don’t get outbreaks you can still pass it on and have to tell future partners. So in that sense, I can understand why that would be hard for someone to accept and why OP’s son may be struggling.

I have no judgement for anyone who contracts the virus. It can happen to anyone and agree there should be less stigma.

I feel the comments slating him about him telling me would be totally different if he were a girl. Interesting that.

Yes, it's just a harmless skin rash when it comes down to it. He could have caught much, much worse things. There is an antibiotic-resistant strain of gonorrhea now.

She probably means he pulled out, as they weren’t using a condom. It’s safe to assume she knows more detail than you do to be able to judge it for herself though

@ToKittyornottoKitty thanks. I purposely ignored that post as I’m not comfortable going into that level of detail!

Jesus that’s scary 😱

I would consider "full sex" to include pulling out. Ejaculating outside the vagina doesn't make penetration become less dangerous.

Do kids not get sex ed at school these days? I knew that pulling out is not a contraceptive method at 14...

1. This forum is anonymous.
2. People's assessment of whether you've overreacted by giving him a bollocking will be affected by what he did. I would judge someone a lot for pulling out instead of using a condom, but a lot less for giving or getting oral sex without one, because of the different risk profiles.

Yes and I’m not asking for people’s assessment of whether or not he deserved the bollocking (he did). And no I won’t be going into that level of detail about a teenager’s sex life on a public forum .Anonymous or not. If you’ve got an issue with that then 🚩so move on.

It’s irrelevant what you consider full sex. And yes, it’s not safe sex, that’s why he was an idiot…

for what it’s worth, the vast majority of that 70% have cold sores. A much smaller percentage of the population have genital herpes.

70% have HSV 1 , which is the common virus that causes cold sores. These can be on the mouth but they can also be on the genitals if transferred through oral sex.

10-15% of people have HSV 2 (by 25).

I thought your language was overly dramatic in the context.

It's manageable,there has been decent advice about the symptoms, but the worst thing will be how it effect his future relationships, but there is not much that can be done about it.

👍