Son has caught herpes

[Ohgodcantbelieveit]

I can’t believe this. Our 19 year old son has caught herpes in Freshers week. I’m so mad and upset.

He’s a long way away too, 7 hours drive.

He has had all the chat about safe sex, gave him condoms to take away. Utter idiot but paying the price big time now. He sounds so sad on the phone. He’s got medication but is really sore and getting more sores popping up and is now worried about the future.

The girl knew she had it but hadn’t given it to her last three partners (!) so thought it was OK. Speechless at her idiocy. He really likes her too.

Just really sad today and mad and worried for him away on his own dealing with this.

Any advice? Please be nice as I know he’s been stupid and so does he.

Genital herpes can be caused by hsv1 and hsv2, it’s about half and half in the uk for new diagnosed cases. OP hasn’t specified which type he has, so it’s completely possible he’s caught hsv1.

Eh, I’m not. He got an initial bollocking about being so stupid to not use a condom. Maybe he would have caught it anyway but he’s still puts himself and his partner at risk of other things. Since then I’ve been very supportive. Hopefully he’s having a good day with friends although he can’t play his sport as he’s in too much pain. I told him he’s been stupid, he should always use a condom but that this is just a bump in the road and it will all be fine. These things always seem like the end of the world but as lots of said on this thread he may not ever get another outbreak.

He will be honest going forwards as that’s in his nature, I think the thought of those conversations are very difficult for him at the moment. Having said that, sex is the last thing on his mind just now!

He was swabbed and is waiting for the results I think.

You very much can help it, you’re just choosing not to.

Not peculiar at all IME.

Id find it very sad if a young person didnt feel they could seek advice from their mum in this situation.

I’m happy you’re not angry and upset now, you said you were in your OP. I do think you should apologise for the bollocking and calling him stupid.

Ok fair, the reference to antibiotics didn't make sense, but the rest of it / tone was a sensible antidote to the drama on this thread

Agreed.

no because he was stupid not to use protection!

You’re clearly a supportive parent, with a fantastic relationship with your son. So, kudos for that.

While this is super unfortunate, it’s not a massive life limiting deal. He’ll be okay.

Were you honest that he might have caught it anyway even with protection?

Oh thanks! So much useful info on this thread. It’s worth putting up with the other stuff 😬🤣

I think you are confusing it with the HPV virus for which there is a vaccine.

Bad luck for your DS to be caught like that. I didn’t know you could get it with a condom either so I’m def ignorant on that score too.
Hope fully once the meds have kicked in he’ll feel better and can get advice for the future.
My DS would probably tell me if something like this happened to him (and he’s 3 years older). He’s prone to a bit of TMI!

It's good that you have such a trusting and open relationship with your son.
This reminds me of the time, many years ago, when my son phoned me in a panic because he'd had a condom split. He and his GF were 15 at the time, and they needed advice about getting her the MAP.
I don't understand why some posters are getting into a lather because your son has shared this with you.

I think the most important thing is that he realises that he will have to tell all his future sexual partners about this, to protect them. But he knows that, I'm sure.

It's always a worry when our DC first go away from home.

coconut oil (I am not a dr...)

It is a problem if she’s having an attack. And one can come on suddenly.
I helped work on an educational campaign about it. The mum in question had passed it onto baby, baby died within 36 hours.

@CupOfTeaAndAHug thanks so much for sharing that. I wish you all the very best. 💗

Herpes is a virus so antibiotics would have no effect (they work on bacteria). Herpes is non curable and a life long virus

Tell your son to order ( online ) a three month supply of aviclore very easy to get from any on line pharmacy like DR Fox / Superdrug

3 months supply will mean he’s always got enough anti suppression tablets if he has an outbreak and no need to go to the doctor

the moment he feels it tingling he can take them
he may need to take 2-3 a week to keep it at bay or just when he feels an attack starting

HI OP.

I believe 70% of the population has herpes in some form (the mouth version is known as Herpes simplex type 1) in the majority of cases and can be transfered from the mouth to the genitals. Does he know what type he has?

From what I have read, the first outbreak is the absolute worst and then it settles down. Some people never get another outbreak again. I believe many people carry the virus without knowing because the majority of people are completely symptomless.

I have read that L- Lysine is a good supplement to take daily to keep outbreaks at bay. I can understand that your son and yourself must be devastated by this, but it's really not the end of the world. He will need to be honest with future partners and disclose, or make sure he doesn't have sex with an active outbreak. I have also read that many people will get signs, or what is known as 'prodome' to let them know that an outbreak is due. This will help him manage his symptoms. He needs to focus on keeping healthy. Limit alcohol, eat well, cut sugar, and get lots of sleep.

I only know all this, as I had a scare about a year ago. I went to the clinic for a swab but it was negative for hsv. I did all the reading up on it though as I was convinced I was having an outbreak.

He can also take a daily antiviral medication if outbreaks are frequent or bothering him. He can start on those now, or when he feels he wants to. There is no cure, but the treatments are good. I have also read the majority of people are not bothered hy this virus at all.

You’re not very nice are you. Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

I agree. I think my relative had sections because each time her time drew near, she started with a flare so they CS'ed her to be on the safe side. I think if you are not in a flare, you can have a normal birth.

Are you a little too invested???

It's nothing to do with you. His business.

It’s great that you can have such an honest and open conversation with your son.
Dont be hard on him, even using confirms although less likely to, he may have still contracted the virus especially if his gf had an active outbreak.
This doesn’t need to be the end of the world- genital herpes is incredibly common and now your din knows he has it, he is a safer sexual partner than most as he will be taking precautions.
Passing the virus on if using condoms and not during an active outbreak is unlikely and the risk diminishes with time. Also if a partner already has hsv (more likely than not) they will have full protection if it’s the same strain or partial protection if not. Even less likely if taking a daily antiviral.
After 2 years passing herpes on is rare, unless he is having regular outbreaks ( 1 every two months or more)
For now antivirals will help, salt baths with lemon balm too. Painkillers and anti histamine for the itch
He may never have another outbreak and if he goes, they are milder and he can take antivirals either during or as a preventative
This doesn’t have to be the end of the world.