Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support V

[kokeshi]

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone who is having any trouble with their drinking, a safe place to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Thank you to all of those who have kept it going thus far, and welcome to anyone who has decided the time has come to ask for help.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

Sorry, new to thread so haven't read every message.

It strikes me that most people here are doing a good job of raising their families.

Where drink is concerned wine seems to be the 'downfall' if you like but not many here have moved to the stronger stuff- spirits, strong lager etc.

So what I think I'm trying to say is that we shouldn't beat ourselves up too much. Being a mum is hard, hard work so its not surprising we need a release.

Obviously if the drinking is afecting your relationships and your children's wellbeing then you need to be honest with yourself and stop but if not, try not to overthink things blow things up into a major problem.

I say this as someone who regularly drinks a bottle of wine to herself. I do have moments of guilt obviously but will not add to my issues by labelling myself an addict.

Alcohol is not the friend you think it is.

It is the best mate before you admit the problem. It kicks you in the arse when you have to deal with life shit that alcohol created. It gives you the comfort when life is crap and it tells you 'tomorrow you deal with it, just one more night with me'.

My summons arrived today. One for next Thurs, and one for 18th October. I have 3 working days to locate, arrange and consult a solicitor otherwise I'm going in unrepresented on both accounts.
Social services and child protection are involved. Interviewing my kids at school that I know nothing about until CPT knock on my door uninvited. Telling me I'm a shit mum and neglectful and abusive.

And going into the court next week with no one, and no solicitor fills me with total dread. Even my keyworker isn't coming like she promised she would. She's fully booked next Thurs so I'll have to go on my own and face all those welfare officers and a judge, with no fucking hand to hold. While the alcohol just sits there and fucking laughs at me.

Alcohol created this mess. I have to get myself out of it, but I want to run away. If I do that, they will send a warrant out for me.
Best scenario - I get fined PER CHILD. If it's not paid within 28 days, it doubles. Not paid within 48 days - I get prosecuted.
Worst scenario - I get 3 months in the slammer PER CHILD. Looking at a 6 month stretch and losing everything I have.

Alcohol is a bastard friend that shits on you when life is down. Remember that.

SueMunch - it's really nice to see you here. Alcohol was my release, and look at me now.

I sense a lot of denial in your post. You may be able to raise your family in the way you wish, but a lot of others don't have the support networks in place. and that;s the way the drink sneaks it way in.

I raised my family the best way I could while dealing with a problem...and it was / is a problem, and probably always will be.

Getting the summons today, dealing with SS and the CPT and the EWO (education welfare officers), fell out with my best friend, haven't spoke to parents for a year, got jack shit support network. I did my best to keep my family together. I clutched the summons, tucked my DD's into bed tonight and sobbed my bloody heart out. Because I let them down. When I close my eyes to sleep, all I see is their faces smiling at me, telling me they love me. And then I see my mum, my ex best mate and my exh yelling 'shit mum, shit mum' in my dreams at night.
It's really not that easy to stop, if you have a problem. And the guilt is overwhelming.

Really sorry - I am not this agressive usually. Have had a really bad day and just wanted to offload.
Hope you are well, and everyone else too? Not seen you all here or on FB either. Take it easy x x

Hey there Purpleone - you are so right about the booze not being your friend. Your situation sounds unbearable to me but you know what we are all going along thinking that could never happen to me but I am pretty sure you thought like that too once. That is why this thread is so important and even if you only drink wine not spirits the fact that we post on this thread means we all have or had a problem - this is the only place I can be truly honest because I know that you wont judge me - we have all done things in our lives we are ashamed of and none of wants to be a crap mum - but the days when I verbally abuse my kids because I have had way to much to drink the night before still make me feel like shit but it doesnt stop me wanting that next bottle of wine. I managed not to drink last night for teh first time in weeks and for that I am grateful. My thoughts are with you Purple keep strong for your kids it must be so f.... hard to do that but you sound incredibly strong - keep on going babe x

I find the hardest thing about addictions is that it is like living with the self-destruct accelerator down full on all the time. It is wretched being driven to hurt oneself.

Big hugs to you, PurpleOne. It sounds terrifying, and I do hope you get some support.

Hi Suemunch, perhaps it may be helpful to read some of the thread, help you get a feel of what its about? Your words seem well meaning, but the women posting on here obviously have a drink problem, and are all in different stages of becoming aware of it and starting to deal with it, its lot more than just drinking a bit too much, unfortunately.

Its nice to see the thread active again! I hadn't checked it for ages until the other day.
Unhappy, thats brilliant, take each day as it comes. Have you any plans for what YOU want to do? Could you start to arrange nights out for yourself, meeting up with friends, doing a class or something, just to get you out and doing something for yourself- get your DCs dad to babysit!

Hi bladibla.

hi purple xx

Hi Teasle - thanks for your post - not really planning nights out exactly not really got any friends any more - over the last few years I have become more and more distant with people and I suppose bottom line too scared to ask dcs dad - just one day at a time I think - hoping to try and build up my confidence somehow so not so scared of asking him for time for myself - life very complicated - thoughts to everyone - will check in later before I go home - no pc at home !!!

going home soon - is anxiety a symptom of depresion or is it to do with alcohol too - get so anxious these days - dp only has to phone me and ask where something is in the house and if I cant think where it is my heart starts racing and my thoughts are all of the place - suppose its because I am scared of him and his reaction if I cant find something he wants - what a way to live - I am a grown woman and feel he reduces to me a scared child almost!! Anyway as I say going home now - not planning on buying any wine on the way home - good luck everyone over the weekend - quite often my very worse time as we have to spend so much time together !!! Supposed to be glad its the weekend but I am starting to dread them

Anxiety can be mixed in with lots of things, unhappy, but you mentioned being scared of him and his reactions, so perhaps its not an unfounded anxiety?
Yes heavy drinking can increase feelings of anxiety, but so can your home situation. Anxiety and depression can often go hand in hand too- but you really need to speak to your GP-, you really have nothing to be scared of, and you have absolutely nothing to gain by keeping everything hidden, just the perpetuation of a situation which is making you ill. Come on lovely, get some help sorted out for yourself. x

Going to try thanks mate (smile)

Hello everyone - hope you all had a good weekends - mine was not too bad managed 2 days with no wine ie. thursday/friday then succumbed on Saturday big style and a couple of glasses yesterday - not feeling too bad feeling quite positive - reading the Allen Carr book again - did quite well with that - had enough of feeling sorry for myself so am going to try very hard this week to pull myself together

Hope your okay unhappy? Reading between the lines of your posts, there is an awful lot more going on besides your drinking. Your home life doesn't sound too pleasant...and maybe the drinking and the situations are led hand in hand?
The one line that stood out for me was 'not really got any friends anymore'. Is it because of your DP?

It's ok to be feeling that way lovely, but you must reach out to talk. Your GP, family, here?
Would you care to share with me? I am a survivour of DV if it helps.

Hope you're all sleeping well right now.
Sending love x x

MOrning all! I had another crap night's sleep although I didn't drink anything. It felt like a delayed hangover, and waking up in the middle of the night panicking about things I can do nothing about was just horrible.

Some of my friends are staying at my parents rented cottage (where we were chased out of). I have tried to tell my parents that they are there and going to mow the grass. It's very difficult trying to make a plan with someone with Alzeimers. The alternative is to talk to a nutter. My friend does not understand how difficult the sitution actually is, and like so many people does not quite believe that my father is perpetrator of dv, and has almost destroyed the lives of his children.

I think that sometimes we underestimate how hard it is just staying alive.

Hi Purpleone/Bladebla - what is DV?

I am OK another wine free evening last night - never had loads of friends have a few that I see every now and then but there was only ever my bf that I really talked to honestly about everything - we fell out about a year ago as she was having an affair and kept using me as an alibi and I didnt like it - its a shame as we had been friends for nearly 30 years - so think things are worse for me now as I dont have anywhere to vent my feelings anymore - definately dont talk to my family - never have - and GP not really got one anymore hardly go to the doctors and they are all locums!!!

Anywhere quite positive today again which is good - probably goes hand in hand with no wine last night - hope you are both good today - check in later to see how you are all doing

OK dv is domestic violence - sorry bit thick this morning so I suppose my would be vb ie. verbal abuse as opposed to physical!!!

cant believe how quiet this thread is now used to be active all the time - has everyone moved to Facebook?

HI unhappy- I think your post kick-started it off again!
I guess its one of those things that people dip in and out of. The thread was really useful to me at one point, probably why I still check in every now and again. Also, with me I check in because even though I havn't drank for a long time, i've still got a drink problem, I'll always be alcoholic.

How're things going at home?

Hows everyone else?

I occasionally have a look at Facebook, but can't be bothered with it. It's also a question of anonymity. Do you really want a potential employer looking you up?

I've had a pretty knackered and horrible day, a bit like being stuck in the cast of 'Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf?'. I saw a friend in town, which was a huge relief. I think I need to find someone to talk to about things, because I am having such a horrible time, and it's really not worth getting drunk about.

Did anyone see the Dispatches on the telly last night about all the crap they put in wine? Yuck! They add sugar at best, and sulphuric acid and weedkiller. Some vinyards are grown on Parisian rubbish dumps. Mmmm. Perhaps I'll have to change my tipple to vodka

Evening just thought I would check in. On the whole I been doing well but have had a couple of slips. It's getting wetter and darker and this brings out my cravings for drink.

Had a day off today and was hit by a sudden craving for wine or gin in Asda. Decided it was time to leave. However it was close. I so don't want to go back down that route.

Not feeling in control of life at the moment (so much to do, so little time etc) and know that drinking would be like throwing petrol on the fire.

Hope everyone is doing ok tonight xx

hello there everyone - I have never done Facebook wouldnt even know how and dont you have friends !!!

Bladebla sounds like you having a tough time.

Well done Jellibabe for resisting the urge in Asdas .

I have done 2 days now and usually when I hvae done 3 I kind of feel back in control am also reading my Alan Carr book again which kept me off the booze for a while last year - fingers crossed.

Teasle - things surprisingly calm at home at the moment - dp (or whatever his name is now) is being very nice at moment know that can cahnge in a blink of an eye. My dcs are behaving quite well and I am really appreciating not feeling hungover for however long that lasts - how long have you not drunk for now?

Hey Purpleone - how you doing ?

Hi all.

Will be in court in an hour and am totally shitting myself. Booze is totally responsible for this.
I'll update more later on. Wish me luck - I think I need it!

x x x

Hi Purpleone - good luck not sure of your whole story but wishing you all the best x

Just checking in to let you all know I got £35 costs and a 12 month conditional discharge, which I am really happy about. To even get away with not having a fine.
Unhappy - all I will say is make sure your kids get to school punctually and have a good attendance

Been tossing and turning in bed the past couple of hours. Don't know why as I'm absolutelu shattered now.

Hope you are both well bladebla and unhappy. Keep reading that Alan Carr book. I have it on my mp3 player as an ebook. Really must dig it out again!

Night all x

Hi Purpleone glad you are happy with the way things went at Court - this is the second time of reading it and am feeling inspired (at the moment ) done 4 days now with no wine and feeling alot less jumpy moody and down and loads more awake !! Its a great feel at the moment and hoping to maintain it - dont think I will ever totally give up the vino but need to stop for a while at least - I know thats not the aim of the book but thats what I think I can do - yeah I know as soon as I start back I will be necking a bottle a night again!!! Check in later to see how you all are - no computer at home at the moment !!

Have a good day

The aim of your OWN book is what you feel comfortable with.
Some people give up completely, some cut back to social drinking and some just cut down gradually. It's all about what you want to achieve.

While I totally agree with things like AA, I cannot live my life with the 'total abstinence' thing. The thoughts of no alcohol forever is just far too much to deal with. So, I joined a drugs service and started a 'reduction' plan, and I'm finding more and more sober nights are starting to crawl into my life.
Just too tired and exhausted for all those fucking benders anymore.

After court yesterday...having the choice of the benders, me not getting up, kids in bed off school...or going into court shaking like a leaf and being judged on my parenting, I know which one I'd choose any day.
I just have to learn the skills to keep it at bay now. I have far too much to lose.

And I get you with the feeling more awake thing. Since starting the reduction plan and the summer holidays, now the girls are back at school..I actually drag my arse out of bed in the morning, make them breakfast, make drinks, iron uniform and take DD2 to school. Somthing I never used to do.

The aim of your own book is what you feel comfortable with, unhappy. Hope you had a great day and have a lovely weekend! x x