Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support V

[kokeshi]

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone who is having any trouble with their drinking, a safe place to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Thank you to all of those who have kept it going thus far, and welcome to anyone who has decided the time has come to ask for help.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

Yeah, perhaps the Purplone has put it in her suitcase and taken it away somewhere

Is anyone around?

Guess not.

Am off to bed now. Been a totally shit day.

*strokes tumbleweed as it rolls through....

Polishes doorknobs,

Opens door, looks around, , notices doorknobs are looking shiny...

It's far too quiet here these days..How's everyone doing?

Hi again every one ! Is there an echo in here ? its very quiet! Dont have much time so i will keep it brief and say i am still strugling with the demon drink ,still on a bottle of wine a night and totally fed up with it all ,looked into AA groups but cant get to any during the hols and not sure its the right thing for me anyway ,probably a bit of denial going on there!Hope everyone else is well Will pop back later

Hello ten green bottles - lovely to see you post, but sorry to hear you are still struggling.
I suppose you'll never know if something is right for you or not unless you give it a go. What about other services in your area? or do you think your drink problem isn't bad enough to approach someone for help?
Haven't checked the thread for a while as its been so quiet, but its nice to see you post! I've forgotten who everyone is!

Morning Tengreen and Teasle don't have much to share just mainly how much I've missed the thread over the summer. Having the children every weekend and working during the week make it difficult to get support anywhere else. Remembered about Roundabout tho and am going to take out a subscription. Here's a link for anyone who would like to have a look.

www.aa-roundabout.org.uk/current.shtml

Where on earth is everyone?
Have we all got sober?

Just bumping and saying hello. Hope everyone is doing well x

Yup! All sober as judges (hic)

I'm going to leave out the booze until after my gastro appointment next week. Last night I drank over a bottle of wine (which may sound pathetic, but it makes me feel rubbish!). I will be having a blood test at the hospital and I'd rather my blood didn't consist almost entirely of alcohol. How are you getting on, PurpleOne. Have you been polishing any more doorknobs?

Hello everyone - not been on for a couple of months - thought I was doing Ok for a while there but back up to a bottle of wine every night - struggling with life/depression finding solace in the wine again - going to try and give it up again during the week no promises for the weekend. My I feel life an emotional car wreck at moment my dcs father as I now refer to him rather than my dp as he really isnt interested in me anymore only the children has been very verbally abusive and its making me feel very down - he always apologies and we get over it but I dont know what to do next feel anxious all the time down like a bad mum for not being a good role model not standing up to him when I should - so down - expect the booze is makng things worse - actually lay in bed the other week and thought my only way out would be suicide but really could not do that to my dcs very sad right now

Hi unhappy, I havn't checked the thread for ages either.

It sounded like an intolerable situation at home, and that was months ago, you just sound worn out by it all. I take it nothing has changed then? Do you still want the same things as you did a few months ago, or have you made some decisions about your situation with your DP , (or ex-DP). Sorry I know you always felt umcomfortable writing about it.

If you have been having those awful thoughts, please go and see someone, like your GP. There are ALWAYS alternatives, ther are always other choices. Don't struggle on alone anymore. Plewase keep posting, will endeaver to check in regularly again, and i'm sure some others will start posting too.

Hi unhappy, I havn't checked the thread for ages either.

It sounded like an intolerable situation at home, and that was months ago, you just sound worn out by it all. I take it nothing has changed then? Do you still want the same things as you did a few months ago, or have you made some decisions about your situation with your DP , (or ex-DP). Sorry I know you always felt umcomfortable writing about it.

If you have been having those awful thoughts, please go and see someone, like your GP. There are ALWAYS alternatives, there are always other choices. Don't struggle on alone anymore. Please keep posting, will check in regularly again, and I'm sure some others will start posting too.x

AArgh

just seen this in active convos and wanted to apologise for not having posted for ages.

No excuse really as I'm on MN pretty much non stop these days

Doing well, not drinking at all now (gives me horrible heartburn and gastric reflux), but I'm nearly 32 weeks so DC3 (DS2) will be here soon enough

unhappy, sorry to hear that things are still bad at home . As teasle says, please go and see your GP and talk this over with him; you know deep down that it isn't the way out, but you do need to talk about why you feel like this. Perhaps some medication will help? I was thinking similar thoughts when I was at my lowest and thinking I was a horrible and worthless mum. I still feel like that someimes, but I can recognise that it's the depression making me think that way. Can you also sit down and have a frank chat with your DH? Is he sympathetic to what makes you drink, and how low you feel?

keep posting and we'll make a concerted effort to get things up and running again

Things at home calmed down again until the next blow up - been drinking a bottle a night still - woke up feeling rough this morning - shouted/swore at my dd on the way to school - I feel like the worst kind of mum you could imagine swearing at their children in the street!! I think of dcs father as the verbally abusive one I am not any better at times - know I need to stop the drinking but dont seem able to at the moment - I am going to make an appointment to see GP next week and discuss my depression but I cant tell him about my drinking - my dcs father does not know I drink I wait till he leaves and then of course get rid of any evidence - he would freak out if he knew how much I drank - probably accuse me of neglecting the kids which of course I dont - sound rather hypocritcal dont I - swearing at them in the street but because I get the uniforms/reading dinner baths sorted before I settle in with my bottle of wine I am an OK mum - I am so not an OK I am horrible

Hi Unhappy- you CAN tell your GP, but you may be choosing not to. Keeping things hidden never helps.

The real worry is the relationship, or lack of, between you and the childrens dad, and the effect of that on your mental health. I know you wrote ages ago that you want to keep the family together, but in reality is there anything worth being that miserable for?

I don't mean to sound like a harsh cow, but your home situation has obviously been making you incredibly miserable for a long time. Things don't change just because we want them to, and sometimes I have hung on and on willing things to get better by themselves, but it doesn't really happen.

I don't think you are horrible, but I do think you are stressed to breaking point.
Perhaps its time to try and sort out what you really need to do for yourself and your children. Please keep posting, hope i havn't put you off.

Thanks for posting Teasle - I know but am worried about admitting to a health professional that I drink. You are of course right about my situation and I know that something needs to come to a head but no matter how hard I try to talk to him he doesnt not want to talk to me about anything he wants to carry on like normal - he wont admit anything is amiss - I have tried so many times to make him talk but he just wont - I am very miserable right now and I hate the person that I have become - I keep thinking if I can just stop the wine every night I will feel more positive but every night the minute he goes I just want to open a new bottle - what am I going to do how am I going to stop how am I going to carry on with this pathetic life ?

Thanks for posting Teasle - I know but am worried about admitting to a health professional that I drink. You are of course right about my situation and I know that something needs to come to a head but no matter how hard I try to talk to him he doesnt not want to talk to me about anything he wants to carry on like normal - he wont admit anything is amiss - I have tried so many times to make him talk but he just wont - I am very miserable right now and I hate the person that I have become - I keep thinking if I can just stop the wine every night I will feel more positive but every night the minute he goes I just want to open a new bottle - what am I going to do how am I going to stop how am I going to carry on with this pathetic life ?

Thanks for posting Teasle - I know but am worried about admitting to a health professional that I drink. You are of course right about my situation and I know that something needs to come to a head but no matter how hard I try to talk to him he doesnt not want to talk to me about anything he wants to carry on like normal - he wont admit anything is amiss - I have tried so many times to make him talk but he just wont - I am very miserable right now and I hate the person that I have become - I keep thinking if I can just stop the wine every night I will feel more positive but every night the minute he goes I just want to open a new bottle - what am I going to do how am I going to stop how am I going to carry on with this pathetic life ?

unhappy , i once lived in a homeless hostel for ten months rather than stay in a relationship that was making me miserable and do you know what ? it was the best ten months of my life ever! I couldnt go any lower and so the only way i could look was forward . I know where you are coming from, i too drink a bottle of wine a night and wake every morning feeling bad about it . But dont beat yourself up about being a bad mother because you clearly arnt , your children are fed ,clothed and educated and you love them . The vast majority of mums on mumsnet will have sworn at their children at some point ,we are human afterall . The worst thing about drinking is that it affects your mental state , it makes you feel much worse when you are fed up /depressed and yet we reach for that bottle of wine for solace and comfort , even though we know deep down it makes nothing better . Dont worry about telling the GP about your drinking ,you will honestly be the 400th person that week he will have seen with alcohol issues and your consumpstion will by no means be the worst ,thats not to make light of our excessive drinking though ,because it is ruining our health and taking away our youthful good looks ,have you got thread lines on your cheeks yet? and look 7 months pregnant due to all those empty calories settling on your midriff ? Keep posting on here ,when you feel the need to vent and heartfelt good luck with everything

thanks tengreen - going home now - will honestly try not to drink tonight I know I am really down and the wine just makes everything worse

Well I'm having a BIG beer at the moment. I went to the hospital for my appointment, arrived an hour early, then 5 minutes before my appt was due, they said the clinic was running 45 mins late. I had the dogs in the car and kids with a friend. The car's radiator had just developed a leak on the way to the hospital, and I only had car park money for a short stay. Anyway, all that it meant was that the idea of staying till at least 5.30pm before being seen was going to end up with me being at the sore end of dogs, kids, husband and friend. GGGRRRRRRR.

A cup of tea was perfectly adequate, but I am really annoyed, because I had managed to stave off the booze before this appt, prepared myself for some horrible things. I feel let down by the hospital.

Alcohol is a crap friend when you are feeling down. No, it really is rubbish!!

Bladebla - not really surpised you had a beer - your day sounds horrible.

Well I didnt manage it last night either. Was on the bus on the way home when I suddenly remembered that I had left dinner in the fridge at work and as DP (not really dear not really my partner but for ease will call him that) had asked for this specifically I started to panic and got off went to M&S and in my head I was already thinking OK if they have blah blah I will treat myself to some wine - so i did and I of course drank the whole bloody bottle - woke up at 4 am couldnt remember where I had hidden the empty bottle had another panic until I eventually found it - going out for lunch today with a colleague will drink at lunchtime but not tonight as DP will be around tonight and will pretend that I dont really drink anymore - god my life sometimes when writing about it sounds so bizarre - funnily enough not really feeling too bad today emotionally speaking just need to get through 3 alcohol free nights and I can usually stay off for a while - tonight will be night 1 I hope.

Hope everyone else out there is doing OK - better do some work now - will check in again later