TAMOXIFEN ****20****

[KurriKurri]

Hello ladies, - just taking the plastic wrapper off a brand new thread

Hello TheNightisYoung and welcome, - gosh you've been through the mill, no wonder you are feeling jumpy - that's a hell of a lot to deal with in a very short space of time. I'd say your second op is taking longer to recover from because your body is still recovering from the first one. Did you have any other treatment after your surgery to deal with as well?

It does get a bit better with time, - but there is a lot of adjusting to do, - especially I imagine witht he kind of double whammy you have had. (If its any help, I have a friend who had ovarian cancer, followed by Breast cancer within a short space of time and she too found her second DX very hard to deal with mentally, although her first was potentially the more serious one. )- Perhaps it is that speaking from personal experience, you expend so much emotional and physical energy dealing with cancer, - to go through that, and then be expected to cope all over again, must be incredibly tough.

I hope we can support you - stick with us

amber about the herceptin, - you've been very unlucky, but you know the one year of herceptin is fairly arbitrary, you've had a third of it, - and it was just part of your overall treatment. Try not to feel too panicky (easier said than done I know) and

Smee - you may have hit on the answer - I haven't seen my book since yesterday evening. Although it's a slim volume - don't think it will plug a hole very well Am actually wondering if I left it at the hospital when I went fro my bloods - that's when I last had it. I've also recently lost a very nice scarf I had just bought. Either we've got goblins, or I'm going daft!

goblins/gremlins??? - what am I on about?

Just seen your second post TNIY - well done you on being pro active and following up symptoms.

Afternoon all, having an aargh day, but am now snugged up with dd watching tv.
Have had an anxious head on all day, out of the blue really. Hate feeling so useless. Supposed to be seeing boyf tonight but I feel really yuk so may cancel. I don't feel up to a r/l. Am I being silly?
Smee, your actupuncturist sounds v sensible, and right!
Welcome to thenight. You will defo get some help and support here. I'm holsten, cancer of vulva (tmi i know) and I went back to work yday - are you able to phase yourself back in gradually. Sounds like you've had a hell of a time.
Gig, great u have no infection, hope you're resting though (if that's possible with dd x 2!)
KK hope dd all ok now , must be scary that. Anything that affects breathing surely terrifying.
Oh amber, how bloody frustrating for you re herceptin. Think you get hug of the day x

Don't gremlins eat more than goblins? If so better not come near the snack trolley

Nightisyoung- it is positive that you didnt ignore signs (I know I did with mine ). And
I read a really interesting article about Sam
Taylor wood who had bowel and I think breast cancer about her different reactions . Can find link if you want.

Thanks. Yup. No, that's the end of the herceptin. I appreciated the Onc's honesty, to be fair to her. And she knows that I quite like a fact or two.

Gigondas, hurrah re scar. Good luck with the airing

Holsten can you do a snugglu night in date? No experience of going back to work but I was floored returning after ml so not a shock that you are feeling done in.

And if you are tired you are more prone to getting down - know its a statement of bloody obvious but my mood I have noticed directly related to how many times mini gig up in the night.

You would bloody love my onc then amber . Am defo in the need to know, going all wobbly bonkers when given facts camp which is odd for an accountant!

On completely unrelated note. Has anyone seen film one day? I loved the book and was thinking of weekend entertainment (French tv is like a trip back to the 70s and not in a good way).

Thanks for the welcome guys - I'm almost in tears here, seriously(emotional / happy weepy kind tears :) ). My DP is brilliant, wonderful, caring and fantastic and is doing everything he can to help and support me but it is hard for him to fully understand and I think it's quite painful for him to talk about it.

KK you're spot on about the double whammy - it was strange, I couldn't wait for the first op to get the d@mn thing out of me but I nearly backed out of the second one because I just couldn't face it all again. But I did (as you do!) and I don't need anything else at the moment but lots of obs and follow-ups.

Gigondas - would appreciate the link. I feel a bit of a freak getting two cancers while relatively young (47). My sister also has beast cancer so between us we'll have covered quite a few

Lots of hugs to you all, I haven't caught up with all of the "backstories" but you all seem incredibly lovely and brave.

btw, have any of you had any bad reactions from people when they've found out about your cancer? - I told a neighbour who I have been quite friendly with for years and she practically ran away from me!

Ooh yes kurri, keep the gremlins away from the fb trolley.

tniy, am liking 'beast cancer'. Your poor sister though - hope she's through it all now. I think it's impossible for DP to understand even if they are brilliant. Think that's why we're all on here as because we've all had some version and get the way it hits. How amazing that the CT didn't spot it. Brilliant that you did though. Can't imagine how hard it must have been to have it confirmed though.

Haven't seen 'One Day' Gig, but it's got okay reviews hasn't it?? Sounds worth a whirl.

Holstein, would it make you feel better if he came round? Sofa and a bottle of wine sounds like a good idea maybe. Not surprised you're having a arrrgh day - going back to work was bound to be tricky.

Night is young link herestw. The bit about Maggie's is quite interesting too.

Yes- my dad found It really hard to take (he is a dr and as much I think felt it really bad he didn't spot it). But also been overwhelmed by kindness and support of others.

When you read this thread or just because you are aware of it, you find there are lot of people who have/had cancer and survived. You don't tend to hear about it as they as busy with their lives or don't talk about it for fear of reaction. I have a nice survivors list I look at when I need a boost.

I am only recently dx (had soft tissue sarcoma - was a lump on my Arse that came up when pregnant. So had dd2 , was dx when she was 2 weeks old and has op at 3 weeks. Now waiting on rad therapy to start and In the horrid watching and testing stage ESP as they have seen small lung spots that they don't know what are. Don't look like cancer but of course can't rule out anything hence repeat scans). But can sympathize as had c section and op in 3 weeks. I have to be reminded (sometimes forcefully ) to rest up.

And can I give some good news - also shows our candles are powerful . I mentioned a few weeks ago my good friends twins had an eye op which feared hasn't worked. Well they were rechecked today and it looks like they were wrong as on further testing (once kids over op), if has worked.

Know it's random but some good news is nice (or nude as my iPhone wanted to type).

Bad reactions from people? One or two out of the 100 or so people in my life, yes. But mostly people were so used to me being a bit and and that this seems all perfectly normal, I think .

Thanks Smee and all. Yes I guess it will make me feel better to have a sofa / dvd date. I will have to try explaining to him that I'm a bit up/downy and that's why I tried to cancel him this morning. Whoops. Lucky he is understanding.
Great news for the little twins Gig! Fantastic. Haven't heard of one day, is it a Clooney one (random guess?!)

welcome thenightisyoung - wow- a double whammy is a bit irksome ! do join us for hand holding and cheeriness.
I can't keep up with everyone's posts - I got confused reading Gig's double post (thought i was going a bit mad)
Hooray for twins gig- that's brilliant news.
amber - it's a sod about the herceptin, but as kk wisely points out you have had a third of it and a really good dosing of chemo ande rads on top of surgery,pluys I reckon they'll keep a close eye on you.
Isn't that film the one with Anne Hathaway doing an appalling Yorkshire accent ? I didn't like the book -got very bored,but my dad really liked it.

I've just made a new mini zine - a guide to Mindfulness - as seen by the parental cat Smog (who is about to be given his insulin by me) It'll be for sale on folksy very soon -with some free hand made stickers - learn to meditate in a few easy steps !
Off to feed the poor starving critters....

holsten new bf sounds lovely so am sure he'll be understanding xxxx

That's the film Mas - although you are right Holsten that there is a George clooney one called that.

holsten -hope you are enjoying your evening whatever you decided, am sure your Boyf. will be understanding - he sounds like a good guy

TNIY - it can feel awfully lonely sometimes - this thread has been a Godsend for me, even though I'm 3 and a half years past DX - I still get my days of panic, and my ups and downs - knowing I can just come on here and talk to people in the same boat without having to explain myself - really helps

Bad reactions? - I've had a couple, - of the running away, not knowing what to say variety - I think people don't know what to say, so they say nothing - and that feels weird, or they try to get away (I always want to shout 'it's not catching you know' ). In general though people have been fine, and most importantly the people who matter to me have all been great.

Lovely that your DP has been supportive - he sounds great - but you are right it is hard for loved ones, my DH has told me he felt very helpless - and I think we often want to protect our families so we bottle stuff up.

Anyway - nothing off limits here, no bottling up necessary - say whatever you want, we've all had our bad days.

I haven't seen that film Gig, but I gave my DS the book for Christmas, so glad you recommend it

Mention of george Clooney - reminds me if ILoveGC is reading, - lots of love and hope you and family are doing well at the moment - often think of you xx

Also - topsy - are you OK sweetheart? -we've missed you.

And SR - love to you and yours too, I know you are busy with work.

It amazes me how everyone just carries on as "normal" and you all seem to be getting on with your lives. I just feel at standstill and the world is moving around me. It is so good to read all your posts and the positiveness that comes across.

You would all love my doctors, they are so handsome. They must have gone through a screening process of being good looking before they were employed and they are all so so nice. They make you feel like you are on the only person in the world that matters to them, which is great. Mind you, they are all so so young but they brighten up my hospital visits.

There are times though I feel they dont know what they are doing. One doctor says he will organise something, tests, etc. but another doctor will then say no. I have a few ongoing health issues that they cant get to to the bottom of - because they are not standard transplant problems and are encroaching on other specialities and the different depts dont seem to talk to each other very well. Very frustrating!

Big hugs to you all

Sorry for hiding all day - been a bit crazy. Went to see a friend and DD got quieter and quieter, hotter and hotter, and sleepier and sleepier as the afternoon went on, and I ended up rushing her to the GP to get her looked at. Turned out to be a nasty throat infection, but was pretty scary: kept thinking it was meningitis. Just what I need...

On the bad reaction thing - I'm starting to feel like a few friends can't cope (they haven't called or texted pretty much since dx), but most have been ok. Think it's scared a lot of people: everyone in my friendship group is 'successful' and don't get seriously ill...

Kurri - have seen your post on relationships: thank you.

Do people think that a session run by my clinic for 'carers' would be worthwhile for DH to attend? He seems to be coping just fine and I don't want to create issues where there aren't any, but he's also a typical man and just gets on with things so I don't want to stop him getting support..

Wish my doctors were handsome...! They're lovely, but old enough to be my dad :)

Oh and yes smee - DH is often away. He used to be away every week Monday - Thursday, but toned it down once DD was born. Then I got sick and he didn't travel, but now it's starting up again.

That must have been scary for you blue. Hope dd ok now (think she is same age as my dd1 ).

Re other people I think a lot of people ae scared about what to say (it was probably worse for me seeing this with pregnancy loss). Also I find it hard when you end up having to jolly them along. I think it's the same with a lot of other serious illness. A young woman I work with was diagnosed with ms last year and was deeply upset with people's reactions.

I saw your post in relationship and didn't have much to add to good advice there except I know that ttc issues on top of everything else can certainly put you off. We had trouble conceiving dd2 (and dd1 had mc issues) and that certainly put me
Right off sex as felt my body had failed me. Therapy helped a lot as my emotional state was the issue. Think kurri suggestion of counselling is good.

Oh good- In time I managed to type this dd2 fell asleep.

Hi Sky I agree about friends reactions etc. When I was in hospital lots of people volunteered to visit but then didnt (because of travelling distance) but since I got home people hardly ever visit or call, thinking I might be asleep and dont want disturbing. In the beginning I felt like I had a good support network but it has all just disappeared. Life goes on for everyone and they forget that they offered to help or be supportive and prefer to keep their head buried rather than face up to someone being ill.

Hello to tniy and sky. :( about the herceptin, amber. Sorry I've been awol. work then friend round. dh has gone to kent see his mum/nan again and ds has gone back to uni till thursday. Hope he settles. Mum a bit more cheerful today. Physios at falls clinic got her to pull herself up to standing for a moment, so feels making progress. Have to bunk off work early tomorrow to take dd2 to dentist now dh is away. Cycled in to work today so at least started day cheerful. Knackered now so time for bed! Nighty night!

good morning- am facing a soggy tramp across the gardens to feed kitties !
Ds has posted on his fb page the he thinks the drama presentation went quite well,phew- he just told me it was 'fine' (standard reply to any question about anything) Tomorrow is pupil review day (meet tutor to discuss progress-then they have the rest of the day to themselves-though you see most gadding about town !) Ds has a choir tour rehearsal from 12.30 -5.30 - yikes !

jane glad to hear that your mum has cheered a bit,and hope ds settles back at university. skyblue is the carers thing something dh would feel comfortable about ? if so then it might be a good thing -a chance to say how he is feeling. Waves to stars and everyone xx