TAMOXIFEN ****20****

[KurriKurri]

Hello ladies, - just taking the plastic wrapper off a brand new thread

Good morning everyone. I'm just about to plod upstairs onto the work computer - not nearly as much fun as this one!

Holsten - hope your evening worked out ok. Btw, after bowel C nothing else will ever gross me out again, I have become immune, so never tmi :)

I think "beast" cancer must be a Freudian typo, or maybe it's the two big ops, 4 GAs and a surgical menopause that has turned my brain to mush :o

Interesting to hear others experiences of "bad" reactions and quite comforting to know that they are not too common. I think they probably are simply because some people just are scared of saying the wrong thing but it does make me really appreciate those friends who have been really lovely.

Gigondas, thanks for the link to the stw article. It was a really lovely piece and did ring quite a few bells. I have a Maggies centre at one of the hospitals I go to so I might pop in. I've been rather put off the idea of seeking that kind of support (long story that I won't inflict on you) but there were a lot of positive comments. And wow - c-section, small baby and op! you must be fantastically strong even just to keep going day to day

Hi, I'm mainly lurking at the mo (because I can't keep up with you all!) but have noticed someone is missing.

TOPSY-where are you?

best wishes to all.

Morning all - I was thinking about topsy too - hope she's OK

I think I described it as beast cancer once on here as well TNIY Definitely an appropriate typo, I think!

I have 2 friends who seem to want to have nothing to do with me since dx: 1 local, who has made every excuse not to see me, even though she only lives 20 minutes away and is on maternity leave. Another, who lives much further away, has managed 2 fb messages since diagnosis, and the last was about 5 weeks ago. Have all but given up on both of them, which is a shame, as I have known both of them for more than 10 years.

jchoc glad to hear your mum is a bit brighter - sounds like progress is being made. Fingers crossed for DS too. Hope he can settle back in to uni.

MAS Wellies on?!

My hair seems to be departing from my head (and other places, sorry tmi ) about 6 hairs at a time. . . Head quite sore today, so hoping remaining follicles will get a move on and behave as they should. I just feel like I want it to happen now, as it is the next step. . .

Very wet in Dorset today - pleased managed to get out for a walk and a sandwich in the park with Mum yesterday!

No I think beast cancer is a good name.

I am carrying on by power of coffee is how am carrying on tniy . Hauling my tired self in to see therapist then bed rest for me til tomorrow to try and get last bit of this wretched wound to heal. Tniy how long did your scars take to heal over? This one seems to be taking an age cos of size /where it is.

Hi 14k, James Herriot Mas and everyone else.

Jane sympathy re ds worries - dss FB posts indicate that getting his head down for final exams not necessarily happening but cross that bridge of problems when come to it.

And what was your experience of help? A cursory glance at sarcoma help made me think not for me as 1. It covers a huge range of disease so not necessarily relevant to me 2. It tends to affect the old or young more so in terms of life experience (eg bringing up family and all that entails ) not sure what support /experience would get.

There was a link to an organisation called shine here that is for younger people with cancer . However my overwhelming feeling is to use support in rl, via medical team and here.

I am not being critical of those who need other help but for me I have this awful feeling it is creeping into being a "victim" or sufferer whereas I prefer to think of myself as a survivor . That is a very personal view and as much to do with me being fearful and paranoid and nervous of anything that feeds that.

Hi Ned- good you got out (I can imagine that is a big deal as anything can seem to be. I am proud to be sat on train typing this- not so happy at woman next to me doing her full make up).

Can see why want hair loss over with . Decided which buff you are going to debut first?

Gigondas, mine got infected at about ten days, just after the clips were removed (apparently it was healing too quickly so clips got infected ) and it took a good couple of weeks after that to start calming down. I don't reckon it was really until about five weeks that it fully stopped shedding scabs (yuck - sorry) and even now at eight weeks it can be a bit flaky though it is absolutely healed and some parts have even started fading a bit

Thanks tniy- mine sounds similar . Infection at 10 weeks. Now mostly scabby except for one bit that not yet "crusted". Not quite 4 weeks yet so sounds like not unusual time.

Tell you what , unless absolutely necessary, I am buggered if I have a second cosmetic op to "tidy this". If the Pirelli calendar wants me they can get the airbrush out

Days not weeks

Gigondas - ok the rather sorry tale - on my first dx I was assigned a MacMillan specialist nurse and saw her the day of the dx straight after seeing the doctor. My dx had been delayed because the hospital had been writing to an old address (I mean an 18 year old address!!!) that they must've picked up from when I had my ds there. So I was in a bit of a state of shock and anxiety when I saw the nurse who asked me rather tersely why I was crying. I said it was the dx and also the delay in contacting me. Her response to that was that I shouldn't be crying as I was going to get excellent treatment (true) and that afterall we all had to die sometime - she might walk out of work today and get hit by a bus.

I had always understood that MacMillan were really sympathetic and supportive and so I thought it was me who was over-reacting terribly so I clammed up, had the operation, worked myself crazy to get my fitness back and got on with life as if nothing had happened. That was good in one way but when I got the second dx it kinda bit me in the bum and I suffered something akin to ptsd (still suffering tbh). I'm seeing a cousellor right now and I'm trying not to let it dominate me but at the same time have to acknowledge what has happened. To me the thought of support networks for cancer sufferers is just plain scary because it means acknowledging that I've even had the illness. Even posting on here was not an easy step but I think I do have to acclimatise myself to it somehow but I agree, I don't want to be a victim

Loving the airbrush :) but I'm not sure pirelli would have come after me before the ops :)

tniy @ bluntness of Macmillan nurse. Interestingly (with ref to you carrying on,working hard etc after first dx) because my family were very matter of fact about dx I carried on pretty much as normal (they had dealt with SIL's breast cancer,my dad's prostate cancer and the death of my brother from cancer as a child,so I think they'd protected themselves by not acknowledging)I also made light of it to friends/family. It's only later on that I started to deal with everything as my dx did bring up a load of old unresolved stuff. I found the Breast Cancer care site and forum helpful for a while (and met 3 very lovely people who am in contact with still) but find it too big now- I like the small friendliness of this thread

Waves to Stars and her handsome doctors. Stars, we're not all amazing. Honestly some days I want to hide under the duvet still. But I am 15 months post treatment and it does get easier, so will for you too.

Sky, hoping your dd's okay now. That must have been scary. My DH is away a lot too - when DS was a baby it was Mon-Thurs just like you, so it chimed.

MAS, I do love the way you have to find out via fb how DS is getting on. So many of my friends say the same.

Jane, you take care of you amidst all the turmoil. Sounds like you've got far too much going on.

Ned, hair will go soon am sure. How are you feeling besides that?

tniy, at Macmillan Nurse too. ptsd sounds familiar. Thing is people see you physically recovering, but don't realise that emotionally that's when you have time to be hit by it all. This thread's saved my sanity several times, as nobody gets it like others who've been there.

at Gig and Pirelli. I'm sure they'd want you regardless.

Gig, I wish you hadn't mentioned MAS and James Herriot in the same sentence. I have visions of her with her hands up a cow's bottom now..!

On friends, I too have a couple who were odd with me. One very good friend who I just haven't heard from since I told her. She even stopped sending Christmas cards. Very sad.

Have sent Topsy a message. Really hope she's okay.

Can i just ask any of you with Arthritis if this sounds familiar? I wake up most days now with a swollen left hand and aching fingers. My grips useless on that side too. I had my mastectomy on that side last October, so what d'you reckon? Lymphoedema or Arthritis?

Morning All

I am here and I am reading . Am just not in a great supportive place right now . Sorry .

Am not feeling so down , but it's a daily struggle to keep on an even keel . I find myself flying off the handle and losing my temper at stupid things .

Spoke to Macmillan about counselling and found out someone had forgotten to put me on the waiting list . Am now on it , but my take a little time .

Got an ECG next week and then my next ct is another 4 weeks away . Expecting to be told the lung nodes have grown again and it's time to start more treatment .

See ? Told you I was whingey !

Welcome to the newbies , sorry to not be posting .

Must admit the image of mas doing a James Herriot brought a smile to my face

Hooray, Topsy's back. Not good that you're down, but flump down in your PJ's and graze from the fb trolley. Huge hugs from me.

and hugs from me too topsy - (offers yogurt coated raisins)
I am glad you are all amused by the thought of me with my arm up a cow's bum - eeee.
smee I'm not sure what it might be - my hands have only started to ache intermittently recently- the index fingers ache most,where the arthritis is.If lymphoedema wouldn't your arm be all swollen too ? sorry,not very helpful.

Curious about friends shying away - I can't think why people would- at leastI don't believe I would- surely with a friend facing something like cancer you'd want to reach out to them ?

Topsy - hugs for you. And thats pants re counselling waiting. I know I bang on about it but couldn't cope without(in fact on my way home now). But I do think that threads like this also invaluable .

Itny- that is shit re nurse but must be some standard line as someone said exactly same to my mum . Doesn't sound like all counsellors like it. And you put it better way than I did about not wanting to acknowledge disease.

Mas- sadly I agree that familiarity with disease has good and bad sides. Dunno how my mum managed as only now told
Me how long was being diagnosed and that they never found where primary cancer was (had to guess -and just in case paranoia wants to peak out the box, she is 5.5 Years clear).

Smee and Skyblue- I think you must be amazing to cope without dh for much of week. Know how much I am relying on mine (ESP for heavylifting dd1).

Also re arthritis I can ask my step dad as he has it and I know has various aches /twinges.

Going to read baby routine book to dd2 to see if she can understand better what "the book" says she should do - wish me luck

But MAS so many people are not as good as you, or our lovely friends on here. When ds was taken into hospital and it was touch and go for him 90% of friends disappeared overnight. Old friends from years before stayed and were supportive, although geographically far away, but newer geographically close friends abandoned us like the proveribal sinking ship. Some even became openly hostile, one even said, "My life is good I don't want to be brought down by the troubles and negativeity of others". Something like this sorts out the wheat from the chaff...one of my dearest friends now is the friend who lost her little boy two weeks before ds was hospitalised, and I knew her only a little before that. She is the one who took me to my breast clinic appts, brought me tea and cake and, as she would call it, inane (sp?) chatter!

Wanted to say hi to skyblue and thenightisyoung. Wave to stars and deliver huge smothering, yet gentle hugs to topsy and amber. Tis not fair.

Have put more hot cross buns and hot chocolate on the fbs trolley. Am in need of eating badly today, so can I have permission from my fellow dieters, ds had neck pain last night and urinary incontinence in the night too, no point in talking to the hopsital because a) they don't give a damn b) they won't do anything anyway c)they don't know what to do even if they were prepared to do something and d)they don't give a damn anyway! He is all right today, and in school, but it hit me again, so feeling a bit crap ('cuse bad langa=uage )

at rfeading baby book to dd2, I am sure she will listen intently and then explain to you how it is allllll wrong!!!

"reading"

"language"....I am so bad at typing!

Sparkle I will add some chocolate for you- poor ds.

I expect dd2 will make a noise like a goat when I read it to her and then do an imitation of Popeye which is her sign that it's time for feeding. If I am really lucky I may get to see the milk again when it's hurled back at me at some force - how one small child can produce so much beats me (not reflux just greed)

Shall remember fondly when milk sick /sleep was biggest issue when I am hunting on FB in years to come to see what she is up to