the 16th ***TAMOXIFEN***thread

[MaryAnnSingleton]

...here we go again

Blimey, 16 already!

Topsy - wow! What a palaver. I shall see what they do with me on Monday.

Sparkle, eek! You SO need an evening off.

Shron74, eek also! Luckily modern treatments are bloomin' good. Not that your brain will filter that into its consciousness for a while. and not that the treatments are a barrel of laughs (though the staff often are...)

Hugs all round (of entirely appropriate sort)/large (delete as appropriate)

Back from docs. Back to ENT tomorrow re nosebleeds.

Shron74 sorry to hear your news - that's quite a blow. I know what you mean about keeping the smile going for the children - I was in the same position. It was quite a relief when the time came to be open about it - took some of the pressure off.

Takes time to process all the info and come to terms with things so don't try to do it all at once. One step at a time. There'll be lots of support at the hospital and I've found the nurses on the helpline at www.breastcancercare.org.uk really lovely to talk to and helpful.

This is a great thread to vent and gets some good advice. See you around.

So sorry Shron74 to hear your news. Lots of hugs.

Topsy - glad you survived the day. It is mortifying having to expose yourself to all the medical staff. At least my lot had warm hands!

Amber - hope your g.p. can help with the nose-bleeds. Surely too much of a co-incidence not to be related to the drugs.

If anyone has any suggestions of how to get back to sleep in the early hours of the morning I would be most grateful. I have no problem nodding off but brain goes into over-drive at 3 a.m!

oneineight I find I have to nip the over-thinking in the bud immediately by reading or mumnetting or something, otherwise I decend into a spiral. Once I'm doing something relaxing with my brain, my tiredness nicely overwhelms me and I go back to bed.

Hope you find something that works for you.

I wrote a long post - and my computer suddenly turned itself off and poof it went

Shron - so sorry to hear your news, give yourself time to let it sink in, come on here to vent whenever you need to, and lots of luck for your scan tomorrow. be kind to yourself xx

topsy - that sounds an exhausting day, - but at least you are now officially a tattooed lady - feet up and relax tonight if you can, - a full hospital day is emotionally tiring IME.

Sparkle -You must be worn out too with the day you've had. Poor old DS, I hope he's feeling a bit more comfortable now and I hope Dh's presentation went well.

amber - I thought back to when I had finished chemo and just started herceptin, and remember feeling very emotional too. In fact I remember going into one of those mobile MacMillan centres and crying all over a lovely MacMillan nurse. I think you work your way through chemo and you feel you should start to feel well again, but you don't, and it's miserable and frustrating. A bit of a cry can help sometimes, I hope ENT can help you get the nosebleeds sorted out, so you can start to feel more like yourself again.

Pink - hope your mum is OK today, and her wrist isn't too painful.

OneInEight, - I know that waking up at 3 a.m. feeling! My GP told me to give myself 15 - 20 mins, and if I haven't gone off again, do something - read a book, get yourself a warm drink, listen to music whatever, but don't toss and turn. Relaxation CD's sometimes help too (for me anyway).

Love to everyone else - thank you for the shiny new thread MAS, don't work too hard Cakes and Smee.

Woo-hooo, sixteen already !! Thanks MAS. Think I joined on number four. Am feeling ancient.

Heck Topsy, what a day. I'd bet the chemo news was hard to hear. I know you were hoping for a break, so huge hugs from me. Did they tell you timescale or if it's the same as you've just been through or not?

• Sparkle, blimey you are going through it. Hope DH is okay now at the very least.

Amber what did GP say then, or did they send you to ENT? Sounds like a sensible next place to go. You feeling any better now?

Shron, sorry to hear you've officially joined us. If it makes you feel any better, I was right breast and lymph nodes too. Diagnosed March 2010 at 45. I am very much still here and living life to the full. Ask any and all questions. This lot are fantastic. Honestly this thread made a huge difference to me getting through it all.

OneinEight, we should natter at 3am, as that's my timing too. I have no solution, so if you find one please share.

Waving to Dee and all others.

Lentil Soup cooking on the stove, DH back later as he's been away all week. We have fantastic Turkish supermarket v.close who do the most delicious bread to toast with it. mmmm...

x-Posted, hello Kurri. How's your dad?

Hello Smee, turkish supermarket sounds great.

Thank you for asking about Dad.

It's not very good news. My mum is having a meeting with the Doctors, SS, and anyone else involved tomorrow, so they can make a plan for my dad. basically she's been told the prognosis in terms of him recovering any mobility is poor, and with feeding - he can only eat pureed or liquid food, because he chokes on anything else, and they are worried about it going onto his lungs and causing pneumonia.

But there is no more medical care they can give, it is nursing/convalescent care he needs. So the options are, he goes home and SS provide 24/7 care in the home (there's no way mum can manage if he's immobile, he needs a hoist to lift him), or he goes into a local care home - and the care home seems to be the likelier option atm.

I feel very sad about it all Mum is upset because she wanted to have him at home, I just find the idea of him in a home upsetting. I think we all wanted to be able to let him live out what remains of his life in his own home, because that's what he would want. But its not possible

Sorry - didn't mean to go on about it, I'm struggling with it all.

I don't want to confuse anyone who comes on with BC problems, by them having to wade through stuff about my family problems. It does help to write it down though because I'm doing the brave face thing too.

Waves back to Smee and everyone else

Aw, sorry to hear about your Dad Kurri - that's such a big thing not to be able to be at home. Perhaps things will develop in a more positive direction at some point? Sometimes people make surprising improvements (or is this clutching at straws?).

Oh dear, KK, what a shame about your poor old dad. It must be awful for your mum especially to be parted from him. I expect she'd really like to do as much for him as is possible. Sending you a hug, KK - you sound like you need it.

Shron, so sorry you didn't get good news today - the shock is awful and you will need some time to get your head round it. It must be spinning at the moment, trying to take the news in. Please come here and offload, have a scream, a cry and ask any questions - we're here to listen to you and help you through this. I've just finished my treatment (chemo, mastectomy and nodes, rads) and the ladies on this thread have been a wonderful support from the moment I joined.

Topsy, what a day you've had. But at least they cured you of your modesty. . I'm intrigued about the mould too. Maybe they want to give you an extra blast and it's to protect your organs from the rads. I hope you're relaxing now and planning your next bit of shoe porn (or have you moved on now?).

Sparkles, did the presentation go well for DH today? I hope so. Poor little DS, I hope he's feeling a bit better now. You've got a heck of a lot on your plate at the moment but will get through this, dont despair.

Oneineight, I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes too - I try to do what Dee does, nip it in the bud by doing something. At the moment, my problem is actually getting off to sleep but the reading/Horlicks seemed to help last night.

Amber, hope the docs went well earlier and he can suggest something useful for nosebleeds.

Smee, lentil curry sounds yum. Did DH go anywhere exciting?

Off for a and a . Rev's on later (MAS, I know you like it too). Very funny indeed.

KK, heck and double heck. Hugs.

Doc says it's back to ENT for me. and I've asked my BC nurse to help me with the specialist who doesn't seem to realise nosebleeds are a known side effect of herceptin.

oh kk that is depressing news about your dear dad - so sad not being able to be in his own home - getting old really,really sucks. Big hug for you lovey.
Hello Figgy - yes,am very excited about Rev tonight !
waves to everyone else - we are quite a band now.
Have done some work and arranged to take my dad to hospital on Monday for more eye surgery- apparently he needs some adjustments..was hoping bcn might be free to have coffee with me at the Costa.

Kurri, that's so sad. Really can't think what to say. Must be very hard for your mum, especially as it was so sudden. I think it's far easier to go into a home if there's been time to slowly realise it's got to be that way. She doesn't have that and nor do you. Must be impossible.

Figgy, DH is away every week, as his work is in Gloucestershire, but we live in London. He's managed to wangle it to 3 days and he works at home on the other two, so it's not too bad and absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. I like Rev too. They film it round here quite a lot, which makes it doubly interesting as we try and location spot.

Wishing everyone a good evening. Wish DH would arrive, soup smells yum.

Hugs to kk. I think we are in a similar position with my Aunty. She has progressed well but now there is doubt over whether she will get any more physio and she may get shipped to a residential home. She is still on pureed food too.

Hi Shron - sorry to hear your news.

I think and chocolate are required this evening, sounds like it's been a long day.

Had a friend come with me to rads today - suddenly I am weepy and missing my Mum. Silly really but friend has daughter my age who did bc last year. Wish my Mum was still able to come with me.

Thank you all for kind words, and hugs much appreciated
It was so sudden, - and so soon after I had seen him. jane, I'm glad your aunty had made some progress, but its a long haul for any old person to get back from a stroke, I hope something you are all happy with gets sorted out for her.

You are right MAS, getting old does suck. My dad was always so strong and full of energy, well into his seventies, I hate alzheimer's
I hope your dad gets on well with his eye surgery, - will he have to stay in or is it outpatient?

Smee - you have great self control, I'd have scoffed the soup by now Hope your DH gets back soon

DD and I are going to cheer ourselves up by watching sunday's Downton Abbey, (I recorded it because she was away, and we always watch together so we can shout at the characters who annoy us )

Oh and someone has asked if DD would do private piano tuition for their grand daughter - so that would be a handy little bit of money for her.

Waves to Figgy, Dee, Cat and everyone - what was it that woman on Morcambe and Wise used to rush on say? - "goodnight and I love you all"

Ooh, Kurri, enjoy Downton - it was a pretty good episode, though rather ridiculous in parts (which is part of our viewing enjoyment )

oh yes,Downton was most enjoyable !
Dad will just be in and out,ie not staying- last time I was there for about 4 hours though. With any luck it'll be quick.

Morning All

Shron sorry to hear your news , when you have had time to let it sink in come back and ask us all the questions you want . We can answer just about anything between us all .
Re the DC , my Breast Cancer nurse told me to keep them one step behind what you know . So you can't really tell them anything till you know what your next step is going to be .

kk so sorry about your Dad . It must be so hard for you and your Mum .

jane hugs for missing your mum , me too .

Had another crappy nights sleep .
So unbelievably depressed that I am going to have to have another round of chemo . I realise that I was probably going to have more chemo at some point given my long term diagnosis , but no one ever told me I would have to have it alongside Herceptin .

And yes , I think the mould I had done was to make a shield because my rads are planned to be very high dose . Consultants words were "we are going to really blast the buggers" .
And she said that I also need my neck targetted with rads aswell as my chest and armpit and lungs . She said so far there is no evidence of spread to the neck nodes , but really they have no way of knowing for sure so they are going to blast them anyway .

I just feel a bit down today . Sorry for the negative post .

Hello Topsy - Don't be sorry, ever. I'm so sorry for what you are going through with treatment, I read the thread each day. It's a bind that you are not sleeping well at the moment, that might change. You've come this far in treatment so just try to concentrate on the nice bits of life, I'm on automatic pilot when it comes to hospitals/appointments, I feel quite detached from it until I go back on Tuesday for the histology. Your're bound to feel down atm, so allow for that, it will swing the other way.

I wish I had not taken any coedine, I am well and truly cemented, I stopped taking it yesterday. Guess what my big ambition for the day is

< passes drift a pointy stick >

puts on for all those feeling and or otherwise, which includes me right now. Radiotherapy just phoned to move my appointment for planning yet again...so now I have to mess up another day's planned routine and meetings and etc and every time they do it I end up stressed out because of the way my brain is. Just not coping at the moment and it's so unlike me.