the 16th ***TAMOXIFEN***thread

[MaryAnnSingleton]

...here we go again

Here I am Just back from rads session number 1, only 14 more to go

I have sobbed like a baby when I got home, not because of the treatment, not because of the bloody disease but because, well picture the scene, I'm on the table after finishing the treatment and the nurses radiologists etc troop back into the room and after helping me sit up they quickly and quietly surround me.

Seeing my fear a nurse whispers "its almost 11am, we are having a silence for the fallen. I struggled to stand (damn dodgy hip) and they hold me up and we stand for the 2 minutes. It was incredibly moving and very peaceful and I will remember the moment for a very long time.

Off now til Monday, hurray for weekends. Hope everyone is well

Queueing up for chocolate buttons please! Thoughts of maltesers did the trick to send me back to sleep at 3am last night. Topsy - it was the googling for Herceptin that did for me the previous night too - wish the nurse hadn't told me I was positive yet. I decided out of academic interest to see what the drug targeted but of course then you are drawn into the side effects and statistics which I would really rather not know. Hugs to everyone feeling low today.

Yay! I can leave the house and go out into the world this evening, or as my gandmother would have delicately put it, "Mafeking Has Been Relieved" The codeine is now at the back of a cupboard. Thanks for the stick Topsy! had my first ever suppository bought by dh, but I was independent ifykwim, tmi I know. Looking forward to a nice few days before my anxiety level rises in anticipation of results. I have felt strangely calm since the surgery on Monday and also guilty when I read what other's here are up against. Just want you all to know that I read almost everything here and feel so much for you. I lost my dear dad suddenly, a few years ago, there is never a "good time" so if that is compounded with not being well - I take my hat off to all those coping with, and worried about loved one's that are ill at this time. General group hug for the sisterhood and their partners who share all this.

Yes, group hug reciprocated - you are all very brave and inspiring ladies and gentlemen.

• you are bound to feel down at the thought of more chemo. Step away from the google, remember anyone can post anything on t'internet, there's no guarantee anything is sensible or accurate.

One of my friends is having chemo and herceptin together, - she was told its more effective if you have them side by side. So keep in mind they are giving that bastard cancer a bloody good zap with everything.

Never apologise for coming on here and saying how you feel, that's what the thread is for, now get those giant chocolate buttons down you (and I have Tunnocks caramel wafers for afters. )

Thank you all for kind words about Dad, I am OK today, it really does help to write it down.

Lots of hugs and god thoughts to everyone having an emotional time atm.

Cakes and MAS - sorry about the sleep probs. , I hope you can find something that works, that sleep and doze thing just leaves you exhausted I find.

Smee - that crisp grape and cheese combo sounds like something I could eat quite a lot of!

Drift - dried apricots are your friend

I went to zumba this morning, then to a lunch with a BC group that I go to. I am completely stuffed with cauliflour and stilton soup, then Polenta with roast mediterranean veg, then creme brulee. phew, I may not eat for the rest of the weekend.

Waving to everyone

(it is absolutely freezing here in the East, bitterly cold wind. I have got the dog on my lap and I won't let her go because she's keeping me warm )

It is blowing a gale here and lashing with rain .
DS just got in from school and he is dripping wet , ofcourse he forgot to pack his mac in his school bag !

Pig/dog has just had a large delivery of his food , it's still in the box on my living room floor as its too heavy for me to move .
So he is lying beside the box guarding it

Me and the DC are drinking hot chocolate . Anyone want one ?

I am a bit more cheerful this afternoon . Or at least a bit more accepting !
If this treatment is what I need , then so be it .
I shall just fall back on my previous rule of concentrating on what treatment I am having right now , not what I will need in the future .

Might have to get out of my pjs soon , want to go buy fbs and

Lol at the dog duvet! Our hamster doesn't have quite the same tog value

hooray for the relief of Mafeking drift !
earth that sounds very moving - I remember being in a children's shoe shop in Kew village with ds shortly after 9/11 and a group of shop people were gathered outside in a large circle holding hands for a 2 minute silence - it made me bawl uncontrollably which was a shock for me as I am usually not a cryer. Of course the emotions of first rads and everything you've been through will make everything seem very sobworthy.
I've just had hot choc - bleeding freezing here.

feeling a lot better now was feeling sorry for myself this morning,was suffering quite badly with leg aches and trying not to take anything for it as im damn sure pills dont help my enflamed stomach.

im pleased ive now got my appointment through for physio theraphy which starts next week .though im not sure if its for the cording or lymphedema or both.the swelling in my hand is now embarrising size and i keep being asked if i have broke it.

kurri...dogs can be useful my poor dog has to suffer my feet when i get bone aches in them,the heat off him really helps.then i scratch his head to exercise my fingers not that he cares he loves it.

topsy..glad your feeling better,thats the best attitude to take.

dee ...lol you could always buy a second hamster.

ah,glad you're feeling better pink

oops missed your post Drift, - well done for the clearance

Pink - its good youv'e got your physio appointment, hope it helps things, and they can get the swelling down. Are your painkillers anti inflamms? - if so do you take the stuff they can give you to protect your stomach? (Probably telling you something you already know about, but thought just in case not, I'd mention it)

Dog-duvet got a bit wriggly and I had to eventually release her, I told her it was her job to keep me warm, but she wouldn't listen.
Dee, - you need to get some more hamsters and train them to hold hands so they can form a rug

I position Celeste on my chest in bed- she sometimes wanders off to snuggle at my feet but then dh comes in and removes her (not allowed in our room at night he says)

MAS - he obviously doesn't understand the pets-slippers crossover

just as long as the hamsters don't start singing - that hamster dance is so repetitive I can still hear it years later. Was it a screensaver? anyone else remember it?

Nearly missed my train at lunchtime writing a post! realised the time and ran for it - just made it but the post is lost in thr mists of time.

Saw onc this morning and got told off for wearing a lacy bra. I have had my bra-less days but today was not one of them. 12 done 8 to go - not looking forward to the 5 boosts at the end. Even the onc was talking dressings :(

Had my hair cut today, at the barbers but sat and waited for my hairdresser to come back from lunch. She did me a wet cut and blow dry for £6 today! She is lovely and does a good cut - I am so glad I found her and she saves me a fortune.

Visited Aunty and came home lit fire and cooked tea. Now dd wants me to drill some holes for her curtain rail... After that I'm going to collapse in a heap in front of the fire and not move till bedtime.

ow,lacy bras are itchy even without rads !

My BCN gave me some free bras when I had my prosthesis fitted .
Attractive is not a word I would use to describe them ...
Don't know how I will manage if I have to go braless after rads , I am so large of knork that I could injure myself going without a bra !

DH brought me home a KFC tonight . Now that's the ultimate FBS .

Now DH and DD are off out to walk the pig/dog . DD is on rollerblades .
< mystic topsy foresees a trip to casualty >

mmmm KFC haven't had that for a while. Had a mcchicken sandwich for lunch and it is not the same. DD has informed me that I agreed to her having a sleepover tomorrow. I don't remember and the house needs cleaning...

Hello all, I have missed you all but what with kids, work and cancer it has been frantic. I am so sorry to hear everyone's bad news and glad to hear the good. Now in the interest of distracting people can you all advise me re. this issue. As many know my husband died in January( and is missed every second of every day) a friend I commute with has asked me to accompany him to his firm's Christmas do. He is a lovely chap whose marriage broke up in March. It is completely platonic. But already I have had some 'comments'. I asked my children who know the man concerned and understand but I feel like pulling out if people think it is disrespectful. Is it?

Evening ladies. Anyone fancy a ?

It sounds like a lot of you are having a tough time at the moment, not only with coming to terms with dx and treatment as well as grotty SEs but also with other stuff going on in your lives so, I know I'm late, but I want to join in our group hug and send love to you all. I hope you all have a restful weekend and spoil yourselves and surround yourselves with love.

Topsy, there have been days during rads when I really didn't want to wear a bra but still needed support for the existing boobie so bought some lovely vest tops from M&S. I went down a size so they are a nice snug fit and stop the wobbling and most of the droop. I've got one on now under my nightie for a bit of support (and it keeps the dressing in place where my scar's a bit sore). I highly recommend them. Two for £9 I think. No more Googling please. Try to resist. Are you going to get to Ikea this weekend?

Hurrah for Drift's evacuation. What a huge relief. I remember that feeling well but dried prunes did it for me (eventually).

Earth, your experience at 11am bought a lump to my throat. I am very emotional on 11/11 and, like MAS, can find myself silently bawling when everything stops for the 2 minute silence. When I didn't work I always made sure I was at home but now I am at school and the bell rings to tell us to stop I have to fight to stop the tears. Unlike one little girl this morning who had to clasp her hand to her mouth as she dissolved into silent giggles. I wasn't cross with her because she's a sensitive, kind little thing, I just surmised that she's probably going to grow up into one of those people who can't help themselves from laughing/giggling at the most inopportune moments - funerals, in meetings etc. I have a friend who does that and is mortified. It's a nervous thing, I think. Well done on getting through your first session.

We've just got in from dropping off DS1 to a pub so he can have a few drinkies tonight and DS2 into town as he's going to a 21st birthday meal. So DH and I popped into a lovely Chinese restaurant on the way home and stuffed ourselves. I daresay we'll be ravenous later - it's always the way.

hello ILGC - lovely to see you - my answer to your question would be, if your Dc are fine with it and you want to go, then go - it doesn't matter what comments people make.

I don't personally think it is in any way disrespectful. Christmas is a very difficult time of year when you've had a bereavement, if a pleasant evening out with a friend is something you would enjoy, then why shouldn't you go?

I'll take you up on that Figgy - Chinese food sound good.

ILGC, - I pressed post too soon, - how is your lovely DD getting on with her treatment? - hope she's not feeling too knocked about by it all.

Thanks Kurri I am a little bamboozled, I merely mentioned that I couldn't manage a certain night when organising events and I was suddenly a scarlet woman( a nice idea but I really can't be arsed). I care less about going than objecting to people setting themselves up as moral crusaders!

Thanks Kurri my DD is fine, balding but fine. She is managing very well, the only problem is constipation which we all know is hideous but she had never experienced this. Poor darling!