Things you've learnt from the movies

[OrlandoWoolf]

If you capture a secret agent, kill them. Don't tell them your plans.Just kill them. Preferably yourself with lots of people around.

If someone is dead,make sure they're dead. Kill them again. Just to make sure.

Don't ever run upstairs to get away from zombies.
Don't rely on torch batteries holding out if you're planning to go somewhere pitch black.
Don't help people on the side of the road after a zombie event.

If you hear banjos,ditch the canoe,and go by car.

Everyone always carries cash, no last minute run in to tesco's and buy a pack of smints in the hope of getting cash back, to pay the parking meter or takeaway delivery driver.

Does anyone ever hold torches overhand?

I realise now that a heavy torch should be held like that and could be used as a blunt weapon in downstriking mode.

Also, I've had many things in my mouth but never a torch.

When you ring someone's doorbell or knock on their door, they will answer the door within approximately 3 seconds.

Everyone in America's phone number starts with 555. Unless you're Carrie Bradshaw.

You can drop in on your Aunt Meg anytime, because she will always have enough fresh food in the fridge to serve you and 10 of your storm-chasing mates a huge hot meal.

That Bad Men speak French with a pronounced English accent.

Was it already mentioned that female rocket scientists are always single, stunning, absolutely gorgeous and extremely fit of course?

Fwiw, my fave so far is that "only Americans can truly save the world [...]"

American lifts (elevators) close the instant you press the button and take you directly to you desired floor. They have no safety measures and so will close on people's hands thus enabling escape from shooting/murderers/zombies etc.

There's always a child dressed in Victorian clothes, that only 1 person can see when they move into the 'big house' with their family.

The big house always has a locked door upstairs, that no one has a key for. But then one day that door is suddenly opens- usually when there's only the woman at home. Out of curiosity, she enters and then sees Victirian child who explains the happenings .....

If the phone rings and when you answer it, the line clicks and goes dead -run for your life as the psycho killer knows you're home!

Christmas in films, everyone is seated round an enormous table with matching chairs, even when film hero or heroine brings unexpected guest home. No scrabbling in the shed for a garden chair, or lugging the chair from the study for UG to sit on.

They all go outside on Xmas Eve to watch the snow falling. Cos it always snows on Xmas eve night.

If the character is a gay man, they're as camp as can be and have the best one liners.

Everyone in New York lives in loft style or 50th storey penthouse flats, regardless of what they do for a living.

If the character is in a crowded bar, they still get served immediately. No waving a note around for ages, getting pissed off that loads of people are getting served before them.

That if the hero and heroine start singing in.a packed bar that everyone joins in rather than telling them to shut up.

You always get pregnant the first time you have sex, especially if you are a Catholic teenager that goes to a convent school

as someone else said, that i could live in NY, and if i choose not to get the white minimalist 100 acre flat, i must be able to live quite well.

That hobbit houses are the way to go.
That there will always be an ex special forces/mercenary/copper/marine around to save the day,and the beautiful heroine who never makes horrible hiccupy noises or has snot streamers when she weeps.
That going into the woods in the dark is a bad idea.

Babies and small children need very little attention or care

If anybody has a massive fight and things get broken, nobody cares about the mess or whether insurance will cover the damage and its never mentioned

In every fight, pictures on the wall will look lopsided, even though the fight didn't get anywhere near them.

If anybody leaves the house in a hurry, they are perfectly dressed, never caught short in their pyjamas or tracksuit bottoms

If you're on the lam you should cut and dye your hair, don't go to a salon for this, instead choose to do it in a public bathroom. No-one will come in for the 25 minute dye development time, or notice all the hair in the sink, or the lady that came in with swishy blonde hair and left with a black glossy bob.

Also don't go to a nameless mid-sized hotel where the staff are too bored to notice the guests at check-in, go to a weird motel with only six rooms. The weirdo manning the desk won't clock the gorgeous, lone woman with a face very like the one all over the news - as she now has a glossy black bob!

That no matter how big your house, your friends will always have to sleep on s sofa.

No need to lock your car door when you exit. Especially if you're American.

All cars go "bleep bloop" loudly when you unlock them remotely.

If you have a dog, your duties will involve:

• Throwing a red frisbee for the dog to leap in the air and catch
• Scratching its glossy golden coat and saying "Hey boy!"
• Jogging through the park
• Running after criminals / coming across dead bodies
• Teaching it to carry a cushion down the aisle
• Hugging your dog in the rain

Your duties will not involve:

• Finding someone to look after your dog
• Brushing the dog hair off your chest after a hug
• Feeding your dog
• Picking up its poo in a bag and searching for a bin
• Standing looking the other way while it does said poo

Oh, and dogs always bark randomly, and cats meow, whenever they enter a room.

If you are an animal in a disaster, you will probably get lost causing your young owner to risk their life to find you.

If you are an elderly couple and there's a disaster,one of you will probably die. Probably sacrificing yourself for your family or the greater good. So if you volunteer to do something,make sure you say goodbye.

If you are some kind of bad landlord or villainous landowner or some such, karma will get you.

If you're the one chopping down the trees that help support the town dam, when that dam breaks you will be killed in the flood. If you are denying water to the town, the fire that starts because of the drought you caused will kill you.

If you put profit before safety, you will come to harm in one way or another.

Unless you will realise the error of your ways, repent, the town will love you and someone will let you adopt a puppy or small orphan child.

The scary looking person everyone runs away from will turn out to be a kind but misunderstood loner who befriends you and helps you to save the day, just as soon as you stop judging by appearances (even though appearances usually involve baseball caps, beards, one weird eyeball, and axes) and give them a chance.