Things you've learnt from the movies

[OrlandoWoolf]

If you capture a secret agent, kill them. Don't tell them your plans.Just kill them. Preferably yourself with lots of people around.

If someone is dead,make sure they're dead. Kill them again. Just to make sure.

ALL their groceries fit into a large brown paper bag

Unless you are about to cross paths with the future love of your life, in which case, you'll be struggling with the shopping, will drop them at some point and will be helped by said person.

Or a murderer.

The incidence of murderers and psychopaths in movies is quite high...

ALL their groceries fit into a large brown paper bag but this is because all childless people eat out every meal time.

Great thread

In a gory murder situation never have sex. You will die.
Also never be a cocky bastard. You will die.
Never go and investigate a strange noise that only you heard from a dark room with a creaky door and cobwebs. You will die.

Everyone in England lives in impossibly trendy parts of London or dark dank flats.
All churches in England are picturesque little places with kindly but quirky vicars.

If you're English in an American movie you will speak impeccable RP. And will probably die.

Another one:
American children are either whiny violent spoilt brats or shy nerds with comedy oversized glasses who will Save The Day.
This extends into shows on Disney and Nickelodeon.

Talking to animals is a normal every day occurrence.
As is breaking into song.
No princess trips over her dress. Ever. I almost broke my neck standing on the hem of my wedding dress but Disney princesses can fight off wild animals, prance around fields and climb mountains with style.

No princess trips over her dress. Ever. I almost broke my neck standing on the hem of my wedding dress but Disney princesses can fight off wild animals, prance around fields and climb mountains with style.

this is practice, women used to go fell walking in their long dresses.

You'll know automatically which way is east/west/north north west etc and can sprint off immediately after the bad guy.

No standing around wearing a puzzled frown saying "Erm... so if the sun's over there (I can't tell because of all the hail), then this must be west, so...erm... Hang on I'll consult the compass I carry everywhere with me."

When a police patrol car is called out, the event is never anywhere in the direction they are going. They always have to take a turn back.

If you tell someone an address or phone number they will instantly remember it. No writing it down, or going, wait a minute, was that 33 or 32 etc.

Also, there is a global network of linked CCTV and database information about everyone everywhere, and a fairly lowly IT technician, or indeed anyone, can easily access this from any computer to track someone. Passwords can be instantly guessed or overriden, systems hacked into and data changed. No problem.

English people in American movies either speak with perfect RP, dragons, or they are Cockneys.

Medical training is not always required to save a life - just shouting "Don't you dare die on me" is sufficient

Brilliant.

To 'get the girl' in Britain you must be scruffy, somewhat out of shape, but very funny. Decent income optional.

There is always a doctor on the plane.