Things you've learnt from the movies

[OrlandoWoolf]

If you capture a secret agent, kill them. Don't tell them your plans.Just kill them. Preferably yourself with lots of people around.

If someone is dead,make sure they're dead. Kill them again. Just to make sure.

Attractive young women who go on camping trips with their friends have a life expectancy of approximately 7 minutes.

No-one ever eats anything. They may go to restaurants, but they never actually eat anything.

"
You will only be murdered if you are wearing underwear that matches. Grey, baggy knickers act as a cloak of invincibility."

phew, I'm safe from murderous murderers!

An old guy can get off with a young woman but an old woman cannot get off with a young man.

In America, if someone pops up with an English accent, you know he will be the bad guy. (Russians are passe)

That in non-anglophone countries everyone speaks English even among each other with no English speaker in earshot but they will unfailingly have very strong comedy accents.

The cop is retiring in 48 hours is paired with the maverick who can never keep a partner.

The Chief of Police is always black or a woman.
They never finish a meal,they just order and have a few mouthfulls and go.

Never to commit a murder around mud/soil, because there will always be something rare in it which means it can be pin pointed to the crime and then to you.

If you fall out of a window, over a cliff, or off a bridge, it is easy to catch hold of a ledge with your fingertips and safely support your entire body weight without dislocating your shoulder or plummeting to your death.
Your hero will simply grasp your wrist and lightly pull you to safety.

That approximately 90% of US judges are black women, 9% black men.

LOL Legs that one had never occurred to me.

Also the houses are massive 49 million bedrooms but if the husband/wife have a row s/he will sleep downstairs on the couch.

Everybody is a lawyer/cop.Only your "kooky" aunt is the artist who happens also to be the black sheep.

Poor urban families in America live in lovely and massive apartments OR cockroach ridden slums with junkies on the stairs.

Poor suburban families in America all live in spacious detached houses where even the kids have their own en-suites. But everyone judges them for only having 3 bedrooms instead of 8.

Poor rural families in America own farms or half a mountain but are unable to think of any ways to create an income from these, so live off squirrels.

If there's an emergency and traffic is gridlocked you can run across an entire city, just getting a little bit out of puff at the end for about 10 seconds.

Just before a major disaster or critical event, a full blown orchestra will strike up and violins will lurch upwards into a crescendo, yet when you look round whether in the middle of a desert, ocean or park, there are no musicians there....

However long you spend marinading in your own sweat and filth while adventuring no-one will flinch at the stench when you finally reach civilisation.

Mothers... You will always cook a massive breakfast for your family, and put it all out on the table, only for the ungrateful fuckers to waltz out of the door while eating a single piece of toast because they are late. They will never thank you for this.

You can also invite anyone to stay for dinner at a nano-seconds notice without thinking 'shit I only cooked one chicken breast each, someone will have to go without' because you just live to cook banquets of food every day.

All meals are to be served from massive serving dishes, even if it's just for two of you. Nobody will ever complain about wasted food.

To go with your massive meals you always have bread rolls and salad on the table as well. None of your children eat only the bread rolls while ignoring everything else that's been set out. They let you put salad on their plate without a word.

If the American flag is scorched and shot and floating to the ground in slow motion, it gives the hero a new lease of life to jump up and kill the baddies.

If you move to a big, beautiful house it will be haunted.

Don't go the scenic route/drive in the countryside. You will break down and be murdered.

When you are a major baddie, you MUST make a full confession to a cop before he takes you dow.

If you are a minion type person in a criminal lair, you will die easily and no one will really care about you. Make sure you pick the right colour uniform.Some uniforms make you more of a target.

That fighting a bad guy all depends on how evil he is and nothing to do with his size. You can fight off 17 20 stone henchmen with a single kick or punch but the 5 foot tiny computer nerd criminal mastermind will require at least 2 minutes of fighting as he is the most evil guy there!

Also most henchmen are cockneys (including orcs).

All apartments in America are nice. Even ones that are supposed to be scuzzy/rented by people on a tiny wage.

Drink driving is not only completely legal, it's positively encouraged.

Everyone has a sidekick.

That annoying obnoxious man who keeps insulting you?

Don't worry - mid argument you will suddenly find him devilishly attractive and start kissing passionately.

When you switch off the bedroom lights at night there's always a full moon glow that lights the room better than daylight

Strangers who meet and have sex rarely discuss contraception.