Once you become aware of male entitlement…

[Giraffesandbottoms]

…it’s everywhere?!?

This afternoon I wanted to pick up my children from my mother’s. 2 minute job to get them from her front door into the car. Pull up outside, and a man from the house opposite comes out with two other men:

Man “we need to get this van out of the driveway” (note - not ASKING, TELLING me)
Me “ok, I’ll be gone in two minutes”.

Get back to car under a minute later with my mother and children and they haven’t waited and are have started a humiliating 100 point turn. It’s honestly so embarrassing for them. My mother asks if they can please wait so we can get into the car (note ASKS and PLEASE).

Man “we asked you to wait”
Me “you did nothing of the sort. You TOLD me. And now you’re doing a humiliating 100 point turn that will take another 5 minutes when by now I would be gone and so would you”.

Man also reeked of alcohol. Just so fucking needless - saw a pregnant woman and immediately thought what I needed to do and what I was saying was worthless/their needs trumped mine. Ended up making their lives harder. Also so telling how they saw it as them having asked me!

I think I sense a ‘not all men’ coming in five…four…three….

@T00Ts

I think I sense a ‘not all men’ coming in five…four…three….

You're letting your own gender off the hook far too easily. I'd phrase it as 'No more men than women are like that'.

Bingo.

You’re speaking from the lofty position of male privilege, @BellatricksStrange.

And are you really suggesting that all the examples of male privilege that we’ve all shared with each other on this here Feminism board are in fact incorrect and that they are in fact race issues?

@BellatricksStrange

He told you he needs to get out, but you didn't want to wait. That's fine, you're entitled to park there. So now the man tries to awkwardly manoeuvre out. And this is somehow male entitlement?

The entitlement was being told to move. TOLD. It’s rude and entitled. The hilariously long winded parking manoeuvre to get out on the back of that rather than waiting 2 mins was just amusing for me and embarrassing to them. Their entire attitude was rude and entitled. Conversely, a dog walking van used to park overnight, legally, opposite my drive. It created a similar situation for me. I wrote the van a very polite and friendly note, and she happily moved and parks elsewhere. We wave at each other cheerily on the street. Manners cost nothing and make people far more obliging.

I have personally given several examples of male entitlement or similar on this thread, not one and only as you say. There have been many, many more posted.

Not everything is a gender battle. As I said I grew up with 3 brothers and have 3 sons. I am very “pro man”. I like men. But absolutely male entitlement exists. It needs opposition. I am happy to provide this!

@BellatricksStrange

There are specific issues I would attribute far more to women. Like women hating on women and being nasty and jealous re looks and other things. That does seem to be much more of a “female only” issue. But that’s not what we are discussing here. This is a “male entitlement” thread. That’s what we are discussing. Feel free to start your own thread on “female entitlement” or whatever you feel the female specific alternative of this is 🤷🏻‍♀️

I bet they wouldn’t have told a big bloke to move op. They’re just twats that saw an opportunity to show off their male dominance to a pregnant woman. Tells you exactly what kind of low life they are. Ignore the apologist, it’s clear where the problem lies unless you’re an entitled male ofcourse.

I love playing patriarchy chicken, I started playing accidentally as my fast growing large dog didnt understand why he had to stay on a certain side when DH walked him but move around when I walked him. So he didnt.
One man actually said to me Are You Going To Move ? I smiled and gave a cheery Nope.
I also love being told that I'll never get my larger car into a parking space, I am a bay parking ninja and love to see them eat their words .

@Sundancerintherain

😆😆😆😆

@purpleboy, I don’t think it was male entitlement. It just makes sense for the person who is going to be their longer to allow the other person to go first. I’m sure a woman would have told the OP they needed to move as well and also sure the men would have said the same thing is the OP was male. I really can’t see what the problem was with what they did. If this thread was reversed and it was the OP stuck in the drive and the men telling her to wait as they would only be 2 minutes, I would agree she had a point.

[quote Staffy1]@purpleboy, I don’t think it was male entitlement. It just makes sense for the person who is going to be their longer to allow the other person to go first. I’m sure a woman would have told the OP they needed to move as well and also sure the men would have said the same thing is the OP was male. I really can’t see what the problem was with what they did. If this thread was reversed and it was the OP stuck in the drive and the men telling her to wait as they would only be 2 minutes, I would agree she had a point.[/quote]
Yes but the issue is as a woman I’d have ASKED op to move.

And if OP was a Man she more than likely would have got a “sorry mate, we just need to move the van out do you mind moving your car for a second”.

One of the reasons I picked a beast for my first car was due to this (okay there are other reasons too such as being disabled, but this contributed to it). I saw all of my friends driving in Fiat 500s and the like and the way they were treated by male drivers was ridiculous, so many of them nearly ran off the road!

Shock horror it was all the men in my family telling me to get a little run around because gasp I wouldn’t be able to drive a big car.

*yes but the issue is as a woman I’d have ASKED op to move.

And if OP was a Man she more than likely would have got a “sorry mate, we just need to move the van out do you mind moving your car for a second*

Exactly. As I’d said, I had exited the vehicle already so it was a bit more hassle to get back in as well. They needed to ask politely. I don’t understand how some people don’t get that!

@BellatricksStrange as a man, it makes sense that you don't often think about your gender/sex. Women think about their sex quite a lot, because of how we are treated, similarly, I don't often think about my race as a white person, whereas a black person thinks about their race often, because of how they're treated

@EveryAvenue

My mother drives and extremely fancy sports car and men HATE that

@T00Ts

Oh so *@BellatricksStrange* is actually a man? Gotcha. Thought they were just a male apologist.

No woman has ever forced my legs into a narrow space because she feels the need to spread hers wide, no woman has sworn at me for no reason other than as an attempt to intimidate me, no woman has ever followed me along the road talking to me with obscene language and gestures and then called me an ‘ugly fucking cunt’ when I told them to leave me alone, no woman has ever pushed in front of me in a queue because of the firmly held belief their time is more important than mine, no woman has ever barged past me on the tube, physically moving me out of their way, and no woman has ever demanded I give up my parking space for them as they need it more than I do, apparently.

It’s male entitlement because it’s men doing it. HTH.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I’ve experienced all this and surprise surprise never from women.

I’ve also never had a woman sit next to me on an empty train and demand my attention by pulling my headphones off until I talk to them. I’ve also never had a woman look at my coffee order and tell me ‘that will make you fat’ (because of course my sole point in life is to be slim for the ‘menz‘), I’ve also never had a woman tell me to ‘smile’ or ‘cheer up’ as I’m walking through town (my other purpose in life is obviously to smile at men)

I could go in and on but I could honestly write an essay!

Do you see the pattern here, all men.

@doublemonkey and @AnotherOne83 I have seen that Ted Talk and have used her ideas. However, it's not just the effect of my body language on me. It's also the effect on the surrounding men that's interesting. If I spread my notes out, take up space, they treat me markedly differently. I know I'm an expert but suddenly they notice I am.

@EdithStourton Audi drivers are sometimes referred to as 'the new BMW drivers' but I can't say I noticed a particular arseholishness from them And yes, NABMWDALT (not all BMW drivers are like that) after all Mini is a BMW brand and they are all a delight.

I think I notice some of it driving/walking because my DH looks not a million miles away from Mike Tindall. Broken nose, shaved head, big bloke (used to play rugby). Women by and large behave the same way to both of us when we're together or when I'm alone. Men absolutely do not. Memorably one bloke tried to cut me up (my right of way) ending up behind me in traffic. Got out of his car, red-faced and spitting. He hadn't seen DH. When DH unfolded himself out of the passenger seat, the bloke's entire demeanor changed.

If you're a woman who runs, it's blindingly obvious who moves.

@MrsTerryPratchett

DH runs and I will ask him re the running next time he goes!

[quote Giraffesandbottoms]@MrsTerryPratchett

DH runs and I will ask him re the running next time he goes![/quote]
Oooo ask when he sees a couple and they need to go in file, who goes behind whom. It's ALWAYS the woman moving to the back or man moving to the front.

I run and it is usually the younger guys that barge their way through or if running towards me, I will always be the one that has to move. Men of my own age or older will usually move first.

I have also just really thought about the fact that my DH has his own spot on the sofa and we just always move out of the way when he wants to sit down. DD challenges him and tells him to sit somewhere else but I usually just move. I cannot believe I never noticed that before.

@Mollysocks your horrible experience with the cyclist reminded me of something not dissimilar.

I was on the tube with DH and the man opposite us started to undo his trousers. DH told the guy to stop it, at which point said guy took umbrage and told us how important and rich he was and that he could do anything he wanted. I asked DH to leave it (we were only going 1 stop) and then the man started on me - or at least about me. He went on and on that of course DH was not as great as him as "your missus looks like arse" and "I'd be gutted having to go home and shag that every night".

The words are welded onto my brain, and whilst not a great example of male entitlement does show the way that men respond/behave differently to men and women. I doubt he'd have started on DH's looks.

@broccolibush

So deeply unpleasant!

When I run, I just hurtle towards groups of men that don't move now. I often run in central London during my lunch hour. No I'm not going to run into the road so groups of men can walk five abreast. They always look totally outraged when I whack into them even though there's nowhere for me to go except the road because of their behaviour.

[quote broccolibush]@Mollysocks your horrible experience with the cyclist reminded me of something not dissimilar.

I was on the tube with DH and the man opposite us started to undo his trousers. DH told the guy to stop it, at which point said guy took umbrage and told us how important and rich he was and that he could do anything he wanted. I asked DH to leave it (we were only going 1 stop) and then the man started on me - or at least about me. He went on and on that of course DH was not as great as him as "your missus looks like arse" and "I'd be gutted having to go home and shag that every night".

The words are welded onto my brain, and whilst not a great example of male entitlement does show the way that men respond/behave differently to men and women. I doubt he'd have started on DH's looks.[/quote]
Ah yes a classic, the only way men know to insult each other is to insult the women in each others lives! Exactly how 'your mum' jokes came about, terms like 'mother fucker' 'son of a bitch' etc

[quote Giraffesandbottoms]@EveryAvenue

My mother drives and extremely fancy sports car and men HATE that[/quote]
I often drive a tractor. And some men really fucking hate that. I also do motorsport. They hate that too. It makes them uncomfortable, it seems.

No idea why. But equally, good, I feel uncomfortable a lot of the time as this very often continues to be ‘a man’s world’, about time they felt it too.

[quote broccolibush]@Mollysocks your horrible experience with the cyclist reminded me of something not dissimilar.

I was on the tube with DH and the man opposite us started to undo his trousers. DH told the guy to stop it, at which point said guy took umbrage and told us how important and rich he was and that he could do anything he wanted. I asked DH to leave it (we were only going 1 stop) and then the man started on me - or at least about me. He went on and on that of course DH was not as great as him as "your missus looks like arse" and "I'd be gutted having to go home and shag that every night".

The words are welded onto my brain, and whilst not a great example of male entitlement does show the way that men respond/behave differently to men and women. I doubt he'd have started on DH's looks.[/quote]
I’m sorry that’s horrible thing is that’s what these men defer to, because in their mind that’s all we are to them that’s why they choose these insults. It says much much more about them.

He sees women as objects and so all he can do is devalue that object and that’s why he said that about you to your DH, rather than to you. He thinks it’s also what your DH cares about… and you could look like Elizabeth Taylor and he’d have said the same.

Ugh