Once you become aware of male entitlement…

[Giraffesandbottoms]

…it’s everywhere?!?

This afternoon I wanted to pick up my children from my mother’s. 2 minute job to get them from her front door into the car. Pull up outside, and a man from the house opposite comes out with two other men:

Man “we need to get this van out of the driveway” (note - not ASKING, TELLING me)
Me “ok, I’ll be gone in two minutes”.

Get back to car under a minute later with my mother and children and they haven’t waited and are have started a humiliating 100 point turn. It’s honestly so embarrassing for them. My mother asks if they can please wait so we can get into the car (note ASKS and PLEASE).

Man “we asked you to wait”
Me “you did nothing of the sort. You TOLD me. And now you’re doing a humiliating 100 point turn that will take another 5 minutes when by now I would be gone and so would you”.

Man also reeked of alcohol. Just so fucking needless - saw a pregnant woman and immediately thought what I needed to do and what I was saying was worthless/their needs trumped mine. Ended up making their lives harder. Also so telling how they saw it as them having asked me!

If we spoke to men, especially older men the way they speak to us,they'd be outraged. Coming out of a shop I didn't see the step and landed heavily, though without breaking my stride. Man comments, "Steady, lass. " Maybe, though I doubt it, this was meant sympathetically but I strongly suspect it was just a cheeky comment. Why did he bother saying it?

Or the way men will take it upon themselves to tell you stuff you already know. Cos obviously they know more than you

Looks to me like you’ve picked the worst place to park. Right opposite a driveway and in the space that cars would need to use to navigate round the skip. You were in the wrong

I picked the best place for ME to park. Legal and most convenient for me. Which is what I care about; funnily enough!

@Faevern

It's when they say or do things that they would not do if I was a man. So the invasion of my space, be it sitting, standing, driving, talking, it happens all of the time and I am seen as the aggressive one when I object or refuse to move

This, x 10000. My mother was a single mother of 4 and the times I heard her say to men “you would never have said that if I were a man”. She was always right.

[quote Giraffesandbottoms]@Mollysocks

That is horrific! There is such a quick resort to physical attacks I find “ugly”, “fat” etc. Like if they beep at you or cat call then you ignore, suddenly you’re not so attractive anymore[/quote]
I know he was still shouting at my when I got to the other side of the road. He wouldn’t have dared do that if I was a man, the tiny penised wimp of a man he is.

Yes that true, if you don’t recriprocate interest it’s ‘you’re ugly/fat anyway’ hmmm really? Why were you interested then hmmmm? Ugh, hate these types of men. Poster boys for fragile masculinity.

Does it really matter that they told you they needed to move it instead of asking if you could move?

Yes, yes it does matter. This is exactly the problem.

@maddy68

Really? They did nothing wrong. You blocked their driveway

No, I didn’t. I parked on the opposite side of the road in a legal parking space. It’s not my fault or problem that they had a massive van in their driveway.

@mibbelucieachwell

The “steady lass” thing reminds me of my father who always used to say to women at the check out (when his flirting was not getting him anywhere) “cheer up, it may never happen”. Just such a bizarre and patronising thing to say.

@Staffy1

The thing is, it would have taken them much less than 2 minutes to get their van out of the driveway, so it makes sense for the person parking up for 2 minutes to just move a little forward or back there and then than keep them waiting at all. Does it really matter that they told you they needed to move it instead of asking if you could move?

Well yes that's kind of the whole point of the thread, male entitlement they expected op to move when she had absolutely no reason too, they could get in and out of the drive, it was just a bit harder, and they are far to special to be slightly inconvenienced, plus if they weren't such presumptuous twats and asked rather than demanded, then as op said she probably would have moved.

I’m amazed at how many people on this thread, considering it’s the feminism board, are tying themselves in knots to explain why I am in the wrong. I realise perhaps I didn’t explain myself that well (most people seemed to get it though!) but I was legally parked.

These men were rude and entitled. If they weren’t, I would have been happy to accommodate! This thread is full of examples of the same.

@maddy68

Really? They did nothing wrong. You blocked their driveway.

Clearly she didn't block the driveway

@purpleboy

Yes, exactly! Besides, if they had waited 2 minutes for me to go, they would have been able to leave in seconds 😬

Mansplaining annoys me the most.
My ex FIL, who had received no further education then secondary school trying lecture me on the subject that I spent years studying in university . That man is one of the worst pricks I ever met and non surprisingly his son is a nasty misogynistic pig.

Also love a good game of patriarchy chicken.
I often win because I don’t move out of the way (I have been told many times that my natural appearance is a bit dark and intimidating/ I look very unapproachable despite appropriate dressing and grooming which might help too).

@FrangipaniBlue

Penny dropped for me recently too. A man walking towards me on the other side of the pavement actually stepped into my way when he saw me! Literally took a step into my path.

This happens ALL THE TIME when I'm running!

Example - I'm running on the left of a path, 2 women side by side walking towards me. 99% of the time the woman in front of me will move over behind her companion. Fantastic, we're sharing the space and only 1 person has had to move. Similarly if there is 1 woman in the middle with her back to me I will stick to one side and I say "excuse me please" as I approach. More often than not a woman will move to the side where I'm not.

On the flip side.....

I'm running on the left of a path, 2 men side by side walking towards me. 99% of the time the man facing me will move over behind his companion forcing me to also switch sides on the path. Similarly if there is 1 man in the middle and I'm sticking to one side and I say "excuse me please" he will invariably move to the side where I'm already there, thus forcing me to run around him.

JUST FUCKING WHY???!!!!

Because they can, they always have, and they don’t see why they shouldn’t be able to continue to do so.

Fucking depressing. It takes all my energy navigating shite like this on a daily basis. Death by a million trillion squillion paper cuts.

@Giraffesandbottoms

So you parked in such a way to block them from getting the van out of the driveway? I'm not sure they're the unreasonable ones here

No. I parked on the opposite side of the road, outside my mothers house. It was convenient for me and legal to do so/safest to get my children. They happened to want to back a large van out. I was entitled to park there and had they asked politely I would have moved and waited for 2 mins but the man made a demand of me when he should have been asking for a favour!

He told you he needs to get out, but you didn't want to wait. That's fine, you're entitled to park there. So now the man tries to awkwardly manoeuvre out. And this is somehow male entitlement?

@Giraffesandbottoms

I’m amazed at how many people on this thread, considering it’s the feminism board, are tying themselves in knots to explain why I am in the wrong. I realise perhaps I didn’t explain myself that well (most people seemed to get it though!) but I was legally parked.

These men were rude and entitled. If they weren’t, I would have been happy to accommodate! This thread is full of examples of the same.

Interesting how you claim to see male entitlement everywhere, yet the one and only example you've provided, is the one where you weren't very considerate of others.

As an aside, imagine if someone would write a thread about '[ethnic minority] entitlement', just because they happened to run into one [ethnic minority] jerk.

Even if they would have been wrong and entitlement, why is their behaviour in any way telling of the entire male species?

@Dutch1e

It really is everywhere. A lot of us enjoy refusing to give way on a footpath, suddenly becoming all elbows and spikes. It's extraordinary the number of astonished men who end up in the gutter with no idea there was another human being in the environment.

When men refuse to give way it's male entitlement, yet when women do the same it's a noble act of resisting the patriarchy?

Looks like the man's appeared to tell op how mean she is, oh but wait it's not just op here that has 100s of stories of male entitlement. Now why could that possibly be??

@purpleboy

Looks like the man's appeared to tell op how mean she is, oh but wait it's not just op here that has 100s of stories of male entitlement. Now why could that possibly be??

I have plenty of stories of both males and females acting entitled. Perhaps we should just call it people entitlement, and stop turning every human interaction into a gender war.

Do you think women should just ‘stay in lane’ to retain the status quo then, @BellatricksStrange? Rather than make strides to change the current way of thinking and challenging such endless, daily examples of male entitlement and plain old sexism? Thank god they didn’t think like you in the early 20th century.

Hear that, gals? Back in your boxes. BS said so.

When it’s usually men doing it though it’s not people entitlement, it’s male entitlement

I used to work in car assistance and there is an issue with BMW drivers regardless of sex TBF. Utter nobbers

Not all of us. I'm polite, considerate, not at all pushy and all-round nice.

@MrsTerryPratchett in response to your comment on being taken seriously at conferences etc if you take up more space... have you seen Amy Cuddy's TED talk on body language / power poses? She's done exactly this research and* spoiler* you are right.

Oh so @BellatricksStrange is actually a man? Gotcha. Thought they were just a male apologist.

No woman has ever forced my legs into a narrow space because she feels the need to spread hers wide, no woman has sworn at me for no reason other than as an attempt to intimidate me, no woman has ever followed me along the road talking to me with obscene language and gestures and then called me an ‘ugly fucking cunt’ when I told them to leave me alone, no woman has ever pushed in front of me in a queue because of the firmly held belief their time is more important than mine, no woman has ever barged past me on the tube, physically moving me out of their way, and no woman has ever demanded I give up my parking space for them as they need it more than I do, apparently.

It’s male entitlement because it’s men doing it. HTH.

@T00Ts

Do you think women should just ‘stay in lane’ to retain the status quo then, *@BellatricksStrange*? Rather than make strides to change the current way of thinking and challenging such endless, daily examples of male entitlement and plain old sexism? Thank god they didn’t think like you in the early 20th century.

Hear that, gals? Back in your boxes. BS said so.

Do you always presume to answer your own questions, then attack the person for the words you put in their mouths?

If two people are running towards one another, neither has any more obligation than the other to give way, and both would prefer if the other gave way. Ironically, the women here see their not giving way as standing up to the patriarchy, while the men not giving way is entitlement. Don't you get it's exactly the same thing?

Please see above.

@T00Ts

Oh so *@BellatricksStrange* is actually a man? Gotcha. Thought they were just a male apologist.

No woman has ever forced my legs into a narrow space because she feels the need to spread hers wide, no woman has sworn at me for no reason other than as an attempt to intimidate me, no woman has ever followed me along the road talking to me with obscene language and gestures and then called me an ‘ugly fucking cunt’ when I told them to leave me alone, no woman has ever pushed in front of me in a queue because of the firmly held belief their time is more important than mine, no woman has ever barged past me on the tube, physically moving me out of their way, and no woman has ever demanded I give up my parking space for them as they need it more than I do, apparently.

It’s male entitlement because it’s men doing it. HTH.

I've had women do a number of things you just mentioned. Including one blocking my driveway for almost an hour, than going off at me when I had the temerity to tell them they were selfish. And strangely, despite me being a man, I don't think I've ever done any of the things you mentioned.

Not every human interaction has to viewed through the rather narrow, and frankly victimy and pathetic, lens of gender wars. Some people are thoughtful and selfless, others are entitled. Nothing to do with gender (in fact probably far more to do with race/culture).