Once you become aware of male entitlement…

[Giraffesandbottoms]

…it’s everywhere?!?

This afternoon I wanted to pick up my children from my mother’s. 2 minute job to get them from her front door into the car. Pull up outside, and a man from the house opposite comes out with two other men:

Man “we need to get this van out of the driveway” (note - not ASKING, TELLING me)
Me “ok, I’ll be gone in two minutes”.

Get back to car under a minute later with my mother and children and they haven’t waited and are have started a humiliating 100 point turn. It’s honestly so embarrassing for them. My mother asks if they can please wait so we can get into the car (note ASKS and PLEASE).

Man “we asked you to wait”
Me “you did nothing of the sort. You TOLD me. And now you’re doing a humiliating 100 point turn that will take another 5 minutes when by now I would be gone and so would you”.

Man also reeked of alcohol. Just so fucking needless - saw a pregnant woman and immediately thought what I needed to do and what I was saying was worthless/their needs trumped mine. Ended up making their lives harder. Also so telling how they saw it as them having asked me!

[didshedidntshe]

Me and my boyfriend were waiting for a train once, and this guy comes up to us, looking and speaking only at my boyfriend and asks if the next train stops at whatever station he needed, my boyfriend had no idea as we were in a location he had never been before but I used to go all the time, so I answered saying yeah it does, he looked at me, looked back at my boyfriend and said 'alright cool thanks mate' and walked off.... it was as if I wasn't there at all, totally bizarre and really pissed me off

[CupcakesK]

Witnessed some patriarchy chicken the other day - female bus driver versus male tractor driver through a village with cars parked (so both were in the middle of the road). Neither were in the wrong as tractor in the middle of road and bus came around blind corner, also in middle of road, but the tractor driver should have reversed as easier to do so as a straight and wider road behind him versus round a corner onto a busier road for the bus driver. They were there for at least 20 minutes! Not sure who won in the end.

[Viviennemary]

You blocked them in. I'd say you were the entitled one.

[MsMarch]

It's when they say or do things that they would not do if I was a man. So the invasion of my space, be it sitting, standing, driving, talking, it happens all of the time and I am seen as the aggressive one when I object or refuse to move.

It's also tone. Words that might be used for a man are spoken to a woman in a patronising tone. Often it's hard to pin down. So you'll be telling the story afterwards and the words themselves aren't the problem, but you KNOW that the tone was different than if you'd been a man. And if a man had even been with you, it probably wouldn't have happened. So men genuinely don't see it unless they're mistaken for a women or they are out of sight when one of these incidents happen.

to be fair, that's not so much about male entitlement but it's all part of the same thing.

[FrangipaniBlue]

Penny dropped for me recently too. A man walking towards me on the other side of the pavement actually stepped into my way when he saw me! Literally took a step into my path.

This happens ALL THE TIME when I'm running!

Example - I'm running on the left of a path, 2 women side by side walking towards me. 99% of the time the woman in front of me will move over behind her companion. Fantastic, we're sharing the space and only 1 person has had to move. Similarly if there is 1 woman in the middle with her back to me I will stick to one side and I say "excuse me please" as I approach. More often than not a woman will move to the side where I'm not.

On the flip side.....

I'm running on the left of a path, 2 men side by side walking towards me. 99% of the time the man facing me will move over behind his companion forcing me to also switch sides on the path. Similarly if there is 1 man in the middle and I'm sticking to one side and I say "excuse me please" he will invariably move to the side where I'm already there, thus forcing me to run around him.

JUST FUCKING WHY???!!!!

[didshedidntshe]

@MsMarch

It's when they say or do things that they would not do if I was a man. So the invasion of my space, be it sitting, standing, driving, talking, it happens all of the time and I am seen as the aggressive one when I object or refuse to move.

It's also tone. Words that might be used for a man are spoken to a woman in a patronising tone. Often it's hard to pin down. So you'll be telling the story afterwards and the words themselves aren't the problem, but you KNOW that the tone was different than if you'd been a man. And if a man had even been with you, it probably wouldn't have happened. So men genuinely don't see it unless they're mistaken for a women or they are out of sight when one of these incidents happen.

to be fair, that's not so much about male entitlement but it's all part of the same thing.

Tone is everything, I remember I was walking past two builders once and one of them looked me up and down and said 'hello' but in a really sarcastic, annoying, Pervy way that made me feel awkward so I just ignored him, then because I ignored him he shouted 'fucking hell I was only saying hello for fuck sake' and him and his friend started laughing. I relayed the story back to my dad and he was like 'well why didn't you try saying hello back' and I felt like an idiot because realistically all the guy said was hello lol but it was how he said it!! And what he said after.

[FrangipaniBlue]

and when I sit there, when he comes in he kust stands over me until I move. What the fuck how did I not realise?

For some reason unbeknownst, since Christmas my DH has taken to sitting in "my seat" on the sofa - so I literally stand over him until he moves

He does not get to arbitrarily decide after 22 years of living here that "we are switching"

[Faevern]

@CupcakesK that happened near me and the police were called as it was a stand off and apparently it is illegal for a bus to reverse with passengers in it (or against guidance )

[Pinkyantelope]

@FrangipaniBlue

Penny dropped for me recently too. A man walking towards me on the other side of the pavement actually stepped into my way when he saw me! Literally took a step into my path.

This happens ALL THE TIME when I'm running!

Example - I'm running on the left of a path, 2 women side by side walking towards me. 99% of the time the woman in front of me will move over behind her companion. Fantastic, we're sharing the space and only 1 person has had to move. Similarly if there is 1 woman in the middle with her back to me I will stick to one side and I say "excuse me please" as I approach. More often than not a woman will move to the side where I'm not.

On the flip side.....

I'm running on the left of a path, 2 men side by side walking towards me. 99% of the time the man facing me will move over behind his companion forcing me to also switch sides on the path. Similarly if there is 1 man in the middle and I'm sticking to one side and I say "excuse me please" he will invariably move to the side where I'm already there, thus forcing me to run around him.

JUST FUCKING WHY???!!!!

I once had a guy in the tow path cycling towards me way too fast and straight at me, where he could have easily gone to the side (he was going so fast that I had to leap out of the way) as he passed me (it was on a bend) he slipped and fell over. Lovely poetic justice, as I pointed out to him.

[Mollysocks]

[quote Whyemseeaye]@Mollysocks sounds just like my dad!

I refuse to give an inch. I will not be quiet and agree with him because that’s what he feels he deserves.
He’s been truly astounded by the revelation that he doesn’t know everything, and that shock horror, I, a mere woman may be more knowledgeable about some stuff.

But saying that this is a man who is outraged I don’t iron for my husband 🤣🤣🤣

When my husband pointed out that they’re his clothes and he’s therefore happy to iron them himself my dad looked absolutely dumbfounded[/quote]
I know! I’m not saying this is the same but I’d never assume I knew more about racial prejudice or homophobia than the person experiencing it. Men too in this way have no idea what it’s like. I think men have had it good for so long they’re either worried about being pushed off their perch or so used to being on the perch they can’t see anything but the perch (ifyswim 🤣)

[Pinkyantelope]

@Viviennemary

You blocked them in. I'd say you were the entitled one.

Are you Ann Widdecombe? If not, you should join a club as, like you, she hates women and always stands up for male entitlement.

[Fantasea]

I changed dentist a few years ago as I didn't like the attitude of the male dentist. My male partner at the time thought he was absolutely marvellous. The final straw for me was when the dentist had instructed me to raise my hand as the signal to stop and when I did, he ignored it! I had a mouth full of liquid and couldn't breathe so had to cough, he then told me off! To my shame, I apologised for coughing. I thought about this afterwards and decided that he wouldn't have treated my partner like this so that was the end of my tenure at that surgery.

[JacquelineCarlyle]

[quote user1471453601]@Ionlydomassiveones, not all of us make ourselves small, I don't and I don't give up an armrest without a struggle. And if I happen not to win that round, I win it back as soon as they relinquish it. It makes a four hour flight quite entertaining. But then, I'm petty, and past the age when I give a flying fuck what most people think of me.[/quote]
This is me too - I take a lot of pleasure in the win as well!

[EveryAvenue]

@Jvg33

So you think your dad, brother and partner deserve people writing threads about them and branding them 'dick'?

Someone being related to you doesn’t mean they can’t act like a dick? Excusing their behaviour because you love them is enabling it and why these men walk around with a sense of entitlement in the first place.

I think many of my male family members are probably guilty of a lot of things PP have mentioned on this thread. I think most are probably unaware they even do it because they’ve never been called out on it.

[Giraffesandbottoms]

@Jvg33

To be very clear, I was NOT mounted on a kerb! That’s just my shitty diagram. I was parked on the street. Legally.

[LemonPledge555]

@Mollysocks - I think you’re right, I would never begin to imagine I know anything about (as an example) homophobia, other than what it is, compared to someone who had been the victim of it. My husband (who by the way is pretty good and not generally a mansplainer or room taker etc) tried to tell me he’d been the victim of reverse sexism the other day. I was a bit like 🤔 are you for real? Because we wouldn’t for example say that white people are treated in a racist way (because that basically doesn’t exist) and that while his situation was annoying and actually pretty crap, it’s stuff that I’ve dealt with my whole life. He actually stood his ground too 🤦🏼‍♀️

[maddy68]

Really? They did nothing wrong. You blocked their driveway.

[Staffy1]

The thing is, it would have taken them much less than 2 minutes to get their van out of the driveway, so it makes sense for the person parking up for 2 minutes to just move a little forward or back there and then than keep them waiting at all. Does it really matter that they told you they needed to move it instead of asking if you could move?

[Blackbirdblue30]

A man sat on me yesterday after yoga. There's benches where you store shoes and sit down for a moment to put them back on. It didn't occur to him to glance behind him, as in his head, the space was his by right.

A sort-of-colleague man came into my office this morning, saw two people sitting here, and addressed his important problem to my new male colleague. I've been here 5 years. The boy has been here two months and is an idiot. I can fix this problem in two minutes but I've left them to it.

I also make a point of patriarchy chicken and I manspread where possible. It baffles them. Even pre-teen, quite young boys are socially conditioned to think they have right of way.

It's neverending entitlement and superiority.

[Oldtiredfedup]

My favourite one was in Aldi. Elderly couple. He had the trolly. He physically got hold of trolleys of women in the aisle as we were gridding abc moved trollies out of the way muttering about women taking they’d tins. His wife made excuses for him. Vile man

[Whatwouldscullydo]

I got shoved in m&so once. There were only two staff members in the basket only check outs both were taken.

I'm guessing the man behind me was getting impatient waiting or hadn't realised that the woman at one of the check outs may have packed her stuff but she was still about to pay so assumed she'd finished so he just shoved me forwards towards the check out. Except I had no where to go because neither of the customers had finished. Wish id said something but I was so stunned I kinda just walked back up infrint of him.amd waited my turn

[Giraffesandbottoms]

@skodadoda

I’m sympathetic with your OP, but this one sounds as though you were passing parked cars. If so, were you on the wrong side of the road? The person coming in the opposite direction does have right of way if they are on the correct side of the road

It’s a double road with parked cars on both sides, all the way along. So there’s no right of way - people just generally help each other and nip into a space. There were plenty of spaces on his side too but funnily enough he didn’t nip in!

[Giraffesandbottoms]

@Mollysocks

That is horrific! There is such a quick resort to physical attacks I find “ugly”, “fat” etc. Like if they beep at you or cat call then you ignore, suddenly you’re not so attractive anymore

[Giraffesandbottoms]

@Broads93

You sound a good person to have on side 😬

[Giraffesandbottoms]

@Geezabreak82

Your diagram makes it look like you were parked on the pavement. But then it also made it look like the van was parked on the house so I assumed there was a bit of creative licence going on there

You assume right! Although creative licence a very polite way of saying “shit at drawing”, which I am (if you can call what I did drawing)