Once you become aware of male entitlement…

[Giraffesandbottoms]

…it’s everywhere?!?

This afternoon I wanted to pick up my children from my mother’s. 2 minute job to get them from her front door into the car. Pull up outside, and a man from the house opposite comes out with two other men:

Man “we need to get this van out of the driveway” (note - not ASKING, TELLING me)
Me “ok, I’ll be gone in two minutes”.

Get back to car under a minute later with my mother and children and they haven’t waited and are have started a humiliating 100 point turn. It’s honestly so embarrassing for them. My mother asks if they can please wait so we can get into the car (note ASKS and PLEASE).

Man “we asked you to wait”
Me “you did nothing of the sort. You TOLD me. And now you’re doing a humiliating 100 point turn that will take another 5 minutes when by now I would be gone and so would you”.

Man also reeked of alcohol. Just so fucking needless - saw a pregnant woman and immediately thought what I needed to do and what I was saying was worthless/their needs trumped mine. Ended up making their lives harder. Also so telling how they saw it as them having asked me!

Well done on the diagram, op! Credit where credit is due!

In the days when I commuted, I used to fight a good battle for control of the armrest. One thing I've noticed is that men in a mixed-sex group will sometimes drive the conversation down a route that interests them and dominate it, and then looked surprised when they realise that the women are now ignoring them and having their own conversations.

What about Audi drivers, @MrsTerryPratchett? I have had many unfortunate experiences with them - though one of my neighbours drives and Audi and is lovely.

@TracyMosby

Thank you 😊

Oh yes, my motto in life is to have the confidence of a mediocre white man. I apply for jobs that I'm not quite qualified for, and I manspread in meetings (to a point). I feign confidence as much as I can, because I was a sahm for many years and I'll be damned if I feel intimidated by colleagues because of it.

Just yesterday I was taking my son to a holiday camp at a school, and we arrived to find we couldn't get in because some twat of a bloke was blocking the entrance. He'd literally just driven in through the school gates and then...stopped. Right in the entrance.

Me: "you're blocking the entrance mate."
Him: "I'm just dropping my kids off."

Well, yes. Myself and the three cars behind me would like to do the same, only we can't because you're blocking the entrance.

I've also had furious blokes calling me all sorts because they have to wait on my narrow street (that they're using as a rat run) for a couple of minutes because they can't get round me while I parallel park. Because apparently I should drive straight past my destination rather than even remotely inconvenience an almighty man.

Male delivery drivers parking in the middle of our narrow street to wander to multiple houses with parcels blocking the road both ways rather than pulling over to the side. It’s a quiet street but still boils my piss as it happens so often.

@Ionlydomassiveones

Yes it was the manspreading for me. Look at a line of seats - at a theatre, train station, cinema - ALL the men spread and take up room and armrests. Women keep ‘small’ - legs together and don’t encroach on other spaces. Once you witness that little gem of male entitlement you suddenly go into the Matrix of male arrogance and obliviousness. I’m old enough to not care about calling it out though - and well done for doing that with the blokes in the van op. The more women speak up and don’t take shit, the more they’ll get the message. Not that they’ll care - but at least they won’t get what they want with 1950s handmaiden complicity.

Yes it was the manspreading for me. Look at a line of seats - at a theatre, train station, cinema - ALL the men spread and take up room

I do it now, I take up room. (Only if men around though) I was sat on a train once and the man next to me was spreading his legs so much that his left leg was well over into my space and touching mine. I had to put my tight leg into the aisle! He fell asleep and his legs moved so I did a man spread. When he woke up he didn’t say anything but I could feel his leg forcing mine, I could feel the pressure. He was putting all his weight on my right leg. I somehow locked it and kept it there the rest of the journey. I know it was a petty thing to do but just so fed up of men and their BS. Taking up room, trying to dominate. If he’d asked me to move I would’ve but it was the trying to push my leg over that was such an aggressive move I thought, no fuck you and your entitlement!

I’ll never forget being about 8 months pregnant and walking up a steep hill at a busy tourist attraction. I was struggling a bit and then something clicked on my head and I thought,sod it im just going to keep walking in a straight line and everyone can get out of my way. The amount of men who literally almost walked smack into me, a hugely pregnant, puffing woman trudging up hill whilst they merrily strode downwards, really opened my eyes to make entitlement. Every single woman gave me a wide berth!

I work in a school. I played patriarchy chicken with a year 6 boy who moved into my path. We both stopped dead right in front of each other and it took him a full 30 seconds to realise I wasnt going to move out of his way and he finally moved around me. It starts early.

I regularly fall out with male delivery drivers. We have a pub at the top of our single track lane, and instead of pulling in front of the pub many delivery drivers will block the lane. I've had to wait for 15 minutes to get through before. Once I went in to rant find out what was going on and the driver was standing at the bar having a drink!!

I live in a place with twisty country roads and often encounter cars which are practically in the middle of the road (probably because they are taking the corner a bit too fast). 99‰ of the time it's men drivers.

They see to think that they can use their side of the road plus half of the other side and any oncoming traffic will make way for them by moving into the gutter / verge. It's entitled, rude and actually dangerous.

I've also had furious blokes calling me all sorts because they have to wait on my narrow street (that they're using as a rat run) for a couple of minutes because they can't get round me while I parallel park. Because apparently I should drive straight past my destination rather than even remotely inconvenience an almighty man

It’s just absurd

Sorry but I think you are the rude one here. They told you they needed access for the van and you ignored them and proceeded to park anyway.

Nursery is at the side of a busy main road with a bike lane and bus stop outside, very near a major junction. Parking is easily available around the back or on a side street. A man regularly stops his white Audi in the bike lane, next to or in the bus stop markers, to get his child. Puts his hazards on though, so all’s well

Not sure if this is the same thing. I am on a WhatsApp group with men and women. The men try to dominate. Mostly silly jokes but also politics. I love a silly joke and will happily argue the toss with anyone about politics and such like. But it's only me and sometimes one other woman that will do that.

One time I got into a philosophical argument about something I feel strongly about and I would not back down (cos I was right obviously) and about 3 of the men became increasingly aggressive. Afterwards when I met some of the women face to face they said fair play and that they agreed with me but didn't feel they could join in.

It's like the men dominate and women must facilitate that. I am sure the men find me difficult.

*I LOVE yet he phrase “patriarchy chicken”. Never heard it. Genius.

Try it. It's very enlightening. Walking down the road only move halfway out of the way of any men. They should move the other half the way.*

Penny dropped for me recently too. A man walking towards me on the other side of the pavement actually stepped into my way when he saw me! Literally took a step into my path. Obviously to make me move. I just stopped dead and pretended to get something out my bag so he had to walk around me.

Now I don’t even pretend I’m doing something else I’ll just stand there and look them dead in the eye.

With women it’s 50/50, sometimes I move sometimes they do, but I never have to think about it, it just happens, but with men I’d 90% of them won’t move for women.

I walked past a bar on the weekend, about 5 blokes all stood outside in the pavement in a group, busy road, I said, “excuse me can I get through” and they looked so incredulous I’d asked but they did move 😂

Oh gosh loads of examples. Carrying baby down stairs and elderly mum carrying pram, flash suited git - white, yuppie, pushed past her. REALLY wish I could have punched him.
Also what is it with men from Essex?!

I am sure the men find me difficult.

A badge of honour!

I work on a large industrial site. Workforce is 95% male. I play patriarchy chicken every day. I learned the phrase on here a few years ago. I just take up loads of room like men do now.

Sorry but I think you are the rude one here. They told you they needed access for the van and you ignored them and proceeded to park anyway

Yeh, they TOLD me.

If they had asked me politely, as I would have done to anyone if I were in their shoes, I would have moved, even at my own inconvenience.

By the way they told me after I had parked and left my vehicle.

Sorry but I think you are the rude one here. They told you they needed access for the van and you ignored them and proceeded to park anyway

But why do their needs trump OPs? OP said she’s be two minutes, it’s not like she said she was going to be half hour!

And she'd parked legally.

@Giraffesandbottoms

I had an incident a few months back where another dick expected me to pull in at a specific gap in parked cars, and when I didn’t pull in WHERE he expected, he yelled at me. There was no right of way - I didn’t need to pull in at all! Absolutely Seems to be amplified by being in a car.

I’m sympathetic with your OP, but this one sounds as though you were passing parked cars. If so, were you on the wrong side of the road? The person coming in the opposite direction does have right of way if they are on the correct side of the road.

@Mollysocks

My personal priority and care is to getting my children into the car with the optimum convenience and safety. If someone wants me to change that, they need to be polite!