Once you become aware of male entitlement…

[Giraffesandbottoms]

…it’s everywhere?!?

This afternoon I wanted to pick up my children from my mother’s. 2 minute job to get them from her front door into the car. Pull up outside, and a man from the house opposite comes out with two other men:

Man “we need to get this van out of the driveway” (note - not ASKING, TELLING me)
Me “ok, I’ll be gone in two minutes”.

Get back to car under a minute later with my mother and children and they haven’t waited and are have started a humiliating 100 point turn. It’s honestly so embarrassing for them. My mother asks if they can please wait so we can get into the car (note ASKS and PLEASE).

Man “we asked you to wait”
Me “you did nothing of the sort. You TOLD me. And now you’re doing a humiliating 100 point turn that will take another 5 minutes when by now I would be gone and so would you”.

Man also reeked of alcohol. Just so fucking needless - saw a pregnant woman and immediately thought what I needed to do and what I was saying was worthless/their needs trumped mine. Ended up making their lives harder. Also so telling how they saw it as them having asked me!

[Whatwouldscullydo]

I play chicken all the time it's hilarious. God forbid they walk single file behind their wife/girlfriend for a while 2 seconds.

I get " driven at" alot.

To get to my house I have to turn off a round about into a fairly quiet road ( but not at school drop off) there's usually cars parked on the other side ( so would be my right of way driving down). Now you expect to have ti hang back sometimes to allow thise who started driving past the cars befire I was even on the road fully.

But, what really pisses me off is when I've turned off, I'm.on the road. There are cars on the other side so no room for 2 cars to pass then they pull out if a turning and drive at me on what for them is the wrong side of the road.

Like it's my right of way and u can see me. Why

[Whyemseeaye]

I have experience this type of masculine nonsense so many times.

Once I was on a bus, sitting down, minding my own business, a man got on and sat next to me. As he extracted himself from his obviously too tight jacket he elbowed me in the face!

I yelped in pain at which point to turn to me and started shouting at me for making a fuss and trying to make a show of him

He was screaming by the end of his rant and finally called me a bitch and got off the bus.

I’ve also had a delivery driver expect me to reverse the full length of my road, when I was basically outside my house, when he could easily have pulled over and let me through. I was 6 months pregnant and had my little boy in the back of the car. Again lots of shouting ensued because I wouldn’t move.

A van of builders also spat on my car because I had the audacity to let someone out of a side road. Apparently delaying their journey by 30 seconds was unthinkable.

[TracyMosby]

I white van driver drove at me yesterday. I was on a round about and he speeded up his approach. Arsehole.

[CinzanoChic]

Men are very busy and important and we need to understand that. They are especially busy and important when they're driving. Driving home, my road is a turn off just off a roundabout, so indicate left at roundabout and continue to indicate left to turn into my road. I've had several incidents of beeping and arm waving from male drivers behind me (never women) for having the temerity to turn into my street. Not sure what they expect me to do? Drive past my road and turn around somewhere?

[Dutch1e]

@ButterflyBitch

I work in a school. I played patriarchy chicken with a year 6 boy who moved into my path. We both stopped dead right in front of each other and it took him a full 30 seconds to realise I wasnt going to move out of his way and he finally moved around me. It starts early.

[squashyhat]

The problem with playing Manspreading Snap is you often have to touch them. I will do everything I can to avoid touching some random male.

[Shortpoet]

I’ve got one I need to get off my chest. Diagram included.
Lights ahead were red so traffic stopped. I was indicating that I would be to turning left into a small side road. I hadn’t moved because the way was partially blocked by the car in front.

A man crossing the road started gesturing that I could get through making out there was loads of room. When I refused he got really angry that I wasn’t taking his advice. I couldn’t hear him but body language was clear.

Possibly I could have squeezed through the gap and maybe would have done so in a nippier car, but my car has a stupidly large turning circle so it wouldn’t have been very elegant. I may have had to reverse / three point turn to get the right angle which I didn’t want to do on a main road. I know my car!

Also, I know this road so I know the lights don’t take long to change. I wasn’t in a rush. I was happy to wait 30 seconds.

Also my daughter was in the front seat, she didn’t need to see him get angry, but it did lead to a good conversation about entitlement, trusting your own judgment and not automatically doing what strangers tell you.

If he’d just gestured there was space and left it it wouldn’t have annoyed me so much, although I doubt he’d have done the same to a man. It was his anger that I hadn’t taken his advice that tipped it into entitlement.

[CheshireChat]

My favourite trick to prevent men spreading into my space is to sit cross legged with the sole of my foot towards them so if they encroach my space, it's their trousers that get dirty. The utter shock when I don't surrender the space and apologise is something to behold .

[RB68]

"The person coming in the opposite direction does have right of way if they are on the correct side of the road."

incorrect. she was already passing cars so even if he was on the clear side of the road she actually had the right to continue. You need to update yourself as generally there is NO right of way its about give and take. And therein lies the issue with 80% of the issues on the rd

[Shortpoet]

I’ve redone my diagram to show all the other cars because the first one made it look like loads of space to move. The main road has two lanes going in same direction and it was heavy traffic.

[TinyTear]

Once on my street (residents parking only, no driveways) I was arriving and there was a large space, for about 2.5 cars and this man was lining up his huge car (one of 3 this family have) to match his front door BLOCKING the whole space!!!

I opened my window and said "are you going to park like that? no one else will be able to" and did the stare....

He moved properly forward and I then parked behind him and there was plenty of space for both cars...

[Mollysocks]

I just thought of something that I’d obviously buried deep in my brain as I was obviously traumatised.

A few years ago I was crossing the road and a car stopped to let me cross. Because of this a cyclist stopped in the opposite direction and I walked over. I was struggling with a heavy box and so did a half wave at the car then scooted over. The cyclist (man) then began to verbally abuse me shouting things like ‘don’t say thank you then you bitch!’ ‘You ugly cunt!’ I was do flustered, I just forgot I wasn’t making a point not thanking him. I went home and cried. Now I’m getting all angry again I really should have said something back but felt intimidated!!

[Sprucewillis]

Everyday mysogyny is everyday. Agree with you OP.

[Giraffesandbottoms]

@Jvg33

Please explain how I was illegally parked? I was parked on the street, not blocking a drive. I was legally allowed to park there.

I have 3 sons and 3 brothers. They are lovely. This man was an entitled dick. He commanded me rudely and was told I would be 2 mins. Which I was. He made his own life harder by not being polite and then by not just waiting.

[Giraffesandbottoms]

Some truly amazing stories on here to read later!

[Giraffesandbottoms]

Op was on a non dropped curb!

What?! I was parked on the road. With no lines, in a legal parking space. What are you talking about!

[doublemonkey]

@MrsTerryPratchett

Weirdly I've noticed that if I take up more physical space at conferences/training what I say is taken more seriously as well. I'd love to do a study.

There's a good Ted talk about power poses. Have you seen it?

It might go some way to explaining what you've observed.

www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_may_shape_who_you_are?language=en

[BobLemon]

I’m struggling to see the entitlement here, it all just sounds like examples of bad driving

[BlingLoving]

@Jvg33

I don't like threads like this. I have a young son. There are a lot of women who are now stereotyping men in a negative. I doubt this man had called you a derogatory phrase and started a thread about you. Very dramatic. Whoever starts the car first and is moving first gets priority. I wouldn't of waited for you either. You probably wouldn't have started a thread about me because I am a woman.

When I was pregnant, with SPD, I kept getting knocked about while walking. I couldn't understand it. I came across an article about the way in which men don't move for women. I thought, "hang on, that's not true surely?" But, like others on this thread, I started paying attention. And sure enough, that's why I was being knocked about - I physically could not move out of the way of men and they wouldn't. The same man might well hold a door open for me as I walked into a coffee shop, but on the pavement, he'd plow right through me.

I discussed it with DH. He also thought that was crazy and surely not true. He pointed out that he and most men had been taught to give way for women etc (and certainly, he himself is always leaping up to offer seats/open doors etc).

About a week later he came in and told me very sheepishly that he'd been paying attention and he'd realised that he absolutely does NOT get out of the way. That yes, he'll hold a door or offer a seat but without even realising it, he was walking around assuming that he didn't have to move while on the pavement. He was mortified.

Men don't do these things because they are bastards. They do it because of the socialisation that happens practically from the day of their birth. And we all have to work hard to overcome it.

[Whyemseeaye]

The mental gymnastics some people will go through to make men right is interesting to see…

[Lesperance]

@Jvg33

I don't like threads like this. I have a young son. There are a lot of women who are now stereotyping men in a negative. I doubt this man had called you a derogatory phrase and started a thread about you. Very dramatic. Whoever starts the car first and is moving first gets priority. I wouldn't of waited for you either. You probably wouldn't have started a thread about me because I am a woman.

Are you bringing up your young son to be an arse?
No?
Then this is not about him.
It's not a stereotype. A stereotype is when we say "Men are annoying bastards in cars".
It's some examples of male entitlement. Don't bring up your kid to be entitled, it's simple.

[Lesperance]

@BobLemon

I’m struggling to see the entitlement here, it all just sounds like examples of bad driving

It's the telling rather than the asking.

[tenyeardecade]

I just realised my DH ALWAYS sits in the seat next to the side table. So I have to pass him my cup when I have finished my tea to put down and he always moans that I'm lazy but I can't reach past hid spraying body.

just to make matters worse he argued not to have the side table...

and when I sit there, when he comes in he kust stands over me until I move. What the fuck how did I not realise?

[hoorayandupsherises]

Every day I use a roundabout with four entries/exits. I arrive from a quiet road (6 o'clock position) and the entries at 3 and 9 o'clock are a long straight national speed limit road. I am there for rush hour each morning.

I get cut up when I'm acually on the roundabout so often. I said to OH that it was always men and he didn't believe me, so we both counted for a month and we got cut off 15 and 16 times, respectively, and they were all men.

Obviously that also demonstrates how far DH and I will take proving ourselves correct

[Triffid1]

There is a difference between bad driving and male entitlement. A male driver was furious at me today because I drove down the street, making him have to wait. It's two ways, but people park on the side that I was driving on. Obviously, that means that if anyone has to give way, it should be me. But, and here's the kicker, there IS space for two cars AND the parked car. Just most people are too scared to do it. I drove down the road knowing there was space for him. He did not believe there was space for him. Hence he was furious. That's not male entitlement, just bad driving!

In your case OP, it's male entitlement! Although it's a form that many of us also see with women in cars on school run, "Oh, I'm just going to block your driveway while I drop of my child at school. You shouldn't care, it's only 2 minutes",