Once you become aware of male entitlement…

[Giraffesandbottoms]

…it’s everywhere?!?

This afternoon I wanted to pick up my children from my mother’s. 2 minute job to get them from her front door into the car. Pull up outside, and a man from the house opposite comes out with two other men:

Man “we need to get this van out of the driveway” (note - not ASKING, TELLING me)
Me “ok, I’ll be gone in two minutes”.

Get back to car under a minute later with my mother and children and they haven’t waited and are have started a humiliating 100 point turn. It’s honestly so embarrassing for them. My mother asks if they can please wait so we can get into the car (note ASKS and PLEASE).

Man “we asked you to wait”
Me “you did nothing of the sort. You TOLD me. And now you’re doing a humiliating 100 point turn that will take another 5 minutes when by now I would be gone and so would you”.

Man also reeked of alcohol. Just so fucking needless - saw a pregnant woman and immediately thought what I needed to do and what I was saying was worthless/their needs trumped mine. Ended up making their lives harder. Also so telling how they saw it as them having asked me!

@Whyemseeaye

The mental gymnastics some people will go through to make men right is interesting to see…

It always happens on these type of threads.

Women have no idea how deepy entrenched their programming is.

[quote Giraffesandbottoms]@Jvg33

Please explain how I was illegally parked? I was parked on the street, not blocking a drive. I was legally allowed to park there.

I have 3 sons and 3 brothers. They are lovely. This man was an entitled dick. He commanded me rudely and was told I would be 2 mins. Which I was. He made his own life harder by not being polite and then by not just waiting.[/quote]
Illegal to mount a non dropped curb. Everyone does it as it's non enforceable.

@Triffid1

There is a difference between bad driving and male entitlement. A male driver was furious at me today because I drove down the street, making him have to wait. It's two ways, but people park on the side that I was driving on. Obviously, that means that if anyone has to give way, it should be me. But, and here's the kicker, there IS space for two cars AND the parked car. Just most people are too scared to do it. I drove down the road knowing there was space for him. He did not believe there was space for him. Hence he was furious. That's not male entitlement, just bad driving!

In your case OP, it's male entitlement! Although it's a form that many of us also see with women in cars on school run, "Oh, I'm just going to block your driveway while I drop of my child at school. You shouldn't care, it's only 2 minutes",

It's not the same though, as OP was legally parked, which is not the same as blocking a driveway. They had a very long vehicle which was difficult (but not impossible to get out, as they did in fact do that), but that doesn't mean that OP was any less legally parked.

I work in a cash and carry warehouse, I lift around 3000kg per day.
Can't tell you the amount of times I've been moving heavy products and male customers come up to me and are like "oh let me help you" "do you need a hand?" No I fucking don't, I could bench press you 3 times over, this is my job I do it every day. Honestly their entitlement is shocking.

I have recently started to do patriarchy chicken just to see what happens. I am quite good even though I say so myself. Men seem to be like a rabbit in the headlights because I am quite small and look physically weak with a face like a smiling assassin. Over many years I have been a people pleaser but now I am done with it all.
There are a lot of arrogant ball spreaders out there and I will not have them in my space.

@Giraffesandbottoms

By the way they told me after I had parked and left my vehicle.

Should have gone in for a cuppa just to piss them off

@Giraffesandbottoms

Op was on a non dropped curb!

What?! I was parked on the road. With no lines, in a legal parking space. What are you talking about!

Your diagram makes it look like you were parked on the pavement. But then it also made it look like the van was parked on the house so I assumed there was a bit of creative licence going on there 😂

@Beachcomber

I live in a place with twisty country roads and often encounter cars which are practically in the middle of the road (probably because they are taking the corner a bit too fast). 99‰ of the time it's men drivers.

They see to think that they can use their side of the road plus half of the other side and any oncoming traffic will make way for them by moving into the gutter / verge. It's entitled, rude and actually dangerous.

About once a week I travel to a nearby town via small country roads (there is no alternative route). I drive a small car but frequently encounter men in large 4x4 vehicles coming towards me in the middle of the road, fully expecting me to reverse to a passing place or drive on the grass next to the road (because obviously they can't be expected to do that). This happens even when if they just moved over a bit and drove slowly/carefully we could pass without anyone having to go off road, or when they have just driven past a passing place where any sensible person would have stopped and waited.

When I have mentioned this to friends (especially male friends) I am told that it's not a man thing, it's just that some people are dicks. Odd that it's almost always a man that does this to me though, and that it happens far less frequently to men.

I can think of numerous examples of male entitlement I've experienced. I've also got a female friend who's obviously been brought up to be very sexist. She's got sons and she will put up with any amount of bad behaviour from her husband and sons and expect me and my dds to fit around it. She holds girls and women to a much higher standard though. In the past she has come out with "Girls are horrible." I think she's realised more recently that her dh is quite bitchy though. In the past men's bitchiness hasn't tended to be labelled as such due to historically sexist language, but I think she's realised he is bitchy.

@Giraffesandbottoms

My best effort

Looks to me like you’ve picked the worst place to park. Right opposite a driveway and in the space that cars would need to use to navigate round the skip. You were in the wrong.

The mental gymnastics some people will go through to make men right is interesting to see…
So true! We all know that most men are perfectly nice, respectful, almost human like, its just nice to vent about the large minority who behave like self important dicks!
Someone said earlier about wearing a "difficult woman" badge with honour, which I love.

@hoorayandupsherises It's not the same though, as OP was legally parked, which is not the same as blocking a driveway. They had a very long vehicle which was difficult (but not impossible to get out, as they did in fact do that), but that doesn't mean that OP was any less legally parked.

To be clear - OP experienced male entitlement in the form of the twats who wanted her to move. a Similar, but different sense of entitlement is those parents who park illegally and expect no one to care. Both are real. Both are annoying. OP was in the right.

My husband regularly reels off all the domestic things he's done during the course of the day, like I'm going to congratulate him for doing all the shit I do without needing a fucking round of applause. I've noticed that when I don't include the words 'thank you' in my response (if I give a response at all), he gets narked and says things like; 'Talk to myself shall I'? or 'You're welcome!' (the latter usually delivered in a faux-jolly tone).

I still don't respond, though and he's gradually getting the message.

That's an example of male entitlement in full effect, as far as I'm concerned; men regularly needing positive acknowledgement of their efforts in keeping shared domestic space clean and tidy.

@Jewel1968

Not sure if this is the same thing. I am on a WhatsApp group with men and women. The men try to dominate. Mostly silly jokes but also politics. I love a silly joke and will happily argue the toss with anyone about politics and such like. But it's only me and sometimes one other woman that will do that.

One time I got into a philosophical argument about something I feel strongly about and I would not back down (cos I was right obviously) and about 3 of the men became increasingly aggressive. Afterwards when I met some of the women face to face they said fair play and that they agreed with me but didn't feel they could join in.

It's like the men dominate and women must facilitate that. I am sure the men find me difficult.

I strive to be a 'difficult' woman. Never heard anyone refer to a man as difficult tbh!

Another thing I’ve noticed about men taking up space etc (slightly off topic) is that if men are being loud in a pub, no one comments but you always get comments about women, they’re never laughing but ‘screeching’ or ‘hysterical’ … isn’t it funny how we are expected to be quiet and blend into the background and if we dare to take up room we are ‘screeching.’

A video on Instagram confirmed this for me, men were being loud, women in next table started being loud and laughing and the looks and comments from the men in the video (who were filing) and some of the comments on the video made me think, yup so much double standard here.

Who were filming*

@didshedidntshe very good point. Women with an opinion they’re not willing to surrender are also “angry” a lot of the time too.

Qualities that are lauded in men are denigrated in women.

How often are men called “hysterical, highly strung, mad” no no they’re all “driven, alpha male, leaders”

It makes my brain hurt that we’re forced to navigate this day in day out

[quote Whyemseeaye]@didshedidntshe very good point. Women with an opinion they’re not willing to surrender are also “angry” a lot of the time too.

Qualities that are lauded in men are denigrated in women.

How often are men called “hysterical, highly strung, mad” no no they’re all “driven, alpha male, leaders”

It makes my brain hurt that we’re forced to navigate this day in day out [/quote]
Yes to all this! Angry, highly strung, hysterical.

Qualities that are lauded in men are denigrated in women.

This too! I was having a conversation with my Mum about this recently and my Dad piped up with ‘lol Molly the feminist’ and then rolled his eyes and it really annoyed me. I said, sorry you don’t get to roll your eyes at this’ they just don’t get it.

@Shortpoet

I’ve redone my diagram to show all the other cars because the first one made it look like loads of space to move. The main road has two lanes going in same direction and it was heavy traffic.

People need to get over themselves and understand that we have different approaches to risk etc. Not wanting to squeeze your car through a tight spot is your prerogative so the man was being a dick.

I'm often a dick as I tend to let people out of junctions on dual carriageways. If clear and I see a car waiting to join, I'll always pull over to the outside lane to be courteous. It's interesting just how many people don't take advantage and I'll often call them a stupid xyz but am slowly accepting that people's approach to risk is different and I just need to chill.

The scenario you've drawn is a difficult one and personally, if I saw you indicating left and was the car in front, I'd position my car to the right so I'm almost on the white line. This often leaves ample space to pass through and allows traffic to flow.

@Mollysocks sounds just like my dad!

I refuse to give an inch. I will not be quiet and agree with him because that’s what he feels he deserves.
He’s been truly astounded by the revelation that he doesn’t know everything, and that shock horror, I, a mere woman may be more knowledgeable about some stuff.

But saying that this is a man who is outraged I don’t iron for my husband 🤣🤣🤣

When my husband pointed out that they’re his clothes and he’s therefore happy to iron them himself my dad looked absolutely dumbfounded

i live in a city with parking issues and in this situation the op would be the one who is seen to be in the wrong.

@Mollysocks I post a lot of feminist stuff on my Instagram stories and one of my boyfriends friends always asks my boyfriend if I hate men haha and what I post isn't man hating either it's actually just about women

[quote Whyemseeaye]@Mollysocks sounds just like my dad!

I refuse to give an inch. I will not be quiet and agree with him because that’s what he feels he deserves.
He’s been truly astounded by the revelation that he doesn’t know everything, and that shock horror, I, a mere woman may be more knowledgeable about some stuff.

But saying that this is a man who is outraged I don’t iron for my husband 🤣🤣🤣

When my husband pointed out that they’re his clothes and he’s therefore happy to iron them himself my dad looked absolutely dumbfounded[/quote]
My grandma always told me never to iron for a man haha, she also tells me this story of my grandad, who was the youngest of 5 and had 4 older sisters who all babies him and did everything for him, when my nan and him first married, grandad would leave all the washing and washing up and ironing etc for my Nan to do.. one day my Nan decided to leave all the dirty dishes by the front door for my grandad to see when he came home from work haha (my Nan also worked btw)

@Whyemseeaye. Women are often hysterical, highly strung, overly sensitive. In other words far too emotional.

Men are just angry but as we all know, anger isn't an emotion

It's when they say or do things that they would not do if I was a man. So the invasion of my space, be it sitting, standing, driving, talking, it happens all of the time and I am seen as the aggressive one when I object or refuse to move.

No one ever moves my (male) DP's leg out of the way on a plane or steals his armrest. No one tells him to move his car or blocks him in expecting him to wait without an apology. No one pushes in front of him in a shop, at the bar or in a queue. No one talks over him in a meeting etc.

In November I was on an aeroplane putting my luggage in the overhead locker and asked the person in the seat behind if she wanted me to put anything up overhead as she had a baby on her knee. The man behind me said if you would just stop talking I could get to my seat. I told him not to be so rude and actually asked him would you have said that to me if I was a man? Then the bloke across the aisle shouted oh you can't talk to her like that, not these days! Turns out he was sat next to me and straight away he put his arm on the armrest and spread his legs. Still pissed off, I said he needed to move into his own space, he then turned to his wife and said you will have to sit in the middle and rather than ask me to stand up, (I was in the aisle seat) so they could file out and back in he had her climb over him so he could slide along. She gave me a death stare.

None of that would have happened had I been a man.

As someone the wrong side of 60 I have an infinite amount of examples of everyday male entitlement and just as many examples of how women have normalised it.

I agree with the pp that a lot of males are not consciously displaying these behaviours but so many of them don't change even when they are made aware. If you had been a man @Giraffesandbottoms they would have asked are you going to be long mate as we need to get our van out?