Once you become aware of male entitlement…

[Giraffesandbottoms]

…it’s everywhere?!?

This afternoon I wanted to pick up my children from my mother’s. 2 minute job to get them from her front door into the car. Pull up outside, and a man from the house opposite comes out with two other men:

Man “we need to get this van out of the driveway” (note - not ASKING, TELLING me)
Me “ok, I’ll be gone in two minutes”.

Get back to car under a minute later with my mother and children and they haven’t waited and are have started a humiliating 100 point turn. It’s honestly so embarrassing for them. My mother asks if they can please wait so we can get into the car (note ASKS and PLEASE).

Man “we asked you to wait”
Me “you did nothing of the sort. You TOLD me. And now you’re doing a humiliating 100 point turn that will take another 5 minutes when by now I would be gone and so would you”.

Man also reeked of alcohol. Just so fucking needless - saw a pregnant woman and immediately thought what I needed to do and what I was saying was worthless/their needs trumped mine. Ended up making their lives harder. Also so telling how they saw it as them having asked me!

[quote Giraffesandbottoms]@Mollysocks

My personal priority and care is to getting my children into the car with the optimum convenience and safety. If someone wants me to change that, they need to be polite![/quote]
Was that meant for me? I’m on your side.

For me it’s queues with a baby/toddler, especially in a pram. God forbid the poor mens should have to wait behind a mother and child in the supermarket/train station/Starbucks. And lifts crammed with able bodied young suited men when I am waiting with a pram and baby in a sling.

Most recently the cashier told (rather than asked) me the young man behind me could skip as he was just paying for toilet roll. I barely had more in my basket. Turned out the man had already bought the toilet roll in error but wanted to exchange it for kitchen roll Cue an almighty hunt through the store by a shopworker for kitchen roll and my toddler having a meltdown. The young man never said a word to me as we waited and the cashier wouldn’t meet my eyes when we eventually did get served.

@MaggieMooh

Sorry but I think you are the rude one here. They told you they needed access for the van and you ignored them and proceeded to park anyway.

They didn't need access, they wanted to back their van out which was on the opposite side of the road. Why couldn't they wait?

If you are legally parked, and someone would prefer it if you moved, it's a politeness and negotiation issue! I would have addressed it straight away- and said give me two min to collect the kids and I'll be moving, but if someone commanded me to move, I might be annoyed like you OP.

Sorry but I think you are the rude one here. They told you they needed access for the van and you ignored them and proceeded to park anyway

How on earth do you work that one out? The OP had completed her manoeuvre (parking) and the men had not yet begun to pull out. The OP was legally parked, she told them she would be leaving in two minutes and stuck to that.

I'm confused. If you park in a way that blocks someone's exit from a driveway (provided they have a dropped kerb) then you are in the wrong. Also the passing parked cars incident, if the parked cars are in your side of the road and you are preventing the opposite driver from progressing then you should pull in. That is the right of way. I do agree men can be very entitled but I do question these driving examples. It's not about being polite, there are rules of the road.

Sorry OP, not much to add but couldn't help thinking of Austin Powers and his 100 point turn

I definitely don't disagree about the entitlement thing. As a man, I hate it too and it definitely seems to come out more in driving situations. IME more so when the car is larger/more expensive.

Regarding your parking, it's generally not a good idea to part opposite an exit/driveway/junction (and cars should never mount a pavement like this) but I'm being pedantic as noone bothers about these things. It looks like you did your best to mitigate this. Patience goes a long way and 2 minutes is nothing so is dickish behaviour from them.

Fully agree. I refuse to move for men on the street now.

Whilst I'm with you on men having a huge sense of entitlement, YABU for parking on the pavement (as per your diagram) I know you say you were going to be quick but it's a huge pet peeve of mine. Wheelchair users literally can't travel around my area because of people blocking the pavements with their cars/bins/bikes

I don't like threads like this. I have a young son. There are a lot of women who are now stereotyping men in a negative. I doubt this man had called you a derogatory phrase and started a thread about you. Very dramatic. Whoever starts the car first and is moving first gets priority. I wouldn't of waited for you either. You probably wouldn't have started a thread about me because I am a woman.

@Jvg33

I don't like threads like this. I have a young son. There are a lot of women who are now stereotyping men in a negative. I doubt this man had called you a derogatory phrase and started a thread about you. Very dramatic. Whoever starts the car first and is moving first gets priority. I wouldn't of waited for you either. You probably wouldn't have started a thread about me because I am a woman.

I have a partner and a brother and a dad. Doesn’t stop what people have said about men being true. It’s not a stereotype if it’s lived experience in my view.

So you think your dad, brother and partner deserve people writing threads about them and branding them 'dick'?

@OnwardsAndSideways1

If you are legally parked, and someone would prefer it if you moved, it's a politeness and negotiation issue! I would have addressed it straight away- and said give me two min to collect the kids and I'll be moving, but if someone commanded me to move, I might be annoyed like you OP.

Op was not legally parked. Op was on a non dropped curb! The man with the van was parked on a drive. Who is in the wrong now?

@Jvg33

So you think your dad, brother and partner deserve people writing threads about them and branding them 'dick'?

What? 🤣

I am disabled, invisible disability and suffer enormously from fatigue. I walk my dogs, not far and it is a painful and exhausting struggle. My hands hang by my sides when the dogs are not on the lead to conserve energy. Collecting the dog’s poo is difficult due to chronic pain and major surgeries but obviously I do it as a societally responsible human.

I had a couple of poo bags in my hand and was heading for the bin. The dogs and I walked past a group of walkers standing chatting and exchanged hellos. One man said ‘he’ll have them’. No idea what he was going on about or that he was addressing me. A few seconds later his dog bounded over and snatched one of the bags from my hands.

The man made no attempt to stop / call his dog off or pick up the poo. I picked up the now empty bag quickly. It was only semi light, the shock of the dog grabbing the bag was frightening. I said I was going so the dog didn’t get my next bag. Mostly it was because I was afraid the dog would knock me over and I risked completely running out of energy and have to lie down in the middle of the field until I had enough to get back to my car. But it’s hard to explain all this to a bunch of strangers without crying and at the same time risk another attack from his dog. The woman in the group then found and picked up the poo and I thanked her. It didn’t compute that his dog a) needed to be under control and b) had created the litter, not me.

I walk along a much used path at the park. I tend not get out of people’s way as doing so zaps my energy. Anything other than doing something habitual and predictable does. For the most part people move. But no one ‘sees’ me. I’m a middle aged woman shuffling along. It doesn’t occur to them I’m walking that slowly through disability.

@Outwiththenorm

For me it’s queues with a baby/toddler, especially in a pram. God forbid the poor mens should have to wait behind a mother and child in the supermarket/train station/Starbucks. And lifts crammed with able bodied young suited men when I am waiting with a pram and baby in a sling.

Most recently the cashier told (rather than asked) me the young man behind me could skip as he was just paying for toilet roll. I barely had more in my basket. Turned out the man had already bought the toilet roll in error but wanted to exchange it for kitchen roll Cue an almighty hunt through the store by a shopworker for kitchen roll and my toddler having a meltdown. The young man never said a word to me as we waited and the cashier wouldn’t meet my eyes when we eventually did get served.

The cashier told him to skip the queue, not the male in question. Yet you think he was entitled. That's hilarious

Op was not legally parked. Op was on a non dropped curb! The man with the van was parked on a drive. Who is in the wrong now?

Still the van man, seeing as we’re discussing politeness and negotiation. As @Lunar27 says there is some scope for debate about whether it’s good etiquette to park opposite a driveway or junction, but OP has said that if the van men had said “hiya - we’re leaving soon and need to get the van out, how long are you going to be/can you move your car please?” It wouldn’t be an issue.

Also, I have a son and several male relatives. If they’re behaving like dicks, I hope people will call them out on it.

Lol sod off @Jvg33

@stimpyyouidiot

Lol sod off *@Jvg33*

You have lovely language here @stimpyyouidiot If you were a man, the op would brand you 'dick'

@Traumdeuter

Op was not legally parked. Op was on a non dropped curb! The man with the van was parked on a drive. Who is in the wrong now?

Still the van man, seeing as we’re discussing politeness and negotiation. As @Lunar27 says there is some scope for debate about whether it’s good etiquette to park opposite a driveway or junction, but OP has said that if the van men had said “hiya - we’re leaving soon and need to get the van out, how long are you going to be/can you move your car please?” It wouldn’t be an issue.

Also, I have a son and several male relatives. If they’re behaving like dicks, I hope people will call them out on it.

The law is the law. Op was in the wrong. I doubt a jury would take into account 'politeness' in a court case!

Male entitlement to public space pisses me off so much. I try to challenge it whenever I can.

Love me a bit of patriarchy chicken.

I also woman-spread on the train. I don't take up more than my half of the space. But, boy do I fill my allotted space. It's hilarious to see men's confuddled faces

I've also taken to brazenly reading books with covers that are feminist or potential make men feel uncomfortable. 'Period' by Emma Barnett was a particular favourite.

If I hear a man whistling, I start too and drown him out. I have a very loud whistle.

@Jvg33

I don't like threads like this. I have a young son. There are a lot of women who are now stereotyping men in a negative. I doubt this man had called you a derogatory phrase and started a thread about you. Very dramatic. Whoever starts the car first and is moving first gets priority. I wouldn't of waited for you either. You probably wouldn't have started a thread about me because I am a woman.

Well her car engine was started, as she was parking it! They didn't have to wait for her, they wanted her to wait for them, which would involve her having to go past where she was intending to go and turn around the car while waiting for them to leave or stopping in the middle of the road while they completed their manoeuvre. Much more sensible for them to wait on the driveway, where they are already parked, for two minutes.

@Jvg33

So you think your dad, brother and partner deserve people writing threads about them and branding them 'dick'?

if they behave like a dick?...

I hate things like this. Just this week I was driving down a road with parallel parking along one side (my side). A space was available on my side so I indicated and pulled in. As I was 75% of the way into the space, a large, long wheelbase van barrelled down the road coming in the opposite direction. When he got sing side me he began flashing and beeping performing hand gestures that resembled him sweeping something from one side to the other. In other words, ‘I am man, get thyself out of that space lowly woman for it would convenience me to park there and I am mightier than thou.’ Or words to that effect.
By this point, I was parked. And astonished that he expected me to leave the space for his benefit. He had been nowhere near me and the space when I pulled in. I got out, shook my head at him and went about my business. I was annoyingly, concerned about retribution though.

Another time when I was pregnant I got on a relatively empty tube and sat down. It filled up at Embankment and a young man in a suit and Very Important Overcoat sat next to me and proceeded to push me firmly with his leg. I was sitting neatly and normally. He opened his legs up and put his bag between them and the force he used to push me was a joke. I asked him why he was pushing me with his legs? He said it was because it was busy. So I asked him again. He put his bag on his lap and closed his legs a bit but I still marvel and the entitlement to physically move me out of his way.