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Original poster

Fighting Our Way Back Up - the depression list thread!

840 replies

MathsMadMummy · 30/03/2010 18:08

Thanks to ToccataAndFudge for the name

Right, so this is where those of us with depression can write our lists of daily achievements!

...hopefully tomorrow's list will be better than today's...

OP posts:
toccatanfudge · 20/04/2010 11:28

ahh well been and done assembly - it went well. Glad to be home again with all the blinds shut again though.

Must force myself to at least sort the dishwasher (empty from yesterday morning and re-fill and put on) and a bit of washing otherwise I'll end up back where I was last week with the housework, and feel even worse than I already do.

Buttons2708 · 20/04/2010 11:31

Morning everyone, well I'm also feeling crap this morning. I yelled and screamed at dd 1 & 2 this morning, I could feel myself doing it but couldn't stop. Now I feel totally guilty and worried how their feeling. Ds not crying as much today but got lots to do and I've got to go to my dad's at 1. He uses the words 'nothing wrong with you' and 'pull yourself together' then 'you chose to have kids tough'. I'm sure he forgot that we (me and my sister) were always farmed off here there and everywhere when we were younger yet he won't babysit for even an hour!!!

allegrageller · 20/04/2010 11:36

oh up at dead on 7 LM, not too bad IF I had slept...ds1 spent night in my bed, he seems to be having sleep issues too!

urgggh Buttons you DON'T need that from your dad do you....unsupportive parents are a theme on this thread (not surprising we are depressed really...!)

Buttons2708 · 20/04/2010 11:41

My mum is worse she just ignores the fact I exists (her and my dad separated when I was 11).

LittleMarshmallow · 20/04/2010 11:42

Alle - thats not too bad, I ended up with ds in my bed from 9pm last night but he slept was quite cute as he talks to you at times in his sleep

I think I got around 4hrs sleep and am dreading my counselling session this afternoon but I need to try and get better. Got offered the job that I didn't want and the one I did got knocked back for. mmm why does that always happen?

allegrageller · 20/04/2010 11:47

aw how sweet LM....

I don't know how much I got, I just couldn't get to sleep at all, ended up playing myself a pregnancy hypnosis track 4 times and in the end dropped off!! woke up feeling like death.

Yeah I feel your pain re jobs, I can't get anything atm after having to give up my dream job

bbl how horrid for you. No wonder we all have trouble dealing with being mums etc- we have all had bad models or no models, it seems to me (sorry if I'm generalising...)

BeckyBendyLegs · 20/04/2010 12:05

DS3 not a happy bunny this morning. He's been crying since he woke from his nap except for his feed. He's on my knee now crying. I don't quite know what's up with him.

I use a sleep hypnosis CD too. It usually works! Didn't the night before last or last night.

toccatanfudge · 20/04/2010 12:28

need to find something from somewhere to at least get some basic housework done.

toccatanfudge · 20/04/2010 13:12

can things get any bloody worse today.

Checked my bank account and discovered that my IS payment was some £22 less than I expected.

Rang up to query it and was told it was social fund taking a deduction for the money owed to them.

Thing is - we set up a DD back in February to pay £30 and they haven't even bloody bothered to write and tell me that they'd were going to cancel the DD and start taking nearly £47 a month from my benefits (before I get them) instead of £30 (once I've already recieved them).

Basically several phone call later they can do pretty much sod all about it, they've going to send me a form to flll in to request the payments are reduced......but that can take 2-3 weeks to process.

toccatanfudge · 20/04/2010 13:13

oh - and I just lost my internet connection for 10 minutes as well as I tried to post this 10 minutes ago

toccatanfudge · 20/04/2010 16:38

anyone got any positive updates? Mine seem to be shit today

Nothing done in the house, called the council about teh housing benefit to find that although they can tell me that I'll have another payment going in at the end of the month they can't tell me how much/how often I'll be getting the money.

Then my f*cking parents rang with another of their phoney "oh how are you calls"

Have done no housework, DS3 has tipped game pieces all over the floor, CBA cooking, and run out of really easy meals.......think I may order pizza.

willsurvivethis · 20/04/2010 16:51

Yes ds had a good physio session, worked really hard.

I decluttered the car while he tootled round the drive in his walker, then had the Kurdish guys at the hand car wash up the road do their magic.

Amazing that it can make you feel cr*p about the house to have a clean car though!

Kaloki · 20/04/2010 17:12

My parents came round the other day and saw the bandage on my arm, hope they were convinced by me saying it's our pet rats.

Am off to Whipsnade tomorrow for my birthday though, so will try and take my mind off it.

BeckyBendyLegs · 20/04/2010 17:13

DS3 been crying most of today and scratching his eczema to bits. Breaks my heart. I wish I knew what was up.

LittleMarshmallow · 20/04/2010 18:35

I'm sorry I don't have anything positive either. However I do have alcohol so am thinking a couple of large vodka diet cokes and I might get some sleep.

rhksmum · 20/04/2010 18:37

its all gone so wrong,
I've really messed everything up
My daughter kicked off on the bus going into town and the driver put us off the bus, I lost it with him, screamed and shouted, then lost it with my daughter,

Put her in swimming classes, told her I didn't want her any more

I really cant cope

I've had enough of it all

BeckyBendyLegs · 20/04/2010 20:03

Rhksmum I'm not very good with words and knowing what to say but I just wish I could give you a hug. I know it isn't much to offer. Keep talking to us xxxx

LM vodka and diet coke sounds nice That's a positive.

LittleMarshmallow · 20/04/2010 20:07

BBL Thank you, I think thats first time today I smiled. How are you getting on?

BeckyBendyLegs · 20/04/2010 20:32

I'm feeling much better this evening than I did this morning. If I had to mark today out of ten it would be a two (something I had to do for every day when I attended a 'transition into motherhood' course for people with PND). I've been trying very hard to think positive. It is really, really hard to do but I do feel better if I try at least. Hope you're ok this evening. Let's hope for a good night's sleep for all tonight xx

LittleMarshmallow · 20/04/2010 20:33

Yeah good nights sleep sounds good. I working on that with my vodka (not the best idea but I have found it works)

toccatanfudge · 20/04/2010 21:07

not a great day today, ended up orderig pizza for dinner.

Have loaded the dishwasher and put it on, and put a load of washing in since the DS's went to bed.

oh and the living room is very tidy after I lost it with the DS's when I asked them to tid up while I had 40 winks on the sofa.....which turned into crashing out for an hour - to wake up and find virtually nothing done. And they still continued to faff around when I woke up - so I lost it and marched round "showing" them how it was done silver lining I suppose in that I do at least have a tidy living room.....

Must remember to put my bin out a little later once the DS's are asleep enough not to disturb opening and shutting the front door. Have forgotten the last few weeks so my bins are full and I have bags of rubbish out the back

LittleMarshmallow · 20/04/2010 22:06

TF sending you a hug.You have managed to get through today so that is a positive heres hoping tomorrow is better.

seashore · 20/04/2010 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

willsurvivethis · 21/04/2010 07:01

Urrrrgh

Feel dead

DS awake on and off from 4am, happy bouncing on the bed singing etc. When DH gets to wake him for nursery in 30mins he will prob be fast asleep and impossible to wake.

Not sure how I'm going to manage 30mins cycling to the station, let alone see an agressive client at 10 and a suicidal one at 11am.

Thankfully it is my half day. And the sun shines.

Hope everyone manages to achieve something today that makes them feel good or at least ok about themselves x

BeckyBendyLegs · 21/04/2010 09:21

Hi everyone, I slept better last night but was so anxious about sleeping it is crippling me and it is getting me down so much. But I slept ok once I calmed myself down and I should feel good about that.

Why do I wake up with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach? I just don't get it. I love my life, my children, etc. What is wrong with me? I used to be such a happy, active, workaholic, life-loving, cheerful person.

Anyway, enough of the self-pity. It seems that we're all feeling crap at the moment but this thread is supposed to be about fighting our way out so I want to know something postive. However, small. It will help me! I'm being selfish by asking this - I need to see some good to make me feel better.

My positives for today: the sun is shining, walking back from school was great, lots of fresh air in the lungs always makes me feel better, the washing machine is on, the cat is looking relaxed basking in the sun, I'm healthy, the DSs are healthy, and I am determined to get better. I really want to. I just need the strength to do it.

Sometimes I look at DS3 asleep and cry because having him has made me feel like this. I don't blame him at all - I blame the hormones and myself. I adore him. But it makes me feel so mixed up.