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Original poster

Fighting Our Way Back Up - the depression list thread!

840 replies

MathsMadMummy · 30/03/2010 18:08

Thanks to ToccataAndFudge for the name

Right, so this is where those of us with depression can write our lists of daily achievements!

...hopefully tomorrow's list will be better than today's...

OP posts:
allegrageller · 14/04/2010 21:50

Tocc you've lost a 'd' from your name

LittleMarshmallow · 14/04/2010 21:53

Welcome Back you were missed.

LittleMarshmallow · 14/04/2010 21:55

WillSurvive - there were some dark moments yesterday afternoon and most of the night, I was lucky in that I have a friend on msn who kept me talking but if she had taken ds I wouldn't be here, ds is my world and I can't bear to be away from him which is why this week is crippling me.

willsurvivethis · 14/04/2010 22:26

LM glad you're still here. The darkest moment of my entire PTSD/abuse memories returning nightmare was the night I walked out of the house with the idea of not coming back as everyone would be better off without me, ds would get a nice new mummy and dh a better wife. I had a vague idea of going to a spot on a motorway bridge where I always saw flowers. It was all quite subconscious. I found the sense to text a friend. It took another hour of walking before I could tell him where I was (he did not enjoy that hour very much - my dh was oblivious of the whole thing even though I was gone for 5 hours as he was upset with me and locked himself in his study - which tipped me over the edge as it was) and he found me eventually and talked sense into me. Even though I have been quite down recently and have been tempted to take something stupid just the thought of my little boy and my dh stops me.

Why am I going on about this? Not sure - just to share what a dark place it is I guess.

Toccata welcome back - post at your own pace, just take care of yourself.

Allegra think we've found each other then

LittleMarshmallow · 14/04/2010 22:29

Willsurvive I understand about flashbacks as I suffer from them about h's week in ICU it is crippling, but thank you for sharing someone you make me feel like I am not alone.

you can add me too on fb if you want I am on Alle friends list and have a pic of me and ds and mickey and minnie mouse

allegrageller · 14/04/2010 22:38

got you willsurvive

I am so sorry to hear of everyone's dark times. Like you willsurvive I still get a lot of feelings like that- if I die then the boys can get on with their lives, they're better off without me, etc. It doesn't help that ex H says exactly that at times.

But I've come to realise that flawed as I am they need me and I am their mum.

We're quite a bunch of tough old bints here, I am impressed

LittleMarshmallow · 14/04/2010 22:42

yeah Alle I think you are right, although right now I don't feel strong I feel weak and hazy but I am plodding on, I just was some relief from this and I suppose that will come when I begin to feel better, it doesn't help that next week is a very bad week for me too many significant dates all rolled into one but I am planning to attend my appointments well my counselling ones at least.

My plan for tonight try and sleep in my bed with ds's baby eeyore and watch dvds

toccatanfudge · 14/04/2010 22:44

Will share mine at some point........but not now, not up to it. Just reading some of these others is making me feel all panicky and what not

willsurvivethis · 14/04/2010 22:47

LM will go and find you - I had flashbacks to ds's 3 weeks in NICU then Special Care - that's how it started, then the memories changed! I had no idea i was abused until they started this time last year - it made so much sense though, I finally understand myself!

LittleMarshmallow · 14/04/2010 22:51

willsurvive - You found me

I started with flashbacks to a uni incident last oct when a tutor tried it on, then when h was in hospital I have flashbacks to all of it, sometimes ds sparks it off forgetting his daddy has died or talking about funerals, most of that week is a blur but the parts where i sat in the hospital are clear the smells everything.

That was why last night in a&e brought it all crashing back I was shaking while the nurse stitched my leg up.

toccatanfudge · 14/04/2010 22:51

btw.......who was it that offered to come up and help me file all my paperwork and get it all in order??

I have a feeling that I've missed a payment on something (I'm sure they'll soon send me a letter to remind me if I have - past experience of real fiancial shit means I'm not panicking about having possibly missed a payment on something as I know that nothing bad is going to happen apart from an annoying letter).

However, I do have letters and papers all over the place, and no proper record of all my current outgoings (what with amounts having changed since I moved) so although I'm not struggling finanically don't feel properly in control either not knowing my exact outgoings/income iykwim.

If that offer is still there..........well I think I'd appreciate it.

I have files and plastic sheets to put it all in, it just needs organising...........

willsurvivethis · 14/04/2010 22:59

Toccata I wasn't the one offering, but I'm very organised and good at filing and budgeting. And I don't live too far away i think.

seashore · 14/04/2010 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

allegrageller · 14/04/2010 23:26

hi Tocc- that was me! If you wanted to have a good go at it I'm more than happy to come up as I don't think you're too far from london are you?

Better do it on a day I havent' got the dcs as that would leave you with FIVE boys to keep an eye on while I rustle the papers...unless of course utter anarchy cheers you up (it does me, sometimes...)

CAT me what days are good for you and directions etc. xx

toccatanfudge · 14/04/2010 23:57

I don't mind having an extra 2.........honestly with 3 of them at it extra ones don't really make much of a difference (there were 4 boys and 1 girl here today - and will be again tomorrow).

my DS's LOVE having (what DS2 describes as) "random friends of mine and their children" over. Think your 2 are similar ages to my youngest aren't they?

I don't have CAT........but you're on my FB aren't you?

I am (basically) straight up the M1 for an hour or so and then turn right at junction 15 (or 14 depending on which route you fancy).

Not sure who is closest you or willsurvive.

not that it matters - you're both more than welcome.

I'm a people person really, I do best when I have contact with people, even if it's just a general natter over a cup of coffee, but then I have a tendency to cut myself off when I'm down which makes me more down as I'm not getting "people" contact.

This morning (When I went to the shop) was the first time I'd actually spoken to anyone face to face since Sunday, only phone contact was a brief conversation with my dad last night.

Lonlieness and I are not good friends really (whereas one of my RL friends likes meeting up with her friends but loves time on her own even more).

claireinthecommunity · 14/04/2010 23:58

Agreed alle that LM has had/is having a raw deal and something should be done.

TV tonight: Desperate Housewives, Damages and now a film. On second glass of wine now... have washing up to do, may leave till the morning.

Welcome back TF.

willsurvivethis · 14/04/2010 23:58

Oh yes if you fancy a really full house I can bring ds and his walking frame

It's about the same - M45 then down M1 for a bit i think

toccatanfudge · 15/04/2010 00:07

just looked at the photos on FB of your gorgeous DS - didn't realise he had a walking frame (that I hadn't realised).

Well you'll have to wait until my house is sorted before you can bring that.......right now you wouldn't even find a space to stand it in let alone for him to walk around.....

Actually my house is totally shit for it, I have a step down to the kitchen (with a stairgate on it) and a smallish gap between the sofas to get to the living room door......probably enough space to zoot around the dining table if he could get through the gap to the hallway, and the garden is gravel...

willsurvivethis · 15/04/2010 00:11

erm learning to steer isn't high on his priority list (he's only had it a month and uses his good hand only) so we tend not to use it in other people's houses. Indoors he tummy scoots so fast you've never seen anything like it. Outside as well if you look at yesterday's pics - the one where my brother-friend commented something about escaping

toccatanfudge · 15/04/2010 00:22

he is VERY cute.

allegrageller · 15/04/2010 00:59

right tocc looks like you are going to have me, willsurvive and SIX kids running around then?!

mine are 6 and 3- the 6 year old is particularly loud and bonkers.

Agree a full house is fun. I hate being alone too. I start to brood...

b*gger just realised the time. I am always up too late, then can't get out of bed...

xx

toccatanfudge · 15/04/2010 01:04

my 6yr old is the loud and bonkers one too......although DS3 (nearly 3) isn't far behind.

Gosh I just looked at the time too - I ought to try and get some sleep - I think B&TCD (agree with Thumbwitch on my other thread - Bitter is just SO wrong) is going to have me working hard tomorrow (today?).

BeckyBendyLegs · 15/04/2010 08:44

Morning you guys! You are very chatty! We're all up, don't know what to do today.

Allegrageller your date sounds lovely

LittleMarshmallow · 15/04/2010 08:52

Morning BBL

I am going to have to take my work laptop back to them today once I have taken my files off it.

One of my friends has done a tesco shop for me and it is getting delivered this afternoon, she only told me last night.

Oh and I will no doubt be dealing with the continuation of the cpn

BeckyBendyLegs · 15/04/2010 10:07

LM good morning. I hope you are ok today. I feel for you all the stress you are under at teh mo. with your cpn.

I'm sorting 6-9 month clothes out for DS3. Poor boy is such a cheap date I don't need to buy him anything new.