Fighting Our Way Back Up - the depression list thread!

[MathsMadMummy]

Thanks to ToccataAndFudge for the name

Right, so this is where those of us with depression can write our lists of daily achievements!

...hopefully tomorrow's list will be better than today's...

I'm a total sucker for romantic stories like that. Mine is so boring in comparison. I met DH at University and didn't fancy him at all for ten years! So we were just friends for ten years (although he said he liked me and he came to visit me twice when I lived in Japan, which at the time I thought was quite extravagant of him!). Then I moved to Oxford and moved in with him as a friend and it went from there: here we are three children later!

Afternoon all

LM, hope the interview has gone well, sorry you didn't get a good nights sleep, I know only too well about things running through minds.

MMM, you've certainly come a long way I too found it a cathartic experience writing it all down.

It's only been relatively recently that I've been able to look back at those times, it is a good reminder and leveler of where I've come from, and of course the old cliche that it has made me who I am today.

BBL, I think your now DH going all that way to visit you in Japan twice is incredibly romantic, and you thought you were just friends - awww!

Another ok day for me, I don't seem to be getting much done though. Popped out with friend and neighbour early this morning, so when I got back I was shattered and went back to bed. Did manage to pick up a few essentials from the local shop and my prescription from the DRs though, I order mine online then allow two days before picking it up, this means I only need to go there the once!. Slept till this afternoon, got up made lunch and came on here. Missed another drying washing on the line day, must manage that tomorrow, I find it really cheering seeing the washing blowing in the wind.

MMM what a great story that is!

LM, bexy etc, how are you all doing today? as well as can be expected I hope.

bexy I'm still concerned about the sectioning threat. Yeah fair enough they may think you need treatment but unless you are a danger to yourself or others (which I doubt you are) they cannot section you.

It has brought tears to my eyes to hear all your stories of hospital experiences. What incredibly strong women you all are. I never quite got to hospital, I was sitting on the end of my bath for a whole morning in June last year after the kids had gone back to their dad's thinking I just couldn't keep going anymore, but I dragged myself off to the doctor after phoning my mother (no one else to call ) I got a 4 day stay in a wonderful respite centre in North London which was really supportive and helped me turn the corner. Still feel suicidal sometimes but I know I won't do it for as long as my kids need me, and I hope they will need me for life, of course...

I had an amusing evening last night. Went out on an internet date with promising bloke, very nice time but got horribly and embarrassingly drunk, although he's still speaking to me today so I can't have done anything too awful...I got home, got undressed and got makeup off but don't remember doing it...

xx

anyway my alcohol tolerance has clearly crashed, I felt like total shite today and have pretty much wasted the entire day...
the kids are supposed to be at their dad's today but I am having them here for tea with their nanny which is great.

xx all

Alle - Glad you had a good evening

My interview went ok I suppose but the job doesnt that great so not sure I would want it.

The rest of my day has been crap, I am apparently not getting a new cpn but instead the team leader has a new idea to try! where i have both the hv and the cpn together in my house at a time (err no thanks)

This is the same hv who yesterday told me I was never going to see my son again, that she was reporting me to ss for child neglect and left me knowing I was going to sh for which I ended up in a&e last night for. Oh and the best bit that the cpn let slip today when she called that it was a scare tactic so I had spent 24 hrs thinking I was going to lose my son thinking my world had ended all for a "scare tactic". Then to add salt into the wounds, my cpn manages to tell me in a roundabout way that she again thinks my sh is an attention seeking thing (i give up)

scare tactic????????????????

Is that woman off her trolley??????

Do you need help writing a formal complaint???? x1000

Well I haven't heard it from the horses mouth yet mainly because I told the cpn to tell the hv not to call till next week when I am more likely not to scream and shout down the phone!

It is made worse by the fact I said to her please dont say that I know my reaction is not what you except but I am working on this through my counsellor.

My hv also knows I struggle to trust anyone involved in the nhs due to screwups

I am lost beyond words and I HATE being told that I am attention seeking cause I really enjoy having to go to a&e to be stitched up and of course I choose to sh and it is like a tap you turn off

I was wandering through the house like ds was never coming back it took one of my friends till midnight to calm me down, another stayed with me last night.

willsurvive are you a solicitor? I'm an ex-solicitor and law lecturer and I'm getting the very strong feeling that the treatment of LM by the HV and CPN amounts to abuse.

wTf- self harm is attentionseeking??? That is what I'd expect some 80 year old Tory to say (sorry Tories on this thread) not a woman who works in public health...

threatening you with the loss of your son is abuse pure and simple. I am so so for you.

Thank you for your kind words but its ok honest I am used to being treated like this so I have a new plan to deal with that lot but I can't wait till ds gets back from my parents I doubt I will leave him ever again (I will but you get what I mean)

I will stop hijacking the thread as it shouldnt be all about me

Alle - what time are the boys coming round? and I want more info on this hot date you had last night

god no wonder you felt like sh-ing after all that shit. Believe me the woman is mad and you are sane...

I really think a formal complaint's got to be made, against both of them bu particularly the hv- her treatment of you has been sadistic. I have some experience of drafting those if you want a hand....

Can you also get the counsellor to write directly to them? She must be very concerned about the way you are being treated and can verify that you are trying to help yourself.

Well I still need to deal with the hv so I shall make my feelings known but will leave it at that, they all stick together down here. I already know that I will be told that due to my mental state I mis-understood what she said etc been here before.

I never saw my counsellor this week as I emailed him telling him I couldn't face it as ds was holiday with my parents and as we were discussing the issue that my hv is threatening to take him away and my reaction or lack of to that I was not strong enough to come this week until I had him back in my care. He understood this, so I will prob email my uni counsellor and see if I can see her on Friday mainly to escape here but at least the nurse in a&e was nice to me, shocked that none of the cpns would come with me and that they forced me to beg my friend to come instead (I have a phobia of hospitals due to h's death and other stuff)

Now Alle you tell more about this date!! I will not stop bugging you till you do.

oh so sorry for you LM, they sound so vile. How dare they manipulate you saying you are 'too unwell to know what's going on'...

you know the irony, I write on mental health law and particularly how women with depression are treated...so many fine words but women are still being undermined and threatened because they have the temerity to suffer from depression. If anyone on the thread wants to be interviewed for my next article on this, I might be getting a grant for it so I can travel up to meet you all (that's when I've finished this bloody book....)

ah my date! It was yet another internet one. I am quite a veteran these days, have met several nice guys and only one complete nutter so far hehehe. This one's a graphic designer, and exactly my type. I am all excited- BUT as we're both just out of long term relationships (and one short one for me that just got too intense too quickly) I don't want to expect anything. Just some fun and friendship would be great.

I was MORTIFIED at how drunk I got. I realised I'd gone over the edge somewhat before closing time and basically said 'got to go home now' as I was feeling sick!! sexy AND classy eh?! I haven't drunk at all in about a month so my liver has clearly renewed itself all too well! heh. Can't believe he's still talking to me today after that. He says he's taking me for cocktails in Soho on Friday but I'd better make sure I pace myself better, lol

oh boys have just gone but at least I had them for a couple of hours today (I asked the nanny to bring them round and it was so great to see them. I am working out ways to spend more time with them on 'his' days even if he won't let me actually look after them....)

I have hangover, time for a curry methinks

Alle - that is good you got to see the boys for a short while

Glad your date went well, I met a guy through internet dating it is going ok although he doesnt know I am sick just yet.

The thing is no one understands depression and mental health till you have been there yourself which is why some hp's struggle to understand. Although saying that my hv has a 10yr dd so she might be in for interesting times, but I wouldn't wish this illness on anyone.

ooh LM didn't know you had a bloke. I hope he turns out to be supportive when you eventually tell him what you're going through. Any bloke worth his salt will. My ex husband couldn't deal with my depression- I was tough to live with, but in the end he never got sad himself and couldn't understand so I felt completely alone with it. Not his fault in the end- just one of those things.

ffs though, a HV is dealing with depressed women on a daily basis. She should be trained to deal with them in a human, caring way!! Not through sadism and threats. That's just vile.

When I do start writing the article I'd love to use your story (anonymously of course!) as an example of what depressed mums have to put up with from the 'authorities'.

Alle - you are welcome to use my story but oh I have so much more than just this one incident!

Yeah I am kinda seeing this guy, we have been out about 3 times and he is really sweet, his wife died so he gets the parts about ds missing his daddy and he has two ds's which would be interesting should they all meet.

But after the last failed relationship 18 months ago I am being very careful and so far he is really nice. It is nice to feel wanted for you for a change as opposed to just mummy do this and mummy I want this.

One thing I have been doing for the last couple of weeks is keeping a diary of everything I do with ds and what we both eat to prove to people no doubt ss if that hv has made the referral that I am a fit parent. I feel that single parents who suffer from depression, mental illness get a worse deal than those who have a dh or dp at home but that is only in my experience I am sure that there are horror stories out there too for people who do have support at home

Yeah LM, what I want to do is some interviews with mums who have been treated for depression in the UK and how they feel the 'services' treated them- so often women especially with children get infantilised and insulted. And I agree it's far worse for single parents- instead of getting the support they need they are portrayed as a 'danger' to their kids. It makes me so, so (can you tell?? hehe)

I don't think this work has been done yet. I want to get access to Mental Health Review Tribunals on sectioning decisions re. women with kids, but not haivng much luck with that yet.

Yeah, you're right so nice not to feel like a grumpy frumpy slave mother all the time eh? It's very, very hard trying to negotiate a relationship with kids though isn't it. You have less time, you don't want to scare the bloke off with your kids descending on him (!), you feel terrible for having a life and needs of your own, etc, etc.

The diary sounds ideal. Tbh I don't think your HV has any sort of case at all- especially as she's admitting to trying to scare you - but keep yourself forearmed and consult ds's nursery teachers, your counsellor etc so that you look as though you have 'coping strategies' in place....

Yeah ds's nursery are on side as she called them before and the nursery teacher was aware of what she was hinting at i.e. child abuse I will see if I can get a report about ds's behaviour with them.

I just feel so numb its the betrayal again from another hv that I hate thats two in less than one year.

Still I am carrying on with the painting to make the house better for me and ds going to do some handprints on canvases when he gets back to hang on the walls

Allegra I'm not a solicitor - I have two LL.Ms and I am accredited to carry out asylum/immigration/nationality casework to senior/supervisor level including appearance in tribunals. Have done pychiatry as part of my first law degree plus if you work with women torture survivors you become quite familiar with the whole mental health 'system'

LM I am seriously concerned by your hv's behaviour - it could have been worse than sh especially with your ds not being there right now. If it had been me in a mood like erm weekend before last...I shudder to think.

It is abuse, it is unprofessional, unethical, dangerous, preposterous - terrifying. So seething I told dh (church minister) who was rather erm unequivocal in his opinion too.

completely agree willsurvive. It's appalling in every way. She should be sacked and replaced.

willsurvive I think I could do with picking your brains at some point

Allegra be my guest - on here, CAT or find me on fb if you're on there

Goodness me LM, I am sad and angry for you too, I've nothing more to add, just frustrated with the whole NHS/mental health service...

I too encountered nurses whilst I was in hospital that were bitches unsympathetic MMM.

I suppose what it all boils down to is that people that work within the NHS are ordinary people, some will be caring, sympathetic and fantastic at their jobs, others will be right cows and should never work in the 'caring' profession - people can be real shits, whatever walk of life.

My day turned out to be quite productive in the end, I hand washed a dress and cardigan that have been sat at the bottom of the washing basket for weeks, put on a mini load of whites, folded what was already hanging on the airer and put it away, did the Tesco shop this evening, made dinner (ok, put the shop bought pizza in the oven), but prepared the salad. Am now enjoying a glass of red and looking forward to a few programs on TV.

are you on the FB group willsurvive? I am initials RC with red cardi x

well done claire- hmm what's good on TV tonight?

I have done f*all today but have hangover. Tomorrow got to go shopping with sister to deal with party preparations for ds2 and my niece. I'm actually dreading it...but it'll be fine once I do it. Organising stuff brings me out in a panic, I always feel I can't concentrate and am letting everyone down.

agree btw there are shite people in all professions. But LM really seems to have got the bad end up where she is and something needs to be done about it...

todays updates are on my "Toccata here" thread in chat.