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Fighting Our Way Back Up - the depression list thread!

840 replies

MathsMadMummy · 30/03/2010 18:08

Thanks to ToccataAndFudge for the name

Right, so this is where those of us with depression can write our lists of daily achievements!

...hopefully tomorrow's list will be better than today's...

OP posts:
bexy73 · 13/04/2010 12:20

Thanks BBL and all. Unfortunately psychiatrist doesn't agree with you. given ultimatum....take them or be sectioned. Have until tomorrow to decide. Feeling desperate

LittleMarshmallow · 13/04/2010 12:22

I'm sorry to hear this this bexy. How do you feel about this choice?

bexy73 · 13/04/2010 13:13

Doesn't really feel like a choice as if I choose not to of my own free will I will be hospitalised and forced to have treatment under the mental health act

I know that I need the AD's and wouldn't hesitate to take them If I wasn't PG. Don't think I could live with myself though if I took them voluntarily and they harmed the baby.

sorry know this is supposed to be a positive thred. appologies all.

Have done some washing today and cleaned the kitchen.

LittleMarshmallow · 13/04/2010 13:22

Don't apologise Bexy, I will need to go in a bit. I am sure the mw etc wouldn't recommending you take ad's unless it was necessary, if you had an infection and were pregnant and told to take anti-biotics would you take them?

Depression is an illness something I should probably remind myself of at times.

allegrageller · 13/04/2010 15:17

holy shite bexy, that doesn't sound like appropriate treatment to me

What reasons are they giving you- you are not actively suicidal, are you? I cannot think of any other reason for sectioning you under these circumstances.

allegrageller · 13/04/2010 15:29

am really about the way bexy and LM are being treated. It seems to be acceptable for psychiatric professionals to threaten and punish mums with unwanted 'treatment' in the name of the 'welfare of the child'- it revolts me. I'm sure patients other than mothers get it, but mothers need support and just get this sort of crap...

claireinthecommunity · 13/04/2010 16:13

Just been lurking the last couple of days, I'm feeling ok, tired though, the weekend has really knocked it out of me.

bexy, I really feel for the position you are in. I have been sectioned in the past, it was an extremely difficult time and it's all a little hazy now, I don't remember that much about how it all happened. I think it's awful that you've been threatened with this.

I agree with LM, they wouldn't be recommending them unless they felt it was necessary.

claireinthecommunity · 13/04/2010 16:25

I might add, I had two further voluntary stays in hospital and at the time it helped me. I felt safe in there, it wasn't a scary place to be.

LittleMarshmallow · 13/04/2010 16:30

Claire, Can I ask what happened while you were in hospital?

MathsMadMummy · 13/04/2010 16:48

Oh my word Bexy TBH I'd say it's extremely unlikely they'd section you, it sounds like an empty threat to me. I think if they'd had reason to they'd have to do it there and then? You have to be a danger to yourself or others, if that was the case presumably they wouldn't let you home! at the way your Dr spoke to you!

FWIW, I'd take the ADs regardless of the sectioning threat. They'll only give you something that's safe - you can always ask for a 2nd opinion that they're ok. I do understand why you don't want to though. But I also don't like the thought of you ending up feeling worse and worse. If you need them, there's nothing wrong with taking them.

I had a 4 month stay in an adolescent ward, not sectioned, I really wanted to go (it was by far the better option than staying home).

Apparently it's against MN protocol, but sod it, have a massive HUG from me

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BeckyBendyLegs · 13/04/2010 17:21

Bexy, and from me (Why is it against protocol? What's wrong with a hug?)

We've had a good afternoon in town getting photos developed and playing in the park.

Just given DS3 his first dose of antibiotics. A bit nervous as they contain penicilin and I am allergic. Could he be too? Is it genetic?

MathsMadMummy · 13/04/2010 17:32

oh I don't know BBL I just keep seeing on various threads that hugs aren't very MNish.

BTW my mum is allergic to penicillin but I'm not, if that helps!

had a good day, my friend came up to visit and drove us out to a restaurant, and finally she gave in and let me treat her to lunch

DD being a right stroppy madam (no nap) so 'm very glad DH will be home within the hour!

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BeckyBendyLegs · 13/04/2010 18:10

Well I think hugs are great and should be encouraged, esp on this thread.

Ooooh the no nap strop. I know that one!

DS1 and DS2 are watching Pepper Pig on DVD and DS3 is lying on the floor next to them making seagull noises.

LittleMarshmallow · 13/04/2010 18:12

Bexy I too will pass on a hug I am sorry you are feeling so torn right now.

MathsMadMummy · 13/04/2010 18:55

lol at seagull noises! it's things like this that remind us how great and funny kids can be

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seashore · 13/04/2010 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

willsurvivethis · 13/04/2010 21:13

Bexy don't apologise - this is a place where we support each other and false positivism isn't helping anyone.

Do you feel the decision to section you is taken too lightly? In my view/experience a lot has to hapen before someone is sectioned. are you underestimating how badly you are doing at the moment?

claireinthecommunity · 13/04/2010 21:41

Yes LM. First time when I was sectioned is a bit of a blur, but I remember being in my own room and being a bit out of it due to the medication I was given. I'm cautiously writing this as I don't want to alarm anyone, but this is my experience. I had been prescribed Seroxat by a psychiatrist for depression (it was the first time I had seen a psychiatrist and I can't remember the dose I was prescribed), had only been taking it for at the most a week, when I became extremely unwell, parents called out a Dr and I was taken to hospital and sectioned because I was having a 'Psychotic Episode'. I remember I was given Haloperidol and procyclidine. Don't remember much else or how long I was in there for.

Do you know sitting down and actually trying to remember exactly what happened, I've realized the first time I was in hospital it was a completely different place to that which I thought it was. First time same circumstances as above, but I was taken to a stand alone residential mental health hospital, and I was in a dorm not a room of my own. I'm not too sure now that I was prescribed the H&P in there either. (Just told DH what I'm writing about about and he said "you're not going to get all sad now are you?", "I don't like it when you get sad"! I explained why I'm writing it and explained to him that it was another life and that it might make me reflective, that's all. In fact I think this is going to be very therapeutic for me .

Second time, only a few weeks after the first time (I don't think I should have been 'let out' when I was), I can remember a lot more. It may have been this time that I was prescribed Haloperidol and procyclidine. This was the time I was in a room on my own. It was a secure unit in a hospital, mixed ward. I'm not sure now but I may have been sectioned this time too? The main thing about the stay was the routine, three meals a day, eaten in the dinning room which doubled up as the visitor room in the evening and was also used for other activities during the daytime. There was a TV room, smoking room (this was 12/13 years ago) individual bedrooms, dorms, male and female toilets and bathrooms, laundry room and consultation/therapy rooms.

I think I was seen once a week by my mental health team, which included Psychiatrist, CPN and other people, there were about 5-6 people in the room at a time. They would ask me questions about how I was feeling and make lots of notes, I seem to remember it feeling like a job interview. Some days different therapist would come in and put activities on that you could attend, you were encouraged to but not forced. These included (really need to think now!) yoga, relaxation, massage and art, there may of been more.

I was in hospital this second time for around three weeks, the first time I'm not too sure. When I came out the second time I was still taking the H&P but the dose was being gradually lowered. I was now allocated a CPN who would visit me at home at first every fortnight, this later changed to the same hospital, but different open ward.

About a year later I had been feeling very low, I took an over dose which didn't work, I told my parents what I'd done and they took me to the hospital. I was physically ok but because of the overdose needed to be seen by a psychiatric Dr before being discharged, he recommended that I have a further stay in hospital and I agreed, I felt I needed to be looked after and it was quite a relief after I had been feeling so low. This stay was very much as above except I was taking ADs (can't remember which ones) instead of the H&P.

This has become a novel, I am sorry, I hope it is of some interest and maybe some help. If I remember anything else of importance I will post again, I don't mind if you or anyone would like to ask specific questions. I'm pleased that I can look back at this time and be quite matter of fact and level headed about it .

LittleMarshmallow · 13/04/2010 23:40

Thank you very much for sharing Claire you should be proud of everything you have overcome.

I have had a horrific day but for now I am going to watch a dvd and get some sleep I can deal with the mess tomorrow.

claireinthecommunity · 13/04/2010 23:50

Thankyou LM. I hope you get some good sleep tonight.

LittleMarshmallow · 14/04/2010 08:06

Morning All,

My plans for today are to pick up the mess from yesterday .

Have a job interview at 11.30 so need to get ready for that, then am going to b&q to get the rest of the paint for the house and to the chemist to get my weekly prescription.

Am knackered didn't sleep well with everything going through my head but today is a new day.

MathsMadMummy · 14/04/2010 08:19

what the heck, I'll throw in my hospital experience too, I hope it doesn't upset anyone. It'll be long, if you get through this you deserve a medal!

I was 15, battling with PTSD, and took an overdose of my ADs (was still having physical effects from it occasionally until a couple of years ago!) - it honestly wasn't a suicide attempt, I was just desperate for help as I felt like nobody was taking me seriously (had been self-harming for a couple of years). Nearly died in the ambulance though which still terrifies me.

Anyway once I was well I was just sent home. I had an interview with someone from the local adolescent ward in the psychiatric hospital - it sounded like the place for me (I'd left school and was at home with my parents, which at the time was awful). But the report said I didn't need to go which TBH just made me worse. I took another overdose which at least got me to see a fantastic therapist (saw him for 3yrs) - but it was only after a massive self-harm episode and totally flipping out (by my shy standards anyway) that my parents, all credit to them, took me back to the psychiatric hospital and refused to leave until they admitted me, they understood it was what I wanted/needed.

It was a strange place. Most of the 'young people' were psychotic which could be quite scary at times. There were two types of nurses though: the ones who were supportive, and the ones (including the manager) who thought self-harmers were just attention seekers and made very little effort to hide their opinions.

the attached school though, was amazing. we did loads of art, music and poetry, and I managed to get a couple of GCSEs done. the staff were amazing. I learned to express myself but it was hard to carry on when I left - I'm so uncreative now! When I was discharged after 4mths they let me go to the school for a further 2mths - against protocol!

the routine of the hospital really helped me. I felt so safe. However now is probably the time to tell you it wasn't a typical experience - it all got a bit messy at the end. I was discharged too soon IMHO, not that it matters now, but they wanted to get rid of me. Understandably perhaps... I kind of fell for one of the nurses... in my defence he fell for me first! Needless to say he was fired!

Oh well - nearly 8 years on, the nurse and I are happily married with 2 lovely children!!!

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LittleMarshmallow · 14/04/2010 08:22

MMM - you must be a very strong person to have overcome all of that, I hope at some point in the future (If I have one) I can look back and say the same.

BeckyBendyLegs · 14/04/2010 08:26

MathsMadMummy that's so romantic meeting the love of your life in hospital. You should write a book about it

Claire and MMM thanks so much for sharing your stories, you have achieved so much coming through and getting to where you are now. I feel quite humbled.

We're all up here, DS3 all curl and cute on my knee. He is five months old today. My mum is coming to visit today. Better go have some breakfast. Hope everyone is ok xxx

LM good luck with your interview.

MathsMadMummy · 14/04/2010 08:38

aww thanks. it was quite cathartic writing it! not sure I could stretch it out to a book though

I often forget just how we met, thankfully that's all in the past now. the only lasting effect is that he's on a register which means he can't work with children for another few years, but that's had no impact on our lives as he now works in retail - his company weren't bothered about it. the police were never involved thank goodness. my parents were amazingly ok with our relationship, as soon as they knew he was really in love with me! they adore him and he moved in with us quite quickly.

anyway enough waffle today is going to be good, three of my college friends are visiting later! the house is a mess but they don't mind that (they are students after all!). getting junk food delivered online for lunch, and will most likely spend the day playing Wii/board games, just like the old days

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