Fighting Our Way Back Up - the depression list thread!

[MathsMadMummy]

Thanks to ToccataAndFudge for the name

Right, so this is where those of us with depression can write our lists of daily achievements!

...hopefully tomorrow's list will be better than today's...

today I have picked up ds from asda as he was at mil's last night.

we went to poundland and choose some gnomes for the garden then we came home and the lodger and I dug half the garden to create flower beds and moved the shed. Am exhausted now so curled up on the sofa while ds plays.

Had a good day today - got some sleep for a change so was fit enough to drive to Oxford (1h20 each way - my concentration is affected by PTSD).

Met with a lovely friend, her brother and her kids at a farm centre with my little one (dh at home writing sermons).

The kids had a great time, ds has sand everywhere from the sandpit and loved the swing.

Had to take the drive back in two stages and take a different route off the motorway for the last bit but got home safely.

Too tired now so dh will get Chinese instead of me cooking risotto but enough is enough.

Hope everyone has good weather and managing to enjoy it.

sounds like you had a good day today willsurvivethis. glad you got to make the most of the good weather . Chinese sounds like a good idea i think its really good to know your limits and not push yourself too hard

That sounds nice WillSurviveThis and takeaway sounds good too.

I am being slightly bad tonight as my lodger is going out to get kfc still neither of us want to cook so it works.

evening ladies,

soory for my rather lenght abscence from the thread, but have now read and caught up on everyone's news.

Have been just sooo tired and flat it's been hard to motivate myself to do anything really. I can feel myself getting detatched from everything, never a good sign in me.... If I ever go to my GP (in a huge city centre practice) they just fiddle with my Citalopram dose.

Anyway, went to see both sets of folks last week for easter, had a nice time at both. E was chronically spoiled by all, about 4 big carriers of stuff!!!!
Have been trying to sort house out a bit this week. Tomorrow though, DH is taking DD to the outlaws while i'm at church, and then i'm gonna come home and blitz it. Have to really, cause the HV cometh on monday for DD'S 8/9 mo check. Anyway, i'll stop twittering now..
Hugs to all who need itx

Oasis I know that getting detached feeling too well - do look after yourself as much as you can and try to ask for the help you need x

hi everyone, have just caught up with all of the posts and have so much to say but just can't seem to get it down and remember it all. i am so completely exhausted i have no memory at all.

a huge well done to t&f for her london trip. i am full of admiration for you, managing all that with your 3 boys. i couldn't manage it with just 2 and i live in london. sorry i couldn't be of help on this visit but perhaps in the future when i am feeling a bit less 'stuck'

anyone else have awful swings from feeling ok/ fairly happy even to feeling seriously low and stuck and unable to cope often several times within one day?

(d)h off on one of his many trips tomorrow morning, will be away for a week then back for 2 days then away for another 5. i get scared of being alone these days because of all the awful health probs we have had
and however much we don't get on i still miss his presence (sp???) when he isn't about.

oasis and willsurvuve, i know that feeling of detachment and flatness so well.

easter weekend really highlighted for me how i feel so uneasy and hopeless amongst certain people too (particularly dh's friends)

i am sure i was once fairly eloquent. these days i really struggle to express myself

oh yes the detachment feeling. I often don't feel "low" per se - just detached from everything and kind of numb iykwim.

Managed to bath the DS's tonight (first time in well over a week ).

Have half loaded the dishwasher and really need to go and finish loading it and put it on

Zonedout I do - I often think one is a reaction to the other. Sometimes when I've had fun with my ds or spent time with friends when it's over I feel so alone and low all of a sudden. Makes for quite a mood swing sometimes.

I suffer from feeling detached most of the time at the moment, it can be triggered from having a good hour or so or at times can last days where I find it hard to do anything or relate to anyone and want to run and hide.

TF - well done for bathing the ds's

Detachment...thats something I can really relate to at the moment. Just feel like the whole world is going on around me and I'm not really part of it.

probably of my own making though. The lower my mood the more I isolate myself.

motivation so low today. not sure what to do. Need to try something though. Am really worried about psych appointment on tuesday

Afternoon everyone

Yes to detachment and flatness here too, and also extremes of emotions and feelings in a day, although I am feeling this less and less of late.

I'm exhausted today, so I don't feel up to responding to everybody's posts today. Had a fantastic gig last night, went down so well, and we both (DH and I) really enjoyed ourselves. I've found that performing, once I'd gotten over the initial fear of it, can really take me out of myself - I find it rather liberating. Today will be complete relaxation, I will get dressed (eventually), have some sort of a wash, cook dinner and thats about all, but I am in a good place today, just very tired.

Hope you all have good days

Bexy what makes you so worried?

T&F did you make it to church?

I sang in church this morning for the first time in ages. I still lead worship in small group settings but had not done Sunday service stuff in this church before and in fact not since I went on maternity leave before having ds (2). Oh I lie, I did a song for his baptism. It was good to sing with a group again.

DH was preaching in another church so ds was with my close friend who's more of an uncle to him and who mans the sound desk so ds got to 'help'.

The oven had cooked the roast by the time we came home so we had our lunch and went to the park across the road for a bit DH has now gone to his study to prepare evening service and tomorrow's stuff.

I'm floored. Quite low. Feel like I'm about to start crying except it doesn't happen. I learned to cry last summer but it can still be a struggle to get emotions out.

So ds is watching cbeebies - which is fine as he's had class a attention all day so far. And I've crashed out. Work tomorrow gaaaah.

Sorry for ramble

hello everyone - have been reading your posts for a while and wondered if i might join. I joined the anxiety thread but ive got a combination of both anxiety and depression. Its not PND though (my twins are 11) so hope still ok to join.

I had been very well for the last 4 years on a very low dose AD (its an old one but I was on equivalent of less than 5mg prozac or citalopram.)But then hit out of the blue with major panic attack at end of january which then led to major anxiety and depression. I immediately upped my ADs and saw doctor but things have continued very difficult.

Ive now been off work for 6 weeks. Was meant to go back next week but last couple of days have been so difficult and have just emailed to say I wont be able to return this week.

I feel so guilty about this. I am like two completely different people. When Im well I work full time in a senior job and look after children/home etc. when Im like this Im incapable of most basic things.

Anxiety is really bad today - just trying to keep control of it.

Hope you are all ok - i really admire all your efforts with the lists etc. x

ps. today.

• did relaxation exercises when i woke (again!) at 3am
• Made the bed and picked up clothes from floor
• put some concealer on and brushed hair
• ate quite healthy breakfast and lunch
• went to park with DH and DC's and watched them play football
• sent (quite rational) email to work to explain wouldnt be beack this week
• done breathing exercises throughout afternoon to try and control panic

Welcome Kizzie. I'm new here too but I'm sure everyone will make you very welcome. Depression really is awful and it doesn't matter how old your children are.

Willsurvivethis am worried about apointment as my psychiatrist, midwife and DP all want me to go back on antidepressants. I know I need them (badly) but am not sure I can bring myself to take them whilst im PG.

Finding it impossable some days to even decide what to wear let alone make important and contraversial decisions like this

Hope you get some rest this evening and start to feel a little better soon.

P.s managed to do two loads of washing, cook dinner and plant window boxes with the kids

Hello! I'm back from short hols. We had a great time but I had a bad time with sleep. Slept 3 hours first night, awake 1am onwards which was really, really awful. Second night went to bed exhuasted and had panic attack and rang DH begging him to let me drive everyone home but he calmed me down and I eventually fell asleep. Feel like such a failure. I can't even take 2 DSs on holiday for two nights without drama and crisis. This time last year we went and everything was fine (I was pregnant with DS3 then). Feel so ashamed and dissappointed in myself

Becky why!!! Listen, you had a bad time but you did cope - you did see it through You allowed your DH to calm you down and you stayed put. That's good.

Last year was last year and things were different then!

You did it!! Now try to relax and get some sleep tonight.

am here - yes made it to church, one advantage of being the organist is that I do have to force myself out otherwise I'd feel crap for letting them down.

Am still feeling like absolute shit about this morning though, keep bursting into tears

Did manage to cook pasta and cheese sauce for the DS's

Toccata big hug sorry it affected you so badly!

Nice to see some new faces - hello again Kizzie- new on this thread myself too. Posted on here first about my depressed DH but need it for myself right now.

Anyone able to help me climb a mountain? So much to do before bed, so tired and low I'll never get it done.

Made some biscuits for a training meeting DH has here tomorrow - because I enjoy that. Have pasta sauce on hob for tomorrow (we only have 30 mins to eat together on Mondays so it' all done in advance).

I still need to cook the pasta to go with it, load the dishwasher, possibly twice, load the washing machine, clear up the dining room and kitchen, tidy living room, pack ds's bag for nursery and ideally iron. And all I want to do is sleep.

evening ladies,

Have had a pretty productive day today, iknackered now though!!

Got up, dressed etc, hung washing out (in communal garden, involves going down the road and round the back of the street iyswim?) went to church and had a great time, came home, dusted, swept, hoovered and moppped the flat till it sparkled (bout 2 hours work i think) then cookeed sausage and mash for tea, DD and DH got home, then washed up etc, now just chilling before bed really.

Tocc, didnt reply on your thread earlier but it really doesnt seem to me like you need worry yourself about this neighbour of yours. I believe that tantrumming and crying babies and toddlers are exempt from the Noise Act or the Anti Social Behaviour Act (have nightmare neighbour who calls the polis if any of us so much as breathe too heavily- has given us no end oof grief including brief involvement with SS)

God sorry ladies, what an essay!!!!

Night all, sweet dreams and good sleepxx

hi all

becky, I think you did great by the sound of things
TC so sorry about the keys, exactly the kind of thing that can't be avoided but you kick yourself for it anyway.

Seems like a lot of people on here with anxiety as well as depression.

I am interested in the 'detached' feeling a lot of you report. I don't really get that and wish in fact I could be more detached. I tend to feel agitated and often swamped with unwelcome emotions.

The only times I have felt detached were when I had decided to kill myself, then I did seem to go very 'flat' and can't remember feeling anything except guilt toward the boys...

I don't know about you lot but I also struggle with anger problems. I'm angry atm about having to give up the job I love because of my ex husband wanting strict 50:50 custody of the kids (we work in different cities) and feeling trapped until ds2 is about 16 (in my field it's very hard to get a job in one specific city, you kind of need mobility and I no longer have any...)

Also ds1 has been very emotional, demanding, hyperactive and tiring lately. I try not to lose my temper with him but I do tend to lose it when he and ds2 start fighting or rampaging violently around the house! He said something to me this weekend about how sad it makes him that me and his dad are getting divorced It makes me so guilty for what he has had to go through.

The boys are so energetic and need so much individual attention which they don't get enough of, either of them, because there's only one of me- I miss them so much when I don't have them but sometimes feel I can't cope when I do have them! This conundrum feels insoluble and sometimes I feel I am such a bad mother that I deserve not to have them...I know that's a bloody awful thought but it keeps coming up.

aw that was a longer rant than I should have posted...sorry ladies ignore me Reading some of your stories has made me realise I don't have a lot to complain about in real terms.