Fighting Our Way Back Up - the depression list thread!

[MathsMadMummy]

Thanks to ToccataAndFudge for the name

Right, so this is where those of us with depression can write our lists of daily achievements!

...hopefully tomorrow's list will be better than today's...

main task for day: get boys away from my laptop and to soft play

buy lunch at soft play- waste of money but can't be arsd making sandwiches

pack to go back to London

Hello all, I went to bed very early for me last night, I tend to find myself absolutely shattered after we've had visitors. I made dinner and asked DH if he would mind washing up (which he didn't mind at all). That's a big step forward for me - being able to ask for 'help'. Going to have quite a relaxed day today, we're out working tomorrow night (we're both musicians) and I need a calm day before a gig to prepare. I may sort through some washing, but if I can wash, dress, cook and eat that will be enough for today.

I've been thinking about how it might be coming across that I/we (DH and I) don't have children yet. I 'found' MN a few years back now and have been an avid poster on the TTC board for a year plus, and have found some threads on the mental health board helpful too. I hope my lack of DC isn't pissing people off! I have to say that I admire those who suffer similarly to me and bring up children

MMM, pleased to hear the bus journeys and party went well.

You're very welcome here DC or no DC! I wish I'd discovered MN before I'd had children

BBL, thankyou

thanks Claire

been a good day really - managed to complete my list! shock!!! I also cleared some plates/rubbish downstairs and took the washing out of the machine (dry) and put it in the basket on top of 2 other loads

Went off to the BFing group, it was really quiet and relaxed. DD was really good and stayed on her buggy board so I walked back to town at a good pace - hurrah, exercise at last! because she'd been so good I took her to the park for a while, she was a bit tired but I stayed calm and avoided stroppiness from both of us! we've just got back and stuck Little Einsteins on the telly she's pretending to play the piano, she's so cute it makes my heart ache

Hello all

Claire - I had very similar concerns around my parenting my dd when I found out I was having a girl ..
My mum wasn't the best - definitely preferred my brother ..but I have done what you are doing - ie being very aware and I was told by my counsellor years back that the people who repeat patterns of behaviour are the ones who don't acknowledge their existence - so just by worrying about it you are ensuring that you will do better ..

Littlemarshmallow - i thin your HV is being very very unfair to you ... She is putting you under uneccessary stress and I feel awful for you ..

I am a bit scared to admit this, but am hoping I am among friends here - when I had ptsd after ds1 I actually begged my HV to arrange to get him fostered as I couldnt cope and had an irrational fear that he would die .. I always wnated him back - but was too scared that he would die while he was in my care ...
To their credit they refused, told me they would support me and that we needed to stay together ..I was put in a mother and baby unit for about a month and we came home together..

I will never forgive myself for asking them to take him away ..Thank god they didnt ..
What I mean is that is the type of support you should be getting - they should be getting you everything you need to stay with him .. I had a carer with me at home every morning for about three months once we were home to help me cope..
The care the team gave me then wasinvaluable and I hate it when its different in other areas ..

I havent done much today at all.. Only items on my list are

get dressed,
made lunch
and in a bit I'll be able to add picked up prescriptions ...but I havent actually done that yet ...

Thank you Duritzfan for telling me that. I know she has ds's interests at heart, part of the reason I think she comes back to this as I don't show shock fear or any emotion when talks about this so that might be part of it.

She is still on holiday though so thats good, she is being a good support in other ways and I do need to lean on her quite a bit just now but hopefully that will reduce.

I hate how treatment varies, where I used to stay my gp was fantastic now I have a gp who I can only describe as meh. All the support I currently have I have had to beg for, despite being ill but I have to get better ds has only me left which is where most of my issues stem from that and I suffer bad flashbacks to the week h was in icu.

Today I have taken ds to sil's and now I have to go out for dinner so am currently struggling to get ready.

Please can I join?

I am normally MitsubishiWarrioress but temporary name change as I am looking after a friends cat and let them down last time.

I get bogged down by little things and have a hefty list of major things that I need to get sorted.

My depression is much improved but there are things I really need to get sorted.

By the end of the day I would like to

Write to bank thanking them for refunding charges,
Put buttons on coat, and iron said coat.
Clean Bathroom.
Hoover again
Washing up.
Hang washing up.
Take DD to park.

I cried at counselling yesterday because there is just so much to do all the time and I feel like I am losing sight of my dream just trying to keep things together.

well i've taken the boys out with my dad and got some shopping done. Started the day ratty as hell and ended it better. It always helps just to get out...

Duritzfan how awful for you. Of course no one here would look down on you for how you felt postnatally. I felt similar myself when ds1 was 7 months and also last year when my life was falling to bits around me- not the idea of having the boys taken off me but the idea of suicide as they were better off without me...depression leads to such horribly distorted thinking when it gets that severe.

MitsubishiWarrioress I know what you mean about 'losing sight of your dream'...I have a book to write and I@m jsut not doing it as barely coping with the kids and all the little things...shit ain't it...

do you really need to thank the bank for refunding you charges though?! surely they should have taken them in the first place..profiteering sods ;)

*should'nt have taken them- of course!!

Write to bank thanking them for refunding charges,((?))
Put buttons on coat, and iron said coat. done
Clean Bathroom. done
Hoover again done
Washing up. done
Hang washing up. done
Take DD to park. done
Watered pots done
Change DD's bed covers

FTC/Mitsubishi, howsabout 'write to bank telling them they are capitalist pigs'? you'll feel better I promise you ;)

Evening all

Duritzfan, what an experience, so good that you had the support you did.

MMM, great to read you've had a good day

LM, I empathize with treatment varying, I moved about quite a bit until settling down with my DH, and was seen by numerous GPs and two different mental health teams - all with very different attitudes.

I'm not all that happy with my current GP - but she could be worse. The last GP I saw (at the same practice) told me that I wouldn't be able to take any ADs through PG and also wouldn't be able to take any ADs if I wanted to breastfeed (which I would like to have a stab at). This, ironically, left me quite stressed and anxious for a number of months, until I posted about it on here and heard others experiences of PG and ADs. I also found an NHS patient website that contradicted what I had been told! I'd lost all faith and trust in her so changed to a different GP.

Welcome MitsubishiWarrioress, I find a little cry to be rather therapeutic now and then. Also, I agree with allegrageller and do you really need to write to the bank?!

Seashore, sorry to read you've been feeling panicky today, hope you are feeling a little calmer this evening.

Allegrageller, I agree it does help to get out, a bit of fresh air usually helps me feel a bit more 'alive'. Saying that, I didn't get out today, but did have both the front and back doors open, so creating a lovely fresh breeze.

I've had an OK day, up, made bed, dressed, only managed a wipe with a cleansing wipe and not a proper wash (still had the small amount of makeup on from yesterday - lush, but wasn't going anywhere and will be having a bath tomorrow, so have justified it), did clean teeth, made lunch and dinner (still need to wash up). Extras that I'm pleased about are, sorted out and put one load of washing on, put it on the airer (was too late in the day to put it on the line - that would of been an accomplishment!) Had another music rehearsal, and the big one, had phone conversation with mum and dad and handled it well!

I have gone on and on again - good night all

Oh, I had a parcel delivered today whilst I was still in my PJs, but DH got the door

re. GPs etc- I have kind of given up on mine. Have only ever had one or two good ones in my life and even they couldn't tell me anything I hadn't already googled for myself about depression, PND etc...

I've taken to pre-diagnosing myself before I even get to the surgery and just telling them (politely) what medication etc I think I need!

I have just diagnosed myself with Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder as well as the usual depression and am going to go next week armed with internet information and ask for hormonal treatment.

If I don't get what I want from one doctor I usually try another in the same practice and then you get what you want eventually!

Alle - I hope you have success at the doctors next week, glad your day ended well.

FTC - I am sorry you feel down, I find counseling upsets me for a couple of days afterward too.

I have made it back from dinner and I managed to eat so it was ok.

thank you all for understanding ... its not something I talk about - but I guess that's the beauty of this place .. - thank you .

Well I made it to the chemist to get my prescription but think that's the summit of my achievements for the day ..

Night all, hope we all sleep well..

Toccata how was your day? You made me ] by telling my MN turned RL friend nice things about me when you met her. it's mutual - it's lovely that you understand.

I keep reading this thread and wondering whether I should join but I'm not properly depressed 'just' low periods due to PTSD which is an energy eater plus dealing with the issues that caused it. I was recovering rapidly until against advice of dh and friend who knows me so so well I went back to work because I was too well to be at home.

Today I managed:
to get up after very few hours quality sleep
cycle half an hour to station and back and get to work
draft brief to barrister in stupendously complex case
while interrupted 500 times
which all ended in me having a bad case or shakes and wanting to cry

came home to find dh was starting on a migraine so sent him up for painkillers/rest while I cuddled ds and cooked quick pasta
put ds to bed
did flippin tesco shopping too!!!

totally exhausted and must learn not to push myself so hard.

I think it will be a while before I am familiar with every one properly..

I am lucky with my Docs and it really does make a difference, so I am sorry you don't have that Alle.

I have no plans as of yet, apart from getting DC's to their Dads, and mowing a friends lawn, who has been so very supportive through lots of my bad times.

And painting.

Hope all manage to achieve something and feel good for doing so.

Oh...and Feed The Cat obviously..

Did you feed the cat yet? And hello/welcome by the way!

willsurvivethis you are absolutely welcome here, the point is that we all find the everyday stuff hard; whether or not we have the same diagnoses doesn't matter

today's list is:
get through the day doing as little as possible

got a really sore throat, am a bit worried as I'm prone to chest infections (damn genetics!) and because I'm BFing there isn't much I can take for it. am also really upset because I can't go to a classical concert we were taking DD to - her first if you don't count 3 when I was PG! DH is still going (as are his older DDs) which is good as he's usually working. still, really sad to miss it, it's the Royal Philharmonic and I've never seen them before!

at least my parents have kindly offered to drive up and keep me and DS company today

Morning all

It's a work day for me, we're (DH and I) out this evening gigging, so my whole day will be building up to it.

I'll be: getting up (still in bed at mo, have had morning cuppa in bed, DH will be bringing down a coffee shortly - spoiled wife emoticon) cooking and eating (can get away with quick frozen meal on a work day), sort clothes for this evening, iron DHs shirt, bath and hair wash, makeup, wash up (so we don't come back to it in the early hours), drive to gig, set up, get changed, talk to people, perform, dismantle gear, drive home, cuppa then bed! - I shall be shattered, it really takes it out of me, but I also get a lot back from it. The gigging has helped no end with my confidence and self esteem It used to be a real struggle performing in front of people, but now it's just what I do (and DH is there with me , which has made/makes it possible).

Welcome willsurvivethis, I would imagine that we are all at different levels of depression at varying times, you are very much welcome You accomplished so much yesterday, not pushing myself too hard (or being too hard on myself) is something I've been learning to do.

Enjoy the grass cutting MitsubishiWarrioress (FTC) lovely day for it

Oh MMM, that's crappy about missing the Philharmonic, I've never seen them live, only on TV. Hope the throat eases - enjoy your company too

willsurvivethis - is true though

We had a good time in London although this is the 1st thread I started when I got home last night.

this is the 2nd one which is a bit more cheery on my last post.

Morning everyone. Thank you for your welcome messages the day before yesterday. Sorry to those of you who are having a tough time at the moment.
Yesterday was a work day for me and I was absolubtly exhausted when I got in so couldn't motivate myself to get on here.
Have two weeks off work now which im not sure is a blessing or a curse. Find it so hard to motivate myself when I'm not working. Have managed to get some washing on this am so thats something.
My BF is out visiting his two girls from his previous marriage so I'm feeling pretty low. My pg hormones seem to be making me parranoid and completely irrational. Am so worried he won't come back......starting to panic.
My DS and DD are out on their bikes and I'm at a loss as what to do. Really struggling today. Will try and put washing out in sun for first time this year...maybe