Fighting Our Way Back Up - the depression list thread!

[MathsMadMummy]

Thanks to ToccataAndFudge for the name

Right, so this is where those of us with depression can write our lists of daily achievements!

...hopefully tomorrow's list will be better than today's...

oh my god
I completed a list

bloody hell

Hi everyone. I'm new to mumsnet and have no idea what the 'done thing is' I'm 18 weeks pregnant with my third child after a gap of 6 years and suffering from quite severe antinatal depression. I won't go into it here as this is very obviously a positive thred. But i'd like to join in if thats ok? My achievements for today are that I got out of bed (I found this very difficult this am) I managed to do some food shopping and put on a load of washing...although I have yet to get it out of the machine!!
Jammyrella and country lover I have a Hi everyone. I'm new to mumsnet and have no idea what the 'done thing is' I'm 18 weeks pregnant with my third child after a gap of 6 years and suffering from quite severe antinatal depression. I won't go into it here as this is very obviously a positive thred. But i'd like to join in if thats ok? My achievements for today are that I got out of bed (I found this very difficult this am) I managed to do some food shopping and put on a load of washing...although I have yet to get it out of the machine!!Hi everyone. I'm new to mumsnet and have no idea what the 'done thing is' I'm 18 weeks pregnant with my third child after a gap of 6 years and suffering from quite severe antinatal depression. I won't go into it here as this is very obviously a positive thred. But i'd like to join in if thats ok? My achievements for today are that I got out of bed (I found this very difficult this am) I managed to do some food shopping different cbt technique that I sometimes use to head off a panic attack. I start at the bigining of the alphabet with the letter a and look around until I find something starting with that letter, then move on to b, working my way down the alphabet until the panic subsides....hopefully!!!

nah it's fine bexy you can moan as much as you like, I always do ;)

the 'done' thing is that we tick off a list of what we've achieved every day- you can do it any way you like.

yeah- difficulty getting out of bed- I am definitely with you on that one

had lovely day today in Sheffield with boys. Went to park then into town to see a play, then a bit of shopping. Actually managed not to think about my problems for a while and didn't notice I hadn't been brooding until I got home! result...

I have a question for you guys. Do you think I am expecting too much thinking I can cope taking DS1 and DS2 for two nights, two days on a short holiday to my dad's caravan in Wales? We're hoping to go tomorrow until Sunday. DH will stay at home with DS3 as there is no way I could cope with all three on my own until DS3 at least sleeps better (he wakes 3-4 times per night at the moment). About a month ago DH sent me away on my own for one night and one day to do a day's glass blowing. I had a fantastic time but my anxiety levels were sky high the whole time. I was so proud of myself for doing it but I had to cope with anxiety like I hadn't felt for a long time. At the moment I feel fine about a trip to the caravan. I'm worried I'll miss DS3 too much too. I hope I'll be fine but is it a bit ambitious?

If you feel Ok about it now chances are the anxiety won't be too bad when you go- and you know ds3 will be fine with dad

a couple of good night's sleep may well help as well I would have thought?

I usually find that things I anticipate are worse in the anticipation iyswim but then I dont' have social anxiety or fear of being alone (I'd be a right mess if I did, tbh!!)- my problem is organisation and motivation more than anything, I would be more worried about the packing and getting there etc...

Ds is in bed finally am so thankful for that as he is such a bad mood cause he is so tired I have had hysterics for the last hour but he has had tea so that is all that matters I suppose.

I am exhausted more so because I know I have so much to do to prove to my hv that I can cope as much as she is helping me so is very cautious of how the situation at home is affecting ds and how he is learning to adapt and unless I start proving I can do all this then she is referring me to ss

Hello all, what a lovely day (weather wise).

Well, I got up, made the bed, vacuumed as planned, had a wash and dressed, did the Tesco shop and put it all away. I felt anxious and welled up a little reversing out of Tesco car park as I turned the steering wheel the wrong way, then momentarily forgot how to drive calmed down on the drive back home and then felt ok. Visitors came and stayed for a couple of hours, I made drinks and conversation, offered food and all went well

Yes I'm in the process of lowering AD dosage, been getting a few side effects but I'll leave that for the other thread.

allegrageller, I hope so, DH and I have certainly discussed my 'worries' a lot and have come to a similar conclusion. The same goes to you too, you love your DC, I'm sure they know this which is something I never felt from my own parents.

LM, I think it's really positive that you've been to two job interviews this week

TF, hope you have a very enjoyable visit to the city.

MMM, hope the bus journeys and party has gone well for you all. I understand what you mean about clothes not fitting and how that can bring you down a little, I've put on some (much needed) weight over the last year, I actually feel a lot better for it, but needed to get rid of certain clothes because they were too tight and made me feel huge (even though I know I'm not).

SleepytimeStars, I would and have answered the door in my pjs in the middle of the afternoon

Trinity, well done you!

Welcome bexy73, congratulations on your PG, sorry that you are suffering with it though. You have managed a great deal today already I tend to think that positives and negatives come hand in hand, and this thread is as much for supporting each other through the good and bad.

Blimey, another long post from me! If I've missed anyone, it isn't intentional

Quite a few of you have posted since I started writing my extremely long post, I need to get on with dinner now, but will be back a little later.

(I'm not sure why I feel I need to explain myself? But I do!)

claireinthecommunity I had a similar experience of 'forgetting' something the other day in Tescos. I totally forgot how to put my card in the chip and pin thingy. It was embarrassing! The woman on the till must have thought me a right spanner!

My anxiety since DS3 was born has been centred around sleep and getting enough (which is silly I know because if you worry about it you sleep less and the cycle goes on). I worry that alone in the caravan if I can't sleep I don't have DH to calm me down. I think I'll be ok as my sleep has been much, much better the last few weeks but it's a big step going away without DH. He's been my rock.

LM so sorry to hear you're worried about the hv and possible referral to social services- but it sounds to me as if you are coping rather than not- and surely she will see this?

I got a near referral to social services myself when H accused me of 'abusing' the kids- he didn't do this directly to SS themselves, but I in fact reported it to my psychiatrist as an example of his bullying. She then helpfully switched into child protection mode, saying that as an 'allegation of abuse' had been made we might need to be investigated ! In the end SS were very sensible about it and no action was taken.

I would have thought that as you are clearly not alcoholic, addicted or abusing ds in any way, you will be very, very low priority indeed for an 'investigation'...is that HV actually supporting you? Doesn't sound much like it although that's supposedly what she is there for

I know it must be dead scary though, fingers crossed for you

She is helping but she is concerned as ds apparently does not behave like a normal 3.5 boy, he is withdrawn or rather plays in a different room to her when she is here.

ds has been like this since last year and the court battle and i did say at the time but since I only recently (august) moved here I am not "Known" to ss.

the hv is also concerned that I am withdrawing from him and that each time she threatens to take him away from me and put him into foster care I dont react, she doesnt know why, but my counselor is working on that.

However I would like to see how she copes with a 3.5 who is grieving for the loss of his dad, has multiple food allergies so on the nights i so cba to cook i have to force myself to, i am trying but i am sinking although I am getting there slowly.

another part (sorry to be so long winded) is that i have openly told her i dont like hv's although she is better than my last one who never met me but got herself cited in the court writ stating i made ds's food allergies up was raging over that on.

Anyways I will stop moaning about it all now.

I'm shocked the HV is threatening to take your DS away. Surely she can't make those sorts of threats? Your poor DS, and you, coping with all that too.

She can make a referral to ss for child neglect, so I need to make sure she doesnt find any problems to do that, part of it is working with her, the cpn, the gp, and all the other people.

Still I have achieved a few things today, need to get my house in order and get some pics etc of ds up on the walls.

There are other reasons she is concerned and I would be lying if the tables were turned I wasnt concerned about me too, but I showing her I am trying to get stuff sorted so we will see.

yeah LM I think the HV is talking b*llocks frankly entirely based on her own biased view of you- for you

I hate the fact that when mothers most need support they get censorious people nagging them (and their kids) to 'react' a certain way. Ffs why should your ds want to play in the same room as someone he can probably tell upsets his mum and is generally hostile?

Argh these people- I have heard so many awful stories about misjudgements and hassle caused by NHS personnel who just can't be bothered assessing a situation properly and showing empathy.

Did you have a custody battle with H before his death? well of course both you adn ds will take a good while to get over that and need support not criticism

child neglect?! my mind boggles (alright LM i don't know you personally but I can't imagine she'd have any sort of case- neglect means starving your child and/or putting them in rooms alone for hours on end etc not 'failing to react' when she says nasty things to you....)

I feel for you LM

my wonderful hv left and the new one saw us twice after nail died (only twice ever)
and reported that my dd2 was a withdrawn child and that I was drinking at 9.30am when I crashed the car....

nothing to do with the 4inches of ice on about 2 miles of road (the only way we can get anywhere)

she made 2 referrals and BANG case conference

obvioulsy I mean Neil

I've been thinking over dinner why I needed to explain myself in my last post - as a child I needed to be good or polite, otherwise I was seen as 'bad' and felt the different reaction from mum and dad. I, even now try to please people all the time over my own feelings or needs, I am working on this.

I am quite tired now so will log off. I do feel I should reply to others posts, but I'm going to do what I need to do for me. Hope that makes some sense. I hope everyone has a good evening

Trinity I can understand why you are angry it sucks to be in this position, I was begging for help for both ds and I especially after how his dad died yet it took me throwing a huge childish tantrum to get anything which in hide sight probably wasnt best but I got results and that is all that matters.

All we can do is make it through each day and make sure our children are fed, clean and loved thats it.

We're going to the seaside today! Yeah! Yeah! Excited!

Claireinthecommunity me too. I worry far too much about what other people think, especially strangers. And now I worry what they think about my children. I agree it is to do with upbringing. I spent most of my childhood confused as to what I'd done wrong when I was told off for being rude or unsociable.

The beach sounds like lots of fun.

I am going to do very little today once I have dropped ds off with sil.

morning everyone.

sounds like lots of you had productive days yesterday! the party was great, and the 4 bus journeys went fine. when we got off the bus at our stop we even walked a little way to meet DH who was coming home from work. the weather was so great! got a tiny bit of sorting out done too, and a clothes wash.

realised I really do need new clothes though - I've been hiding under my lovely maternity coat as most of my clothes look rubbish, but it's too hot. also worrying about exposing my arms again, got loads of scars as I was self-harming before I met DH. for some reason I feel horribly anxious/guilty about buying clothes.

the main thing for today is a trip out at lunchtime to a BF support group. I love it but rarely go as it doesn't fit in with DD's nap and she gets stroppy (it's another 2-bus trip to get there). hence I am extremely nervous. need to go as I'm starting BF peer supporter training soon, which is great!

when I do go I usually kick myself for being disorganised, so I need to:

• tire DD out with a football so she'll have an early nap
• get DCs totally ready before nap so I can wake them up and go at 12.20
• get them both down for a nap
• get buggy/changing bag ready inc keys, money etc
• fill in form for the training course
• make a packed lunch - we normally get a Boots meal deal or McD's but the rush makes it too stressful.

...that's all I'm worrying about this morning - anything else that gets done is a bonus!

MMM that kind of planning brings me out in a rash too :S I am terrible at strategies for doing stuff with kids.

ds2 was up half the night and I hardly heard it- my parents got up with him!!! How guilty do I feel now....

going back to London tomorrow and dreading it, I always feel so alone in my house especially when the kids go

AG, don't feel guilty! that's what they're there for isn't it?

• tire DD out with a football so she'll have an early nap - not done but we played with her tea set instead.
• get DCs totally ready before nap so I can wake them up and go at 12.20 - done
• get them both down for a nap - done - am in shock about that one!
• get buggy/changing bag ready inc keys, money etc - nearly done
• fill in form for the training course - done
• make a packed lunch - we normally get a Boots meal deal or McD's but the rush makes it too stressful. - that's next on the list, bread's defrosting now.